I need help /b/

I need help /b/
Google has given me a dozen answers.
>be me
>having my gf's parents over first time tonight for dinner.
>Usually wouldn't stress as much in the past bc was already living with my exes before their parents ever came for dinner at my house. (I'm 27 now, and pretty sure this girl is the one.)

Really need advice on how to cook this /b/.
1.6kg or 3.5lbs.
Do I even sear? It has the ties on the outside so will they burn off if I sear?
I want it to be perfect.
They will arrive in about 5 hours but I won't serve it for a good hour after they arrive.
Cooking time? Cooking temperature?
/b/ chefs please help.
Pic 99% related. I'm not gonna cook my tiny dik.

Just microwave that shit then throw it out and hit up the fisho for a large packet of fish and chips with chicken salt.

>REDUCED
>best a week ago

user, you couldn't have splurged the extra two and a half kangaroo farts?
microwave the aardvark dick and serve that, it's not like you're gonna be using it

What did xhe mean by this?

Yes, Sear it.
Roast with the fat facing up, and add broth or cider or both plus seasonings to come 1/2 way up the sides, so the rest of the meat doesntbdry out.
Use drippings to make a cider gravy finished with a touch of cream.
Don't forget to score the fat with a sharp knife first.
I don't know Aussie oven temps, so I'm afraid you need to Google that. Also, after searing, rub herbs and spices all over it beforevroasting. Make sure the flavors complement each other.

No cider, no cream, but sour cream and milk. Can I make this work? Also, I have wine but I doubt that's a substitute.

Hmmmm, maybe a bit of sour cream stirred into the gravy at the very end might work. You don't need it to be overly creamy, just a touch. Wine will work, although cider would be better. You can always make do with what you have, as long as you follow good technique.

Well, nice people try to ignore such things.

>putting your dick on the counter
There's no way this wasn't intentional

It's the same color as his pork. I'm guessing that's the joke.

I really doubt there's a joke beyond "lol i "accidentally" put my cock in the image"

Holy fuck

Ofc I did it intentionally. What good is a thread without any bantz?
Thanks for the advice anons.
If thread is not pruned I'll take pics when it's done.

Even better, take video of your "gf" inevitably dumping your pin dicked ass for a coloured man.

Hehe yeah she's out right now prolly getting shitted.

Got this bad boy all fluffed before main shoot. Wish me luck.

Btw used pic related for dry rub but didn't have mustard or thyme leaves. Going to cook 20 mins at 210c then 70 mins at 177c then final 10 mins at 210c before out under aluminium foil for 10 mins.
Hoping this is on point.

Your penis is in this image.

Don't buy Woolworths meat.

.Yeah yeah, I know this anons. I'll do better next time

Progress pic?
I've clearly fucked up somewhere because it's just a burnt mess below so I can kiss gravy goodbye.
I put a lot of sugar in the rub so this is no doubt why?
If I want gravy just salt n pepper I guess. No dry rub.
Looks good though right.
By my timing, it's another 60 mins until I take it out.

>I need help /b/
>/b/ chefs please help

I posted this on /b/ first and one user told me to ask here so just did copy pasta so sorry user. Should I kys?

OP here. I did now want to act gay in front of my possible I laws, so no pics sorry.
>Skin was perfect crackling.
>Meat was so moist and yummy
>winged it with gravy but was good but a bit salty
>veges I knew I could nail and I did.

Thanks for the help anons. Will ask for advice here again.

Or you could never return since you did it all yourself anyway?

I meant for advice on other dishes.
I thought it was pretty obvious.

23 dollars reduced, the same thing here would cost 4 quid tops, when did ausfailia enter super inflation?

Read the fucking post you retards

16 dollar a kilo, fucking hell. If you didn't lose the emu wars you could have farmed them.

I blame the Chinese for making most meat expensive. Right now theres no such thing as cheap food in Australia