I'm 33 and I can't cook for shit. Now I have a girlfriend for the first time. She asked why I always eat out...

I'm 33 and I can't cook for shit. Now I have a girlfriend for the first time. She asked why I always eat out, how I can afford it. Not her fucking business. But regardless this has annoyed me for a long time. I don't know where to fucking start. Nobody taught me to cook even one fucking dish when I grew up.

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It isn't shameful to not know how to cook. You think every food critic can correctly poach an egg? You tell that bitch to kick rocks. Eating out all the time shouldn't be questioned. That's the dream, buddy! FUCKIN LIVE IT UP

Tell your girlfriend you eat out a lot because you didn't learn to cook when you were younger, but you want to learn now.
Get a cookbook specifically written for beginners.
Practice basic techniques and recipes
Graduate to cooking shows and more complex cookbooks once you're comfortable with the basics (stay off YouTube)
Try not to be so defensive and thin-skinned
Hope your girlfriend doesn't dump you for your emotional immaturity
(Protip: she probably will)

smart frogposter

watch the cooking with jack show

>Nobody taught me to cook even one fucking dish when I grew up.
Life is so unfair. It's too bad there aren't any resources out there for adults that want to take it upon themselves to learn cooking.

You really need to grow up. This helplessness and lashing out at people for the smallest things is pathetic.

this
OP, you sound like an immature ragetard who doesn't actually even like his gf
Instead of ragetarding all day look for positives: you can spend time together with her teaching you to cook etc

>33
>girlfriend for the first time
Reading the rest of your post, I see why. You better shape the fuck up or that will be your last girlfriend too.

You could cook your girlfriend a knuckle sandwich, then tell her if she doesn’t want a fresh one to start making your meals for you.

Get a decent knife for one. For $45 or so you can get a Victoronix or a those Dexter Russell knives people like here. Just do one new thing a week. Focus more on technique than recipe, meaning how hot is your oil, are the things you cut all the same size, is there enough salt?

>be support worker for adults with learning difficulties
>can teach "service users " who have problems wiping their ass to make a decent meal....a real one, not shoving a ready-made meal into a microwave
>mfw listening to adults whine about how they can't cook

can you even tie your own shoelaces?

lmgtfy.com/?q=How do I make spaghetti bolognese

not if ops from new jersey

thats just the way the price of the palace types are..

WTF, a woman is supposed to cook for the man.

Are you a queer?

Get the latest Betty Crocker Cookbook.
I'm serious. My mother gave me hers when I moved out of the house and it gave me a pretty good tour of the basics of cooking.

Why would you let someone who can't get fucking anything right make something you are going to eat? Fuck that. I'll cook.

A person who can't competently cook for themselves should be ashamed of themselves. It means you're a child masquerading as an adult.

I'm exceptionally good at cooking, and have been since my late teens. I see it as being a functional human being to be capable of it.

Never listen to this guy, ever.

Anyways, you should actually look at Alton Brown's cooking tutorials. I don't agree with everything that he does but damn if it won't lead you down the right path.

You sound like a fun person to be around.

You are a fucking moron. Cooking is barely a skill. Look up some basic recipes online, learn how to cook eggs, bacon, pasta, ground meat, how to chop and saute mushrooms, onions, garlic, etc, then you can basically make anything.

Not either of those people, and in fact the post above your own.

I insist on cooking (if I can) when a girlfriend doesn't know how to cook. Or balance out taste in a meal. Mind you my mother is Vietnamese and we KNOW balance of flavor.

I went out with a Filipino woman and well, never again. Not only did she call my cooking bad (in spite of getting complements from all my guests all the time and her getting mad because of it) but she would insist on shoving ketchup and pineapple in things that didn't need it. She was a menace and honestly, our relationship ended on her obsessive need to ruin a good meal. I will never date a woman from that country again. They are bizarre in their need to add excessive sugar and acidity do things.

So what dishes should I be able to make before I get a girlfriend?

All of them, you ass. Veeky Forums isn't here for your relationship advice.

For the most part, the women I've been with have been insulted by the fact that I've been better at cooking than them; which is every time.

In the west men are almost universally better at cooking than women. Otherwise it's your game and I don't know.

the equation wouldn't be balanced. on the one hand you'd have the resource and on the other no adult.

Why she isn't cooking for you is the more pressing issue.