Tfw you realize not only Are there rapists and child molesters out there...

Tell us your story mate
We like stories here

I would like to read a book on this subject for my research purposes.

Age 4?-7? (A little hazy as i effectively dissociated a lot during that time) No not a larp, when I first started to come to terms with it, I spiraled and spent around a decade on heroin and other drugs. At this point I am just living a normal life but totally dependent on antidepressants. Idk man I would have killed myself but drugs kind of saved my life what can I say? My mom ended up in a mental ward and she's now a homeless meth head. Maybe it is a surprise to most people but my story is very very common.

tell your story plz. how did you remember? what did you remember? how did you find it was common? what happened

Parents split because my Hell's Angels dad knocked all of my mom's teeth out. Mom binges on cocaine and alcohol constantly. Basically allows me to be molested by friends and random dudes. Feeds me and my siblings psychedelics and threatens us constantly if we expose her. Eventually my brother calls my dad and he finds us in the roach infested hell hole trailer we lived in. Calls the cops and my mom is taken away.

My dad never got me in therapy and I never wanted to rat on my mom anyway so I just lived like it never happened but had a kind of ego death experience while getting really high on weed all the time, couldn't repress it any longer and lost my shit. Eventually my younger brother killed himself. With a .45.

I found out it was common when I started living on the streets, going to jail a lot and getting institutionalized constantly. Most of the street people who I had actually engaging interactions with had been molested. I've heard incredibly awful shit. One girl had a dad who would keep one of her siblings out of school every day to molest and he told the others if they ever said anything he would kill the one who staid home. He only got 6 years in prison when he got caught. Got out and murdered his mother. Apparently he had been the child of a rape. Some real Zola shit there.

You are on the literature board. Write a novel or fuck off back to /r9k/

sage and report

Also what I remember is getting fucked having dicks shoved in my mouth getting cut with knives burned with cigarettes. One time there was even a satanic ritual type thing going on. A few of them were just drug addicts who hung around all the time. I did kind of figure out later that my mom was getting drugs or money out of the deal. It wasn't a recovered memory, I never forgot any of it I just lived like it wasn't true. I think everyone has some level of self deception in their life. Some more than others.

>gangs
>domestic abuse
>drug fueled death threats
>child prostitution
>broken home to broken home
>Ego death
>suicide

Whatever they asked so I told them. I find the entire subject too trite for novelization desu. When I do write I try to emulate William Carlos Williams.

what was the satanic thing

Yea it's a hell of a ride.

Idk the metal scene was big then and a lot of the burn outs from redondo/Venice wound up where I'm from in AZ and they were into satanic shit and I think it was a kind of pathetic way for them to romanticize what they were doing which was just more getting off, more death drive running rampant.

Sorry, user. I'm glad you have things worked out now.

>dicks shoved in my mouth
Forgive me for being turned on right now, the rest sounds horrible.

s-so are you a 'based Catholic' yet?

do you really have anything to lose from any kind of religion at this point? how are you coping?

Thanks for your commiseration. I haven't really sorted it out I mean I'm kind of fucked from all the trauma it is functionally a form of brain damage; but I get by. Anyway I wish that people realized how common it is, all of it is well documented but it's kept just beyond the liminal edge; society completely disavows what happens to children while putting up a tough guy front.

>anything to lose
Like an hour out of my Sunday morning

No it's not wrong to be turned on by sex that is purely biological and also somewhat cultural; oddly reading Genet really helped me cope. He was like an all accepting angel type person. To me great literature is born from accepting like really integrating the truth, not simply describing it.

well, youre into bergman i take it

Yes I was for a month straight. I like existentialists generally. Persona and later I didn't take to. It amazes me that Bergman was pop culture at the time.

Well, shit. I wish you the best, my man. I really do. Meditate or mega dose on some krill oil. I have no clue.

There are no answers. Life is full of suffering and there is no solution to it. Meditation is good. So is a fat shot of black tar.

what is your sexuality like now? do you think it is severely altered? do you ever get the urge to do to someone else what was done to you

America sounds like a terrifying place

sexually I'm kind of a mess and all over the place. It's nothing that isn't typical though. For a while I didn't want sex at all but and for another while I was addicted to porn. I definitely would not do to others what was done to me but I have been kinky. It's pretty banal, in short. I think my biggest problem is I prefer to masturbate.

Yes it is.

Only if you're poor.

>he thinks that's terrifying

have you found though that people who tend to do this sort of thing were victims themselves

Maybe. I think many of them would tell the judge they were at any rate. It's hard to say because I think most of them were just very stupid, drugged out and bored. In certain strata of society people are like beasts and nice little narratives like people who abuse were abused themselves I feel are just petty attempts to rationalize Horror.

It's like instead of imagining someone who flouts social mores out of some reasoning or revenge imagine someone who is just to poorly developed to even comprehend those mores.

what was growing up in a trailer park like? did you go to school? how did you end up on Veeky Forums

Well other than the sexual abuse it was pretty good. I didn't realize until later in life how much more free and independent I was a young kid compared with the kids who had decent homes. I would walk around in very dangerous areas unattended and nothing bad happened to me until I got home. All the kids liked huffing gas and we would fight each other a lot. My brothers friends killed a kid by smashing his head in with a rock but no one told. The two kids who did it were brothers, one is dead now and the other is doing life for murder. I've always thought about doing like a "this American life" type investigation into who that kid was but honestly I don't care enough.
So one day my mom was blowing lines on a plate, I went up to hug her and bumped the plate with the coke on it and a little spilled. she punched me hard and I flew across the room. I left the house and wandered around and found the public library. Started reading the encyclopedia and haven't looked back. I wish the story weren't so saccharine but there it is.
I came into Veeky Forums a long time ago back when /b/ got spammed with pictures of Alex from ACWO approximately. I might have been on Veeky Forums like a month after it started? Idk I come and go here depending on how interested I am in reality.