Write whats on your mind

I'm starting to think that transcendental idealism is the way to go

Thanks

I hoped my VALIS thread would have got more attention

You're just overly numb. Similar to taking a painkiller.

I don't think Bupropion has sedative-ish effects

>This medicine may make you dizzy or drowsy.

That is medical jargon for 'sedative-ish' effects.

I've done nothing today but listen to personally nostalgic music and reminisce over when my life didn't seem so bleak. I tried to write for a while but what I produced was uninspired. I thought about calling some friends but then remembered I haven't talked to them in a year.

I don't even feel that depressed. Just aimless.

Occasionally I think of the fact that millions of people before me felt exactly the same. How did their lives end up? What were their most hidden secrets?

i feel lonely

The link between smoking and cancer was established by German scientists in the 1930s. Before that time there was a vague idea that it was immoral, and children and women were banned from smoking.

im about to turn thirty. i have been shitposting on Veeky Forums for most of the past decade. I used to be a heavy IRC user, and moderated numerous channels. Before that I was a painfully prolific anime forum poster at ages 15-16. i am thankful every day of my life that anime bored me pretty quickly. i have a few friends who stuck with the anime thing, and it has basically been a death sentence for them. i know there are successful weebs with good jobs and happy families, but they are the exception, not the rule. all of this started early as i can remember. It was MSN chat rooms before then. What was i, 12, 13? posting on chatrooms, the start of the addiction i suppose. i would wait until my parents were not at home and "sneak" onto the internet (it was pay by the minute in those days, if you didnt know) and talk about music in those days, i had just gotten into the offspring, ask any other thirty year old white guy, most will agree, americana was a dope album. does having windows 3.1 give you any cred, or am i forever a hopeless poser before the ibm hipsters? at school they got us hooked with videogames. lemmings was a big one, we would spend hours gathered around this old acorn pc playing lemmings on our school lunch breaks. a few kids had amigas but fuck those guys ( i borrowed one for a month and it was glorious) anyway, all this digital addiction combined with pretty extensive drug use from about the age of 15 has left my brain seriously altered, and i find it increasingly hard to relate to the average person. im not entirely certain how im going to navigate this next phase of my life. my body is starting to hurt already, and my "friends" left long ago. i quit my last job and have been unemployed for six months. i never had a father, and my mother is about to be homeless. i guess thats whats on my mind.

As I look at the picture flashes of sound come to my:
"Yeah, That Louis guy, Tharot, thereaux, Therout, make great documentaries"
...
"They even gave their dogs like xanax or anti-depression shit"
...
"It's true, Jamie could you pull that up?"
...
"Their dogs"
I shake my head, have smiling, quarter crying. It was not all true, but true it was enough.
And then it hits me, it wasn't Rogan, it was Klein.
I smurk *h3h3*
I need to clean my room.

Also:
I need to get some sleep, I write worse than I think.

Wagecuckery will be the end of me.

better a wagecuck than social detritus clinging to dirty needles and damp sleeping bags under benches, i hope

I can't get over how dumb /pol/itics is. In my mind the only thing that matters is revolutionary monetary reform (how money is made, not how it is spent/distributed). A very quick rundown: all money is debt on which interest has to be paid. It doesn't take an expert to realize that there will never be enough money to pay all the debt. And so our governments plunge us into debt and we are burdened with increasing taxes so they can pay back central banks they get money from with government IOUs. I tend to obsess over things and I haven't thought of anything else for a week.

A decentralized crypto-economy seems a likely future, and it's a damn bright future if you ask me. Money that governments can't just print and subsequently devalue -- yet its easily spendable unlike gold and silver. Money that can't be easily taxed or stolen. Money that the powers that be can't start a war over due to its decentralized nature. It makes me sick to think of the generations of people that have lived and died under this grotesque system. This monetary system based on debt and usury will go the way of the Divide Right of Kings, and slavery, and other cultural practices that were at the time accepted as the norm.

I really hope I am called in for that Library Assistant job. It would be perfect. Perhaps I went overboard on the application. Maybe not.

i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore i don't like this place anymore

the problem is authority, at the end of the day. how does the holder of the crypto economy gain authority

>life can be dealt only in extremes

wew

I'm not sure what you mean by authority.

what else is there to mean? assume authority, assume control.

>what else is there to mean?

a lot of things, potentially. I still don't understand the point you're trying to make.

It's recently hit me that the reason I can't avoid putting erotic content into my writing is because porn consumption has been integral to my experiences with fiction. Now that I think about it, in fact, a lot much of the media I have consumed has been motivated by the female body, and even if in the end it has never been the selling point, it was very often the reason for me to plunge into those intimidating serieses.

But there's still more to draw from this disclosure. First, there is a whole structure of fan content that orbits a modern work of fiction, and this is a modus operandi I have taken wholeheartedly and unconsciously, but in which my personal work I have taken a a step forwards; that is, that where a work of art leaves gaps for its consumers to fill, creating a community in the process, I have, in isolation, actually started from the gap-filler.

And... I lost my train of thought...

It seems though, that art has stopped being a discussion between artists, and is instead now a discussion between author and audience. But who is my audience?

I'm ready to go to war with the last 500 years.

Julius pls

I am two-thirds of the way through The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, my son asleep clutching his stuffed fox in the middle of the bed. I am in a little room right off the bedroom, the 'office,' which contains a long table, a chair, two bookshelves and an all glass lamp with a pale green dome. Here it is warm, late, and i can hear crickets through the whirr of the industrial-style fan in the other room.
The top left book on the farther shelf is The Dyer's Hand. Next to it is When the Cathedrals were White. Next to that one is Fame and Folly. On the other, nearer shelf second row flush left is Aesthetic Theory, The Semiotics of Poetry, and The Wheel of Fire.
For some reason I am now thinking of Sappho, the lone apple on the topmost bough, the one the apple pickers 'forgot'.
But back to the movie. And to all a good night.

I can't get motivated to prepare for my exam because if I fail it I don't have to be in grad school anymore.

Do tell, good sir.

the future. what it's going to look like. what i'll be able to do and say to accept a universal living wage if things going well. or if everything is going to collapse for real this time. we'll know pretty soon. i'm wondering if soon is within my own lifetime or not.

It's basically a consequence of me becoming an increasingly serious Catholic and realizing how incompatible Christianity is with capitalism, secularism, purely private religion, classical liberalism, and finance. Everything went wrong with the Protestant Reformation and then it all got worse when capitalism was invented.

So I've gotten the urge to mount a kind of philosophical attack on modernity. To clarify things that are muddy and to draw bright lines between things that aren't compatible. I suppose this makes me a reactionary, but all I'm interested in is the truth as I see it.

I cannot stop mourning all the sex I have not had.

i disagree, crowdsourced service providers for fundamental human rights and guaranteed anonymous communication in public spaces are the only needs that need to be provided for. in a few years when strong AI is developed give control over to that system, but let it be reprogrammed. redistribute all of the wealth through this new system of control.

My brain can't stand vacuum. As soon as I stopped being depressed and started looking forward to the next day for the first time, I developed a strong OCD. I think that's because I subconsciously started caring about my health.

>Walking home from food store
>2 mile walk
>The entire duration Asian woman with the best ass I've ever seen is walking in front of me
>Come into my pants just from walking behind her

wtf

You just changed it with that image, but I can.

smoking was a horrible habit but at least it got me outside in the sun every hour or so.

I wish I could resign myself to be happy with materialism, as so many people seem to be. They create meaningful relationships, live successful lives, and gain a sense of purpose or fulfillment through the exchange of currency. I don't resent people for that, but I cannot find myself happy living that way. I experience so much self-loathing, so many negative emotions everyday and I realize these insecurities developed from circumstances in my upbringing rather than my own philosophical conclusions. I can disprove why I should feel like shit, and argue that it's inefficient or a determent to my life, but I cannot stop feeling it. In a few years, I will probably have thought things out and came to peace with myself and be ready to create the meaning and relationships I have always wanted, but it is very difficult to live currently. Either I will be fine in the end, or I won't be.

I wish I wasn't dumb as shit with stupid high ambitions.

The advantages of high trust societies are obsolete due to modern cryptography and automation, but the disadvantages remain.

I love my city but I fucking hate the shitty weather we keep having. Essentially just 10 months of rain or cloudy weather, and two months of comfortable short sleeve weather.

On the plus side it gives me a semi-valid excuse to stay cooped up in my apartment for so long.

I have grown to hate people, and now I can't help but see them, their emotions, their flaws as disgusting. Several times I have written in my diary that I need to distance myself from my friends because being around them revulses me.

It should bother me, but I stopped caring about others a long time ago.

Getting rid of free social media platforms will do the world a whole lot of good.

All politics thought is just theatre plays in attempts to gain power, yes including 'equality' talk. There is nothing more annoying in a relationship than seeing someone you thought was intelligent buy into politics wholeheartedly.
An AI war would be the best way for humanity to end. Less brutal and chaotic.

Pics?

Didn't have my phone with me as its battery life is fucking shit. Dear god it was ass of the ages, sculpted by God himself..insane.

All centralist parties are for-profit organizations whose only goal is to get elected to benefit their sponsors. and people who repeat the mantra "We've swung so far to the right!" are historically illiterate.

Redundancy is your strong suit.

I try.

Based. I was raised Protestant and have been coming to the same conclusions as of the past few months

COME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO JAPAN

I aspire to be a novelist while believing the novel is dead.

> tfw you realize you haven't masturbated to normal porn for 3 years...

I'm an unemployed 24 year old drop out.

I just broke up with the girl I love, last Thursday. Neither of us wanted to separate, but we're both aware that fear was the glue holding everything together. I don't know how to navigate the world without her, but that's a terrible reason to stay together.

Had vigorous bareback sex with an old friend on Saturday My dick wouldn't get hard at first because condom+got way too high. We both laughed. She's a sweetheart. She used to be really fat, and I liked her then too, but told her I didn't want to have sex, because she was depressed and I knew she'd get attached, which was honest. Now she's lost a lot of weight, but she's not very pretty. She's still depressed, but she's more in control in her life. She told me she's going to move Denver in 6 or 7 months.

Now I'm trying to calm my nerves while I wait for an attractive 19 year old I met on Tinder a few days ago to come pick me up. I haven't met her in person, but she's extremely into me and wants to fuck to the point that its concerning, about as concerning as her telling me I could slap her in the face and leave welts on her ass if wanted and that "people's hardest usually isn't hard enough". I'm all for making a chick cry during sex, if that's what she wants, but what kind of person says that to someone they haven't met yet? Guess I'll find out. Normally I wouldn't care that much about a girl that forward, I'd assume she's run of the mill slutty and that's fine, just not my thing. But she planned a whole date for us and a really creative one at that. Involving painting and weed and music and car sex. She's actually fucking cool. My sexual history is filled depressive introverts that like how caring and calm I am and now some bouncy 19 year old wants me to throat fuck her. I'm legitimately anxious, and I'm not used to feeling this way. I don't like it.

What a self congratulating piece of shit you are I hope your intention was to portray yourself that way cuz wew fuckin lad you're a narcissist.
>"which was honest"
That was the most douchey sentence if you were wondering. Frankly I'm sorry for responding since I know you come on Veeky Forums for the easy (you)s please fucking kill your self.

I'm pretty sure I'm not a narcissist in the clinical term. I'm definitely vain though. I'm curious what you think was douchey about what you quoted.

people constantly misuse the word "empathetic" to mean "empathic" not knowing the former is a bastard version of a latter from conflation with the term sympathetic.

You probably lack the capacity for curiousity since you are so self absorbed but I will just recommend you google "Sartre Bad Faith" and then "helium tank suicide method".

Googling now. I'm sort of familiar with the concept, but not enough to actually know how its relevant. I'll let you know how it goes.

It's relevant because he's suggesting you kill yourself.

I am so glad I can just double click a word for its definition
>Shellalagh

I got really drunk at a party on Saturday and I can't stop asking myself, is this really everything life has to offer? I go to work. Is this all? I went to class. Is this all? I come home and see a pile of dishes. This is my life? I feel the regrets of drinking too much. How my only skill is socializing, and if I get too drunk I'm not in control anymore of the one thing I'm good at. How I have to depend on others to be good at a thing. I just want to be extraordinary at something. I study the law and I'm not the best. I try to improve my handwriting. It looks like a chicken. I try to play music. I can't keep time. None of my old hobbies bring me satisfaction anymore. I can't paint miniatures, play video games, watch movies. Nothing entertains or distracts me from the thought that I should be working on becoming good at something. I read some books thanks to Veeky Forums that weren't law books, and they were okay. But I'm not good at reading either. I have a horrible memory and nothing sticks unless I create a mind palace and that takes hours. But it never happens. I don't get better And I just lay here. Tired. In this mess of a room waiting for tomorrow to start everything all over again. Everyone is rooting for me and I just feel like a stale loaf of white bread.

I've fallen for a ruse and i'm standing upon the point of no return. I've ensnared myself onto the feminine form and it stills me and my lurid little heart and increasingly-fixating passions. She has all the prerequisite things to lure a naive idiot boy like me in - thick, swaying thighs. Long, lascivious, shimmering blonde hair. An ass like you wouldn't believe. Softly blue eyes, one having a merit-worthy spot of green: something special, something noteworthy, to be held in the back of mind and cherished in occasional glimpses.

And in each instance of giving myself unto her, I find myself dumbfounded, lacking breath and any grounding sense of the real. She takes everything non-material from me, drains me of my very vigor and manhood - i'm clinging to it where I can but I can't quell the horrid ruminating thoughts. I see her backwards lanced on my cock, I feel her insides and know it to be mine, below me and under my hand. What an intoxicating falsehood. This is how the match has always been played, I came in with full knowledge of it and I was yet never the more prepared.

And with each passing month the veneer begins to fade, and i'm left with a reeling array of considerations. Where are we to be headed, missus? Where along the line did I fall onto you, and you me? What insidious inspiration had you been chasing in seeing this through? Where are we to be done?

The last question is the foremost thing in my mind, today. Undoubtedly thousands of passionate leg-locks, hemlocks, and soft, tick-ly feeling secrets. There is a kind of reverberating realization in each passionate throe that I don't want to acknowledge, but I have this sort of mental picture created, and it is so:

I see her, in the aftermath. Sweaty and discharged, all to be had. The weed is dizzying, and it tends to leave no sense of self. We've smoked plenty in this time, plenty before. I watch as she look at me, in my face. Do the eyes ever really meet? Do they ever really? A silence has been drawn.

And I begin to think that maybe, maybe, perhaps this is not as passionate as I had conceived. Maybe it is something more simple than that; that we're just two lost, lonely kids trying to lose a little bit of ourselves in each other. And then the darkness returns, the calculated reasoning. She sees me as her mainstay, as the foundation for something long.

But I am, and will be gone.

Kek :)

This hits pretty close to home. I'm a law student as well as a philosophy student (which I thought would help with existentialism but every time I think I reach a content life it all just comes crashing down). I constantly have this gutted feeling where I feel like I should be doing something better with my time, yet when I actually do these things they don't bring me the joy or fulfillment I thought they would. In your case, like mine, I think you could be the world champion of something and still feel incomplete.

I never stop doubting every decision that I make, yet when I start to think about what else I could have done or what I could do now to change my life in any way it all seems equally useless and uninteresting. It's come to the point where I've become a compulsive liar about what I actually do and I can't even recognize my own lies anymore. As long as you're consistent in some parts nobody remembers or cares about what you say anyway, it's just human nature. By now this apathetic way of living has almost completely caused me to dissociate from any identity I used to have. I can't remember my own character and don't know when I'm being genuine when I think I have certain emotions. What's more is that I understand what you say when people are rooting for you. I have the same thing, I'm doing pretty good in social surroundings, parents could not be more proud of me, and my grades are alright. Yet I can't shake the feeling like everything I do is completely and utterly useless, wrong, and misguided.

Now that I reread this shit I just typed out, maybe we're not that alike. I just saw a law student who had a hard time and didn't need anything else to identify with.

Fuck. I'd expected venting would feel better than this.

Brotip: feeling uncertain about the future when you are a student != existentialism

My life is basically going to be nothing but pain I still want to see what I can achieve and I concede that creation is quite beautiful and awe inspiring sometimes but really I can't wait for this ride to be over.

A law student on Veeky Forums is the coolest thing to read about right now user. And I think, yeah, we have some similarities going on. I know the fake mask feel. I think the worst part is that old friends aren't interesting anymore and law friends are all assholes. And I feel as a fellow user you kinda get that. I'm so used to my old group of friends that just shitpost and drink and sperg out. But now I can barely find the effort to care about their jobs. I can't find a woman I relate enough to to even chase. I feel so isolated. It's like they teach us the weapons to make change happen but they give us no cause to fight for, no real goals. I mean, I have mine, but they don't help me get there. It's like we're in a cocoon, waiting to pop out after the bar as a beautiful butterfly. But that just sounds like future hope again. It's always future hope that proprells us into the struggle. But we never see the fruit of it. Money? Who cares as long as I can pay rent. Fame? Power? Change? I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should clean my room. Maybe I should take a nap. Neither of those things will stop my boss from screaming at me tomorrow.

Right, my bad. Was more trying to go into some of the issues that people with existential depression without explaining too much. But again, my bad.

Honestly, many aspects of law don't even interest me that much. It's just a good choice if you're not good at beta subjects where I'm from, along with it offering a large diversity in possible jobs, on top of which law students (here) have plenty of time to pursue other things beside their studies (like a second bachelor or master studies or anything really). Which, because I don't really have a passion for anything, is just a better alternative than waiting for opportunities to come knocking at my door.

As far as friends go, the only people I can stand to deal with from my law studies are the ones that pursue law for more or less the same reasons. I don't really associate with any typical law students, which is probably a bad thing because of lack of networking.

I do really relate to your 'tomorrow is the day' kind of gut feeling. Where you're always thinking about how something will be good or better, just not today. Which makes me terribly afraid of the day I reach 50 and realize I'm still thinking that exact same thing, without having actually enjoyed a day free of worry or expectation. These things just paralyze me in a way. I just want to feel content with my choices for once and maybe even be happy because of them, is that really so much to ask?

I'm so caught up in my own shit that I didn't even reply to some of the things a nice user said.

The isolation is a big part of it too, I just want to look at someone and feel mutual understanding. At least to some extent. But it usually just ends up in misunderstandings.

Law is so practical as well. There's nothing really to gain in a sense. I thought it would be more satisfactory than my part-time job, but it feels almost the same sometimes.

I'm going to bed now user. Wish you the best. Thanks for talking to me. I'll check this thread in the morning.

I'm really hungover and eating spicy pistachios. Waiting for the basketball game tonight to drink more. I finished The Libary at Mount Char earlier and it was delightful. Really bored right now. I went out for a run earlier that turned into a walk. Kind of brainstorming a story that combines Big Brother and other voyeur shows with Clue murder mysteries where people are able to watched murders streamed live.

Currently I'm doing the thing where I don't know which book to read next so I keep perusing my shelves and opening random books to see if any of the opening lines hook me.

What's easier: saying, "We weren't a good match," to your mom or living for years with someone that you don't even like that much?

Gay waste of time desu

Have you considered charging exorbitant rates to walk rich peoples' dogs?

Then leave. Or just dip back in every couple of weeks. It's only really shitty if you spend all day here imo

The discussion between art and audience is the dialectic which allows art to exist. No audience, no art. This is first grade, Spongebob!

Fuck Christianity, amirite?

What's worse: staying in grad school or working a shitty job for minimum wage?

I too dream of collapse. Feel like I'd do better than most but that's what everyone says. But it's just a dream. 20 years distant if it's gonna happen at all.

Fuck God and fuck you

Sex is pretty easy to have. Go out there and get it, user

What meaning do you want?

Seattle? London?

Nigga just delete your facebook seriously what are you doing

Read Samuel R. Delaney's Nova

When your biggest concern is that some chick wants you to throatfuck her you're doing alright. Also get a job you freeloader

The fuck is a mind palace?

You people take sex (and drugs) too seriously.

Man my friend has chronic spine pain at 26, more erupted discs than my dad, and even he can enjoy life. Like, it's been established: life is desire; desire is suffering. The practical thing is to harness your desire. It's strong enough to be weaponized, and with that weapon you can get at least a bit of what you want

your brain isnt producing the chemicals needed to enjoy life. repair it with therapy, drugs, general physical healthcare, whatever works for you

I tried that for a while. It's a great way to make yourself feel smarter than everyone while isolating yourself from the most barebones political discussion.

A mind palace is a way to remember things by using our brains impressive spatial memory and story telling abilities.

Think of your house or place of work or school. Imagine walking through it. You can see all the items and furnature in your minds eye. You then put an interesting object that represents another object on that object. For example when I walk into the library I see a chair, and in that chair is a busy marketplace. In one of the stalls of the market place they sell tube tvs. One of the tvs is on channel 17, and twin girls are playing guitars.

This represents the commerce clause of the US constitution. The three methods congress can regulate commerce are channel, instrumentality, and substantial relationship. I could just attempt to memorize things by flash cards or reputation, but I struggle with those.

is this the power of autism? or is this how normals work?

Veeky Forums, femanon here. How do I into relationship w/ Veeky Forums male? Thank you.

reverse trap like a spartan wife

It's how all those memory champions remember hundreds of numbers or decks of cards. Normie use flash cards and outlines. But it's what the Greeks did so fuck it, it works. It sounds stupid, but it fucking works.

Be an abrasive cunt that won't stop bothering them with your opinion of books. Judge them and tell them what to do. Veeky Forums is full of introverted beta males that think Wes Anderson is talented. They can't do anything but start dating you because they will eventually stop saying no.

ask to role play in search of lost time with them. they haven't read it, they don't know what happens to marcel, and it's technically consent.

Find out his fetishes and become a woman that fulfills them. You will notice if you poke around the history of literature that a lot of writers are huge perverts with bizarre things that get them off.

>yfw crackychan was proust's ideal woman

I'm into DFW, what was he into other than kicking chairs? Ideally, I'd fuck DFW.

>crackychan
>idealwoman

he was into audience pussy so if he weren't dead you'd be in luck

Just come to Maryland please

he was into women who would leave him torture rats. it's about the only kind of women he was into. read more, you degenerate.

I fucking hate liberals.

But could I trust where that dick has been and not get an STI?

Told my family my health issue

I have some time to get my shit together, or I might die. Had some new blood work come in, my health is fucked up lads

Family wanted to talk about it, I just hung up on them