That friend who watches tons of "cooking youtubers" and thinks they know how to cook well but don't can't cook for shit...

HOW DID YOU KNOW

^

OP is a professional complainer, and to no ones surprise, a woman.

Maybe I should make my own thread where I can complain.
Oh wait, we already have plenty of those.
Hm..

Your excuses suck. You suck.

>implying i'm not a mere faggot

Youtube is great for teaching cooking techniques. So much better than just text directions.

>There's only so many things you can do with a knife
Hey now, there's a whole lot you can do with a knife, and you don't develop knife skills without one in your hand. That's like saying there's only so much you can cook, technically true, but just as silly.

The primary function of a knife is cutting and slicing. What you are basically arguing is that a knife can be used in many different ways beyond its intended purpose. I too have opened a beer with the spine of a knife, now stop being retarded.

A bitter no-fun homosexual?
That's a first. You guys are usually pretty decent company.

>the primary purpose of a keyboard is punching a key
>not like it could do different things like produce a program, square a spreadsheet, or type in my weird fetish that I can finally cum to.

Fuck you and your retarded oversimplification.

I'm not talking about using a knife beyond its intended purpose at all. But there's a world of difference between chopping celery, butterflying a fish, boning a chicken, and slicing bread. Hell, there's multiple techniques to choose from for each of those. Well, I'm assuming on the bread slicing thing, don't really bake much.
My main point is that knife use is not rocket science, but it is a skill, and you don't develop that skill without working it.

What kind of fucked up logic is that? You couldn't even bring up a comparison that's on the same level as a kitchen knife. A flat-head screwdriver would have been more acceptable comparison, but you even managed to fuck that up. Instead you chose an individual plastic component of a device made up of hundreds of elements that runs on electricity. This just shows how retarded you are.

Now you are arguing semantics. Chopping is cutting, butterflying is slicing, boning requires cutting and slicing. My point is that the knife only does very few things. Your point is about contextualizing those activities. The rules for using a knife are simple, choose the right knife for the right activity, make sure the knife is sharp, and always watch where you are cutting or slicing. Anything you apply your knife to actually involves learning the properties of the object you are slicing or cutting into and it has nothing to do with the knife, which you are simply going to use to cut or slice.

>Now you are arguing semantics
No, u
Hell, I'm fine with just categorizing everything you do with a knife as "cutting."
But the point isn't what you call it, it's doing it, and doing it well, which is different from talking about it or watching videos.

>The rules for using a knife are simple, choose the right knife for the right activity, make sure the knife is sharp, and always watch where you are cutting or slicing
Okay, so everyone who knows that, barring facetious edge cases like toddlers and Michael J Fox, should be able to filet a fish equally well?

I have a knife that can baton logs, cut thing garlic slices, and slice fall-apart roasts. My flathead can act as a pry-bar, turn a screw, open a paint can, or shiv a skull. I met your oversimplification with a hyperbole. You're still a faget.

>he thinks cooking takes skill

>coworker eats fast food twice a day
>knows I used to be a chef
>always tells me about the dinners he makes, goes into great detail as if any of the details were interesting or impressive
Most recently...
>told me about burgers he made
>used half turkey half lean ground beef and jarred bacon bits and stuffing mix
>put it in an "air-fryer" until there's "a little pink"
>"a little pink" ground turkey

A-airfryer?
Also pink's not bad if it was ground dark meat.

Okay, so everyone who knows that, barring facetious edge cases like toddlers and Michael J Fox, should be able to filet a fish equally well?
No, but there's only so much the knife can do and at the point where you are cutting or slicing into something new, you are learning how that object is different from another one: you are learning about the stuff being cut, not how the knife is actually used! A couple of things that I can think a person can actually learn about using a knife in this context would be selecting the appropriate knife for the specific task and maybe knowing how often it is necessary to use a steel or resharpen the knife, and these will be useful things to remember for when you process that food next time. You don't gain new experiences from the knife, you learn how things look internally by opening them with the knife. Another thing you learn by using a knife is that sometimes you don't need it because you can separate muscles just by pulling on them instead of cutting them. This is one of the many things you learn about using a knife to cut and slice.

Well, that is not a kitchen knife, that's a utility knife, and you are still cutting and slicing, and when you batton, you are essentially using it as a wedge, which is its own tool. Flatheads are their own tools, too, you even referred to other tools by their name. It's silly to use a flathead as a shiv, it's not as sharp as a knife, you might be better suited actually using the right knife. USE THE RIGHT TOOLS, RETARDS.

I'll shiv you with a flathead, pocket-bitch.

>A-airfryer?

Another fucking meme appliance.

It's a device that "fries" food by using hot air and a fan in an enclosed chamber.

>You don't gain new experiences from the knife, you learn how things look internally by opening them with the knife.
Also wrong. A different type of cut is a different experience, and simply knowing what something looks like on the inside is not the same as knowing what a right and wrong cut feel like. You can get any amount of visual details, written information, whatever, but none if it replaces the need to do the thing to get good at it.

>salting, seasoning

Literally the same thing. OP confirmed for retard.

so an oven by another name?

i only watch ramsey how bout dat

this thread has a seal of disapproval.

That line of thought is beyond retarded.

Your rant does not make sense. Are you saying he cannot cook properly because he fucks up the process of cooking? (Like oil that's too cold) or what?

Why did i knew this was written by a women?

Thanks mom

The primary use of a pen is to make lines. Doesn't mean you know how to fucking draw.

>a pen is to make lines
It is for writing you fag

>>characters and letters aren't comprised of lines

You're a fucking simpleton

Writing are not simple as lines, it needs to have meaning and create words. Pen evolves to create writing, not just making any lines.
And you are a fucking retard. I bet you're the one who says calligraphy is just a bunch of lines.
Stop simplifying in literal terms, dumbos

>Writing are not simple as lines
But writing is made from lines. Every letter, character, for every language is comprised of them.

>> I bet you're the one who says calligraphy is just a bunch of lines.
Are you saying it's not? Clearly the lines have different shapes and artistic flair, but fundamentally it's all lines.

Lines are also used to create tally marks, and make up drawings--all other uses of a pen.

Just because writing involves "special" lines doesn't mean it isn't all based on lines in the end.

Your autism is extreme.

>lines with meaning aren't lines

>Salting is a skill

>had a friend who got his first job making fast food burgers
>does it for a few years
>now thinks he is an accomplished chef

he works as a telemarketer now but still insists on telling people how to cook their shit whenever we have cookouts or go camping

Are you suggesting its not? I know plenty of people who salt at the wrong time, use the wrong type or amount of salt, salt unevenly, etc.

i like to spread all the meat out on foil so i can salt and season evenly, that is the secret, the evenness on your meat

>stop simplifying literal terms
>knives are only good for one thing

My point ia that there are as many different apolications of the knife, due to the many different forms of cut that you can produce. What I made was what you call a "metaphor," which means to compare things without like or as. I see now that you are an extremely stupid person and you need things spoonfed to you, so i'll go slower for you and then insult you.

A knife can be used to cut things in a lot of different ways, just like how a pen can be used to make a lot of different marks.

I hope that clears it up, you agressive idiot. Kys

Are you stupid? What i'm arguing is pen evolves specially to be used to make writings. It's that primary use. You don't evolve pen to make only 'lines'. You can take a rock and write ffs but it is not intended to.

Jesus christ, this must be bait

A lot of us are really bitter

I looked up that guy's videos and those are satire.

I had a friend like that. I quit giving him my recipes because he'd always fuck it up somehow and then bitch at me about how it turned out shit. But when I would ask him if he actually followed the recipe step by step, he say shit like "aw no, that was too much fucking trouble, so I just did (this) instead...". Well, then it's YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT IT TURNED OUT SHIT, ISN'T IT? So, yeah, I refused to give him any more recipes or help. You can't fix stupid.

i started cooking by watching those shitty videos, i fucked up a lot, learned what i was doing wrong, looked for better videos that aren't stretched 20 minutes and actually show and explain what they are doing, got good and now i can make decent restaurant quality food

The knife can only be used for stabbing, slicing, and cutting, anything else you do with it can be done with the right tool. Stop being retarded for the sake of winning an argument that is not even there. Also, you didn't make a metaphor, you tried making an analogy and you failed, too. Learn to use literary devices properly.

I am not the pen guy, but a pen's primary purpose is recording information on some absorbent or adsorbent medium, whether you call the activity writing, sketching, it doesn't matter. You can use the tip of a knife to write or draw by dipping it in ink, blood, or diluted shit, but that's not it primary purpose of the knife even though you can learn to use it for that and do it well. Also, you won't necessarily become more skilled at drawing just by using the pen more, especially if you are not paying attention or doing something tracing all the time. The pen doesn't teach you how to do shit, it's your attention to detail and concentration.

>salt at the wrong time
nigga, its not like he's salting the pavement in midsummer, salt doesn't boil away ir anything, it doesn not matter wzen you add salt.
>use the wrong type [...] of salt
doesn't matter, salt is salt, all salt (yes, yes, not in the broader chemical sence, but you wouldn't season your food with potassium-dichromate) is NaCl, no matter if you have big or small grain. I grant you that some salt has impurities, like some sulphuric salt in it and some people want their food to reek of rotten eggs, but ultimately what makes your food salty is plain NaCl.
>use the wrong [...] amount of salt
now we're getting closer to the matter, but what is the right amount for you may he not the right amount for everyone else. I like my salads nearly saltless, both my parents and my in-laws on the other hand put in just too much for my taste... it's different for everyone

>, it doesn not matter wzen you add salt.
I'll give you an example of how it does. Consider a steak. Should you salt it before or after cooking? And if before, how long before? Well, if you know a bit about meat and how salt works on food you'll know that salt draws out moisture from the surface. Therefore we can conclude that salting a steak before you cook it will dry out the surface layer a bit. Why would we want to do that? Well, a dryer surface results in a better sear when we put the meat on the grill or pan. Therefore we need to salt the meat before we cook it. How soon before? Well, the salt needs time to act of course, so it doesn't make sense to salt it immediately before cooking. Thus we can conclude that the best time to salt a steak is several minutes before cooking.

>>doesn't matter, salt is salt, all salt
Sure, all table salt is NaCl, but you're omitting the shape of that salt. Finely grained salt is great when you want to mix it into a wet food like a soup or a stew because the finer grains dissolve faster. Coarse salt has larger crystals. It provides texture, so it's great for seasoning food just before serving it, especially if you want to create a "crunch" from the salt that complements the dish. Kosher salt is in thin flakes. That makes it ideal for sticking to food. It also lacks the anti-caking additives that most salts have which means it's the best for situations where you don't want added chemicals, like lacto-ferments. And as you mentioned some salts have mineral impurities in them which may or may not match the specific dish you want to use them in.

>>but what is the right amount for you may he not the right amount for everyone else.
I agree completely for "salting to taste". But for many foods, like lacto-ferments, cured meats, sausages, and baking the amount of salt is critical. It affects the chemistry of the ferment or curing, it retards the action of yeast in a dough, and so on.

i think that i am that guy.

its just, i dont lurk on youtube but i browse Veeky Forums

All this autism.
Yes OP what a shame you are actually the grand poobah of cooking but no one will listen to you. The agony of being too good for your friends. Oh woe is you.

you'd be amazed how many people don't understand the appropriate time to salt and why

>it doesn not matter wzen you add salt.

fundamentally wrong

youtube.com/watch?v=E0v32jYkSi0

>Yes OP what a shame you are actually the grand poobah of cooking but no one will listen to you. The agony of being too good for your friends. Oh woe is you.

it's completely valid to be frustrated by friends who think they're really good at cooking when they're the complete opposite due to completely misunderstanding due to never having learned basic cooking techniques. you don't have to think you're a cooking expert to have this frustration

If you aren't teaching or correcting them, then you can't be frustrated, so shut the fuck up whiny faggot

I bet your 'friends' cannot bear being around you. I bet you roll your eyes at them when they do things you dont like. Honestly if you were a nice person or had a real life going on you wouldn't have time to talk shit about your friends like this

>implying i don't try
>implying they don't get take offense and say "i know what i'm doing i watch a lot of cooking youtubers"

lol man everyone has a couple friends who are cool people but can be really frustrating about some things or do things that make you go like pic related. you just learn to suppress that "why though" feeling

At this point I seriously doubt you have any friends at all, you sound like an unbearably smug, autistic teenager