Who else /wavers between apathy, hopefulness, and the bitter blackpill/ here?

the only feeling that stirred in me when i read my twisted world was annoyance, i stopped halfway through and double-deleted it (i downloaded it again just so i could delet it two times)

rodger was a supreme fag and so are you

Shit smeared on the wall of a schizo might be "a rare glimpse into a troubled mind from the pen of that mind" too, but it's still shit smeared on a wall. I haven't read it in its entirety, but I've read multiple excerpts, and all are overwrought trash from a spoiled, entitled manchild told he was smart too many times. He used big words he didn't understand because he convinced himself he was an intellectual, as many /r9k/ neets do, just because he didn't have any fucking friends.
He's idolized on Veeky Forums by faggots like you because he behaved in the same way as faggots like you. He blamed his rejection from society on society itself for not being smart enough to handle him. This is the telltale sign of autism, not of misunderstood genius, but it is easier for frogposting scum to build up the delusions of genius than to come to terms with their social shortcomings.

Op I just don't get it. Life is infinitely varied as are people when you take the time to know them better. You sound like you've locked your spirit up in a guilded cage. There is so much to do and see and every day is fresh with possibility if you are willing to take risks. In my experience boredom is for the boring.

Get the fuck out of here with your stamp collecting bullshit. Most people are boring, bored people are just honest about it. Visiting every continent in the world makes you no more interesting than visiting every continent in World of Warcraft.

>Visiting every continent in the world makes you no more interesting than visiting every continent in World of Warcraft.
this is what happens when we let retards post

But it's true. If you weren't interesting in your own country, you're not going to become interesting by traveling abroad. You think the fucking Instagram whores who get invited to trips abroad by men who want to fuck them become interesting people?

bullshit

If you want to kill yourself, go ahead but you haven't. You might think it's because you are a coward but, you like being alive, so, you've already made the decision to stick with it. You've gotten that far, so go further, don't live like some sort of waif whose not really here, engage with it because it's all you'll ever get.

youtube.com/watch?v=j8rYt2WhJoU

try this: read your post to yourself again and then ask whether or not you consider yourself to be a well adjusted person

I'm pretty moderately adjusted, certainly better than anybody who admires the supreme gentleman. I just also happen to be drunk off my ass.
You are on a literature board. My twisted world is indefensible as good literature, and I was trying to explain why. Fuck right off.

OP I hope youre alright

and i unironically recommend The Great Gatsby to you

Veeky Forums hates The Great Gatsby because they don't like the idea of great literature being accessible. This board is made up of insecure undergrads who've built their whole identity around literature, and they're afraid that books like The Great Gatsby will steal their identity out from under them

But I recommend you read it because, as a cynical person, the story of a pillar of naive optimism might appeal to you

>Unironically being /motivation/
I wish I could believe this shit.I assume other people haven't killed themselves for the reason I haven't. I've never enjoyed being alive, but being alive is familiar. It sucks, but it's familiar. Engaging with life doesn't change this. There's no reason to engage with it. I've gotten into some of the best educational institutions in my country and felt nothing. I fuck, and I feel nothing other than my orgasm. I see old friends, and I feel nothing. I see beautiful works of art or read great works of literature and feel nothing. Everything feels like chewing dust, but chewing dust is better than burning in Hell.

What the fuck is up with your comma use?

"A journal from hell" by alceste esseintes was a good read

When Avalokiteśvara Bodhisattva was practicing the profound Prajñāpāramitā, he illuminated the Five Skandhas and saw that they were all empty, and crossed over all suffering and affliction.

“Śāriputra, form is not different from emptiness, and emptiness is not different from form. Form itself is emptiness, and emptiness itself is form. Sensation, conception, synthesis, and discrimination are also such as this. Śāriputra, all dharmas are empty: they are neither created nor destroyed, neither defiled nor pure, and they neither increase nor diminish. This is because in emptiness there is no form, sensation, conception, synthesis, or discrimination. There are no eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, or thoughts. There are no forms, sounds, scents, tastes, sensations, or dharmas. There is no field of vision and there is no realm of thoughts. There is no ignorance nor elimination of ignorance, even up to and including no old age and death, nor elimination of old age and death. There is no suffering, its accumulation, its elimination, or a path. There is no understanding and no attaining.

“Because there is no attainment, bodhisattvas rely on Prajñāpāramitā, and their minds have no obstructions. Since there are no obstructions, they have no fears. Because they are detached from backwards dream-thinking, their final result is Nirvāṇa. Because all buddhas of the past, present, and future rely on Prajñāpāramitā, they attain Anuttarā Samyaksaṃbodhi. Therefore, know that Prajñāpāramitā is a great spiritual mantra, a great brilliant mantra, an unsurpassed mantra, and an unequalled mantra. The Prajñāpāramitā Mantra is spoken because it can truly remove all afflictions. The mantra is spoken thusly:

gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā

Is your life really some precious thing to you? That you wouldn't devote it entirely to a cause, casting aside any desire you might have? I pity you. To cling to something so transient.

At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that should death take me, when and wherever, I would have lived out my days in Stark contrast to the status quo.

Yes it is, I guess. I don't have the guts to cast aside all my wants and desires for a cause. If anything would impact me negatively, even if I'm putting up a fight and sticking the situation back, I'd fold.

I know the truth, but prefer lies. Lies are simple, simple is bliss. Why go against tradition when I can admit defeat? live in decline? be the victim of my own design?

The status quo is build on suspect. Why would anyone stick out their neck. He's got his, and I've got mine.

I'm too much a coward to fight them when a million others tried.

Where can I find it?

This is the sad truth for most of us. It takes a moron or a genius to fight the status quo. Better have a good reason to. Better be able to hold your own. I'm pretty sure that all of the people only concerned with social status and pussy are literally the embodiment of cowardice if they put so much value in that and fail to see the value in defying the evil. Even if you end up dying. Even if you lose. You still fight, and that's what most of us can't do, most of us fight for what we know is wrong. Like you said: we know the truth, but prefer lies.

We are, the entire human species, the victims of our own design.

>He's got his, and I've got mine.

Too often is this thought employed. its maniacal. What of the future, no not YOUR future, but THE future. Or are you that selfish? These are the questions I ask myself. I just can't bring myself to be civil and defy the de facto elite of my country peacefully because I'm too much of a coward on the things they might bring down on me.

i love you. remember that

>y-you too