At checkout in grocery store

>work at grocery store
>hear the same fucking dumb jokes and phrases day in and day out
>smile and laugh pretending as if the customer just made my day by being so witty

>customer at ______
>item won’t scan
>"how much is this?"
THAT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB IDK $1?
>"idk maybe $1"
>"im just gonna go check"
>queue is getting longer and longer
>stand there awkwardly
>after what feels like an eternity the cashier comes back
>actually these are 3 for 2, you have two so do you want to go grab another one?
WHY DIDNT YOU JUST GRAB ONE WHEN YOU WERE THERE RETARD
>"haha im good"
>never return

>>be at grocery store
>>buy groceries without any issues
>>go home and prepare food
Why? Because I'm not an autistic faggot.

I do this to make the cashier visibly shaken. Bonus points for tears.

laughed. good twist desu

says you

>they bitch to the manager we have an attitude problem.
do Americans really complain about this? I wouldn't care less if the cashier doesn't smile or whatever.

I'm 2 months out of retail after almost 14 years and there's no way I'll go back. Every day is monotonous and soul draining.

>>item won’t scan
>>”That means it’s free right? : o )”
>crack up laughing, burst into treats
>get on the intercom, still laughing hysterically
>"haha attention, valued customers, haha this jokester at register 3 thinks he can get something for free since it won't scan. Hahaha Isn't that hilarious? What a clever guy."
>turn off intercom but continue to laugh loud enough so everyone in the store can still hear me
>go back to register, abruptly cease laughter, look him sternly in the eyes and tell him, "no. It is not free."

>be at store
>item won't scan
>look cashier dead in the eyes as I say
>guess that makes it free
>No smiles
>No laughter
>he knows that I'm saying it specifically to fuck with him

Favorite meme.

It's almost exclusively the middle aged and overweight women who cause problems for cashiers. I don't know what they expect from grocery stores, but the service is never good enough to satisfy them.

I enjoy it when people bitch about their jobs to me, it gives me an excise to make them feel bad by hitting them with the most fucked up shit I have.

>item won't scan
>just sit there patiently
>man, thanks for not making that "wow it's free" joke, everyone does that
>that must be pretty terrible
>yeah it's the worst
>you're right, reminds me of the time I was patrolling the boonies when I was a deputy sheriff, long story short some drug dealer shot me in the leg as he tried to run away
>I tourniqeted myself and sat there for 8 minutes before medical showed up, thought I was going to die
>but yeah, there's no way I could do this retail shit, fuck that, your job is bad
>t-thanks, you too

The key is to look and sound totally sincere, and maybe actually show off the scar.

>at checkout in grocery store
>item isn't getting scanned right
>cashier bags it and keeps going
>nod thanks at cashier

Try treating people like humans and getting to know them. Being consistently polite and friendly isn't that hard, but is uncommon enough these days that it gets noticed.

Man that's so fucked.

Naw, I guarantee the cashier in that scenario gives 0 shits about this dude or his fucked up leg. It's just another asshole incapable of small talk.

I did this with cheap items when I was a cashier. Customers were never as appreciative as I expected them to be. Most people didn't seem to notice.

>obviously fake story told by overweight incel who's closest experience with law enforcement was being stopped by mall cops for trying to take a food court cinnamon bun without paying.
>sure got them

I've stolen goods from stores for things like that. Fucking walmart.

>Marked down baked goods.
>Slap the sticker on a brand new Nintendo switch.
>3.25 for my very own chink brand autism amplifier.
>buy mario oddesy. Peel the sticker off and put it on a .25¢ 126kb SD card.
>return.
>target and China BTFO.

>work as bartender
>setting up bar
>host lets someone in 15 minutes before we open because it's cold
>tells them we won't serve them but they can sit until we open
>they sit at the bar
>i continue setting up bar
>they complain i didn't greet them cheerfully

This. I get off on seeing their pained expressions. They have to take it and they know it.

>hey, this salad expired yesterday but it looks fine. Can I get it half off?
>cashier takes the bag out of my hands and throws it in the trash
>sorry, he says, I can't sell expired food. Managers orders.

>hide a pack of coke under the cart
>cashier never sees it
>coke for free

hehe stupid cashiers

they aren't wrong. if you got sick they could be in huge trouble. it's stupid but they need to protect themselves

she sounds like such a bitch, what the fuck did she expect for a greeting? a red fucking carpet?

>see it
>manually add a $5 post without saying anything
>you don't want a receipt

hehe stupid custmers

Sorry I can't hear you over me being a cop.

>
>That sums up why people who work in retail learn rather quickly to hate humanity. If they only knew how often we've heard what they think is a brilliant, original, humorous remark their face would turn beet red with shame and embarassment.
I think you are greatly overestimating how much anyone gives a shit about you

>I think you are greatly overestimating how much anyone gives a shit about you
welcome to humanity

Nigga i piss 5$

totally, that's why you need to steal at the store

Never stole anything in my life

>at checkout at grocery store that now sells beer and wine
>double check that checkout is marked as an alcohol friendly checkout - and that the clerk looks over the age of 18
>pull wine out of basket, place on conveyor
>"Sorry sir, I can't ring through wine or beer at this time."
>Check time... 7:30pm
>"Ok, I'll put them back, shall I flip your sign around on my way over?"
>"No, it's ok. I'll deal with it"
>My items are put aside, I go to take wine back to its home, cashier starts ringing in next customer.
>Everyone in line has alcohol... three registers, one with a sign designating it as the location to purchase alcohol, nobody in the store can legally sell it.
>Place wine at child-friendly height next to the cookies and leave the store to purchase everything elsewhere.

I can blog too

>american laws

>Item won't scan.
>"Well, It was supposed to be like five dollars, can't you just scan it like that?"
>Manually type in the barcode.
>Item rings for two bucks.
>Look at customer.
>'If you want, I can correct the price for you so it is five bucks.'
>"You wouldn't"
>'I can.'

>Canadian... same shit, but cheaper hospital bills

>alcohol friendly checkout
This is a thing? Where/why?

Because minors cannot sell alcohol in (most?) states where they are too young to purchase it.

We put kids behind registers at 15, they can't be involved in alcohol transactions till they are 21.

If everyone working at a gas station at a specific time is a minor, no beer for you.

Some of our grocery stores started selling alcohol, but being the quintessential babby's first job, not everyone is licensed to sell it.

"Not quite 11 items"?

I've been in a Aldi where one checkout had a sign saying unable to sell alcohol because some muzzie faggot was working the tiles, no sign about pork products though.

How's ol' P.D. Taylor doin these days?

It's not because of their religion, it's because of their age. There is no prohibition against selling alcohol for Muslims. Morocco is even a wine-producing country, but it is only exported or sold to non-muslim tourists.

Enough internet Dave.

>shop at asian supermarket
>cashier is skilled, always fast, and doesn't need my help identifying produce the store sells

"Ten items or fewer"
It's a reference to IJ but I guess OP didn't find it funny enough to give me a (you)

I worked in a grocery store for three years, probably the closest i've come to killing myself. Shame you didn't stay etc.

He's a fuck, obv. Marginally better than Whetsel.

>"paper or plastic sir"
>ask for paper in plastic

I bring a box so it goes faster.

>go to asain super market
>get stabbed 3 times when I walk out of the state

wow that spicy ramen is pretty good

Where I'm from, they won't hire anyone younger than 18 at places that sell alcohol. Pretty sure it's a law.

Places that strictly sell alcohol have to hire over 18 here. Grocery stores get away with it because they don't pay enough to hold on to anyone but students.

I can see in your chubby, pussy, stubby hands that you're really low test.
Having gotten shot doesn't make you tough, specially if all it did was give you ammo to treat others like a douche.

Farva?

lol loser

>carrying a sig as an American leo
Are fishnets and lacy thongs part of the uniform now too?

You sound like a fun guy to be around.

They don't feel bad. It just makes them think you're a fucking tool.

>it is not possible to manually enter an item
Maybe if you're retarded.

>work at hotel
>every person checking in has to sign a piece of paper indicating they won't bring in any pets
>dipshits who think they're clever say "guess that means my spouse/child/friend/companion can't stay here then HAHAHA"
>one time I had literally 7 or 8 people in a row make that joke

>item won't scan
>"this is 4.38 per pound and 1.6 pounds, I'll just ring you up for like.. $6.50?"
>customer nods
>scan it for 6.50
>customer immediately freaks out saying the price is 4.38 and asking for manager

>barcode won't scan
>UPC not in the system
Loss prevention protocols forbid me to sell this product, retard.

I work as a concierge, I can tell that usually when a guest is telling me a tale I really don't pay attention and I just say "that's nice" or "oh, wow".
You know, just letting you know nobody cares. In my case tho, I have to pretend I do in order to get a commission or two.

Did not see that coming.

...do you really think a cashier has the price of every single item in the store memorized?

when I was quitting my cashiering job, I just gave away free shit to every single person. Had to be inconspicuous, always afraid some goody-goody will notice the missed item and head to customer service to pay for it, then I'm fucked

>put LCD tv on scale at self-check.
>put in code for nanas.
>walk away with $4 TV.

too scared to actually do it, but I do put in the code for Galas when I buy Honeycrisp apples.

There is a pile of organic pumpkin seeds at the back right corner of my local LIDL and I'm pretty sure they've forgotten about them. I buy a pack every time I go in and I'm pretty sure they just make the price up because its been rung up 20 cents to 4 dollars each time, after a 10 minute wait of course.

>working checkout
>guy waits in line with an empty basket
>when he gets to the front he asks me which are the good types of apples
>just say the first type that comes to my head
>"thanks"
>he pushes back through the line
>later he's in the cue again
>he has a massive bag full of apples and nothing else
>"uh did you find them okay?"
>"yeah I'm good at shopping"

expand please, I am not familiar with this practice.

I hate going to the grocery store so much. Why is there always some fat person with their motorcart fucking parked infront of three different produce fridges.

Just enter it manually, retard

you caaaaaaaan't fuckwit
i literally don't have the ability to

Wow. You really are a smart.

You are the problem in someones life moron.

Do you have a single fact to back that up?

That's wrong though, we do not have designated check out lines for alcohol, or a time that non-ABC stores can sell alcohol until.

Me, stop living now.

From my experience its really easy to eat enormous amounts of bread if its just bread by itself.

What apple?

>Customer puts in a request for Bagel Dogs
>put in the order and magically appears in delivery load 6 days later
>UPC doesn't exist in system and adding requires pushing the item to corporate
>corporate fucks around for no less than 58 days in getting a UPC made
>whole time it has to sit in my freezer losing date and customer screams at me every week for not selling them the item I have in the back

Entering a number manually into a system that doesn't recognize it does fuckall, retard

>at grocery store
>decide to bypass human interaction and head for the self checkout
>get behind a baby boomer
>he is completely unable to figure out how to use the scanner, despite the technology being developed for addicts and teenagers to do their job with the barest minimum of competence
>he gets angrier and angrier as the computer keeps asking him to remove the last item from the bagging area
>I finally realize why American industry is dead

>work at a Target
>customer asks me to check and see if they have something "in the back"
>go to the back
>see a whole shelf full of the item she wants
>stare at it for 10 minutes
>guy that sells weed walks by
>go with him to his car and buy some weed
>go back in
>"Yeah its not back there either, sorry."

usually right before I go to pay for something with my debit card I say to the cashier “I hope this card works I just found t in the parking lot!” as I punch in the PIN.
Usually get a pretty good laugh from the cashier.
Please tell me this isn’t a line that’s heard often, it would absolutely crush me.

I hear it all the time [spoiler]from niggers [/spoiler]

That's terror.

I do this with steak all the time

Mother fucker I hope this is a fake story

I do that to customers who ask if we have .22lr in all the time at my store.
We got pallets of that shit.