What's the easiest Veeky Forums-related job?

What's the easiest Veeky Forums-related job?

since everyone on this board is a homosexual man, I'm gonna have to go with sucking dick

Shit poster

I get paid to shill energy drinks

grocery store

Cashier.

I'm not in the cooking business, though I make parts for industrial machines that prepare and package mass-produced food, I think working a hot dog cart is probably the easiest.

Guess I should have specified back of house.

Jester.

baaazingaaaa!

Executive Chef, you just tell everybody else what to do and then bang a hostess.

Small mom and pop Chinese food delivery guy

>Enough business to stay busy and not be bored, slow enough to not be busting your ass
>not a lot of dishes to do
>get to leave every once in a while for deliveries
>$8 an hour, $2.50 per delivery, keep tips, all paid in cash under the table
>chill with the boss who always talks about Chinese history, wife is straight momfu tier
>free food
>relaxed atmosphere

After 5 years of working here I can't even imitate their moonspeak language. The Chinese language is not from this world

I too, work for a Chinese family, though in a nicer place from the sounds of it.

Seriously, they pay well, give out free food like it's nothing, and the owner and his wife feel like family to me. I have spent many evenings with them drinking and eating odd foods.

I wouldn't go so far as to say my job is easy but with the amount of fringe benefits I get it's totally worth it.

Food critic.

Dishwasher or delivery guy. Lowest responsibility and least stressful. Delivery was nice cause I got to drive around listening to music and podcast. Dishwashing was nice because I just sat by the sink all night flirting with the "manager". Made piss poor pay though.

kek this. manager coffees, occasionally pivot, sit in your office pretending to do paperwork, ezpz

or dish bitch

>How to tell someone has never had a job higher than wage slave

Isn't certified food critic an incredibly rigorous education that like, 1 in 6 actually make it through?

>projection, the post
go on, guess how I know what executive chefs do

server in rich neighborhood

>"hi im user, are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes?"
>*writes order down*
>puts it into computer*
>pour wine and deliver it
>food runner brings table their food
>take plates when done
>drop off check
>do this 8x times that night
>make $200

>meanwhile the kitchen is nonstop spanish screaming, steam, smoke, heat, and "ALEJANDRoooOoOoO ALEJANDRoooOoOoO" playing in the background

I am a sous chef at a white table cloth so yeah I know the majority of what the job entails.
You are responsible for all the numbers like food cost, labor, cleaning supplies, purchases. And you have a budget for all of them and you get to deal with the pissed off owner if any of them are too high. You get to deal with everyone's complaining which in any kitchen is alot as cooks are generally lazy and bitchy 'the morning crew leaves a mess' 'the night crew never preps the stations' 'the dishwasher disappeared for 20 minutes last night to get high and dishes piled up when the bartender needed glasses' 'the Mexicans keep fucking with the Peruvian guy' 'the new kid is constantly burning the damn pita bread for the hummus'
This is generally the same shit every restaurant and you think 'he just needs to tell them to clean more or prep more or fire them' but then you have no staff on top of everything else you are still responsible for and you get to be there another 20 hours every week picking up the slack.
You really think in restaurants where profit margins are super slim already they would pay a guy 65k+ a year if all he did was loaf about in his office jerking off and drinking coffee/wine
Are you seriously 12 or just retarded?

Probably a food runner

>>*writes order down*

We have a hipster restaurant in town where the food is awesome but the owner thinks it's impressive to have the wait staff memorize your order because pen and paper is tacky or something.

They fuck something up every time I go there, but the food is good so I keep going back once in a while. Next time I'm going to write the order down and give it to them and make it clear that if they forget the fucking salad or whatever this time, we will get up and run for the door without paying shit.

Janitor/mod work
Also applies to all boards.

We had a chef de cuisine, everything you just said outside of literal paperwork fell to him or the sous. Ordering was his problem, line maintenance and worker efficiency (read: shifts bitching about each other, rivalries, cleanliness) was shared between him and the sous, unless someone needed to be actually fired, though I deferred to them unless I had a strong disagreement.

Don't get all bent out of shape because your place was understaffed, or the owner was cheap. Granted our owner was a retard for even having the position, but he was too busy snorting coke with the bartenders to care most of the time. It was a redundant position, hence why it was the easiest.

Janitor on Veeky Forums

Yeah, creating a Yelp account can be e real bitch.

>>*writes order down*
>>puts it into computer*
No hand held device? Do you live in Botswana?

What would be the point of a handheld device?

It's tacky/rude to use in front of customers, and a proper computer or POS station is a lot easier to use if the server is entering the order out of sight from the customer. Why dick around with some tiny little screen when you can use a big one, plus a proper keyboard, etc?

this or a hostess

literally a receptionist with 1/100 of the duties

Cooking

I'd hope that a hostess is a bit more than 1/100th of a receptionist. I recall a few episodes of Kitchen Nightmares in which the back-of-house had their shit together but were being fucked over by an inept hostess who couldn't figure out the importance of staggering reservations, or otherwise couldn't manage them properly. They were not only creating a lot of hassle for the kitchen but also managing to piss off customers before they'd even set foot inside the restaurant.

>What would be the point
Take order at table by way of few swift tabs on device
Order is printed out in the kitchen before you can say "I'll be back shortly with your drinks"

>Take order at table by way of few swift tabs on device
That's not a good idea at fine dining. It doesn't convey the right atmosphere. A waiter ought to be able to remember your order, or at the very worst write it down. Writing it down might seem old-fashioned, but it has the correct image. It's sort of the same idea as people wearing wristwatches today despite the fact that nobody ever needs them because of electronic devices. It's not about it being practical, it's about conveying an image to co-workers and clients. Same thing here.

Using a smartphone or tablet for order-taking would be fine at a cheap restaurant (something like Chilis or Dennys or whatever), or perhaps at a place with a high-tech vibe. But at a classic fine dining establishment? Hell no, wrong image.

>people wearing wristwatches today despite the fact that nobody ever needs them because of electronic devices.
I don't know about that, my smartphone is usually stored in my pocket while my wrist watch is always available to look at at any time. Maybe it's not technically needed or an efficient use of money, but it is kinda practical.

Pen and a pad doesn't have connectivity issues or a battery life. It also doesn't cost $1000 to replace when your dumb ass server drops it in the toilet.

For one glorious day I was the man who sat atop the stepladder while shaking a ladle at people and making sarcastic comments.

apparently there's a position at vips group restaurants that only put food in plates

And then the owner called the cops.

Delivery. Even before everyone had GPS and/or smartphones, it was the best

>implying she's going to touch Pedro when Chad the bartender is already in front of house with her

>Pedro
>Executive Chef
Maybe at Del Taco, but any legitimate restaurant is going to have a white executive chef. It puts the customers at ease.

>dish washer
>easy
What kinda slow shithole did you work at. That shit was fucking sisyphean for me.
>endless stream of kitchenware, half the time it's burnt in so hard you have to scrub it like mad
>meanwhile dishware is being processed by an automat, but it's on the other side of the kitchen, have to run back and forth so it doesn't get cluttered
>oh also here is that stack of glasses that you have to empty and put into crates. you also have to empty the crates before they get full and ALSO clutter
>taking out trash? also you. maintaining all the automats? also you. cleaning out the grates? you.
>still minimum wage
Fuck everything about that job. [spoiler]Except for the employee lunches. Fucking amazing.[/spoiler]

>his restaurant doesn't have a diversity hire to make the place feel "authentic" while also letting liberals feel good about supporting third worlders

How's your "steakhouse" working out? Is it fun living in Bourdain's shadow?

Sounds like a shit joint, mate. I dishwashed for two years at a busy ass place and I at least had an expo, the bussers came to get their own glass racks, my machine was right next to my station, and the staff got chewed out if they didn't scrape their plates properly.

Sorry, but even limo liberals feel more comfortable with a white guy running the show. They won't ever admit it, but they do. Look at all these snotty craft gastro places that the lefties love. They're all run by white guys.

Nope. 4-star hotel.

Oh, the ones that are open for nine months. Sorry, I thought you meant established joints.

I washed dishes for 9 months and by the end of it I would be the one chewing the staff out for shit.

Burn a fuckload of onions? I'm down your throat. Don't scrape plates? I'm calling you ass back into the kitchen your customers can wait.

Look, Jamal, the hard truth is that the majority of executive chefs are white and the rest of you are just the help. Don't be ashamed of that, though. You're a strong mule and you pull the cart well, but without a good driver you wouldn't go anywhere.

Due to scheduling complications I had to work the morning shift and the night shift but they couldn't afford to pay me overtime so I agreed to volunteer my time if I didn't have to work and instead just told the other volunteers what to do.

If your executive chef is a Pedro then that means the white people are a diversity hire.