Embarrassing food/restaurant stories? Ill start

This cannot be real

Are you me?

“I prefer the Chinese restaurants that have the silverware on the table when you arrive, because there's nothing more humiliating than starting with chopsticks and having to turn to the waiter and say, 'Yeah, uh, hi. I'm too white. Do you have a shovel back there? Chopsticks are fun, but I'd rather eat than play Operation.'”
-- Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale

going to waffle house for the usual
ask for shit on a shingle on the side
didn't realize there was a new waitress
young thin blonde with a visible crucifix neck pendant stares at me
her eyes are watery
her lips quiver as she asks "excuse me"
Don't know if mad or angry
a, are you ok hun?

my usual waitress rushes over and starts berating me for talking mean to her. we usually banter but she's going full momma hen on my ass, young waitress start crying.

I, i, i just ordered the usual betty...
girl rushes to the back. about 2" away because it's a fucking tiny waffle house, talk it out with betty, i just ordered some shit on a shingle. we clear it up and she tells she's a nice dumb girl who thought i calling her shitty or something. I apologize to the girl and betty introduce us.
apparently she had a rough first day getting overwhelmed by the rush hour that had just been.
I left her a tip and hit on her for the entire meal while putting her down about being a pathetic little girl who can't handle the pressure of working at a WH. tell betty the new girl may need a sugar daddy like me. I made sure new girl heard me.

Billy! I told you to clean up your room! You know your cousin is coming to sleep over!

fuck you I didnt make this thread to get bullied...the other ramen place I ate at for ten years didnt care that I ate ramen with a fork, but sadly that ramen place closed down...and my mommy tried to teach me multiple times, it's just too hard for me ok?

I REALLY hope you are actually OP

Would you like some soylent instead?

The Szechuan place I go to decides whether to fork you based on what you order. If you get the orange chicken, it's served with a fork. lel

this is a very funny visual.

wow you sound like a fucking loser.

>I can't use chopsticks
Why do people act like its some form of mystical art form being hidden away from the white devil by shifty eyed dragon lords or some shit?

Genuinely pathetic OP. Get your life sorted. No one's going to do it for you.

That doggo better get to gnaw on that tomahawk when you're done, or Imma be pissed and come lookin for you.

If you're eating long noodles in a soup, chopsticks are fucking retarded no matter how good you are with them. The most skilled Asian who's used sticks their whole life still won't be as efficient as someone with a fork.
Chopsticks are fine for bite-sized foods but there's no reason to use them for fucking soup unless you're autistic about muh authentic nippon experience

says the dumbfuck who can't utilize two fucking sticks to feed himself.

i know a couple of billion people who may disagree with you, m8

If a person wants to use a fork, let them use a fucking fork.
There's no fucking law saying you HAVE to eat with chopsticks... if a person doesn't want to use them, so fucking what?
You're not superior in any way just because you're able to use them and someone else wants to use a fork instead.
Stop acting like a high and mighty cunt on the internet over something so trivial as fucking chopsticks.

Is Billy a boy or a girl?
Is cousin a boy or a girl?

I love this idea that you have to be efficient at eating, as if most people have trouble inhaling their food quickly enough.

Aside from your own fingers, chop sticks are the simplest eating utensils available. I can be lost in the woods and in a minute or so make myself a pair of chop sticks. How quickly can you make a fork?

Are you sure your fly wasn’t down or something?

Au contraire, I am clearly superior to someone who is too stupid to use chopsticks. The only exception is for someone who can't use them due to a disability.

That's why I bring my own fork to asian restaurants just in case. I wouldn't go back to that place though, those people are assholes. Don't worry OP only asians and nu-males use chopsticks.

Order 500 forks to the establishment and a week later burn the place down.

I always carry scissors, so about 30 seconds with a tin can lid.
Or 5 seconds if you pick up a pointy stick andstab stuff with it.

We wuz thankin da same ting

If your waiter forgets something, you don't chase after them or walk around the restaurant. How is this news to you? Keep your ass seated and wait until they're to get their attention.

>simplicity equals efficiency

>lost in the woods
>make chopsticks
>set a trap for kung pao chicken
>wait...

Hello Genderqueer!

I believe you dropped your tampon.

hello pusy boy

hello rèddit

SoyboyBait.jpeg

Yeah but, lets not kid ourselves, the fork is clearly the superior option for eating noodles. It requires no special instructions to operate and you can easily control the amount of noodles you want, AND you can completely avoid slurping like a slob if you choose to.

Chopsticks are superior for grasping delicate foods, like sushi.

And for the record I use the chopsticks for ramen when I go out to eat, mostly because it's more trouble to ask for a fork than it is to eat with the utensils provided. Neither of which being very troublesome to begin with, mind you.

At least you tried

Slurping in Asian cultures (mostly Chinese though) is considered a good thing it shows you are enjoying your meal.

I have shitty fingers from bleeding in my brain as an infant, and I'm doing fine living in Japan using chopsticks. I can't really write legibly, but I can use chopsticks decently.

You can just eat sushi with your hands, though.

>chopsticks for sushi
Sushi is finger food, retard.

I eat ramen and pho with the white spoon, why the fuck would you eat soup with chopsticks?

Veeky Forums makes me rage so often with stupid post after stupid post. I know some are trolls but some are just retard level dumb.

I have carpal tunnel and writing with pen/pencil and chopsticks make my hands hurt awful fierce. I'd love to use chopsticks to eat my chink food

It's extremely dangerous to give dogs cooked bones. They can shatter. Raw is the way to go.

>get a load of this white gajin

>guy makes a thread about embarrassing food stories
>53 replies ragging on him and like two additional stories

I don't really have any embarrassing restaurant stories.

you literally could not be more wrong, long noodles are what chopsticks excel at.
in thailand, for example, other foods are served with a fork but noodles are served with chopsticks.
eating pasta with a fork is what's retarded.

>grow up with family occasionally using chopsticks on fun dinner nights
>We are all pretty proficient
>I move country to England for a better education
>Spend 5 years never touching a chopstick
>Get invited out to a Jap style restaurant by a girl who I was really into
>Waiter brings along silverware along with the chopsticks
>I say "no it's ok" as he was about to place the silver ware
>Not much is thought of it by any party, maybe because I seemed so regular about it
>First main dish comes out requiring me to use them
>I can't for the fucking life of me get it right
>Even knock over my glass and everything
>Have to signal and ask the waiter to send back silverware
>Apple of my eye is chuckling at me
>Table next to us sniggering
>Sure the waiter was holding it back but he kept a straight face

Hi soygoyboy!

I thought this website was for weaboos?

You don't eat sushi with chopsticks

sick larp bro. maybe next time you can pretend you have charisma again, it's super fun.

>be at my favorite ramen shop
>I eat there twice a week
>its a very small space with counter seating only
>only seats about 12 people in total in the place
>sitting very close elbow to elbow with just enough room behind you for people to walk past single file
>guy cooking his has little stove behind the counter
>always full of japanese people during lunch time
>bring a friend of mine there at lunch time
>there's an anime convention in town
>my friend is a retard that doesn't think before he speaks
>he's talking period which is already bad enough because nobody else in there is talking
>he's talking about cosplayers that are walking around the neighborhood
>"I just really hate all these japanese faggots"
>suddenly all the eating stops and everyone is looking at us angrily
>this is the most humiliated I have ever been in my life
>I pay and we leave
>I go back the next week
>owner usually welcomes me graciously because I'm a good customer
>he just drops the menu in front of me and doesn't say a word or make eye contact
>I can take a hint so I left and never went back

I hate that this place was taken from me

Thats really depressing. Im sorry for your loss.

I use a fork and a spoon. Cramp free eating experience. Weebs can get fucked.

>my friend is a retard that doesn't think before he speaks

And you are a retard for not realising this and explaining to him the expected etiquette In that establishment. Or even bringing him there in the first place.

Soyboys detected. You losers wouldn't be so depressed if you stop filling your bodies with garbage

Shadilay fellow kekistani

...

Are you okay? You don't seem coherent.

How the fuck did you eat for 3 years? What happens when the place closes for the night? What the fuck?

Let me guess, you also think table manners aren’t necessary

You could make a serviceable fork out of forked stick in a very small amount t of time.

Also if I am lost in the woods an actual utensil is near worthless, other than a pointy stick to spear something on.

lol stop projecting, the moral isn't that he needs to learn how to use chopsticks

Fuck off racist

If I were you I would have made a complete ass of myself making a mess with the chopstics slurping the noodles and grabbing the bowl and drinking the broth really loudly and exclaiming delicious and telling other people to try it, they would never pull that shit on you again

You could eat with a blunt club too but that doesn't make you any less retarded, despite needing only half the sticks and no points

>I just leave politely
Or you can man the fuck up and get the chef's attention, directly address the situation by apologizing for your friend's rudeness and saying he won't be back, then order the same thing you usually do. If the chef wants to be a thin-skinned can't because someone who wasn't you was a douche despite you being a long-time loyal customer, he's the one with the baggage, not you.

>Apologize

A man never apologizes, my soy consuming comrade

You apologize directly when you feel you have done wrong. If you're going to meme like a faggot, your post wreaks of millennial entitlement, the generation that has all those soyboys you are obsessed with.

>make a poor decision
>"well I better run from this problem and just avoid the place from now on instead of doing the rational thing and talk to the offended party"
Doesn't sound that manly to me faggot

That’s 100% wrong, wanker. I bet you get slapped quite often.

I'm a boomer. Op did nothing wrong but scamper away like a fag. Learn from Trump little boys and you will get some respect. If you feel the need to say something make a joke at the furries expense

psychologytoday.com/blog/time-out/201512/never-apologize-never-explain

>Learn from Trump little boys and you will get some respect
>Literally the least respected president both domestically and internationally in US history.

LMAO!

i cant even visualize someone eating soup with a FORK, fucking lol. nobody older than like 5 should put his fork anywhere near a bowl of soup

I prefer chopsticks bc no unnatural metal in your mouth.
Also easy af to use with a little practice.

I dont live in the woods anymore, so ill use a fork.

>metal isn't natural

>sitting eating my meal with friends
>see a reflection in my (plastic) glass of ginger ale from a nearby window
>wrongly percieve this visual cue as my drink tipping over
>fight or flight reptile brain activates and I frantically try to save my drink which is actually stably sitting on the table
>backhand the glass like halfway across the room leaving a good 30' long wake of ginger ale on the linoleum floor

I have an anxiety disorder

>Putting machine made sticks in your mouth is natural

>Better approval rates than any major EU leader

Oh fuck I’m laffin

>posted probably fake story on Veeky Forums
>type "chiefs" instead of "chefs"
>OK maybe that was an accident
>do it again

fuuuuuck I thought I was the only one who did this. I have something like top 8th percentile vision and great reflexes from lifelong sports, but I always mis-see things in my peripheral and fuck things up

>take girl to jazz club
>super old school cool and classy
>old black dudes smoking cigars, wearing suits and nodding to music
>order us a pair of fancy cocktails
>sit down and start enjoying drinks
>looking at stage, see candle flicker on table out of corner of eye
>try to ninja grab the nonexistent glass I think is falling off the table
>actually end up knocking glass off table
>shatters, glass and booze everywhere, band hiccups for a second but gets right back in

it gets worse

>mortified, scramble to bar to grab dishrag and new drink
>trying to clean this shit up while not making a huge scene
>sop it all up and pick up shards
>try to be subtle and quietly get back into chair, hunched over
>boot slips on drink residue
>grab for edge of table
>miss
>knocks other drink off table and it shatters

I was eating at an all-you-can-eat stir-fry place and I got a call from work saying that I needed to be back in the office asap, and I sperged out when the owner wouldn't give me a take-out tray. I understand the policy, but I have been eating at this restaurant regularly for many years and the owner knew that I always have two plates, this was a one time favor I was asking as a regular long time customer, and he wouldn't do it. I hate seeing good food thrown out, so I lost it and made an ass of myself.

Do you live in china then faggot? no? then shut the fuck up.

Meat is nasty.

probably just concsrned about setting a precedent. what if you get it and then ask for it regularly, what if two regulars see it and they also want an exception. beter make one regular mad than several others new and old costumers.
you are kind of an ass for putting him in that position.
but mhu regular business, it's nothing compared to the trouble you could cause. do you ever just decide to pay more for your food and drink? they have never refused you service and you obviously enjoy their food.

My family...we're the people who clap sarcastically when a waiter drops a tray.

Not now chief, I'm in the fucking zone

>caring about Yuropoor leaders

Sad!