In your best prose, describe yourself

In your best prose, describe yourself.

First time I get a hard on just by looking at a picture of a sculpture.

A fine young buck with a dagger dick.

i dont believe you

Veni, vidi, vici!

I'm 19 years old.

I am handsome, smart, athletic and virile.

I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage, and a creative writing professor at my college has read the first draft and thinks it's saleable.

I have a girlfriend who is confident, articulate, playful and spontaneous.

I have a small group of interesting friends from different social and academic backgrounds, and I also have many other acquaintances who see me as a reliable source of humour and good company.

Both my parents are alive and in good health.

I have no regrets.

I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.

I am a passionate lover, a sharp thinker, and a trader of witty repartee.

I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.

I will live a good life at your expense.

He smiled quite Jewishly, for he was a Jew. A tremendous one, no less Jewish for his manlet size. But he had a big penis.

damn...

Actually, they are QTs. I can see it.

On the surface I am sculpted flesh, with my tongue I am hidden behind pillars of sound. Under my disguises I am endless possibilities- a mind free to salvage what the past has brought and the future yet to bring. But what my being is, I cannot say, but that vitality are moments of sweet decay.

Sage.

John: big head, tiny dick. Fat but flat glutes and no muscles visible. He wears glasses due to myopia, like the typical faggot he is. Dude's ugly as crap which he's aware. Nobody likes him, he exudes an odorous stench of an unclean toilet, and he'll die as he lived: alone.

Straight to the point.

Skate fast and eat ass

For dating: pathetic autist, barely fucked.

>I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage
>it's

I have two personalities: nicest guy you'll ever meet And...twisted fucking psychopath

that man over there, putting down a toni morrison novel, is me. i inhale deeply as i crack open the latest new yorker. ding! my npr podcast download is finished! or wait, no, that was my roommate - he can't tonight, but him and his friends are going to the free summer concert series if i want to tag along. well, i'll need to get ready. later, i can put our name in at the new pop-up tapas place—they'll text us when the table's ready.

this place knows how to cut hair right. $50 is worth what you get here—that guy is using a straight razor. this untucked gingham shirt—not over a t-shirt, and over-polished menswear wingtips—will be perfect.

i'll do the second least-expensive malbec. yeah, i cannot believe how good that new rap album is. we're reading the new kwame mnobongo book in my reading society. i heard about it! me too, it's so hard to watch all the oscar nominees before the award ceremony!

uh oh, i'm late for spin class. can i still make the coffee tasting if i do a later one? being a creative is so hectic. one second, let me just get this groupon for hamilton. god i love new york city.

humans are very...interesting

Looks like you didn't finish elementary school. For one, you're supposed to capitalize every proper noun and the first word of every sentence. I suggest purchasing a basic book on English grammar. Sweetie.

A guy insult's me? I don't care! A guy insults a girl? It's beat down! Time!

On a a shitposts from a

hey, i know you!

I'm some fat guy, eating cake. Look at me. Eating cake.

>t. so hung up on convention that casual writing without capitalization triggers the dogshit out of him
so many people on this board suck this particular flavor of donkey dick, and so many of them are clearly failures lashing out at inconsequentialities.

The first time part not the getting a hard on from a sculpture part.

>saleable

Thin, tall, pale, spectacled, brunette. Young, dumb, smartass.

Immediately regrets making a sincere effort on Veeky Forums

A tall, burnt flipper,
who shan't own a yipper,
but instead lies in a soft bed.

I am dying fast and terribly and I'm in the final days of being able to take care of myself. I love feeling bored. I love standing there. or sitting there. staring at the wall. I love experience.

dumb frogposter

I am no longer human in God's eyes, as they have drifted from my presence in lieu of my degenerate actions, stealing, lying, and fishing, Providence would smite me the instant I halted my belief in him.

>I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.

>I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.

>I will live a good life at your expense.

>I will live a good life.

A boy in the boots of a man, bright eyes that betray a stoic and unamused exterior.

My siblings are all dead, it is just a shame they are also still alive.

Injustices go unpinished, the mugger calls cops on the victim, anger, resentment, and bitterness flow forth from wounds that never healed

Hope and belief invested within those who squander kindness, dividends never to arrive. The investor no longer resides in business.

*Insert Wangst*

This came out a little too edgy for my liking. I need to get a better life or something.

Dislike him. A cheap sensationalist, clumsy and vulgar. A prophet, a claptrap talker and a slapdash comedian. Sometimes he is extraordinarily amusing. Nobody takes him seriously.

fuck off schlomo

see him crouchslouched in his dark room's dark corner going sterile and blind from the lcd light. he would be tall and gangly if he uncoiled, a strange inturning squat atop the computerchair, smell of his own nuts wafting up into his nose. on the ground is six or seven crusted up pieces of kleenex where his wasted seed lay dying, discarded, to join their million brothers flushed down the toilet or binned, bagged, buried, doublebagged, and heaped upon garbage in some far off landfill.

I like

Not much was known of his early days, until he became the first pope in outer-space. He really was a paradox.

he's so obviously joking you rtard. why do you guys not get this