I have a very insatiable need to feel enlightened in way that I discover one of many mysteries of this universe...

man cannot serve two masters

Okay, then I just want to be superior. My whole existence is about me being better than other people.

You're an idiot, Mozart saw art as an inherently agonistic pursuit. All Greek art was based on agonism. There's literally nothing wrong in wanting to achieve fame and success with an intact artistic integrity.

learn advanced maths and physics
stop memeing if you're serious

Well, you might be off to a bad start, m8. As far as I can tell, most people (whether they recognize it or not) want to feel this way too, to some degree or another.

My dear friend, I’d advise, in sum,
First, the Collegium Logicum.
There your mind will be trained,
As if in Spanish boots, constrained,
So that painfully, as it ought,
It creeps along the way of thought,
Not flitting about all over,
Wandering here and there.
So you’ll learn, in many days,
What you used to do, untaught, as in a haze,
Like eating now, and drinking, you’ll see
The necessity of One! Two! Three!
Truly the intricacy of logic
Is like a master-weaver’s fabric,
Where the loom holds a thousand threads,
Here and there the shuttles go
And the threads, invisibly, flow,
One pass serves for a thousand instead.
Then the philosopher steps in: he’ll show
That it certainly had to be so:
The first was - so, the second - so,
And so, the third and fourth were - so:
If first and second had never been,
Third and fourth would not be seen.
All praise the scholars, beyond believing,
But few of them ever turn to weaving.
To know and note the living, you’ll find it
Best to first dispense with the spirit:
Then with the pieces in your hand,
Ah! You’ve only lost the spiritual bond.
‘Natural treatment’, Chemistry calls it
Mocks at herself, and doesn’t know it.

Ask Mephistopheles for recommendations

sounds like you want recognition and admiration from others

a desire based in insecurity

pleb loser

Shame and pride are the same thing.

If you have to ask, on Veeky Forums of all places, you probably don't have what it takes. If your need is that insatiable you'll figure it out on your own, without having to consult a Tuvan Throat Singing forum.

Imagine having a grand idea, or an interesting thought, something you can non jokingly imagine no one else having thought before, something possibly revolutionary none of the great thinkers of the past having considered because they lacked the experience with something like the internet, a branch of philosophy it's not even considered philosophy yet, but may in the future, imagine coming up with something like that.

And then discarding it because you don't want to look pretentious.

What if you recognize that need to recognition? When you want to achieve something but halfway through think that part of your interest in the matter stems from insecurity and believe your 'pure' interest wouldn't be enough to make you work as hard as you are, do you just stop? Is it possible for the root of your motivation to be so 'invalid' one shouldn't make use of it despite it being very real motivation?
Same shtick as above, instead of being embarrassed about your uncovered subconsciousness' motivations turn them into something great instead, or at least aspire to; dare to dream you fucking plebs

The only books you'll find on pioneer work are meta works on the idea of pioneer work itself, for obvious reasons: actual pioneer work has either been established already or is too obscure for you to find, most likely, since just looking for it would require you to wade through a shitload of shit.
I'd say get a quick foundation in philosophy, broad rather than deep, and find people to talk about topics with that you don't already see discussed in other places.

Having grand ambitions yet still going down into the gutter to ask even Veeky Forums for advice is a mark of potential if you ask me.

Got heated but I'm saging so don't come complaining about bumping the thread