Applebee's is doing $1 long island iced teas all December, so my drunk wife wants to go

This. Fuck her butt, OP. Do it or you're gay.

You need to check how much alcohol is actually in these 'long islands'. The smart money is on virtually none.

What's it like having a drunk wife?

Just buy the liquors in bulk and you can make her as many long islands as she wants for basically the same price. Don't go to Applebee's because of it.

I see what you did there

>All these people who say its so terrible havent even been inside a restaurant since they were a little kid.
Are you sure it's not because Applebee's and other "family friendly" places like TGI Fridays and Ruby Tuesdays are *confirmed* as to serving up premade, frozen bullshit?

Fridays sin't bad. They gave me a good burger, but I think the server farted.

Are you saying your wife is a drunk or that she is just drunk right now?

You must have low standards for your burgers

The food was once frozen? omg call the health department!

Nah...It's the first reason, believe me.

>Go to restaurant
>They throw premade, frozen food into the microwave
>Hand it to you "fresh"
If I wanted premade frozen trash I'd buy a box of it at the store and make it at home.
Fuck, even mcdonalds puts in more effort than these places.

I would imagine that he's saying both.

This. Made the mistake of crushing their "long islands" a few years back. Holy god they're gross. All sugar and syrup and barely any booze.

In regards to food, you're best bet is probably a burger or a sandwich. Won't blow you out of the water, but it's safer than some of the other fusion weird shit they have and try to market. I think they're doing like $13 steak and potato deals which might be decent, but meh. That might be a bit risky.

the burger looks good

Boneless wings are okay

If I'm drinking Long Islands, I'm doing it at a dive bar or club where they won't cut me off after the second one. I could see them cutting you off in attempt to not "over-serve".

Just get a burger as well, probably the only thing they have that isn't completely terrible.

Is 'cutting you off' an American thing? I've worked in several bars and been borderline comatose in far more, and I've never seen anyone refused service.

You really think they microwave steaks and burgers and sandwiches and salads? You are dumber than a stump my good friend.

>Thinking in absolutes
And you're dumber than the dirt that stump is in.

>All these people who say its so terrible havent even been inside a restaurant since they were a little kid.

>"Hey honey, let's take the kids out to Applebee's so we can ~splurge~ tonight! I might even buy you a cocktail or two!"
>"Aw gee Elrod yer so special!"

It happens. If you were to drink too much then get in your car and hit a kid standing at a busstop or something the bar could get charged for over-serving you. Most actual bars aren't too concerned with it since they assume that their patrons are coming just to drink, but since Applebee's is a family-friendly restaurant I could see them being a bit more concerned about it.

That's funny. took me a minute to get it.

I'm honestly surprised that the establishment could be held accountable for the behaviour of the patron. I suppose the drinking culture is just a lot stronger in the UK - I remember an American student at my university calling an ambulance because someone had passed out.

It's illegal to serve someone who is visibly intoxicated, and establishments that do so risk losing their liquor license. I'm pretty sure this is true in Bongistan, too.

Double crunch shrimp is good if you like fried food, seemed kind of expensive though

morningadvertiser.co.uk/Article/2016/09/19/Do-you-know-the-laws-on-serving-drunks
>The laws around serving drunks have been highlighted in a poster campaign launched by the British Beer & Pub Association (BBPA).

Ice water, perhaps?

It is absolutely true, it's just not adhered to here. At all.

Underrated

You have to be blackout, shitfaced, can't-even-speak drunk before people will refuse to serve you. It's just a CYA policy.

>American student at my university calling an ambulance because someone had passed out.
>American
>Calling an ambulance
>Over something small
That person was no American, we'll drive ourselves to the ER drunk and high on opiates with a knife still jammed in our chest instead of calling an Ambulance and paying $15000 for a 3 minute ride.

I'd believe that. We were at a British university.

That sounds more reasonable.

Fucking this. Only people who order long islands are fucking casuals that can't handle real alcoholic drinks.
They're easy as fuck to make though. I love when soccer moms come into the bar and ask for a round of long islands for their girls and get all excited when I pour in a tiny amount of like 4 different liquors into the drink and fill the rest with sugary shit and they think they're getting drunker than they are and tip like crazy.
If you want a real drink order an old fashioned.

Door guy at a bar here.
If the person looks visibly intoxicated (ie. stumbling or can't walk or can't speak a clear sentence) we can't allow them into the bar.
Once they are in the bar it is up to the bartender weather or not they want to serve them.
It's illegal to over serve but also helps to not have to baby sit the person who is black out drunk and can't even give their address for us to call them a cab home.
Also there's a higher chance they will be vomiting somewhere in the bar which I would have to clean up.

Yeah, that makes sense. Doormen in the UK will refuse entry to people unable to stand.

Luckily most pubs do not have dedicated doormen.

>Door guy at a bar here.
So how expensive is it to drink there?

>asking a bunch on neets their opinion on going out
Some quality advice in this thread

You're better off getting shitfaced with her, Applebee's is garbage.
If you absolutely have to eat there, get something a fucking mong could cook.
>Hand Battered Fish + Chips
>Chicken Tenders Platter
>American Standard burger
>Triple Bacon burger
>The Classic burger
It'll taste like shit, so get a few drinks while you wait so it'll taste better because you're drunk.

Either the bar your at is crap or you don't know how to make a long island. Normally they don't add a tiny bit of liquor. The bar I go to the glass is almost filled to the top with liquor before they add a splash of coke.

Some doormen in the US will quiz people to make sure they are sober enough, if they act belligerent or just too out of it, they get denied entry

I think that guy is just a cheap asshole who jews people out of what they're paying for.

If a bouncer gave me retarded quiz questions I'd probably tell him to fuck off, even if I was dead sober. Eat shit buddy, I came here to drink, not play trivial pursuit.

Yeah youre there to get plastered not play fucking cash cab.

maybe you just don't know the answers

Why not get drunk with your wife and have her make friends with a girl at the bar and take her back and have a threesome but you will get whiskey dick and not be able to perform so they will mock you and she will leave you for her new "friend"

Yeah you don't sound like the kind of person I'd want with me outside in public.

This. Just go to the grocery store and get a bottle of bottom shelf vodka, a gallon jug of colored sugar water, a couple of steaks and some broccoli. If your wife wants to take her to Applebee's for long islands, she's a flyover whore and she'll be pleased with your home cooking and will get drunk enough that you could fuck her in the ass if that is your desire. And you'll probably save a little money.

his wife obviously wants to socialize with real men at Applebees, he would need to invite some thicc dicked dudes over for your plan to work

I only go for half price appetizers.

And that is all we order.

The waitress gets tipped decent so long as she doesn't let on that it bothers her I'm only ordering appetizers with her tone/expression/mannerisms.
Then she doesn't get shit.

Every other time I go into a chain restaurant they comp something because they hire a bunch of lazy, apathetic, fuck ups. And invariably, they fuck something up.

You get a big gulp sized long island ice tea from the Car Side to Go with Chicken Tendies. Grab the chick's boob and drive off.

Just go to a real restaurant and bring a flask.

I mostly frequent a few local bbq joints, our oldest taco shop, a Thai place, and a couple italian places and the jew deli.
All family owned.

I hate soulless corporate food.

>we
You mean men.

Not urban/suburban millenial cucks or women.

Holy shit I kept reading this till I finally got it and laughed pretty hard

your wit is as sharp as a razor sir.

I'm not that guy but usually there's a doorman at every real bar checking IDs unless it's some boomer tier old man bar in the sticks

>real bar
So how expensive is it to drink there?

Is there a special name for a long Island iced tea that doesn't have the sweet crap like soda? I've always liked the idea of them, being a mix of boozes, but I like strong drinks so I'd rather have it with the sweet stuff.

Ask for it "strong" or a double. Depending on the bar they'll either go light on the mixer or use the same glass and double the alcohol.
You could also just say "make it strong" and any bartender will get the message and dump an extra glass of vodka in.

honestly any fucking chain restaurant that's one this tier, get the chicken strips with gravy and ranch, you can't fucking expect anything bad, since chicken strips from chain restaurants are fucking gonna be dry and salty anyways

not him but fuck off

teas and leaves?
idgi

I ordered a caesar salad there. They weren't even busy, and it still took them three hours.

Glad that location closed down.

>Applebee's is doing $1 long island iced teas all December, so my drunk wife wants to go.

This information was not at all necessary for the thread. Retard.

It explains why he's going to a shithouse like Applebee's.

Don't be jealous of his kawaii drunky waifu.

>Applebee's
Isn't that the restaurant chain that only have microwave ovens in their kitchens?

BBQ brisket tacos

>That person was no American, we'll drive ourselves to the ER drunk and high on opiates with a knife still jammed in our chest instead of calling an Ambulance and paying $15000 for a 3 minute ride.

I'm not the only one who's drunkenly driven to the ER with a knife stuck in their leg?

i got a sirloin steak there one time and i'm still not totally sure it wasn't just grey chicken

lame and overrated

Applebee's burgers are actually pretty good imo. All the meme food stuff is dumb though. Avoid those.

Not funny at all, and all the (you)s you got are undeserved

I have gotten absolutely annihilated in Applebees and they never cut you off. They don't care after a certain hour.

>If you want a real drink order an old fashioned

If its anything like their $1 margaritas
>55% tapwater
>30% long island iced tea mix
>10% sugar
>5% grain alcohol

The pot roast is passable, at best. Personally, I would just get hammered drunk at the bar and insult everyone that works there. But that's me.

go at breakfast and get eggs and bacon. how bad could it be?

I get what he is saying, but I generally feel like that's more of an urban/college town thing. When I was in college even some of the rundown dive bars had doormen because underage college kids would try to slip in. Granted, we all had fake IDs anyway.

applebees wasn't that bad. my mom waitressed here when i was really young so we'd eat it every once in awhile. My go to was the chicken tender platter with cheese and mashed potatoes- usually french oinion soup to start. tastee stuff mang.

1$ long islands are beyond worth it. what the fuck are you guys talking about

>1.5oz of liquor per drink
>limit 2 per customer

yeah no

fpbp

>What food can I order there that's not completely shit-tier?
Most the apps, thats about it. The 3 for 13 bucks is decent enough, anything else is a crime against food

probably a soup, it's gotta just be sysco bags or a simple fried food like french fries (i assume they use timers rather than the cooks decide)

those may not be the "best" bit they'll be closest to how the manufacturer intended the product to be.

i assume a quesadilla (sans meat) should be okay, i suppose it could have weird ingredients on it or the pico could be a bacteria fest

How is this legal?

^ didn't mean to sound like an elitist douche, was just trying to list whatever is closest to the intended product without any margin of error

i would probably order a hamburger and be happy

Why wouldn't it? So long as it isn't free it's fine. You're only getting on average 1.5oz of liquor IIRC. You're drinking more water/bottom shelf mixer than anything.

If you ever get you austism vaccination and go to a bar you can even get drinks for free!

Long island's are more than a shot worth of liquor

it's an applebees long island**, they premix them and delute them enough to where they still contain all the liquors of a long island but in a very small amount.

Why would your dumb ass spend 3 hours waiting for a salad?

They have okay burgers. Their wings aren't bad either if you just want to get an appetizer. Don't get the bourbon street chicken and shrimp though. I'll eat almost anything and that was literally the most disappointed I've ever been in a dish.