My (very vigorously loved) girlfriend recently left me for a proffesor at my university (we're 20 he is 40). We study mathematics, done with our undergrad next semester.
The shock from the experience surfaced a depression that in hindsight was always there waiting to be surfaced. (I'm an egomaniac, deeply embarrased by the superficiality of my parents and siblings, and painfully addicted to praise and admiration which I have received in fluctuating doses troughout my life [primarily for my talent in mathematics], simultaneously obssesed with self-image and with the fact that obsession with self-image is the worst image to have.)
I don't find anything fun anymore; found myself quite scared when I saw I couldn't even masturbate to pass the time. Ketamine helps me feel better for a couple of hours and allows me, for example, to watch movies. (A skill I've always lacked, sitting through a movie tends to brew anxiety and impatience inside me.)
I recently enjoyed the DFW movie (which I'm sure all of you hated), and have been enjoying his writing. (My favorite being his short story The Depressed Person.) And have found some therapeutic value in reading his biography Every Love Story is a Ghost Story.
So I come here to ask: Which movie/book/poem/anything would I like? I'm on vacation with a lot of free time and profoundly bored. I need stuff to pass the time.
Thank you so much for reading.
[English is not my first language, I state this because I want an excuse if this sounds like it was written by a very stupid person.]
P.S. My girlfiend and I are back together but I can't seem to really forgive her, or to forgive myself for forgiving her. No inner peace at all.
P.P.S. I think a lot of my anxiety and distress is related to some unhealthy relationship with human sexuality.