My (very vigorously loved) girlfriend recently left me for a proffesor at my university (we're 20 he is 40)...

My (very vigorously loved) girlfriend recently left me for a proffesor at my university (we're 20 he is 40). We study mathematics, done with our undergrad next semester.

The shock from the experience surfaced a depression that in hindsight was always there waiting to be surfaced. (I'm an egomaniac, deeply embarrased by the superficiality of my parents and siblings, and painfully addicted to praise and admiration which I have received in fluctuating doses troughout my life [primarily for my talent in mathematics], simultaneously obssesed with self-image and with the fact that obsession with self-image is the worst image to have.)

I don't find anything fun anymore; found myself quite scared when I saw I couldn't even masturbate to pass the time. Ketamine helps me feel better for a couple of hours and allows me, for example, to watch movies. (A skill I've always lacked, sitting through a movie tends to brew anxiety and impatience inside me.)

I recently enjoyed the DFW movie (which I'm sure all of you hated), and have been enjoying his writing. (My favorite being his short story The Depressed Person.) And have found some therapeutic value in reading his biography Every Love Story is a Ghost Story.

So I come here to ask: Which movie/book/poem/anything would I like? I'm on vacation with a lot of free time and profoundly bored. I need stuff to pass the time.

Thank you so much for reading.

[English is not my first language, I state this because I want an excuse if this sounds like it was written by a very stupid person.]

P.S. My girlfiend and I are back together but I can't seem to really forgive her, or to forgive myself for forgiving her. No inner peace at all.

P.P.S. I think a lot of my anxiety and distress is related to some unhealthy relationship with human sexuality.

This will be another cuck meme thread ans I hate every single one of you obnoxious edgelords for it. Read Madame Bovary my sad friend. And leave that girl.

Fa/tv/irgin here, who also has respect for DFW. Firstly, if you don't mind me asking, what is your native language?

Secondly, I don't know how familiar you are with film, but considering this is Veeky Forums, I'll assume you have somewhat limited exposure to film, so I'll rec some fairly popular entry-level (but maybe not quite right) movies for your situation.

DFW was quite fond of David Lynch, so if you are completely new to movies you could check out Blue Velvet or Lost Highway, both fairly exhilarating and authentic movies to watch. (DFW talked about Blue Velvet on a Charlie Rose show, and wrote an article on Lost Highway which can be found somewhere online)

OK, now some films you might enjoy

The Green Ray , My Night at Maud's, Claire's Knee, really almost anything by Eric Rohmer.
Most of these films have sexual/relationship themes.

Chungking Express, In the Mood For Love, anyone feeling heartsick would probably enjoy both of these.

You're putting off some serious Woody Allen vibes, so if you haven't seen some of his movies, you would probably enjoy those as well. Like Stardust Memories, Annie Hall, Manhattan.

other than that, you might like Antonioni, Godard, Cassavetes.

off the top of my head those are some movies recs you'll likely find interesting.

This. Ditch the bitch. If you let her go on as if nothing happened, this pattern of behavior will resurface over and over again.

That said, OP is probably a pasta - but if anyone else is looking for similar advice, take it.

Jesus man, you're asking what book of poetry to read at a time like this? No wonder your girlfriend left you. Be a fucking man, you pussy. Wait for him in the faculty parking lot, and one evening when his day is done and he's going home, you just wait till he opens his car door and then you hit him on the back of the head as hard as you can. Push him inside, reach around and open his pants, rip them down around knees, and if he makes any noises hit him in the back of the head again. Any noises at all. Then you know what to do. Whip it out and pretend he's your girlfriend, and proceed to (very vigorously) love him with all your might. And remember, you're not done till he's sobbing and struggling to curl into the fetal position. Don't worry about wiping fingerprints off the dashboard, steering wheel and door handle before you go, because of course your genetic material will be deep inside him. Just be prepared to tell the cops that it was all consensual, and that's only on the extremely off chance that he actually reports it and is given a rape kit. But honestly I wouldn't worry about that; in my experience it's very uncommon that people report these incidents. So there you go. You'll feel like a man again, and you'll find that you hold your head high. Also, too, get rid of that fucking whore; your girlfriend sounds like real trash.

i haven't read it, but perhaps the picture of dorian gray would provide some insight into your vanity. the rest of your post sounds like generic anehdonia which is a symptom of depression and requires treatment and therapy, which i know is not the answer you're looking for, but it's what you need. relying on a specific book to snap you out of a bad place is not a good strategy as it often comes when you least expect it.

>Whaa whaa my girlfriend left me and now I'm depressed
Honestly if you're that pathetic then there's no form of entertainment medium that can help you with your obvious shortcomings. I strongly suggest you let tonight be the final chapter of your life and neck yourself.

try killing yourself

>He's never had someone he sincerely loves betray and leave him
Perhaps you'll know what it feels like one day, user. Maybe then you won't be such an edgelord.

It's something a functioning adult should be able to get over. Unless you got JUSTed and she ruined your life with steep alimony you need to get your shit together. You're 20, not 15.

>Be a fucking man, you pussy
Was digging the advice ... until it involved fucking another man in the ass.

Came to post this but unironically

i heartily recommend dumping your girlfriend

The first time I had a girl cheat on me I let it make me into a misogynist. That was 3 years ago and I haven't dated a woman since. I have casual sex occasionally and go on dates but I will never date again. I realized that a man letting a woman, a fucking woman, have that much control over his emotions is pathetic. Think about how inferior women are emotionally, physically, and mentally; and then think about how idiotic it is that you waste your energy loving and prostrating yourself for somebody who will never be able to fully reciprocate and understand how you feel for her. You are better off getting a dog or channeling that adoration toward your parents, who did indeed love you unconditionally.

stop being a fucking faggot and let your hatred shape you.

look out for John porcellino comics.

I thought I knew where this was going, but I was very wrong indeed. To think Veeky Forums still manages to surprise.

>stop being a fucking faggot and let your hatred shape you.

after that post, jesus christ man
check yourself

hockney is cool

this is probably bait, but you should read:
the ego and its own by max stirner
thus spoke zarathustra by nietzsche
heidegger + wittgenstein
deleuze

it sounds like you should also experiment with psychedelics

I've had plenty of female friends who had their boyfriends cheat on them. Most people are garbage, not just women.

Honestly you shouldn't be reading because your shit perspective would turn even the best literature into shit right now. Think of your ego like a stomach right now. Feed it junk food because it's just going to be shitting it out anyway. When the time is right you'll find something to read again. This is an /adv/ thread anyway. Honestly my man if I were you I wouldn't stay with the girl. You're in college and you shouldn't remain with anyone into the next phase of your life, even if they didn't cheat. Seems like the perfect time to make a break. Drink if it helps. Best wishes.

can i say plenty more fish in the sea?

Good luck on finding a woman who won't cheat or leave you as soon as she finds a better man.

You're immature and she cucked you for a mature daddy. You need to find art that may help make you feel less insecure and more manly/mature. So some day you won't hunger so much for validation. I wish I knew what to recommend.

Good. If you can't even spell professor you don't deserve her.

Most people in this thread don't seem to understand depression or what being heartbroken is like.

OP, move on. Ditch her and and try and un-JUST yourself. If you have a therapist, go see them. Seek solace in friends, but also, try finding something that will build your confidence. Being cucked, which I never have been luckily, is horrible and shatters your confidence. Try getting Veeky Forums, that'll pump testosterone through your body. You had one girlfriend, you can get another. Try experiencing nature. Don't just hike along some old trail, but go somewhere where you can venture off the path, drink from a mountain stream, swim in a swimming hole and see nature untapped. It helps, believe me.

Do that. But if that isn't enough...there's always the revenge option. Make them suffer for what they did to you. I wouldn't recommend that, I'm just saying if it were me, I'd want to get even. The choice is yours. Do nothing, or continue to strive to improve à la Faust. I know it sucks but you can do it.

>I think a lot of my anxiety and distress is related to some unhealthy relationship with human sexuality.
same tbqh, I'm wondering if you could expound upon this? In what way do you value sexuality and why does that affect you?

NEVER be emotionally dependent of a woman, ever; they should be treated like pets, if you ever manage to marry one, at best. Also, it's your fault for dating a girl with daddy issues.

nothing you cant walk out on in 30 seconds

>he finds meaning in life without the company of a beautiful woman
good meme

Stop thinking with your dick.

that's completely ignorant of the human condition you absolute mong; also, viewing women as solely fuck holes probably means you have some deep rooted issue with women, maybe mommy issues?

That's not what I meant at all, the opposite really, which is to stop depending on them for any kind of pleasure or gratification, instead THEY should be dependent of you, that's what the masculine role historically is.

>human condition
There is only the condition of any given time, if you mean natural condition then you reinforce the notion of women as fuck holes.

This is some good advice. It can hard at first because you end up worrying about how much time and emotional energy you've invested in somebody else, thinking it's nigh-on impossible to let that go. But it gets easier over time. Trust me.

If you do break up the best thing to do is focus on yourself for a while - stop thinking about the other person and be a selfish Tumblrina for a few weeks. Doing nice things while you adjust helps a ton.

Also this. Becoming emotionally dependent on women really hinders relationships. It's odd but girls fucking hate it.

you are a pretentious blog posting faggot just wanted to let you know

so either
1. life's meaning involes solely the need for procreation, which is impossible without the company of women
2. life's meaning does not involve women at all, which serves to go against natural condition
so who's wrong in this conversation?

I don't know why but you strike me as an awful person.

Procreation =/= company.

haha

so to find meaning you must succumb to your own instinctual desire???? fucking deep brother throw in some Malraux literary terms and you're selling it

Serious post, read Ulysses Annotated (ed. Gifford). Read it carefully and study all the references and you'll find your answer.

You're welcome, OP. Best of luck.

do sweaty sports, tard

Yeah, got that feeling too

I'm OP. I get the feeling too, and it's very painful and scary. If you have something else to say about this I'll probably find it valuable. I don't know how you got that feeling from this exposure but I'm definitely paranoid about being toxic.
My native language is spanish. Thanks so much for your post.

(And there are many other posts in this thread which I'm very grateful for. I will look into all of these recommendations, I'm following the thread very closely.)