Family Cooking Horror Stories

>At girlfriends family thanksgiving for the first time.
>Apparently her family trims the white meat off the turkey and throws the rest away with the carcass every year.
>They think the dark meat is garbage, like only feral dogs would want it
>Wait till the old people are distracted with football in the other room
>Have to sneak the turkey carcass into the trunk of my car to eat the dark meat later
>I forget about it and it ends up making the car smelly anyway

Seriously, who the fuck does this? I'd never heard of throwing away all the dark meat before. Is this some baby boomer wastefulness that was lost on subsequent generations?

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youtu.be/gP74xUyYaoo
youtube.com/watch?v=Lgd-Ve-_Gm0
dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3361640/Saudi-millionaire-cleared-raping-teenager-telling-court-accidentally-penetrated-18-year-old-tripped-fell-her.html
twitter.com/AnonBabble

op it sounds like you were the feral dog in that story

This.
Her family is odd for only eating the white meat. But you are the weirdo that crept around trying to steal the "garbage". Guarantee one of them saw you and are talking shit about you and probably her to the rest of the family.

>"I like the dark meat, can I have it?"
Was that so hard?

>sister comes over to help me make duck à l’orange for my parents anniversary dinner
>accidentally fuck her

That chicken looks nasty when it comes out of the can, but I bet it would look just fine once it's been heated up in the oven.

depends on the family, I bet he's trying to marry up and they think he's garbage. and rightfully so

>I forget about it and it ends up making the car smelly anyway
That's what happens when you get the Dark Turkey Curse

I dont have horror stories so much as the way my mom cooks is extremely annoying and substandard whenever she isnt making one of her really good 'signature' dishes.

Does not pound her chicken, doesn't time or measure anything properly, has extremely shitty knife skills, has no sense of portion control, under seasons, etc. And she thinks criticism is "being mean" so even just trying to get her to stop making 7 massive chicken breasts for 3 people + 3 side dishes is unacceptable. I grew up thinking shit like burnt rice and overly tough/bland chicken was normal til I started learning on my own from the internet.

gib greentext deets naow

post donger

>be britfag
>used to have ldr with american girl
>Go to then-gf's thanksgiving dinner when visiting
>first time I've met her extended family
>just before dinner gf's cousin's partner says she is pregnant
>aunt starts crying with joy and going nuts
>just sitting there awkwardly

>christmas last year
>my aunt makes mac n cheese
>she puts corn in it
I don't know what was going through her stupid fucking head

Literaly normal social interaction, are you non-ironically autistic?

Yes.

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL A STICKY SITUATION

corn is delicious in mac and cheese, you should just be happy she made food for your ungrateful ass

youtu.be/gP74xUyYaoo

>sister comes over to help me make duck à l’orange for my parents anniversary dinner
>accidentally fuck her
dingus

lmao BASED UNAFRAID AUTISM MAN

>Go to aunt's place
>She says she's making sausages
>See her pour a fuck ton of sugar on the hot water
>Wtf is she doing?
>She then proceeds to put the sausages
>At this point it was too late
>I see the syrup like water moving the sausages around
>She serves me a plate with mash potato and the sausages
>Had to save the urge not to vomit for 1 hour

>dad loves noodles
>really loves noodles
>all kinds
>would eat them everyday if no one stopped him
>sometimes does anyway

>come home from work one day
>dad is eating a bowl of pasta
>but the house smells like potstickers
>wut
>go to kitchen
>he had prepared some frozen potstickers, chopped them up, cooked a pot of angel hair, mixed them together and put shredded cheddar on top
>he ate all of it

Break up with her.


She is no good.


she wastes food.


wasting dark meat is a fucking sin

Listen user


break


up


with


her

RIP, dad.

No, he's British. Any sort of emotional excitement is strictly forbidden.

Hahahaha I love it.
I bet its something he did in his college days.

My dad always talks about how good peanut butter and mayo sandwiches taste, from his college days

No no no no no no no no no no n o n o n 9 b o n o b o b o n ixb 9xh 8xbx8dbx8sbxuejabeuejiehd8eneu3jdiendiejdisjd8r

That joke would work if I hadn't already said yes you retard

Also my ex, her dad and her aunt all agreed that it was awkward for someone not in the family to be there in such an intimate moment.

>Wife's father remarried
>Go to new step-mother's place for Thanksgiving
>Cooking the turkey in one of those big turkey roasters
>She says that she put it in at 9 that morning
>It's 6pm
>check the temperature of the turkey
>"265 degrees should be done, right?"
It was like eating sawdust. No amount of gravy or cranberry sauce could save it, and it was one of my first times meeting her so I couldn't really say anything

I've just checked for that can, t's real! Disgusting!

I'd pound your mom's chicken

pretty sure it would still look dead

you dont get jokes, autist

>caring what her ex thinks
Typical britcuck

>not enjoying creamed corn
>not enjoying creamed corn and mac n cheese
>not enjoying them together

Mother in law is awful cook. Wife told me she doesn't like pork chops because pork chops are hard, dry, and make her choke. Don't want shitty overcooked turkey this Thanksgiving so I offer to cook at her house.

> Buy fat turkey from Whole Foods with discount
> Bring it two days early, dry rub 24 hours out
> Butter under the skin and dick is hard
> Cook it in a fucking pot because no roasting pan
> Pull it out and let it rest. Crispy_skin.jpeg
>"user, we need soda. Can y'all please run to the Walmart?"
> Okay but the turkey is perfect. Don't put a lid on it. Don't put it in the oven. It's. PERFECT.
> Get down the street
> Where's my wallet? Gotta go back..
> Walk in, turkey is missing
> Open oven door.
> Lid on oven set to 450*f

That time the mother in law tried to Grinch my Thanksgiving turkey. Wife likes pork chops now.

>mum making indian head
>we don't have any whole kernel corn, just canned creamed corn
>just strains and rinses the creamed corn
The texture was unironically like a mushy shit with particles in it.

>indian head
???

It's a casserole with ground beef, shelled pasta, tomato puree, corn, etc. It's like a mix between chili and jambalaya.

so they were racists? lol

Never heard of it. Sounds okay though. Where does that name come from?

I honestly have no idea. I tried googling it and it's nowhere to be found. I'm sure it has to do with the native Americans though. I wonder if it's just a family recipe. I'd ask my mom if it wasn't midnight, and I'm not even sure exactly how to make it myself.

Reddit
The post

>Digging meat out of the trash
Are you homeless?

The reason you bring your bf/gf to a family festivity is because you think he or she might be in the future part of the family. Bonding through such experiences is part of becoming family. If you niggers wouldn't bring your bump and dump cunts and meat sticks to family dinners, you wouldn't need to cringe thinking of a sweet family moment. It's not like they asked you to deliver it straight from her crotch on the dinning table and enjoy some ejected womb-pudding afterwards.

>ground beef, shelled pasta, tomato puree, corn, etc.
the corn makes it indian and the rest a mushed up decapitated head, sounds like to me

I'm not complaining. Savages living in fucking skin huts too stupid to invent their own guns shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Learn how to read.
I'm not cringing and I never said it wasn't sweet. I just didn't know what to do other than smile a little. The reason it was weird was that I wasn't the only person sitting there in silence, it was just the pregger girl and aunt talking

>having flaws of any kind means you should break up
Know how I know you're single?

>tfw met my boyfriends parents for Thanksgiving this year
>have a great time and bond with them all
I enjoy it when things go right. It doesn't happen often for me.

How's dating single mothers going for you, champ?

...

...

How was any of that smug, homo.

Ignore the smug part.

My mom's "signature" dish was awful

>boneless skinless chicken breast baked with salt and pepper until overcooked
>diced into small chunks and then boiled in campbells chicken broth with potato chopped to be larger than golf balls, carrot slices and onion
>she adds so much salt to the broth that it's bordering on inedible
>figure out that she only puts the "soup" in her bowl with a slotted spoon

common problem when making duck a l'orange. you probably didn't use the right kind of oranges.

I don't know, that is weird. Seems like a waste.
I thought most people have a preference when someone carves the turkey. Would you like light or dark meat?

My Dad usually hauls the carcass home to cut up and boil down. Some people just don't want to mess with it I guess.

He used to work in the meat industry and I guess some places threw away the bones before realizing they can sell them for premium money. Especially now since people want to make stocks out of them.

Nah, OP taking the carcass bird home ain't that bad.

>Have left over pizza at girlfriends
>Her Dad sees it in there for a few days, toss it
>Get super hungry one night staying over
>See huge pizza box in garbage bin
>Look to see whats around it, if the box has been breached
>Looks 'aight, heat it up
>Next day her Dad tries closing up the garbage bag
>Takes the box out, notices it is empty
>Asks girlfriend what happened to the pizza
>Both look at me like some animal, feral dog
>Realize I am just some subhuman CHUD eating from the waste bin
>Her Dad feels bad I am eating from the garbage, buys more food

Probably the most awkward moment. Her Dad's dead now and I don't talk to her. Oh well.

Well, my ex bf was throwing full bags of fries and burgers away because they were cold without even opening while I was unironically starving for a few months only having like 50€ in the first wolrd for a month. Done that multiple times.

not necessarily family, but I have a friend who's abysmal at cooking and has the palate of a ten year old girl

>we're hanging at his place, decide to make some pasta for dinner
>he rinses the pasta for literally a whole minute, to the point it's completely cold
>serves it with a runny tomato sauce that has absolutely no taste (probably just watered down canned sauce)
>barely seasons it because "too much salt is bad"
>blows on it after plating because apparently it was still too hot

I'm not a great cook by any means, but at least my food has SOME taste to it.

>mom was giving Indian head
>we didn't have anything but creamed cum for sauce
>it was too salty

same here

yep when he could have just asked for it "hey I'll take the leftover turkey" ooh heaven's no what a preposterous thing to suggest

Why is everything jack does so fucking infuriating

That's Kay, though. You can tell because the oil isn't ice cold.
youtube.com/watch?v=Lgd-Ve-_Gm0

Ja/ck/

that's kay

Don't fucking try to weasel out of this

>big family get together
>retired chef uncle, current chef brother, and myself agree to handle the majority of cooking
>uncle focuses on poultry
>brother on red meat
>I get all the side dishes
>big day arrives, things are going great
>all of our food is turning out well
>food is basically all done, letting things cool, take a few minutes to bullshit in the living room
>THAT aunt, we all have one
>goes into kitchen, finds onion powder, salt, whatever shit she can
>dumps that shit on everything
>chicken, pork, beef, veggies, pasta, even fucking lettuce

I'd never been more angry in my life. My brother looked like he wanted to drown her in the pool. My uncle looked like he wanted to drown himself in the pool. Ruined the day.

same desu

I don't have one of those. Women are kept in line in my family.

why do I feel hurt after reading this??

>caring what your ex thinks
Fixed and still applies, britcuck

You can hear that fat fuck struggling to breath

Please tell me someone yelled at her or shamed her, that is NOT OK!

I think that if someone, even family, did that in my home I would throw them out of the house.
It's not just about fucking up the food; it's an act of total disrespect. Like going into my bedroom and rummaging through the drawers or something. You just fucking DON'T.

I never understood this. Why do women do this?

Seriously why would anyone ever touch food while someone else is preparing it. I just don't understand the psychology behind it, do they really think they're helping or is it actual sabotage? Are they offended you didn't cook it the way they would have?

I dont get it. She did that just to fuck with you?

Good shit.

Based anime trope desu

> implying it's only women

i have fucking horror stories about my dad pulling this crap

How do you accidentally fuck someone? Did you trip on the rug and fell in a way that your dick ended up in her pussy?

She tripped, fell, landed on his dick.

Jesus Christ, there's more of them?

will Steve make a Christmas special?

The and F and D are right next to one another on the keyboard, so he probably just accidentally made fuck á l'orange instead. It's an honest mistake.

dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3361640/Saudi-millionaire-cleared-raping-teenager-telling-court-accidentally-penetrated-18-year-old-tripped-fell-her.html

BUMP

>first time meeting gf's parents
>Her mom makes steak and rice
>Both are burnt to absolute shit
>The steak is like trying to eat a hockey puck
>They keep asking me if the food is ok
>Mmhmm yep
>Choke that shit down
>I think it was just a one off mistake
>No, food is kill forever
>gf is just as bad at cooking as her mom
>I insist on cooking to be "romantic"
>Gf is traditional so insists she makes the food the vast majority of the time

Life is suffering, lads. How fucking hard is it to not burn the food every single fucking time?

Sit her down and explain what overcooked is. You need to have that conversation.

Nice

My mother is the same way, although she thankfully doesn't cook for family very often.
That honour goes to me, and the anxiety attacks that it offers.
God I hate this time of year.

>make orange glaze for the Turkey one year
>they ask me to make it every year since

Sister made chicken tendies, didnt have breadcrumbs so she just served me chicken covered in flour then cooked.

This was years ago, but recently she made almond breaded chicken fingers. Bit into one and it was fucking raw.

My sister is not a good cook. She always makes shity healthy versions of food. Zuchinni pasta, turkey chili, egg white omlettes, ugh.

>baby, i love you, but you don't know how to cook. I can teach you a few tricks, but we have to drink while we do it.

There, date night and your girl's shitty cooking skills dealt with in one go.

Make sure to feed her a bowl of eggs too you fuckin fag

yea, my family use to do the same thing, well not as bad, but they would dry the fuck out of the turkey. that stopped the day I was a kid and refused to eat the turkey, when asked why, I said it "was dried out shit" trying to quiet me down to not embarrass them they told me use gravy, I caked it in gravy, cut it into the smallest pieces possible and ate it, looked my mom in the eyes "It did nothing" they stopped forcing me to eat it, I finished off with a bunch of bread and went to my room.

Nothing really happened where I can see it

Next year I don't even bother with turkey, they put some on my plate and my exact response, see they didn't care about my language much, but around family I was to not really say anything horrible, "Why the fuck did you make it like shit for so many years?"

Apparently some of my extended family heard and laughed about that, that was the last time I ever ate/tolerated shitty turkey.

If embarrassment gets these results, why the hell does every not do this?

>Living with my dad
>He's an alcohol
>Drinks tequila one day
>Gets drunk
>I'm drunk too, won't lie.
>I lay down and sleep it off
>Dad wakes me up yelling and screaming
>"GOT DAMMIT BOY WHY YOU TRYNA COOK WHEN U DRUNK"
>Dad what the hell
>Nigga got so drunk he tried to cook a buncha fish and veggies then forgot about it
>It burned and set off the smoke alarm
>I gently explain to him that he did it
>He apologizes in embarrassment the next day

> til I started learning on my own from the internet.
So you still dont know shit about cooking but youve watched enough youtube videos to criticize the one person who cooks for you. Good job gordon.