You have to cook a meal for him

What is it and why?

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Poached egg. Can't fuck that one up.

Crab cakes. He always orders those so I guess likes them.

>Start off making a poached egg
>Turns into egg drop soup
Fuck me

Rick Bayless's Mole recipe served on Gordon's pressed pork belly recipe from F word.

Pressed pork. DONE.

...

...

Brits are so dumb they couldn't see that coming. Why did he put his hand in the blender for so long?

fry up some ground meat, add cream and ketchup
meanwhile, boil some pasta, 15 minutes should be enough
wa la! spaghetti bolognese, bone apple tea

(You)

It was a prank

Well no shit, But you could still see it coming. Who puts their hand in a blender and waits, he wasn't even getting anything out of it.

My semen, served between his daughter's legs.

Something simple, rustic, and fresh from my farmer's market.

Watching kitchen nightmares season 1 right now. Good shit.

my specialty meal

toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of chips

canned sardines with onions cooked in a wok

Artisan produced smokey chicken-fried honey ham cut (4.8cm.) on toasted cornbread that was lightly drizzled with flaxseed oil with a poached egg on top, featuring sawmill gravy drizzled in a festive, yet, blue collar pattern on the serving dish as an additional flavor interaction/decoration. Followed, of course, with sweet potato pie and lemonade.

I serve him my ass
youtube.com/watch?v=ObIOTyVTcRs

the bong version?
the american spin-off is kind of bad

American. Tbh, can't stand British accents. Also, just watched the episode with the pizza guy in Hollywood. What a piece of shit.

His spawn is ugly af

I make tortelloni filled with a serrano,tomato,ricotta.

that's it.

Takes a lot of time but tastes insane.

12 bean soup using a leftover ham bone, my most nostalgic food experience

Instant ramen with red pepper flakes and a chopped up hotdog.

>Some men just want to watch the world burn

Rubbery scallops

"You, come here.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? HAVE YOU GIVEN UP?"

a grilled cheese sandwich and a water cause that's all i have in the fridge

Chip buddy with ketchup.

Hotdog with toothpaste
I want the epic 4 chan upvotes :D

give him a surprise lad

A stew, cant fuck that up plus its the right season

carbonara, I make a nice carbonara

scrambled eggs, the exact way he does in that one youtube video

>too liquidy, I didn't ask for soup
>too dry, are you trying to kill me?
>where the fuck is the seasoning?

All these vegan versions of regular food make me irrationally angry

I fillet a salmon in front of him, then feed him nothing.

Yakiniku or shabushabu

Spicy Sausage lasagna with fresh pasta.

Roasted pork belly, skin on. Potatoes and a nice brown gravy, best shit you'll find in all of Scandinavia

He orders stuff that's easy to fuck up.

Probably at least part of why he does it but the crab cakes they serve him tend to be frozen, sometimes even bought in. I'm pretty confident in my ability to cook one that can at least compete with that.

A bowl of ice cream.

>The ice cream, is it frozen?
>Ummmm yeah it's ice cream.
>Wow. Unbelievable.

Risotto (unsarcastically)

I don't have to do shit. Have a toast sandwich you fuck.

vinegar, nigger. Use it.

Crawfish tail étouffée, because I slay that shit..

-Came home from school

-Was in trouble for stealing

-My mother decided to punish me hard

-she stripped me naked in the living room and beat me with a wip

-afterwards she turned on the stove top for five minutes and then turned it off.

-she forced me to sit on it for around 10 minutes

-the sizzling was low key satisfying

-she covered my ass cheeks with butter and said "how do you like those hot buns charles?"

-she them put me into the freezer for a few minutes to "chill out"

-bitch made me sit on legos for almost the rest of the night

-Never stole anything else ever since

-I was 7 btw

of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most

Poison

Tabbouleh, hummus, baba ganoush, dolma, cold cucumber soup

Seriously?
I'd tell him to fuck off! Hes a chef for fucks sake! He can cook me dinner.

a Lasagna.
my lasagna has nothing to do with american lasagna and there are way to many spices in there and it's a not balanced out well and is sometimes a bit dry.
then i would eat the rest while sobbing over him being mean and yelling.

Fish and chips because he is British and so he grew up eating that shit. A side of malt vinegar and tartar sauce.

Spaghetti Carbonara.

You really can't fuck it up. It's just pasta, bacon, egg, and cream.

better make it a chip-butty, bongs go mad for shit like that

Triggered

Elaborate you limey wanker

A churrasco of course. Meat and salt. Only a walking abortion can fuck up something so simpl... no wait, americans fuck it up on a regular basis and call it "barbecue".
>mfw yankees throw their disgusting sugary sauces over good pieces of meat

>cream
Just use pasta water if you want it to be thinner

>bbq
>sweet tomato bbq sauces
What? The sugars burn it's usually vinegar or mustard based sauces. Sweet bbq sauces are serving sauces.

If your meat needs sauce, I have bad news about your meat.

>Bacon and cream

...

>too liquidy, I didn't ask for soup
just taste when its finished, add some maizena if necesarry.
>too dry, are you trying to kill me?
I'm sorry
>where the fuck is the seasoning?
there is fucking tons of cloves, laurel, rosemary and what not in it.

You'd like texas style bbq. By which I mean purist texas style bbq, like the shit you get at meat markets in Lockhart.

>Thinks American BBQ is Brazilian in origin
It's based off Chinese/Korean style BBQ you fucking retard that's why it's so much more common in the Southern states because they Chinese came over to build the railroads. For Central/south American style look at Texas BBQ it is dry rub and different that is closer to churrasco

I literally just made steak with pan sauce over the last hour, so I'd go with that plus a couple of improvements.

Texas here. Yes, our meats are generally cooked dry, mostly with the rub flavoring it, and can be served as-is (brisket, sausage), but sweet/spicy sauces are typically served with the meats, too, particularly pork, like sausage, ribs, and pulled pork.

Me too. "Vegan" in the name of a dish is like "Trans" before somebody's gender.

Its a notation that everything following is a lie.

>Thinks American BBQ is Brazilian in origin
Quoting who, Tyrone? Grilling meat is universal, just happens that you amerilards are unable to properly grill meat. Go back to your pumpkin flavoured dildo.

>vegan water

It`s why I specified the ourist part. The only time I went to lockhart i went to kreuz's and they were slightly condescending when my brother asked for some bbq sauce. Which they didn't have.

Nigga grilling meat is possibly the only thing americans get right. Travel more.

Ice cubes on white bread and a warm glass of piss.

I bet he eats a Pot Noodle every now and then.

American version scared of swearing though

>vegan air

I was self-taught by old school Europeans. I am 100% sure that chef Ramsay will love my food.

Once he tasted it, he'll say "Joe, you got something here."

something insanely simple, yet allows a signature touch. chicken enchiladas, im thinking.

self-taught *by* someone thats not yourself? what?

>i wont eat meat or animal products
>but i will make all my food look just like them

Probably pozole. My pozole tastes like a mexican grandmother made it.

>I was taught by Beouf Bourgeon The Third, here is my Eggs on Toast.
>Sorry, I believe only Raclette La De Blue mastered this art form, you learned wrong. 0/10.
brown grapple fief.

This post made me laugh for some reason.

I've noticed he always orders the same things on his shows: a staple dish, a dish that wouldn't typically be ordered and a dish that's harder to make. So at a burger joint it would probably be something like a cheeseburger, soup & salad and some kind of seafood or steak.

This is criminal

Frozen lasagna but I'll add some fresh herbs and spices and pretend I made it

It's what one owner from kitchen nightmare actually said.

>What is it and why?

He's a dick and he can fuck off.

his daughters are pretty hot in that posh slag kinda way, his sons look like uglier versions of him though lol

I can just picture the close-up, the energetic music and then the dramatic cut to commercials.

There's one thing Gordon hates more than shitty food and that's lying about shitty food.

Good luck.

Absolutely devilish

>daughters hot
Holy shit here comes your van

Sopa de macaco.
Obviamente, é uma delícia.

>pan, nice and hot - hot like your boyfriend’s jizz eh tilly?
>daaa-aad you’re so embarrassing.

Special protein brownies because he's a massive cunt

rib eye cooked rare with wilted greens and a pan sauce

I would say that I am rather adept at making a chorizo minestrone.
So probably that.