Help I just ate a large pepperoni pizza, half a bottle of ranch and family sized bag of doritos. I'm drunk...

Help I just ate a large pepperoni pizza, half a bottle of ranch and family sized bag of doritos. I'm drunk. What do I do?

Do you have cigarettes on hand for relieving the inevitable constipation?
If not you're probably going to die from bowel rupture, sorry op.

sleep it off

Pick yourself back up and try again tomorrow, OP.

...

This. No way he's still awake if true

I feel ill just thinking about this. You could not eat for 4 days and still have gained weight.

Hang in there, man. Drink some water, take the glass bedside. Put your phone down, get in bed, sleep it off. Tomorrow start over, a day at a time, hell, an hour, a minute at a time, anything that'll keep you going.

Be well.

Bojack! You magnificent bastard!

Go to the gym and hit a new squat pr

Eat more and drink more

Post a pic of your belly

Get your life in order, user.

I don't understand how half bottle of ranch. were you drinking straight from the bottle?

...

Met Pennsylvania people who literally dip every bite of pizza in ranch, no joke.

Absolutely disgusting OP, I'd tell you to KYS but the diabetes and heart disease will do the job just fine.

Only half a bottle? What the hell OP? If you're going to be a lard-ass, you should go all out.

You're going to be a fatty no-matter what, right? I say embrace it. Eat and be happy. Search online for a feeder wife that will embrace your fatness as well.

i am so sorry for bowelets like you
how does this happen

make yourself throw up

The better question is how do you eat a large pepperoni pizza, half a bottle of ranch dressing, and a family sized bag of doritos and not have any bowel problems afterwards?

I know a girl from Nebraska who does the same thing.

What's that, like 1,500 calories from the ranch dressing alone?

It's not even the fact it's so many calories either. It's the fact it's garbage. Like fair enough, you want to pig out, and I suppose a pizza is ok, but why Ranch dressing and Doritos? They don't even taste great and it's an awful sounding combination.

If my GI weren't so sensitive, I'd probably overeat more.

Make room for desert.

Stick your hand down your throat and vomit. Feels great.

masturbate desu

Stop drinking, it will probably solve your weight problem as well.

Take shots of the hardest liquor you have until you purge everything then fall asleep in your own pool of regrets and wake up to a shame great enough to teach you moderation, you filthy fucking pig.

Op died

What is even the appeal of ranch?
Just use Mayo or a Joghurt dip.

>What is even the appeal of ranch?
It tastes good.
>mayo
>joghurt
Don't taste good.
inb4 "ranch is just watered down mayo!"
Irrelevant, ranch tastes good and mayo is disgusting.

umm... family size? don't you mean party size??

Inject insulin or empty your stomach

In my experience you have to have binged a couple times to recognize that one point where you start to lose control.

Usually it starts with the words "just one more...." as soon as I hear my thoughts go in that direction I make myself a pot of tea and leave the kitchen as soon as possible.

Stay strong user. Remember, the pleasure of eating stops after the first 5 bites.

this desu

use them fat boi quads to your advantage

Are you the person who posted here a few weeks ago saying you need to lose weight, but need to have a pepperoni pizza with a full bottle of ranch everyday?
Seems pretty similar.

Whenever I over eat I fast for the next day. Lunch time is bad but by dinner I feel fine. Just stay hydrated, maybe snack on celery if you absolutely can't make it a whole day without eating. I've been fasting for 4 days now. Gonna end it on Christmas