Greentext your life, other anons will recommend you a book

>get ejected from a vagoo
>go through the motions
>be disappointed with everything
>want to want to live or do suicide finally
>kinda dead

Gogol, The Overcoat
Thinking about American Psycho, but the book is rather boring. Idunno. Stop smoking.
Das Kapital

>intelligent but socially inept and unsuccessful people
How does this NOT happen? That's exactly the archetype of the literate person..

>grew up in a somewhat wealthy family
>mother drinks, but still have a generally happy family
>I start University at 20 yo (computer science)
>my father gets diagnosed with bone-maw cancer
>I drop out due to depression
>I work 2 years
>Join University again at 23, but on this time in machine engineering
>on 3rd semester at university

>have sheltered childhood in an upper middle class suburban house
>don't realize i am sheltered until age 20 or so
>realize i am a child in a man's body
>resent my parents and hate myself
>read write work minimum wage and shitpost all day
>want to be an artist but my conservative upbringing is a nagging voice in the back of my head saying that's a narcissistic irresponsible and unrealistic path

The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

ive read it great book

>want to be an artist but my conservative upbringing is a nagging voice in the back of my head saying that's a narcissistic irresponsible and unrealistic path
The nagging voice is correct.

which is why it keeps on nagging

>Late teens
>Tennis phenom
>Dad put his head in a microwave
>Retarded brother
>Speech impediment

Shitty story for my shitty life
>passed 5th grade, top of the class
>it's summer
>grandfather gets sick again because of cancer
>go with grandfather to the city couple hours away because he needs ultraviolet treatment for cancer
>I'm really attached to him I guess.jpg
>6th grade starts, start studying again, top of the class again
>grandfather has been getting weaker as the time gets on
>it's January, he'll likely due in few months
>it's March, he dies
>don't go to school for rest of the session
>it's finals, not exactly worried
>top of the class again
>summer is average that year
>school start, don't attend the session for first 15 days
>go in, new teacher, she's a bitch
>stopped going to school after 10 or so days
>it's quarterly exams (education system is weird in third world), haven't really attended class
>go in the exams like a boss, really confident that I managed to cover 3 months of course in 15 days
>stop going to school after exams
>results come
>I'm 4th in the class
>throw bitchfit at all the teachers, accuse them of being biased against me, say that they don't want me to top the class and feed my ego
>stop going to school completely
>don't even go for the exams even though they gave me the opportunity to complete the session
>fuck my year is wasted
>actually it isn't
>my educator from foreign language tuition arranged a forged marksheet, education system here is corrupt I guess
>become depressed, get social anxiety
>literally a hikikomori
>start getting free ride on my education until 10th grade
>start actually studying again for 10th
>study throughout the year
>it's finals time, get cold feet and don't go to all the exams
>get my forged marksheet for 10th as well
>never go to school again
>depressed and NEET
>now I'm 20 and I can't attend University until I have graduated 12th (high school for first worlders)
>thinking about graduating high school this year, want to go in liberal arts
>still fighting my crippling depression and social anxiety
>should go see a psychologist
Don't even know what you'd be able to recommend me.

>grow up an alpha male
>Age 18 started smoking weed and talking about meaning of life with friends
>Get into nihilism and Nietzsche
>Get depressed, started finding solutions in philosophy
>Age 20 I have a basic understanding of the most importants philosophers. Still depressed.
>Started studying eastern philosophy
>Age 21, i am enlightened.

>speech impediment
i dont remember this and i've read IJ twice

LSD helped too.

I would recommend you an hero

Said every prep school kid who liked philosophy and then started doing drugs especially smoking and tripping

ohhowbanal.jpg

> be child
> mom cant work because of serious injury
> barely participates in life, spends most time in bed taking care of younger siblings until they're able to walk and therefore do things by themselves
> grow up poor, moms injury contributed to this but my family was poor before that so its not the only thing causing it
> shit neighborhood because we cant afford anywhere else
> amber alerts/missing persons on a regular basis
> literally 5 drug dealers in my neighborhood
> my actual neighbors growing up (that we had a few good conversations with as a family) was running a meth lab out of their basement
> be a literal retard (a few developmental issues but im high functioning) so dont understand any of this
despite my objectively shit situation my family had a close bond. we spent a lot of time together.
> be 11
> mom has managed to get back into the workforce, we're earning more money
> in elementary school
> legitimate drug and theft issues at said elementary school
> someone steals all of my shit one day
> my parents get fed up with shit neighborhood
> save up money
> move out

> several years later
> were now middle, lower-middle class instead of dirt poor
> live in suburban neighborhood
> as a family we have everything we want
> decent house, kinda small but eh
> food in the pantry, consistently
> friendly neighbors that dont run cartels out of their basement
> safe suburban neighborhood
> life is great, supposedly
> things have changed between us since moving here
> family is very tense all of the time
> parents hate me and siblings
> literally tell me that they regret having me and say same thing to other kids
> say that im already a failure even though almost 4.0 gpa from high school (that im wasting, essentially, because they will only pay for community college right now and i cant afford more than that), have been published in a few lit mags and have multiple short stories that are ready to be published but havent yet been sold
> recently turned 18, going to college soon to study physics
> cant afford to move out so have to live with them until out of college
> not a big deal but in order to get a good job in my desired field i need to have a masters or phd
> they make my life a living hell when i step into the same room as them
> this is the next 6-9 years of my life

cliches exist for a reason desu
the first time you start tripping it's like the world is finally unfolding for you and you feel like the only one who knows. where does it all come from how is all this in our brains from birth and yet unaccessible what does it mean look at all these people on the street who dont KNOW what i KNOW

>32-year-old lawyer
>Sits in office all day, depressed
>Single. Haven't recovered from last relationship 3 years ago
>Live alone
>Sometimes go to the park to feed the birds
>also alchoholic

Somewhat of a joke in that Hal loses his ability to communicate.

I jest, I jest ;)

I know what tripping is you plebiscite. And your perspective on it is why I hate little fucks like you who believe themselves on drugs. Nothing is unlocked faggot. You're high dumbshit

i don't even do drugs anymore i'm just saying this is why people act like that when they first discover them. it's LIKE a whole new world is opening up, of course it's all noise and nonsense but it feels like a serious breakthrough and you can't expect anybody to keep their mouth shut about something like that for a while.

It's another narcissist write about themselves and get no replies thread.

Ham on rye

>avoiding people
>avoiding people even more

Catcher in the Rye or l'etranger

>hard to talk about things i like with others
>get bored when they're talking about something i don't care about
>and so it's not easy to pick something to talk about
>looks back at the chances i missed, >even if i want to fix them and i have a chance to do it, i don't
Basically socially awkward guy, that just lets things go the way they're going. I don't think it's stoicism, because I don't want it to go like that, but just something always blocks me inside.

>grew up in a relatively big city in Brazil
>my father used to beat up my mother, so they divorced and she went to live with my grandma on a small town
>I go live with her
>had few friends, spent most of my time playing Super Nintendo (the PS2 was already out, but things used to happen at a slower rate around here, the PS1 was already a good for few people)
>used to go bicycling all time with one friend, sometimes we played co-op games on SNES and later we started playing Ragnarok
>I moved back to my father's house to be able to study in a decent school
>lost contact with my friend
>spent my adolescence basically playing old computer games that could run on my toaster
>no friends whatsoever
>around 19 (three years ago), I was admitted to a uni to study biological sciences
>living alone in a city where I don't know anyone since then
>I had never cooked before, but I learned it out of necessity and started to really like it
>work part-time at a molecular biology lab since my first months at uni (because I was one of the only biology student that knew how to do some basic scripting)
>published two papers by myself, co-authored 4 or 5
>received an award from a funding agency for my research
>worked with some japanese people on a project, maybe I will apply for a PhD in their research institute and live in weebland for a while
>I recently realized I don't care about biology (or science in general) anymore
>I'd be happy running a small restaurant or a bar instead, but I'm not willing to take the risk of opening a business of my own

>grow up in suburban LA
>working class immigrant parents from basque country
>spend my days at grandparents' house while parents work, watching TV all day, wandering around the neighborhood, sitting in driveway and listening to the trains in the distance
>passive, uneventful childhood marred by vague loneliness i couldn't yet articulate
>enter school, not popular, constantly humiliated through the years, liked by teachers
>show promise in language arts classes, learn to love reading, writing, language itself
>mother with emotional issues, "disciplined" me as i grew up to be a sensitive, impressionable kid
>lose belief in God when my prayers for her to stop or change arent answered
>beatings culminate in a day of straight up torture, not allowed to sit or sleep after being getting the shit beat of me for hours
>henceforth alienated from peers and family, feeling depressed, mother tries to convince i'm autistic
>don't go out, spend hours on the internet throughout middle school and high school
>learn to be beside myself, learn classical guitar, read, sing, watch films
>wait for the day i'll be free
>study and get full ride to university on the east coast to study literature
>taking engaging classes, meeting new people
>go on a school-funded trip to florence in the winter
>sit down next statue of david
>girl sits down next to me, introduces herself, studies art history
>we talk about the david, then our lives and interests
>throughout the trip, we go on walks, read next to each other
>go to museums, she explains the art to me, giving me detailed accounts of their history and the various materials used to produce them
>last night in florence, she takes my virginity
>return to school, be friends for a little while, start dating
>nice, beautiful, intelligent, sympathetic to me when troubling feelings resurface
>she graduates a year earlier, gets good job in the city
>dating 3 yrs, move in together, slowly building life
>psychedelic therapy
>feeling good
>feeling the One

>Ham on rye
Thanks I guess

>Be Me.
>Dad was this big wig, mom was this spiritual fucking weirdo who only taught me all this spiritual shit.
>Dad was cool, gave me a lot of practical advise.
>Dad was murdered when I was a teenager, was not cool.
>I got mixed up with drugs, actually my mom started doing them with me.
>Hooked up with these weirdo spiritual arab types.
>Became their ruler.
>I made a war on the galactic empire and won, became emperor myself.
>Still do TONS of fucking drugs now.
>Shit's pretty cash.

>Don Quixote, but with anime and manga instead of romantic knight tales

INB4 someone recommends Don Quixote

The narcissism in this thread is nauseating.

okay get ready

>teenage pregnancy
>dumped by parents
>forced to move back in with parents
>both are very violent and eventually divorce eachother
>general chaotic family life with everyone abusing eachother
>drop out of school because of it
>run away
>somehow get into uni but drop out because I have schizophrenia now
>also im a trans girl

>grow up in suburbs with a few close friends
>start talking to a big group of new people, less and less time for old friends
>had a great time, met up with them almost every day for two years, just hung out and enjoyed each others' company
>everyone drifts apart and moves away for college, old friends are no longer interested in talking since I dropped them
>no friends for a year, end up developing pretty bad anxiety and can no longer manage simple social situations
>meet a girl in a similar position by complete chance, spend the best five years of my life with her, put her first in every situation and both help each other overcome our problems
>she decides she's bored and breaks up with me (5 years in)
>completely broken, no friends or anyone to talk to, depression led to me losing my job
>sit at home and read all day to distract myself from reality

>At once as far as Angels kenn he views,
>The dismal Situation waste and wilde,
>A Dungeon horrible, on all sides round,
>As one great Furnace flam'd, yet from those flames,
>No light, but rather darkness visible,
>Serv'd onely to discover sights of woe,
>Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace,
>And rest can never dwell, hope never comes,
>That comes to all; but torture without end,
>Still urges, and a fiery Deluge, fed,
>With ever-burning Sulphur unconsum'd.

>grew up autistic af
>afraid of almost all social interaction
>started to drink
>broke down my inhibitions
>joined a fraternity
>now just an akward friendly guy

tldr

mate, i'm the same as you. but i'm currently only at step 4

>posts on a board dedicated to the arts
>actively discourages people from creating art

no

>grew up in suburbs in Florida
>siblings and I are extremely intellectual
>parents value education but are pragmatic, see intellectualism as a waste of time
>do well in school
>become depressed in high school
>pursue science in university, fail to apply self because muh nihilism
>attempt suicide twice
>take ayahuasca and LSD before graduating, completely change philosophy and outlook
>currently committed to bettering self, affirming life

>grow up in small town, midwest, good family, well off
>fairly social, lots of friends despite not being religious in small town usa
>go to school for engineering, mostly focus on school, put social life on hold, had a couple hook ups, couple relationships
>do long distance with gf i met on summer internship.
>graduate, no debt, move to northwest, move in with girl, marry girl.
>life still feels empty at times, but im pretty happy for the most part.

If you want to better yourself, I recommend The Lost Art of Listening. It's a great guide on how to be not just compassionate, but helpfully so.

Try What It Is: The Formless Thing Which Gives Things Form. It's a comic, but it's also a great work on creativity. A bit hard to parse, wonky formats, but if you really absorb it then it's a great way to add fulfillment and new experience to your life by meditating on how let your ideas flow into art.

There's a lot more to suggest, but I'm on my phone so I'll write 'em up later. Same with my life.

>ugly in middle school
>go to all girls high school
>gay relationship with hot nihilist
>she leaves for college
>fall in love with ten years older man
>abusive relationship
>move to city
>meaningless sex with hipsters
>applying for grad schools for critical theory
>likes hiking, watercolors, usually is depressed piece of shit

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out. I've always enjoyed literature and art, but they've come to mean a lot to me since graduating and working.

>Started with the Greeks
>Descended into banality
>Ended with the Greeks

>born in US
>family leaves country at age five
>come back to US at age 7
>grow up in town with a bunch of skinhead gangs
>family moves halfway through highschool to nice suburban neighborhood with a bunch of jews and chinese people
>highschool ends leave country cuz restless as fug, join up with some religious shit for a year
>decide i dont believe in god and come back to US
>try community college, it's shit
>get restless again, leave country and join a foreign military
>doesn't go so well, finish service two years later
>start working all kinds of odd jobs in that same country
>become interested in orthodox christianity
>start going to church
>not convinced
>get interested in all kinds of esoteric shit
>start working at some Wolf of Wallstreet type scam thing cuz LOL FUCK MORALITY
>i can't handle ripping people off, and lying, so i quit after a month and a half
>move back to US
>join esoteric type group
>two semesters of community college, doing really well
>third semester, too busy reading and studying my own interests
>dont give a fuck about school anymore, completely fail (parents dont know yet)
>still havent signed up for next semester classes
well shit

Cuck

>I am sitting in the morning
>at the diner on the corner
>I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee
>and he fills it only halfway
>and before I even argue he is looking out the window at somebody coming in
>"It is always nice to see you" says the man behind the counter to the woman who has come in
>she is shaking her umbrella
>and I look the other way as they are kissing their hellos
>I'm pretending not to see them and Instead I pour the milk
>I open up the paper
>there's a story ff an actor who had died while he was drinking
>it was no one I had heard of
>and I'm turning to the horoscope and looking for the funnies when I'm feeling someone watching me
>and so I raise my head
>there's a woman on the outside looking inside
>does she see me?
>no she does not really see me cause she sees her own reflection
>and I'm trying not to notice that she's hitching up her skirt
>and while she's straightening her stockings her hair has gotten wet
>oh, this rain it will continue through the morning as I'm listening to the bells of the cathedral
>I am thinking of your voice
>and of the midnight picnic once upon a time before the rain began
>I finish up my coffee and it's time to catch the train

Is that a book recommendation?

this sounds really delightful, I'm glad everything is working out for you user :)

>he has potential to live up to
>he doesn't want to live up to it

>22
>grew up broke
>did shitty in school
>enlisted in the Muhreens
>got hazed, beat up some muslims, did some hazing
>been out almost a year now, miss my friends, have a hard time making new ones
>emotionally retarded, can't connect with any women unless I'm paying them
>going to school but don't know what for
>like weed

Just waiting for El Presidente to start a war so I can reenlist and hopefully die this time around

how the fuck do you go from nietzsche to eastern philosophy and "enlightenment"? it's douchebags like you who give nietzsche a bad name

>5 years old
>Son of well off and intelligent folk
>Get prescribed high doses of amphetamines for ADHD
>Become robot
>Lose all friends at school
>Shut out everyone by grade 8
>Become ungodly edgy
>Don't feel like part of family anymore
>Family totally apathetic to me being so miserable
>This feeling continues until age 16 when I go off the meds
>Self medicate with massive amounts of alcohol I rip off from stores
>Get tested , turns out I have an IQ of 121, (still) ADHD and dysthymia, w
>Even without the depression I'm told that it's always going to be hard for me to relate/communicate with other people.
>Kick the booze
>Age 19 and I haven't had "friends" since I was 12
>Live at home , virgin, Veeky Forums but still an edgy and jaded autist
I have no future and have distanced myself so far from normal life that I'm probably never going to make it back.

Suprise me

The Way of Men, Jack Donovan

>Needs to take drugs to have an epiphany
Maybe read a Bible?

>Grew up feeling smart because I read faster than everyone else
>Be a self righteous kid who gets the higher grades
>Teachers always say "why can't you be more like user?"
>Be smug, yet I'm socially retarded
>Always wanted to have a gf, but actually too shy to get one
>In middle school start to get fucked in the head and get extreme anxiety for no reason
>turns out I'm bipolar
>change schools because too embarassed to deal with the way I acted before I got diagnosed
>In highschool my grades become almost below average
>people think I'm rebellious and smart because I write funny smart stuff but I'm just edgy and depressed
>read a lot of stuff (russians, greeks, Joyce, continental philosophy, etc)
>still managed to get into college (meme degree, comp sci)
>depressed, few friends, hate my career, a bit obnoxious, virgin, pseudo-intellectual, angry and 20

>28 years old
>9th grade drop out, with G.E.D
>Work as a welder from the ages of 18-23
>Do lots of drugs, feel lonely and live with my cousin who is a convict
>Join Army
>Deploy to Afghanistan, read a ton but mostly fiction. Dan Brown and other normie shit.
>Still in the Army as a Sergeant, that bangs prostitutes and drinks all the time.
>Still lonely

>Cozy song

>The Way of Men, Jack Donovan

I'll check it out

In general: if you want to read literature to improve yourself, taking books with a bleak, nihilistic outlook is probably not the smartest thing you can do. If you are a 25 year old poor virgin NEET with obesitas, reading depressing shit like Céline, Camus or Pessoa is not going to help. Read books by writers who found a goal in life, like Proust (who learnt to cope with life by his art, cf. Le temps retrouvé) or Tolstoy (the examples of Konstantin Levin and Pierre Bezukhov in Anna Karenina and War and Peace, found peace in religion and country life) or T. S. Eliot (in Ash Wednesday, Murder in the Cathedral and the Four Quartets, devoted his life to tradition and religion).

the stranger- camus / god bless you mr rosewater - vonnegut
a rebours - huysman
frankenstein - shelley + berlitz
bouvard + pecuchet - flaubert
the third policeman - o'brien
cannery row/sweet thursday -steinbeck
the way of all flesh -butler
daddy-long-legs - webster
queen lucia - ef benson
marnie -graham
the spy who came in from the cold -lecarré
pnin -nabokov

>father killed himself
>have isolated myself throughout my life, even in kindergarten
>contrarian pseudo-intellectual
>have no ambition
I've already read a confederacy of dunces/mishima/dostoevsky/dazai/bible so please don't rec those.

>grew up in afflluent suburb
>Parents divorce when I am in kindergarten. All of the money goes away, great up working class with wealthy peers
>Start drugs at 16
>Would love to take Adderall and read all day, which filled me with a craving for literary euphoria
>Become obsessed with the idea of writing the perfect book
>Filled with a vague dream of changing the world with my writing
>Suffer from delusions of grandeur
>Write alot of garbage
>Quit the Adderall after a few nasty episodes which I won't mention
>Around the same time my father's life fell apart, wasn't much I could do about it
>Sell vast amounts of Xanax throughout my last year of high school, I guess some interesting situations happened. I befriended several addicts and dying people.
>Get robbed one night
>Kid doesn't have a gun so I pretty much scare him off with empty threats
>When I'm selling acid a few months later I pull up to meet a friend of mine and the kid who robbed me is in the passenger seat
>He goes on a rant about how he thought I was a good kid, apologizes profusely
>I call him scum, call the person who brought us there to meet scum as well
>Gave them the acid for some reason as I laid out the most ridiculously passionate hate speech towards them
>The next morning I see a million "RIP" posts about him on twitter.
>He killed himself on my tabs
>Never knew how to feel about that situation. I've been in those situations on acid where youre not sure if you're going to be able to be sane or even live normally after going through the trip, like being a scared bleeding animal backed up into a corner.

>>Quit the Adderall after a few nasty episodes which I won't mention
please mention

>be me
>parents are divorced
>living with my mother and my brothers
>father is an alcoholic
>be shy
>be fat
>mother becomes a cripple
>get fatter
>get bullied at school
>had no real friends
>brothers be like strangers to me
>become fatter year by year
>actually start avoiding going to school because of the bullying
>become even fatter
>dropped out of school without graduaton
>NEET for 2 years
>mother died
>become depressed
>NEET for 5 more years
>Suicidethoughts coming through my mind
>father died
>NEET for 2 more years
>be me now
>fatter than ever
>still a NEET
>literally never worked a single day in my life
>literally 0 contact to people in reality
>brothers avoiding me
>thinking about suicide everyday

Your life sounds both horrible and dope at the same time, I'd suggest Kafka for bureaucratic themes but you probably already read him
Nice shitpost
You get Kafka as well
Orlando - Virginia Woolf
I really don't wanna suggest something depressing to you, maybe try read the meditations and embrace the stoic meme

> 25
> have two master's
> work a non-fulfilling, so-boring-it-makes-you-suicidal financial consulting job
> no sexual frustration from wanking to 2d waifus
> enjoy reading and having a simple life outside of work
> highest risk atm is stagnation

with what money do live on ?

The Little Prince, Saint-Exupéry

I had an episode where I had a heat flash (in an instant my head went from being completely dry to drenched in sweat) and I vomited for an hour straight.
Another episode I jerked off for so long that my penis became swollen and couldn't touch it for weeks afterwards
Also generally the comedown and the feeling the next day was the number one issue that made me realize taking it was unsustainable

Taipei

Map and Territory

In Storms of Steel
and then
On the Marble Cliffs

Ok I only thought of that because you’re a soldier desu.

The Pale King, if you haven’t read that already

Taipei :^
(wanna be friends btw?)
ok I’ll try surprising…
Max Frisch: Gantenbein

Book of Disquiet

The Adventurous Heart

Welfare

>No significant memories of time before 12 years old.
>Except that I enjoy many times being in nature and national parks. I think if there was any calling, it was the call of the wild. Haha.
>Unfortunately develop an agoraphobic tendency during high school.
>Thought process is shallow, obsessive and highly critical of others, even more than the self.
>Through anxiety and childhood interest in epidemics I develop a fetishistic obsession for disease and malnutrition.
>By 2011 I have integrated into magick thought processes and collect, realizing it's not physical but a manifestation of desire, my own diseases and biological imperfections via pee bottles, plastic bags containing the vapor of coughs, and rank plastic containers of dabs of irregular fluids. I also let molds, dusts and vermin live freely within my corner of the house to attract pestilence.
>2014 Ebola chan comes along and I dedicate myself to this and other creative forms of hysteria rituals even today.
>That's it. I am shallow and obsessive and a dumb NEET who enjoys being sick.

Oblomov

Stoner

>first memories start at age 6
>play a lot of video games with friends in real life until age 12
>amount of school friends I have dwindle
>play a lot of video games with online friends until age 17
>during college I only have online friends
>play a lot of video by myself until age 23
>earn my degree and start looking for a job

this feels so stereotypical

>middle class average looking normal child
>kidnapped and tortured at age 7
>raped at age 16
>college dropout
>living with family
>problems with alcoholism
>only 20 years old

>wealthy family, careerist father
>move all over the world throughout childhood
>speak five languages, receive great education, but never feel rooted anywhere
>no sense of home, identity or direction
>grow accustomed to losing all my friends at the drop of a hat every few years
>first times suck, especially when still very young
>eventually become apathetic and detached towards others
>learn to make friends easily, but don't care about losing them
>develop the indifference into a kind of sadism
>sometimes ruin friendships and relationships just out of a sense of curiosity
>sleep with friends' girlfriends out of spite and megalomania, just to show i can
>eventually drop out of uni because i hate all of my classmates and never go anyway
>aimlessly solotravel around the world
>fantasise about becoming a monk and giving myself to god
>chainsmoke
>drink
>write poems at night

Ok I’ll greentext mine too, though I don’t think it’s so interesting

>be me
>born to unmarried parents
>nice childhood with few but close friends
>father leaves for mother of a friend when I’m in second grade
>lose all friends in/after elementary school, for different reasons (couldn’t go to same school as I / moved away / girls moved on to having only girls as friends)
>fall for the "nice guys are the best" meme my mother spouts and join the losers in 5th/6h grade
>they’re boring as hell and we never meet after school, only great guy leaves in 6th grade because his attitude/grades don’t fit with the school
>start playing StarCraft online, first thing I ever really am not good at, although I want to be (have always been seen as "genius" in school and my parents didn’t want me to skip classes so it stayed that way)
>mother has always been overprotective, starts becoming an issue now that I hit puberty, won’t leave me alone
>get depressed being at home all the time, lurking oti, being terrorized by mother who won’t honor a single request to keep physical/emotional distance from me
>other StarCraft losers oti become my best friends now
>start throwing my life away with WoW as it comes out, you know how it goes

>tfw no gf

>fall for uni meme, at least I can move out now, get away from my mother
>uni forces me to do pointless assignments I could always get away with skipping in school
>stop going after a few weeks
>yea guess my life is pointless anyways, let’s become an alcoholic and read books and shit
>next semester switch from CS to art/music/philosophy/latin because I need state bucks and humanities faculty is way less strict
>actually come in contact with girls
>too much spaghetti in pockets to get gf, also still in want-to-throw-life-away mode
>read The Magic Mountain, somehow changes my whole attitude
>make insane drug addict girl off *chan my gf
>now that I have gf I’m not hopeless anymore and want to get my life in order
>don’t try this at home
>move in with her
>she’s still in want-to-throw-life-away mode
>she’s schizophrenic and doesn’t want treatment because she owns three large books by Foucault

Anyhow that didn’t end well, but I went on trying to improve my life and now have another gf and have a well paying job and throw money at crypto and read a book occasionally; and sometimes I’m not sure whether this is what I wanted, whether I wouldn’t have rather become a lit bum with less comfort but more time to read and maybe to write.
Probably I’ll go on like this, living a normal live, being relatively happy, while the sting slowly vanishes.

>constantly moving from one place to the other as a child, never lived at the same place for more than 5 years,lived in multiple places in my country and in the neighbouring country too (Europe)
>relatively normal highschool life,friends,gfs,ect.
>go to Uni,gf at the time breaks up with me, get depressed
>smoking a lot of weed
>weed makes me more depressed,apathy for the whole excistence of the planet since in the grand scheme of things everything is meaningless
>weed makes me lazy, smoking 24/7, too high too do anything,stay in my apartment and sleep all day long
>getting bored with weed, quit cold turkey
>getting into some eastern philosophy,acid and self-improvement
>come to terms with things that were bothering me and holding me back
>stop using drugs all together, except cigarettes and caffeine
>get motivated for the future, want to become an interpreter
>start working for a year in order to have money so I can go back studying
>22 now,will move back to the capital next month

>only child
>artsy parents
>poor but didn't realize it
>good kid who never got in trouble and always did homework
>parents got real jobs (professors), not poor anymore
>bullied in school
>became the funny guy and the bullying stopped
>stopped caring about school
>dick around in community college for a few years
>transfer to university because mom is professor there which makes my tuition cheap
>shitty student, mostly Bs and Cs
>realize that most of my old friendships from school are not really real
>so fucking lonely

holy fuck grow up dude

Fascinating. In "Rumo: And His Miraculous Adventures", the second part takes places in an underground kingdom that worships sickness. Though the tone is a bit light-hearted, might be relevant to your interests.

Book of Job

>sleep with friends' girlfriends out of spite and megalomania, just to show i can
nice
Until the last few lines, your life sounds like a BEE cliché. If one of your five languages is German by any chance, I’ll recommend Kracht’s "1979".
Other than that, maybe reading accounts of Krasznahorkai’s (Seiobo, Prisoner of Urga) or Ransmeyer’s or Chatwin’s travels could inspire yours, though you sound like you’re rather bored of the whole affair already.

Nice, a not entirely depressing one.
I’ll just recommend Master and Margerita.

Read DFW already?
I somehow want to recommend "Mars" by Fritz Zorn as well.

>i came
>i saw
>i wait for the final chapter

post office

thanks buddy. i wish the same for you

Neuromancer
The Savage Detectives

Laxness: Under the Glacier
Lowry: Under the Volcano

Eeee Eee Eeeee
Bed

:) gz on your success
recs:
Murakami because of Weebland and cooking and bar opening (if you haven’t read him already)
Houellebecq: Atomized (more depressing) or Map and Territory (less depressing)

classic