What is the greatest epiphany you've ever had, Veeky Forums, and why?

>the reason I'm alone is because I choose to be so, and I innately have anti-social personality traits that I will never be able to reconcile because they are a quintessential part of my character and general mannerisms
>It's better for me to accept this about myself than complain

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harpers.org/archive/1932/10/in-praise-of-idleness/
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuron
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When I took the redpill and realized that I was inherently superior to women, liberals, trannies, gays, blacks, jews, and commies

Sometimes, falsely, you believe that you have done everything there is to do, and learned everything there is to learn, when the reality is that there is always a way to know more, see more, become stronger, become better.

That there is something deeply wrong with me, and I'm the second iteration in a line of aloof, intellectual men in my family, the first being my borderline insane uncle, also my closest male figure growing up. I probably shouldn't reproduce nor get involved in the life of any young kid, better to break the cycle while it's possible.

You're completely wrong, there's tons of stuff that can be done about it and which other similar people have done. Hell, it's Veeky Forums, there are a plethora of books on the subject.
Read Improve Your Social Skills by Daniel Wendler and stop sulking.

I was an atheist until I took shrooms
It made me see god and religion and my life itself as sort of extended metaphors connecting humanity to a cultural experience
I still think biblical literalist protestants should have the shit smacked out of them though

>that you were me

>I was an atheist
>now I see religion as an extended metaphor

What a radical shift of perspective.

When I realized that, no matter how hard you deny it, you're always alone.

You're giving up.
Chronically depressed for all my life and finally I decided to say fuck it and did whatever I wanted regardless of how shitty I felt or how little I accomplished. You'll realize that when you really scrap the bottom of the barrel of life, it's refill it or die. And, regardless of faith, if you kys, you're just wasting one life and entering another which will be most likely be in the same reality. If you say to that 'good! I'll be someone else maybe life will be better' then it proves you want to live and are withholding all your own potential to be happy from yourself. It's YOU who thinks you look like a creep when you check a girl out. It's YOUR voice in your anxieties making you feel miserable and lonely. YOU choose to listen to that voice, and believe what it says. Are you really what all your anxieties tell you you are? Or deep down do you know your better than them but are too weak to stand up to your own insecurity? It's not just a switch you flip, it takes work. Constant exposing of yourself to situations which make you anxious. Forcing yourself out of your mind and into reality, where no-one is telling you shit that makes you feel bad.
Try getting really high off weed and putting yourself in an anxious situation. Tbh, you're probably gonna have a bad time. But when you do, it's easier to tell what thoughts are 'yours' and what thoughts are what you think others think, I.E. not yours.
And with practice, with pot or not, it becomes easier to recognize and 'brick wall' your anxiety in your mind.

Don't be another person who gives up on themselves. You owe it to your mother, and your inner child, to learn to love yourself, and to take action in your life instead of accepting your life is shit just because you shit your pants.

See I don't see it that way, I spent a lot of time reading about psychology and criminality and came to eventually understand that biological determinism is an unchangeable and massive influence on the behavior of people.

There is a degree you can change and degree you will never be able to change no matter how much you will it to be so. People's personalities are, by definition, permanent parts of their character.

I have a long list of anti-social and reclusive behavioral traits that are Franky just part of who I am.

Realising that my grandiose amounts of mental strength and resolve is actually alien to most people.

This directly correlates with my lack of patience for people, and why I like being alone. Despite being socially adept, spending many years 'that guy who always parties'.

I am genetically programmed for misery. Thinking back when I was a child I would cry for long periods of time for no reason at all and keep it a secret. Maybe I have bipolar disorder my mother described me as the happiest child she had ever seen.

In order to obtain my unhappiness I require an enormous standard that is impossible to live up; if none exists I will take one I already have and make it less merciless. I'm at the point now where I scold myself for even thinking certain thoughts. When I was younger I once took medication which made me more or less permantly in a good mood; the experience boarded on trauma.

If I do not eventually find something to be sad about it than it builds up inside me and I become self-destructive; I once had a strong urge to threaten a cop's life. Extended periods of happiness or near fatal to me. I think I should start listening to atonal music regularly just to insure that I occassionally become miserable.

I love this about myself though. People that do not experience great saddness are destined losers.

My greatest epiphany was this:

Heaven and hell is the precession of life, but the plane of existence doesn't roll beneath your feet--you step between the frames.

Different strokes for different folks.
>Some people just needs simple basic religion

The biggest problem of our time is the inability to comprehend that some people have to, lets say; believe in god and that some have to "not believe".
And there are different levels of belief.

How personality traits are genetic and dictate this, and political beliefs, interests, hobbies, taste in food. A multitude of tiny things that congregate into huge differences between people and groups.

The "epiphany" isn't that "People are different duuuh."
But that you can't really do anything about it.
>Multiculturalism is the ruin of civilization, some people are just simple "racist", and can't not be.

TL:DR
>The founding fathers were genius.

That joy and melancholy and every single emotion is a choice, and that I wasted 10 years of my life pointless drowning in depression and anxiety. I realized that regardless of what was and wasn't real, is rather be content, and this illusion that depression somehow made me better was a false hood

God bless if you are able to find beauty in suffering, but it seriously sounds like you are a masochist, which is unhealthy. Please get therapy regarding this before you hurt others around you.

What did he touch you or something?

Depressive =/= anti-social , user.

Anti social implies aggressive, impulsive, and apathetic towards others. I have enough anti social personality traits to make me conflicted about whether or not I want to join society, and that internal conflict is just part of who I am.
>Get high
Used to do a lot of weed oil (dabs) and amphetamines, I know what it's like to get out your mind high.

that every person in my lineage stretching back to the time of the cavemen has managed to reproduce successfully. they may have been eaten by tigers, the town whore, or just dumbasses but they all have gotten laid at least once.

if your really a biological determinist, then you'll realize that your personality could just as easily change from the shitty point that it is at currently on then of a drop of a hat, literally. Don't be a determinist that acts like he has no free will you idiot.

No, I meant forcing yourself -out- of your mind, as in blanking your mind. Being n the present. Lacking any thought, as you would in situations where you're comfortable and engrossed. Just let yourself be, and you'll realize you're not who you think you are. You are someone and you are someone you think you are, and there is a difference. It doesn't matter, you must obey your being to be happy or learn to be happy. Not accept it, but be it. Not thinking you're it, just being it. Doing. And until or if you feel guilt, do whatever you want without thinking about it. It's the same as falling asleep, and you're state of mind is from 'sleep deprivation'

>Traps are gay.

>aggressive, impulsive, and apathetic towards others
Why is this called anti-social?
Only thing there that's anti-social is maybe "apathetic towards others".
So what do you call someone who has "no" interest for small-talk or any trivial conversation, "normal" friends or regular social interaction, and that is not depressed?

The only social interaction I like or desire is physical, and debating.

I've had several, but they're kinda long winded and I don't want to turn this into a personal blog. I will share this most recent one: Bertrand Russell's "In Praise of Idleness" which I read in my teens and had no effect on me, but now that I'm a decade older hit me like a fucking anvil from the sky.

Take a read: harpers.org/archive/1932/10/in-praise-of-idleness/

M8, sex is pretty overrated t b h. I've known men who had a different women every other day, who cheated on their log time gf's whoremongering, etc.

Sex in itself doesn't lead to self fulfillment, same with most hedonism. Peace comes from within, not from material.

>then you'll realize that your personality could just as easily change from the shitty point that it is at currently on then of a drop of a hat, literally.
Only if I'm very seriously injured , and in that case my anti-social personality traits will be made worse. Much worse.

I'm not so much of a determines that I think all behavior is innate and experience plays no part, I simply believe that the core of an individual, the quintessence of someone's behavior, is innate and long term which can never really be changed. Learning to understand who and what you are is a part of growing out of the egocentric tendencies of youth.

I am very anti-social, some of it is by choice and some of it is not. I have an internal conflict between separate aspects of my personality that will never truly be reconciled , and learning to accept that reality is the first step in finding self fulfillment.

>So what do you call someone who has "no" interest for small-talk or any trivial conversation, "normal" friends or regular social interaction, and that is not depressed?
A reclusive introvert.

If you've ever heard of anti social personality disorder, then you should know that it's also known (by some) as sociopathy and psychopathy. Depends on the psychologist's opinions about the terms and how they are used.

I have legitimate issues with impulsive and aggressive behavior which keeps me away from mainstream society, not so much that I can find no camaradarie amongst people, but I am not disaffected by others enough to be kept on the outskirts. I both desire to stay away from people and be around them at the same time, creating angst from competing interests.

>not so much that I can find no camaradarie amongst people, but I am not disaffected by others enough to be kept on the outskirts
*not so much that I can find no camaradarie amongst people, but I am disaffected by others enough to be kept on the outskirts

Get a job as an sales advisor, in one year you'll forget all about that anti social trait. I believe it has to do more with your openness to people than the introversion, these two seem to be the same but they're not, one can be "trained" to be more open with his thoughts, feelings, that should help your loneliness.

Huh yeah right. Dealing with other people's shit is something I just cannot do. Back when I was a busboy, if any customer started giving me crap about how I was pre-bussing tables or if a co-worker was being a dick (regardless of why they were being a dick) I immediately had small bout of rage for a good 30 minutes. I hide it of course, but I have a very small fuse and intense explosions when I do get going. I'm intensely violent person, I'm just smart enough to know how to deal with that and keep myself from flipping out.

Anti-social personality traits aren't like anxiety, I don't get nervous around people I have a low amount of tolerance for other people. Although I did use to have that problem (somewhat) before getting a job and going to uni.

I'm not trying to say that all behavior is innate to a person, I'm just saying that some behavior is. This has been a part of my personality since I was a kid. It's not likely to go away.

Yeah, and practicing it will improve your tolerance.

Or you can continue being the edgy super violent child.

Maybe it's easier to tell yourself nothing can be done rather than actually trying to address your problems. This is learned helplessness.

Shrooms are amazing. They literally changed my life.

I kind of had a breakdown. I was thinking about me being asshole teenager, yelling at my mom, stupid shit that teenagers do and I could see that but almost as another person and I hated that person. However, at the same time I realized I was in pain; I had my own insecurities and traumas and I was just spreading that all around me, even to the people I love and that hurt, really bad. I remember physically seeing this cascading net of everyones personal tragedies spilling out of them and going out into the world perpetuating more of the same hate and pain.

Then I had an epiphany, if I could do that with pain, I could do that love. It didn't have to be much, just a kind word to a stranger or an "i love you" to my mom. Those little things made a really big difference

Have you read Heidegger?

Because what you're talking about is exactly dasein, that is what humanity has forgotten, what it is to be. Not existing but being in the present, stopping and being with nature but not thinking about being with nature just being present. I'm assuming you've read Heidegger.

Life is beautiful and worth living fully. There is so much purpose and meaning out there. But I'm scared of failure so I sit in the basement and refresh Veeky Forums all day.

I know it's babby's first epiphany but I recently fully realized that every adult is completely in control of themselves. Any reason that tries to deny personal responsibility for events in life is just an excuse due to the truth being unpleasant.

basically nearly everyone is living in denial all the time, perhaps unconsciously.

>every adult is completely in control of themselves. Any reason that tries to deny personal responsibility for events in life is just an excuse due to the truth being unpleasant.
yes, for instance an adult can get cancer, which proves that he controls the body. Also, an angry adult can discard angriness at will, which proves that an adult controls the mind

rage is really too tiring to be worthy and once you know peace, you do not want to go back to being upset by strangers over retarded things which do not matter

user I'm going to use your post to clarify my point because I think it's a good example of what I was trying to say hereYou say that life is beautiful and full of purpose, yet you sit in the basement. You sit in the basement because you are scared of failure. You would be out living beautiful life and finding purpose -but- you aren't because of fear of failure.

Why does it matter what the reason is that you aren't or can't? Why does there even have to be a reason or a why? What matters is that you aren't, and nothing else. You're capable of doing what it is you want but you've created some sort of justification so you can continue to not. It's denial.

I can practice self control all I want, which I do, I have multiple outlets for my Agression actually, but to my core I am still that person.
Peace is found through self acceptance and learning how to deal with yourself, not through rejection of yourself and refusing to deal with yourself.

Look at your situaton not as a participant, but as a spectator celestial.

>>I can practice self control all I want,
then stop being angry over futile events, but you are too weak to achieve this

>Dude just stop being yourself lmao
That's not how personalities work user

>Needing to do shrooms to learn how to communicate properly with other people and not be egocentric
Wew

the ego centric part is write but the communicate properly is way off. it's not about talking to people, it's just putting a minor effort in just being kinder.

I had a near death experience where I was completely and utterly certain that I was going to die. In that moment I realised the absolutely vast, inescapable truth that the entirety of my being - all my thoughts and feelings - were about to disappear from everything. Some of you might have had a similar experience and please share if you have.

I remember that the realisation of this truth had a quasi-physical form, which was a blackness so enormous and all-consuming that I knew it was 'true'. Once this dawned on me I was consumed by the worst fear I've ever experienced, like stage fright multiplied a thousand times. I also remember that I didn't care at all about my physical body or what my senses had perceived over the course of my life, but that what I was really mourning was the loss of my feelings and thoughts.

At this point I apparently 'woke up' but it felt like being reborn, being thrust back onto a plane where my senses actually contributed to my knowledge (in the physical sense) and I didn't really compute what was happening for a while.

Before then I had, like many of you, very cavalier ideas about death and spirituality and the sublime. Ever since my outlook on life has changed pretty fucking dramatically, particularly my drive to experience the few quasi-magical things we humans can, like the birth of a child or natural wonders as I think, for me at least, that these things have unexplainable repercussions that will go far beyond me. I've definitely moved away from the life I was perhaps heading towards, which consisted of materialism, childlessness and atheism. This isn't intended to preach, but I thought you guys would be interested. Its hard speaking to people about this kind of thing IRL, especially in a place like Melbourne.

>adult can get cancer
>adult can get murdered
>adult can get hit by a bus
>adult can give birth to a retard
>adult can lose house in a hurricane
Acceptance of the cruel randomness of life is a requirement to it. This requirement does not remove agency from the individual.

>an adult can discard anger at will
Correct.

>People can just stop having short fuses
>Dude just stop having OCD like lmao
>What do you mean you have dyslexia? >Just read normally you freak
You're completely illiterate when it comes to neuroscience, user.

>Melbourne
Still better than
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

But yeah, the zeitgeist of the age doesn't even have time to think about the metaphysical

I used to be the crazy obnoxious bitch everybody hates.
then one day, and I was just standing in the middle of the living room, spacing out, it hit me.
>If I'm asking everybody to like me without changing, I'm asking the whole world to change for me. That's not viable. It's adapt or die, so I have to modify my behavior.
Since that day my life has gotten so much better, it's insane. It took a lot of hard work, battling back mental illness and a big fuckin' mouth, but it worked. That' one errant thought changed my whole life so drastically, it still blows my mind.

You can, unironically, reprogram any aspect of your personality, especially if you are willing to use LSD wisely.

>Just give the schizophrenic some hallucinogens
Uhh... Actually the taking of hallucinogens has been known to trigger mental illness even worse than before. In fact, if you have a family history of schizophrenia youre making it more likely to develop a serious neurological disorder.

I guess you're a fan of Timothy Leary

Um, sweetie. You can only be a legitimate theist if you found faith either through a true religious experience or via sound intellectual exploration. Reality-distorting phenomena easily explained by materialism need not apply.

The guy who reversed the recidivism rate for prisoners? Yeah, he was pretty awesome. Why the fuck did you shift the goalposts from personality change to schizophrenia? Of course there are risks, I never said there weren't. But we were not talking about a cure for psychosis.

I've been to London once and I'll never go back. The last remnants of Britain are in some pockets of the countryside and soon even they will be gone too.

>every adult is completely in control of themselves. Any reason that tries to deny personal responsibility for events in life is just an excuse due to the truth being unpleasant.

The absolute state of theism. You need to have a genuine religious experience like

honestly it's really not that bad apart from the south-east and midlands

Your post really made an impression and then I saw you live in Melbourne too. I moved here this yeuar. Save me.

Because it's actually the same concept, hallucinogens have a tendency to worsen any neurological disorders especially when it's self medicated.

You're a hippie Tomorrow Leary libertarian type, I assume you know what happened to the people given LSD by the CIA under MK Ultra , right? Didn't end well...

Enoch Powell was right t b h

Personality is well within our control.
You can develop a personality, it's only a wide array of habits.

Character is the one that is"fixed".

I realised that even if I thought I had realised something cool I would probably look back on it in a couple of years and think it was stupid

No, "mood" is in our control also personality is actually a synonym for character.

What? Hallucinogens have a tendency to worsen personality traits? At no point was I talking about
treating mental illness. I was talking about changing personality.

Yeah, and it turns out giving people a drug that resets nervous system imprints under all sorts of chaotic and torturous situations, or trying to plant information at various levels of the psyche unbeknownst to them, LITERALLY trying to create cognitive dissonance, doesn't tend to go well. Again, not the kind of thing I'm talking about at all. You're arguing with a strawman, fella.

Sure, and character is in our control. Literally choose to be a different character. Not easy, takes discipline, but not impossible. What do you think assertiveness training is, for example? If you're a timid person, you can train yourself to be less agreeable and more self assured. I've seen it happen, under conscious control of the individual.

Maybe.

Where did you move from? I've lived here all my life and grew up wealthy, thank god, otherwise I probably would have offed myself a long time ago (although that certainly isn't going to happen now). This place is a blackhole though, don't listen to people who tell you that its the worlds most liveable city or a cultural/musical paradise.

Maybe. Massive immigration from the third world to the first world is a natural consequence of capital as it looks to both expand existing markets and create new ones (as the destitute masses of imported lumpenproles, while incapable of generating substantial capital of their own to inject back into the market, are simply given capital taken by threat of force from the host population to spend - a process that again begins the upward cycle of capital's movement). But as Bowden says, ethnostates did not stop existing, they just shrunk, and continue to exist in areas protected by massive prices instead of legislation. I've lived in an area in which I have deep roots, is affluent and free of crime, and I don't intend to change that personally.

>inherently superior to jews

I thought you people hated jews because they are suspiciously successful at life

>I am just fundamentally better than those people who were able to take over my culture completely, smoothly, and direct it towards their own agenda without many people knowing or caring.
Yeah, its a bit rich.

ok deepak

what the fuck do you think seeing god was?

don't tell him what the fuck he believes "sweetie".

This just confirms my beliefs that "sweetie" is the most condescending word in the english language.

Go fuck yourself

K mister Jung

>At no point was I talking about
>treating mental illness. I was talking about changing personality.
Personality disorders are just toxic personalities btw , and they are just specific neurological conditions in the brain. What LSD and other hallucinogens do is literally fuck up the wiring in your brain for a small period of time. That isn't changing your personality that is permenantly frying your brain.

Might as well lobotomize me while you're at it lol

My lame argument in response would be that the free will debate is irrelevant because we always have the ability to act as if our deeds and decisions are our responsibility. Whether they truly are or not, the choice itself provides the control.

Habit forming on the small scale is not personality changing on the large scale. Teaching someone how to he more commanding is a process of habit forming, they aren't changing the core traits of a person they are teaching them to respond to stimuli in a given manner through what is essentially Pavlovian responses to given scenarios.

>grouping millions of people into one identity with a collective agenda

that's literally inverse liberalism. It's people like you who are the blue pills of the "red pill" (right wing) community. I bet you think you are as great as napoleon too because you are the same color and gender as him even though you have achieved next to nothing in your pathetic life

Confirmed strawmanning. You have no idea what you're talking about. Personality has not been shown to be reducible to neurological conditions and LSD does not "fuck up the """wiring""" in your brain". You got most of your info from Reagan's TV speeches, hey?

If you change every habit so they play out automatically, why would you stop yourself from saying you have altered personality? If all responses to stimuli are now different, how is "personality" the same?

Unironically torrent and read Culture of Critique, or at least the introduction and first two chapters of the newest edition. That will clear it up.

No it's definitely you strawmanning, I seem to be your Reagan nut father telling you to brush your teeth and such
>Personality isn't a neurological order in the brain
Lol yes it is
>LSD does not fuck up with wiring in your brain
M8 that's how hallucinations work. I don't know what else to tell you.

Pavlovian conditioning doesn't actually change the core traits of a person's personalities, it generates a selected response to a certain scenario via positive or negative associations. If something is different about the scenario then the response isn't the same.

That isn't changing the core of a person. Unless you can change the core of a person to change the response to a given scenario at every variation of the scenario, you aren't changing the personality. Someone who scores highly on psychopathy tests after the age of 18 is essentially a permenantly psychopath, there is nothing to be done. After puberty your personality becomes incredibly rigid.

That's just how it works.

Damn is it winter already? So many snowflakes :')

...

Yeah, yeah, and I'm a hippie. Whatever. Personality is a pattern of biological and physical laws interacting with culture and environment. You are being stupidly reductionist in saying it is purely neurological.

There are no computer wires in the brain, you are using a metaphor. An innacurate one. Nothing physical is fucked up by using LSD. It acts in the same way that neurotransmitters do, by binding to receptors and sending signals to the rest of the nervous system.

I'm not reducing it to pavlovian conditioning, I'm saying if you have changed every outward tendency to respond to situations then personality is changed. Consider that hypothetical situation, and tell me what that "core" is that somehow trumps the new observable behaviour and mood.

People always say this, assuming a bitter virgin expects sex to be some life changing experience when it couldn't be more wrong. I dont believe I will change at all if I managed to fuck, I just want to fulfill a biological desire that eats away your other thoughts all day long. It's like you suddenly couldn't figure out how to eat but you still feel hungry as you watch the rest of the population eat without ever thinking about it. The hungry man isn't expecting the meal he craves to answer the enternal questions of existence, he wants to end the hunger and live his life

does the brain define the self? if so, does that mean individuals with a mental illness are defined by it? if not, why not?

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuron
>Innacurate metaphor
Sure
>I'm saying it's purely neurological
Never did. Stop strawmanning. I'm saying that human behavior exists on a scale from permenant to flexible, where there are traits core traits of person that are permenant and will never change
>Drugs which can induce psychosis and trigger schizophrenia are harmless
Sure thing
>I'm saying that if you chsnge every outward response to certain stimuli then personality has changed
Sure, but that doesn't happen. After a certain age your personality becomes very concrete.
>Personality is a pattern of biological and physical laws interacting with culture and environment.
Not really

Pretty much whole post can be summaries with "no". Anyway...

The post I responded to DID specifically say that personality was reducible to neurological states. If you are the same user, you are backpedalling.

I also never said that EVERY aspect of a person can be changed. We are limited. I'm saying we can change enough to be accurate in claiming we have changed personality.

I never said LSD was harmless. I said it doesn't "fuck with the wiring" in the brain. And I implied that if it used correctly it CAN be not only harmless, but beneficial. Same with a lot of drugs.

>i will never have a porn size penis, so why live?

>Consider that hypothetical situation, and tell me what that "core" is that somehow trumps the new observable behaviour and mood.
Mood = state of mind
Personality = permenant and long lasting mannerisms/behavioral characteristics of an individual.

Just to get that straight, and because we're arguing about the semantics of the word "personality", let's just drop it and get back to the original point. Different kinds of behavior are innate and unchanging, habits form either spontaneously due to genetic and neurological reasons or environmental. A personality trait is a long lasting habit. Some habits habits are innate to the individual and permenant and others are based on positive/negative reinforcement and social conditioning. Let's just accept those definitions.

Now, what makes you think anti-social personality traits are totally within the control of the individual when to date there is no form of therapy that can actually "cure" someone of these personality traits? Are all of these long lasting habits totally curable, if so, then what is the cure to schizoid personality disorder and anti-social personality disorder when there is no known cures of any of these? I'm genuinely curious.

Thanks user. I am well aware of those definitions but I think the philosophical implications of treating personality as an entity that you have, rather than a set of observations of the person, is misleading and I sensed that in the previous posts.

I need to put the kids to bed etc., but I'll respond to the second part later tonight.

Except out entire conflict rests on semantics where your definition of personalty includes both mood and environmentally conditioned behaviors, where's my definition deals with the innate tendencies of an individual that can be corrected for conditioning.

I'm not sure what kind of synthesis there is too that, we just have different definitions.

Yeah it's pretty l8 where I am m8, I'll just check the thread tomorrow. Still genuinely curious though

I think you have a very narrow definition of personality, when you really try to check into what it "is" all you get are patterns of thoughts, emotion, behaviour over time across situations etc. All I'm arguing against is that if you change those patterns there is not still some residual spiritual "core" of a person that remains unchanged. What you see is what you get, because personality is not an entity but an observation.

That most of the time my thoughts lack any real substance and are merely the appearance of thought. In other words, my own head is Plato's Cave.

I had a similar experience earlier this year. It's not an experience I can really describe in any detail accurately. But I remember that it was triggered by my reading of Simone Weil, an infamously intense Christian philosopher, and that for months I was basically lost in my own head, suffering the worst death-anxiety I had ever experienced. Eventually my anxiety got so bad that I was virtually paralysed, at which point I was put on anti-depressants and valium. These medications gave me the peace I needed to seriously consider what it was that was happening to me and how I had to proceed. After a few more months I decided to accept what was happening and embraced the family religion, Catholicism. I'm practising now as best I can, and am slowly learning the teachings of the faith. I'm fairly certain that God, or something like a god, exists. But even the atheists are right, I would continue to live religiously. I refuse to live like a materialist. Say what you like about religion (I won't deny that the Catholic Church has caused enormous suffering in the world) but atheism will do nothing but turn us all into "last men".

Also greetings from Sydney my friend!

There are infinitely many possible philosophical axioms. There are infinitely many criteria for the judgement of these axioms (this is a corollary of the first statement). The selection of these axioms or criteria is arbitrary.

That sums everything up

that sounds pretty intense. I'm glad you feel better at least.

It put a lot of things into perspective and I'm probably the happiest I've ever been, although I do find life more tiring than I used to. I understand how fragile life is and that the best thing for me to do is to try to alleviate the suffering of others. It's probably the worst experience I've ever been through but it was also the most worthwhile, and I hope that others are granted the privilege themselves.