I was asked to write why writing and reading are meaningful to me for the diagnostic essay of writing 101...

I was asked to write why writing and reading are meaningful to me for the diagnostic essay of writing 101. It's the first assignment of the year in college, no grade. What do you think?

(You)

What is this garbage? It reads like a diary. Learn how to employ the comma, you mongoloid.

1. Don't use contractions (like 'don't') in formal writing.
2. line 1, 'reading and writing ... are', not 'is'.
3. Why is 'important' quoted?
4. line 1, 'generally' is unneeded.
5. 'mind altering' should be hyphenated.
6. line 3, 'ironic' means what exactly?
7. line 3, you've used 'compel' twice now
8. line 3, the remaining part of the sentence after 'and consume' makes no sense at all.
9. line 4, you've ended 'any reason not to' on a preposition. Although this kind of thing is 'ok' nowadays, in my mind it isn't. This is your choice.
10. line 5, 'literary' is unneeded, as you've mentioned 'reading' and 'works' and this obviously implies 'literary'; besides this is sounding too pretentious.
11. 'transposes ... ideas into the structure of your brain itself'. This is too pretentious and verbose.
12. line 7, 'however 'important' this is...' So you're going to leave perhaps the most interesting sentence in the entire thing unanswered?

13. second paragraph, line 1, change 'then if' to 'and if'.
14. same line, remove 'truly'.
15. 'poetic feeling'? Pretentious: explain or remove.
16. 'beyond words'? Cliché: you're explaining it now.
17. 'effect on when read'. Makes no sense: remove 'on'?
18. 'which comes to mind'. Unneeded, remove.
19. line 3, 'whose'. Don't use 'who' with inanimate objects, Siddhartha is a book: use 'the ending of which'.
20. same line, 'one of the ... synergy'. Should be plural.
21. Do you want to expand on WHY Siddhartha was good? Or just skip over it entirely like here?
22. line 4, 'sub conscious' is one word.
23. line 5, 'utilitarian'. Pretentious: explain or remove.
24. line 6, you're missing 'to' from before 'read'.

cont.

>The reason that.... , is that
> this is, is
>paradoxical synergy of prose

NOT YOUR PERSONAL EDITORS. Go to your school's writing center or something. Don't they teach composition in high school anymore?

25. Third paragraph, line 1, 'the structure of how other writers write'. Just say 'other writers' work'.
26. line 2, 'when read' is not needed, remove.
27. line 2, 'I believe it influences...'. Insert 'that' after believe.
28. line 3, you've written 'believe' now three times.
29. same line, 'neuro placticity' is one word, and not spelled like that.
30. line 4, 'accent of speech'. Just say 'accent'.
31. 'adopt ... the impact of experiences'. Pretentious, verbose.
32. same line, 'And so'. Unneeded, remove.
33. 'I believe'. Again.
34. line 6, 'someone feeds themself'. 'Themself' is not a word, and nevertheless does not go with 'someone', which is a singular person.
35. same line, 'crappy'. Remove, too informal.
36. same line, if you don't know what an 'em dash' is, don't use it. Remove the hyphen.
37. last line of this paragraph, 'inevitable'. This is an adjective, you need an adverb here.
38. same line, 'sounding'. Do books 'sound' or 'read'?

cont.

This is stream-of-consciousness drivel, not an essay.

Third paragraph:

39. line 1 - 'although'. Remove.
40. line 1 - 'necessarily'. Why must anyone think their writing is good? Unnecessary, remove.
41. line 1 - insert 'that' after 'think'.
42. line 3 - 'depth of feeling a gives you' ???
43. line 4 - 'extrapolate' a second time? Do you know what this word actually means?
44. line 4 - 'sub levels' is a single word.
45. line 5 - insert em dashes or remove. Depending on the level of parenthesis you want, I'd go for just commas here.
46. line 6 - 'This serves the function of the desire to...' ???

Fourth paragraph:

47. Entire first sentence is nonsense.
48. line 4 - the plural of 'virus' is 'viruses'.
49. line 5 - 'god fearing' should be hyphenated, and, depending on the size of your fedora, 'god' capitalised.
50. 'I am compelled to express myself verbally, because that is what I am compelled to do'. Utter nonsense. And too much compulsion.
51. last line 'it's' does not need the apostrophe.
52. 'as meaningless as the physical structure of the your mind...'. So someone's brain is meaningless? It's literally the only thing that matters, according to the whole four previous paragraphs?

Overall, 3/10 (D-).

t. Teacher.

Honestly, that's generous.

>Go to your school's writing center or something
It closed because Trump cut its funding.

OP should thank you for this.

Assuming it's not a troll, which it most likely is

I do think it's pretty cool that he or she did that, but I'm really depressed lately. I don't really want to read it right now. I just hate my life. I already sent it to my teacher and apologized for it being utterly terrible. I'm just sad right now, for numerous reasons, but I can't take reading that right now.

>I don't mean that in an ironic way

I wrote all of that.

I was seriously trying to help you out. How else is one meant to improve if no one ever comments? My comments may seem a little rude in places, but that's only because I became a little bored half-way through writing them.

I know you've already submitted it, but why don't you, as an exercise, read my comments and amend the original? Perhaps, the next time you write an essay, your subconscious will pull out one of these.

The least you could do, the next time, is run it through a spell-checker.

And if you're that depressed, you need to see a doctor.

>5. 'mind altering' should be hyphenated.
you don't want to go down this road, friendo

I'd be absolutely seething holy fuck. This OP is worse than any /pol/ poster on this board. At least they have a spine. Go get some help OP.

Thank you, I will read what you wrote. You obviously put a lot of effort into it, thank you.

>Don't they teach composition in high school anymore?
not at mine

Is this really undergrad level writing in the US?

look op it's bad, that's the truth

after reading the first and my last paragraph i felt you in fact disliked writing, perhaps even reading, the style is bad, there is no voice just mumbling

my advice; experience life more, write, read, whatever, but new too, the old will always be there, you have time

Are you confused and dazed? Because that's what i got.

Style is either related to taste or appetite or both

Theme is life: have you lived? How many things were you too scared or slow or hesitant or had mixed feelings about without experiencig them?

if you can say something is important to you without quotation marks and delusion then style or not i would be glad to read 800 pages.

good luck , for whatever and everything

the sun rises and shines on the face of god who dwells in lumberyards without leaving notice to his wife. On this day i was to meet the general of the lumberyard who did not posess a soul. when i arrived i saw just flamies highly rising in the skies but not without drama or upheaval of heart! God was killed and the world shrieked in terror, terrible final terror. "he really did it the absolute madman, he literally put the lumberyard on fire and turned himself into ashes as he had always dreamed!" and shook my head with an amused expression. "This is So god." i said and chuckled a bit. i walked then away from his grave of woods until i reached Brussels, a city known for terrorist attacks and nothing else, there i sat down in a coffeehouse and observed muslims, i was sure that all of these were part of organizations which threatened the existance of my life and the life of my wife and her sister but alos the sisters husbands and their children, but also our children, unlesss i could avoid it and i was hard to stop. My parents were not at danger from these muslims i think because they always stayed home and watched television shows in which planets were destroyed by intergalactic forces and a sea of tears formed within the vast infinite chaos and they would sip cola or, on some days, special days they were, they sipped on sugared Milk. Personally i'm also a fan of sugared Milk though for more traditional types it is a strange combination. But think about it. Milk is cold and sugar sweet and those are generally good combos like ice cream. My taste in sugared Milk was not a necessity but a kontigency and being aware of the chain of retaliation aka the cause-and-affect chain i was able to relativize my taste and everything else too, i was enough man, for my testoterone levels were high and my beard growth intense, to even relativize the existance of morality. Heated debates were had, my small brother, a mentally ill computer game addict would say: How can you claim that morality isn't real. Of course it is real." and i would then look at him briefly and open my mouth and start moving my tongue while hissing also air in profound and sophisticated manners and while dogin so i was tapping with my fingers on the table and i formed gooooo-ooo-ooo-T iiiiiiiiiis deaaaaaaaaaaaat. but i only formed it because when it was neccessary i actually forgot to exhale the air required to make sounds. My brother was really confused he uh averted eyes for a couple of seconds thinking deeply but i don't know what about and then i smiled and said. hey, if morality is real, then hw could amorality be real. He was totally blown away by this and got sucked into a microscopic blackhole named Nietzsche and there he dwelled foreverial while i on the other side was excluded from the cool club, in which my brother was now. But i'm not a dweller, i'm an optimist, though not an objectivist. I picked up the clothes my brother left behind and cooked them, then i ate them and got sick

Great posts here. Thanks for making the board a better place

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it sure is rainy in this city. it sure is rainy in this city. There shure is a lot of rein in this city. There's surely plenty of rain here. I bet a lot of rain is here. And i stood up and aid: Why not this: I am assured of there being lots of rain in this city but then i looked outwards and saw it was already raining and said: no, this is not optimal. The rain is surely frequent here? no, i said to the person who said that. "Completely false you idiot" i underlined his failure. We were a round f 10 old men with hanging guts. "The rain's apperance is not surprising to the inhabitants of the city" another dude said and we all thought for 4 seconds. Slowly laughter rose and we all embraced and danced in joy and were drunk from ecstasy and kissed each other on the lips and more things happened then that we promised each other to not mention ever to other people especially not our wifes. We shook hands when we decided to move home 3 days after that. I walked out of the large home were our host had guested"l us and found myself in the stinking, reeking, shitstained narrow streets of this rainy city. there were far too many other people here so i shoved them and said: ur a waste of my time you spineless onion...ring. I shoved a guy over the fence and he fell down 4000m until he was a puddle of blood. "survival of the fittest cuckold" i shouted after him and moved along the people to my home. it was long away and i wanted to take the birdies but i was too poor to afford them so i rather deicded to not go home tonight but rather go to a bar a bar mayybe that was close nearby and i wanted to get really drunk maybe i would find there are nice pair of tits like really good but not fake tits on which i could suck and grab and then i'd say things like "jetem munamur" which is like a lovepoem and i'd rub my stick on her thighs and she'd like tickle me down there and i'd say "nice" and lay down and lay there while she'd caress me a lot she'd caress also my buttcheeks i think and she'd do so much more and i would get a 100 dollar shine from my purse and hold it to her hands which she then would use to grab them and put them in her purse and heer teeth were blendamet white and nice and her smile reall lovely and i would grab her hand and hold it and smile too and say: you are adorable my little girl and i would think of staying there forever but i knew i was a man and had to serve in the name of my family so i would then leave the bar and walk the loong loong way to my home where my wife would waitbut she wasn't lovely she was fat now... fat... she was... a "housewife" now and when i'd return she talk and talk and she'd say: Lets not watch the prompter, let's talk with each other, talking is nice and i'd sit there and roll my ees really tired andd sa: Talking is for losers, not for winners. That's why woman want to talk all the time. True beauty can not be expressed in the abstraction of language, it's vehicle is physical action, enforcing it upon the world as a

bad writing doesn't equal stream of consciousness

This needs editing, but is good.

No, it doesn't. But being bad doesn't mean it's not stream of consciousness either, and bad writing tends towards stream of consciousness purely from it's lack of structure.