Bugs... easy on the carrots

>bugs... easy on the carrots
Rewrite this sentence in the style of an author you like. Other anons try to guess the author

lol ye it was funny for a few moments now please fuck off

>ye
Shakespeare

...

We've been doing threads like this for years. The sentence that is chosen for imitation is ALWAYS a meme, usually a bad one. If you don't recognize the format then you should lurk more.

Bugs did not go easy on the carrots. So it goes.

are you saying because these threads have history they should remain?
they're all fucking unfunny and contribute nothing to this board.

Yes.

Sunset found bugs squatting in the grass. The more carrots he ate, the more he shat, and the more he shat, the more he wished to crawl to the vegetable garden and eat more carrots.

Bugs... ugh, easy on the carrots, okay?

It's 2am and I'm laughing hysterically at your post. I don't know if your post is objectively bad or good, but I can't stop laughing either way.

An unnameable bloated figure rolled across the poised grass. Paws, teeth and whiskers were mashed into an enormous furry sphere. Its weight was gargantuan and Earth itself felt the pull of gravity in the form of a carrot eating monsters.
I stared at the creature, my brain racing with fear of that unknown diet. They're coming to get me! Over the meadow I can see the fat police fast approaching, and as I accept the impending doom, I utter the words 'Bugs... easy on the carrots'.

>how did carrots get stuck with Bug's exclusivity? You can put onions on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has a carrot, boom, it's a Bug's sandwich.

Bugs knew that deep down the detached half-irony with which user was telling him to cut back on the carrots was really just a kind of defense mechanism he used to distract himself from his own day-in, day-out pathologically self-destructive habits. That these cheeky moments were a few of the seldom-had moments of happiness in a life otherwise characterized by anhedonia. That user has a few things he himself needs to cut back on--masturbation, alcohol use, mindless scrolling and refreshing the catalog, etc etc. That though this hypocrisy is perverse, it’s natural. But despite (or because of) this brief glimpse into some of the underworkings of the anhedoniac’s psyche, Bugs (whose body had, truthfully, gone from straight to ellipsoidal to spherical and was now well on its way to becoming ellipsoidal again just with the major and minor axes flipped from what they were previously, when he was ellipsoidal, that is) still could not bring himself to understand non-banality and utmost importance of the capital ‘I’ Imperative: “... easy on the carrots”

slaughterhouse 5
catch 22

Hm, nothing is really ringing a bell. Lovecraft?

>catch 22
God, you're so innocent. It's cute.
It's Game of Thrones, or whatever the fucking books are called

>extrapolating personality features from a single guess to a post that could imitate just about any author
are you 12?

my my... the digits are coming early this fall

DFW

Woah man, relax. I meant it as a compliment, albeit a patronizing one. The original subject matter to which you are replying is a frequent topic for parody in threads like these. That you responded sincerely meant you were assuming good faith on behalf of someone who's just trying to meme his way into (You)s. I thought it was cute.
Fwiw, I originally thought that Catch-22 would provide an excellent framework for parodying the "Sunset..." line, so our thought processes aren't all that different.
Wanna guess mine?

The carrot in bug's hand was the color of a television, tuned to the nickelodeon logo

>that could imitate just about any author
newfaaaaaaag

Neurocurrents fractally dissipate, vaporizing all flora-consumption inhibitors. Biomechanisms crumble under accelerating replication of cells, cybernetic processes launch mitosis interplanetary in allergic reaction to hyperdriven carotene reactor meltdown. Positive feedback drives breakdown nonlinear, entropy swells as orange obelisks break slime. Bacteria swarm, viruses, bugs.

Easy... gods of bipedal cyberspace strike with Weinerian control, paranoia, establish minimalist norms to fight exponential expansion. They fear collapse.

You are really fucking new. It's one of the most frequently posted and memed about passages on Veeky Forums.

nick.. easy on the singularity

Bugs holds a carrot. But what is a carrot? Carrots are food. But what is food? Food is a relation between Bugs and his carrot, or is the relation's relating Bugs and his carrot in the relation; food is not the carrot but the carrot's relating itself to itself.

That Rab's have a stuffing of what he loved, bloated in orange earth.

Yep. Was it the keywords that gave it away? e.g. banal, anhedonia

Nah, you nailed his style pretty well overall so it was an easy guess. Well done!

NEUROMANCER

Marx

correct

>

Bugs lived in a mud hut on the cool side of a dried up riverbed. Ghosts of cattail and marsh grass haunted the dust and pebble. The sun-baked lagomorph wiped its grimy hands on a mottled nightshirt and waved me over into the cool darkness.

I hung my belt on a peg and sat. The sun set. We shared moldy carrots for dinner, while my host admonished my stupidity and warned me against continuing across the desert alone.

"Bugs," I said, "thank you for the carrots." I sipped vinegar wine from a boot as darkness and thunder stormed outside.

The Kafkaesque one made me laugh the hardest.

Oh please please please tell us the (((((purpose))))) of this board so that we can all move more rapidly towards this inevitable end point.

Why can't these faggots focus their talent on some pomo memery masterpiece
>tfw you realize the posts are the masterpiece
we meta post modernism now

Bugs...easy on the carrots, roasted plums, stuffed peacock, buttered duck, spiced boar, poached quail eggs, sauteed onions, seasoned snail, aged red wine, peppered cheese, unborn puppy, boiled veal, triple layered cake and salted pork

The Borges one would had been tippy top tier in spanish

lmao

well done

Dont think mccarthy would use a word like stupidity tho

The dead

One bunny. For sale. Never exercised.

It was a pleasure to watch him feed. .It was a special pleasure to see carrots eaten, to see things digested and changed-- but never this much!

Fahrenheit 451

had a hearty chuckle thanks

Grrm

God I wanted to kiss Bugs so badly, but I was just a shy high schooler who's very smart but has a low self esteem, and he's... Well, he was everything good in the world.

"Bugs... easy on the carrots," I said half-jokingly, hoping he would notice me and treat me with the love and respect I treated him with.
To be honest, I wish I could be like Bugs, wild and free, without a care in the world. If people were seasons, I was duck and he was rabbit.

bugs.. easy on t͎͇̫͡h̸̝e̙͕̠̖̬͕͟ ć̤̪͍̦̭̫̰a͍̪̩̥͓r̗͎rot͓̹̝͈s̸͍̠͎͈

bugs.. easy
on
the carrots

no
NO

don't think that was mccarthy, there was actual punctuation and not enough run on sentences

>Bacteria swarm, viruses, bugs.
excellent

I took out a cigarette and lit it. "bugs, easy on the carrots."

Terry Pratchett? There was a part like that in The Colour of Magic I think

The completion of German idealism

that's my nigga anti-climacus. gg

A porcine rabbit stands in front of me. His front teeth drip with orange fluid, he's inexplicably wearing impeccably pure white gloves.

"Sir," I ask, "what are you doing in my garden?"

He smacks his teeth and lips together. His girth jiggles. "Ehhh, what's up, Doc?"

"I'm a veterinarian," I tell him. "I roam the countryside looking for obese creatures. And to you, my friend, I'd like to ask you to temper your diet."

Obstinate, the gray bunny waddled away from me, found a hole large enough to hide a four-wheeler in, and rolled down it ... never to be seen again.

So there I was in The Rabbit's Whiskers having a basket of fried frog nipples when I see this boffer sitting at the bar stuffing his face with buttered carrots and dittany. "Bugs" I say "steady on those carrots." He ignored me so I left to stretch my legs.

Bugs
You ate me out
Like a carrot
Then you left me
In the dirty ground
When you get hard again
Take it easy
On your next one

Bugs
He ate his carrots
Easy
EASY
The bunny is fat.

plentiful carrots
rabbit eats when hunger comes
guaranteed replies

Hemingway.
Ezpz

CATEGORIAE.

2. Forms of speech are either simple or composite. Examples of the latter are such expressions as 'bugs... easy on the carrots'; of the former, 'bugs...'. 'easy' and 'carrot'.
Of things themselves some are predicable of a subject, and are never present in a subject. Thus 'carrot' is predicable
of the individual carrot, and is never present in a subject.
[...]
Some things, again, are present in a subject, but are never predicable of a subject. For instance, a certain quantity of
carrots is present in Bugs' stomach, but is not predicable of any subject; or again a girthiness may be present in the body
(for size requires a material basis), yet it is never predicable of anything.
Other things, again, are both predicable of a subject and present in a subject. Thus while while girthiness is present in Bugs' gut,
it is predicable of gluttony.

John Green

rupi

I thought you were kinda heavyhanded with that shit but liked the ellipsoidal part a lot

But it really did seem like more of a parody than something sincerely in the style of.

In the summer of 1958 bugs spent more eating carrots than the rest of the Toons at that time (Bugs Bunny would later lose the weight, and die of the flu at the age of eight four years later).

Of.course we knew, all the Toons knew, and even the Toons who were scared but pretended they weren't KNEW. There was something more than tasty carrots making Bugs Bunny eat.

Porky Pig said what we were all thinking, "Bugs...easy on the carrots" (years later at Bugs Bunny's funeral, as Bugs's coffin was lowered into the grave, we would all hear the sound of his teeth crunching carrots).

We were one member of the Loony Toons short, we needed seven but six would have to do.

He was munching, small splinters of the orange substance dropping idly in the space between his antennae whiskers and the dirty soil, each in itself a carrying the whole carrot with it, but incomplete. The one approaching him went down the arroyo leaving the dark crimson bloom of the sunset behind him and the caldera and the desert and the remote backward trail of his origin behind and against the fluttering of stars in the sky. He looked upon the hare. Ogre like and brawny.

You should go easy on the carrots. He sat between patches of dirt, emptied with the husks of formal vegetable owners.

The other spat at the space between them. You ain't no doc.

10/10

CORMAC

The rabbit was sitting on the carrot patch, eating.[editor's note: here follow pages about the cultivating, picking and preparing of carrots, detailing the specifics of various regions and people who are accustomed to eating them].
I sat on a patch and my savage friend on another. We both looked with great awe at the bulging mass of the rabbit's great belly.

"Maybe you should go easy on the carrots mister Bunny."

Call me bugs

Das rite.

"What am I?" the rabbit asked, picking another carrot from the patch around him.
The other fidgeted. He looked nervously at the hare's metallic glim in the eyes. He knew that oblivion would follow a wrong answer.
"You are Al-Arnab, The Great Rabbit, that devours the souls of men."
"I am and I am not. Yet who is the one eating the carrots, me or Him? Careful with the answer for the Vegetable of Life or the Potato of End lie in this answer."

There was death in those teeth. Maybe not the teeth tho. Behind that stack of netaly organized carrots something glimmed towards the qanat and the horizon behind it. A blade? An ACME bomb?

"You should go easy on the carrots."

The rabbit's lip moved for the glimmer of a second. He got up, his water filled body an insult for those toiling under the twin suns who were watching him with hunget and thirst.

"You live to see anothet sunset Son of Man."

>cormac
>using quotes for dialogue
>people thanking each other in a cormac novel

You silly nigger.

>Ctrl-F 'stately plump bugs bunny'
>0 results

O wail and mourn the fallen Veeky Forums, for it has perished

>al-arnab, the great rabbit

O:

Nothing near as good, anons.

>Donalo: Bugs
>Bugs: What?
>D. Bugs, my friend
>B. My dear friend
>D. Good friend
>B. What is it?
>D. (silent)
>B. Well. (stands up) Do you have a carrot
>D. My friend
>B. What?
>D. My dear friend
>B. Good friend
>D. (stands)
>B. (sits) Do you have a carrot?
>D. Yes (sits)
>B. (gestures to Donalo) GIve it to me
>D. (retracts) No. (stands up) Bugs...
>B. What?
>D. Nevermind
>B. Give me a tulip, at least
>D. I'll give you a tulip (gives tulip)

Bugs Bunny, who ate the carrot dug from the cold wet ground with his teeth, on a cloudy and damp march morning, which was dug up from old Silas Peterson's farm, which Stilas' gandfather built over 70 years ago, in a lot he bought for 500 dollars and a cask of moonshine, contentedly gnawed on his treat. His belly, which had swollen over the course of a few weeks of previous such excursions to the Peterson plot, each time selecting only the fattest and most succulent-looking of the carrots, was a sign to him that he should go easy in the future.

Hm, well I've heard that being smarter than someone is a necessary prerequisite to successfully parodying them.
I guess this means I'm not even smarter than DFW.
I guess I'll just go kill myself.

-Carrots...? in a voice that chortled.
-The orange, crunchy kind, yes.

Dostoevsky

>Not getting this one is unforgivable

I one day came across a rabbit feeding on carrots all having peculiar, yet vaguely familiar markings. I intended to take one for closer examination, but the rabbit lashed out from its voracious eating to stop me from so doing. Surely I could decipher these queer hieroglyphics if I committed them to memory before they were all consumed. I called out to the creature, "Rabbit! You have had your share of vegetables. Be on your way!" It turned sharply at this ridiculous cry to stare at me. I am unsure how, but it's gaze was oddly unsettling. I took this opportunity of pause to have a closer look at the carrots lying under its head. I was horrified to recall the familiarity of these symbols as I had seen them two months prior in the forbidden section of the Arkham library. Making a note to return to the library after dark, I walked back down to the bank of the Miskatonic where I could continue my survey of the water and its queer inhabitants.

Le named my cat niggerman man

Ye. So he did.

I just love HPL man, the fucking elitist prick.

Kek. He's got some good stories.

AtMoM>Dream Cycle>Chtulhu Mythos

If I take that carrot, will you die?
It would be extremely painful
You’re a big rabbit
For you.
Was getting fat part of your plan?

L'ascension du Chevalier Noir by Christian le Nolaine

Bugs! Gosh! You look positively jaunty! And half your age! You travelled well? My God, what are you eating - not apples! You're a vegetable man. They do a pretty decent carrot here. Take all this stuff away, will you, Doc? And bring us a couple of the orange type. Make 'em big 'uns. Take it easy!

Sorry I got tight last night, Bugs. Easy on the carrots next time hey?

JOYCE

Dyyimhhhhfggg kek

Sweet white-bellied mass of
animal, of raw earth and sky fed
rabbit my son, clothed in coarse white gloves,
your whiskers tickle my tan neck.
I have brought for you a snack here
in my parcel, Bugs.
I say to thee as much as to myself and any reader who attends to these scrawled musings--
Easy on the carrots

I've only read two of HP Lovecraft's stories, and I could still tell that was his style of writing.

bugs(1) easy on the carrots(2)

1, Bugs Bunny, anthromorphic cartoon rabbit created by Leon Schlesinger Productions in BS 1940. The plot of Bugs Bunny cartoons generally follow the heterodox adventures of Bugs turning a hunters chase on its head and foiling the chase. A common tactic he uses is dressing in drag in order to sexually confuse the masculine hunter he is chasing after before hitting him with a frying pan. Interlace Cartridges of old Leon Schlesinger Mel Blanc-era Bugs Bunny cartoons are available through the Animation Studios Subsidy of Warner Brothers Entertainment Inc.
2. Daucus carota subsp. sativus. An orange root vegetable native to Europe. Polyacetylenes can be found in Apiaceae vegetables like carrots where they show cytotoxic activities. Falcarinol and falcarindiol (cis-heptadeca-1,9-diene-4,6-diyne-3,8-diol) are such compounds. This latter compound shows antifungal activity towards Mycocentrospora acerina and Cladosporium cladosporioides. Falcarindiol is the main compound responsible for bitterness in carrots. Other compounds such as pyrrolidine (present in the leaves), 6-hydroxymellein, 6-methoxymellein, eugenin, 2,4,5-trimethoxybenzaldehyde (gazarin) or (Z)-3-acetoxy-heptadeca-1,9-diene-4,6-diin-8-ol (falcarindiol 3-acetate) can also be found in carrot. Make sure to water them.