Personal blog/ Love letter critique thread

Sup bros. I come to you with my tale of unrequited love because I have no one else to turn to. Please bear with me.

So the thing is I have been madly infatuated with a girl in my friends circle in college. Lets call her DD. She's in my class. We hang out (with a couple of other kids) after classes. We don't really talk too much, but whenever we do, it's these really intense and meaningful conversations about life, the universe and their like. She has never dated before, and is completely unlike any other chick I have met before. She just reads, listens to music and podcasts and watches movies. She despises small talk and is very upright. She is skinny and petite, with a rather austere look on her face (i used to refer to her as Mother Teresa lol). I had a girlfriend (sort of) during this period because I felt that just having a womans touch could cure me of my longing for her. Boy was I WRONG.

Long story short: I broke up with the chick I was dating because I could not pretend to love someone when my heart lay with DD. I wrote a long ass letter addressed to her to lay out my feelings for her during the summer holidays.

As soon as college reopened, I decided to be honest with my feelings with her. So I called her to meet me in a semi deserted place in college and told her I liked her. Her jaw dropped in amazement and she put up her hand to cover her mouth. She had no I dea that I thought of her as more than a friend (I thought you had feelings for the other girl user!). Unable to explain myself (my brain was short circuiting) I pulled out the notebook where I had written the letter and showed it to her. After going thru the letter, she says "Umm, beautiful letter user. See you ge me ( I had anticipated her reaction in my letter) but I cant say the same because I don't share your feelings. Sorry". She uttered those words with the most lovely expression in her eyes.. a combination of pity and surprise.

We promised to to try and make things as normal as possible when we hang out around each other but it has been anything but that. Gone are those days when I could tease her about little stuff and crack jokes carelessly. She grows somber everytime I am near her and tries to avoid eye contact (although this has been improving lately). I, in turn try to not make her uncomfortable, so I avoid hhanging out with my friends and just chill in the library or something.

What should I do bros? The girl is literal perfection in human form and everytime I see her face, I have to look away because it is like being blinded by the sun. Her beauty overwhelms me and her aloofness kills me. Should I apologize for making things awkward and move on? Or should I ask her out (as friends) to get to know her better. Just 8 months of Uni left and getting to know her better sounds like a better deal than wallowing in self contempt and misery.

Commencing upload of the letter...

> Dear D,

I write this letter out of extreme anguish. I acn't sleep, can't study, cant eat, cant breathe, cant talk, cant walk without thoughts about you intruding into my mind. I imagine myself looking into your eyes, running my fingers thru your charcoal black hair and kissing your forehead softly in the moments before I fall asleep in my small, stuffy room on the roof. Of course your absence compels me to to use my second pillow as a replacement. You might think this to e pathetic and laugh at me my love. But I implore of you to try and understand my sad predicament. The coward that I am, I chose to pursue the woman who I knew I could win over rather than the one who had won me over from the very beginning- you. I am a coward who chose the comfort of a plastic relationship rather than the anguished uncertainty of going after someone who- in a manner of speaking- is rather saintly in her conduct.

(cont)

(cont)

In doing so, I have broken the heart of the other girl, and plunged my own into abject emotional poverty, so that now doubt my own worthiness of loving someone else. Yes, I doubt if I am worthy of you my love. Me with all my subterfuges, schemes, neuroses and self defeating deceptions, am I worthy of someone like you? You , who are so noble hearted, so clear minded, generous and strong. You, whose very nature forbids her from indulging in idle gossip about other people. You, whose very gait betrays her careful casualness. Although I hate cliches, you make me believe in the fundamental goodness that lies inside all human beings, perhaps even in myself. With you, I want to be good, to do good and so on. You might think I am sappy and emotional. You are not wrong. My emotions drive me insane and make me do silly things, (I suspect I am going to do something silly in a few days) but most importantly, they make me vulnerable to hurt and disappointment. Do you regard your emotions with suspicion too? Do you have an active emotional life? Why do you like to be alone? Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to assume anything about your past, but I cannot help giving in to wild conjectures and assumptions. Do you feel lonely too, when while waiting for sleep to come over you, you perceive the faint music of our planet hurtling through nothingness? I have always regarded romantic relationships with suspicion, like you. The very idea of seeking some kind of consolation or contentment in the companionship of someone else always seemed (to me) to reek of insecurity and desperation.

(cont)

After all, why not rejoice in ones own company? I have seen people around me pine for relationships the way smokers crave nicotine. In my mind, this was a sign of weakness, of dependence. Admittedly, these conceptions were formed at a time when I used to swear off cigarettes. Is it hypocritical of me to use the same metaphor at a time when I find myself in the clutches of substance abuse? Whatever it is, I suspect my thoughts on this matter closely resemble yours. But in spite of this, however much I try to convince myself of the opposite, I cannot forsake the conviction that if I let this opportunity pass, I will lose something whose loss will haunt me for the rest of my life. What opportunity do I mean, you ask? The opportunity to tell you how I feel about you. To try and convince you that this is something worthwhile, that this is something worth wagering everything on. I can imagine how you'll react. Your eyes will get wider and sparkle as you process the words you that you have just heard. You are too taken aback to speak for a moment. Then your eyes assume a pitiful expression as you tell me to forget about it all. I am 99% certain that this will be the outcome of my proposal to you, and as far as I can, I will expect this response and try not to be too devastated. Yet the fact that I still give myself a 1% chance fills my mind with nervous excitement and leaves it in turmoil. Try as I might, I cannot shake the vision of you turning back to look at me with smiling eyes when I had offered water to you after observing you rummage through your bag and bringing out an empty bottle in silence. I'd like to think you remember that moment too.

(cont)

Will post the remainder of the letter after (and if) this thread picks up a little. Ciao!

>She has never dated before, and is completely unlike any other chick.

Probably a whore who works as a camgirl while she pretends she's reading in her room. Or a tumblrina. Or fat. Or all the options at the same time.

Also your letter is very cringe. I deny to accept this is real.

"Fuck you."
To: God

(cont)

I remember you as we were walking down a slope on the banks of the T*** dam. Previously you had asked me if I had wanted to race to the shore and I, of course, agreed. Then, without warning, you dash forward while we were still navigating our way downwards. I was shocked for a moment before I understand whats going on. I shout out "You still won't beat me!" as I run forward too and you say "Shut up!". We stop before we reach the shore, and then you put your arm over my shoulder as we walk side by side towards the shore. Do you remember this my love? It may not mean much to you, but for me those moments with you are the closest I have experienced to pure joy in the recent past. Sounds pathetic doesn't it? I must stop now, otherwise I run the risk of going on with my delirious ravings for a great many more pages. Suffice it to say that you will hear from me soon, and I will try to share my feelings with you. Not directly, for I am too cowardly for that, but indirectly, subtly. I will not say anything definitive, but it'll (hopefully) make you wonder, to raise questions in your head, to make you think about things. After that, if and when the right situation arises,I will tell you directly. I hope you will not be too cross with me, my love. It will be awkward and painful but it has to be done. I hope you understand.

Yours,
user.

(fin)

this is now a cringe thread. just text "lol bye". she'll be back on your dick next week, stupid faggot.