What is emotional intelligence?

what is emotional intelligence?

books that prove it's not pop psychology?

Other urls found in this thread:

quora.com/What-is-more-beneficial-in-all-aspects-of-life-a-high-EQ-or-IQ-This-question-is-based-on-the-assumption-that-only-your-EQ-or-IQ-is-high-with-the-other-being-average-or-below-this-average/answer/Jordan-B-Peterson
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

peterson doesn't believe in it

quora.com/What-is-more-beneficial-in-all-aspects-of-life-a-high-EQ-or-IQ-This-question-is-based-on-the-assumption-that-only-your-EQ-or-IQ-is-high-with-the-other-being-average-or-below-this-average/answer/Jordan-B-Peterson

its nicomachean ethics for noobs

Cognitive Intelligence is the measure of logical decision making.
Emotional Intelligence is the measure of both how emotions influence your decision making and how one can interpret another person's emotions.
Moral intelligence is a measure of how virtue influences your decision making through the assesment of one's empathy, conscience, temperance, kindness, respect and tolerance.

Studies have found that all of these "intelligences" exist, though only a pseud believes that any one of these is more important than another (though it could be argued that EQ is only as important as the others in regard to understanding other people's emotions.)

I personally believe, though EQ does exist, people mistakenly use it to rationalize illogical and immoral action due to emotional impulses.

peterson doesn't believe in it? well if the flavour of the month e-celeb doesn't believe in it then it's settled

Emotional Intelligence as a measure exists, but it's no "counterpart" to Cognitive Intelligente, as many people wrongly believe.

It's just not being autistic, essentially

I think that emotional intelligence is nonsense. But there does seem to be variation between humans and their ability to 'mindread others'.
Look into research on "theory of mind". People with autism, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia show defects while those with borderline personality disorder show increased mindreading.

Some guy came to my school promoting a book about EQ. I just laughed him off as some touchy feely dweeb who saw too much complexity in human relations. In my head it was just "be not a dick and you'll be fine." I was just a cynical ass-hole teenager though.

Now that I'm older and I've been in more serious and involved relationships with both friends and lovers, I realize that EQ is absolutely a thing. It's something I'm terribly lacking in and I didn't realize until I got to know an actual healthy person on a deep level. She told me I was a monster who needed to change if I wanted everyone to stick around. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. EQ isn't being nice and lovely, its not all touchy feely. It's like some heartstring judo, man. I still call her so she can remind me that I'm an asshole.

There are good people and there are monsters. EQ isn't what separates them, it's what lets you see who's which. It's cool and definitely a thing.

think of it this way, both "smart" and "dumb" people can act switch roles at any point in time

>People with autism, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia show defects while those with borderline personality disorder show increased mindreading.
This isn't exactly true. BPD's center's for "empathy" light up more, so do most of the antisocial behavior ones, but empathy doesn't really mean mirror neurons or mindreading. It means being able to assess the emotional states of others more quickly, and doesn't mean an empathetic response is given in the sense most people mean it. It just means they can usually sense some emotions in others from less information, but can also overestimate emotions that are present.

So while they might be able to tell you're sad and hiding it sometimes, the majority of the time they will read a neutral face as angry or another extreme negative emotion.
Or, while a sociopath might be able to tell you've previously been a victim of violence from your gait with extreme accuracy, that doesn't mean they're relying on current emotions or cognitions, or that they won't use that to kill you.

It's not really mindreading, because it often gets it wrong and never really replicates the same emotion like you'd see in mirroring usually.

People with schizophrenia for instance usually read blank faces and disgust faces the same way, as blank or neutral, rather than negative. With the same set of faces, the cluster B groups tend to see disgust on both the blank and disgusted face.

All that's empathizing, but the name really needs reworking.

In other cool mindreading, have you seen the one where people are able to predict the future so long as it involves porn?

saged for Veeky Forums on Veeky Forums

Holy shit dude. Are you me?
In undergrad first year, my dean asked everyone to read a book on EQ. I like you being a cynical edgy teenager laughed it off. Now I kind of wish I had read it because after having messed up so bad in relationships that I valued so much I feel I could have saved them if I was more self aware of how stunted I was emotionally.

Looking back I realize how my immaturity and lack of eq cost me some close relationships which u could have salvaged.
Feelsbadman.
So much regret

For me at least, coming clean helped a lot. I went on a world tour of going to people who I'd neglected in our relationship and saying "Hey. Look I know this doesn't change much but this is something I did to you. I didn't realize it at the time and I just wanna apologize for never showing you that I cared."

Its fuckin tough learning it all retroactively because it's all shit that you're really supposed to pick up from your parents. So now it's just a matter of putting a concentrated effort on making sure that the people I care about know and understand that I care about them and what's going on in their lives.

Try not to regret it. Put that energy into fixing those broken mechanisms and cry a little bit and then instead of thinking about what you coulda done in the past, make sure you treat the people in your future better.

There's two types of quotients, Intelligence and Spiritual. One measures the application of calculable intelligence, pattern recognition and reasoning etc. The other measures the application and consistency of virtues (wisdom). The problem of intelligence or logic r reasoning is that it it is also a spiritual quality, people who are wise are spiritually "logical" and "intelligent". I think intelligence must be divided in two parts, one in regards to inanimate things and scenarios and the other to living conscious subjects and scenarios

Thanks man. This is definitely good advice and I try my best to be a better person for those around me. And I did apologize to those i had neglected and caused pain.

> it's all shit that you're really supposed to pick up from your parents.
do you think that the impression your parents left on you might have contributed to the skewed eq to a certain degree? I ask because I remember being overly sensitive, pessimistic and hyper about things which I'd overthink. I'm not sure how much of that developed from seeing my parents (Specially my mother who is a lot like that) while growing up. I see other people who seem to be way more well adjusted than I and I often wonder why that's the case.

>do you think that the impression your parents left on you might have contributed to the skewed eq to a certain degree?

Yes dude. It's literally your first relationship with other people. Most well adjusted people I know have a good relationship with their parents. Thats why cycles of abuse are a thing. The way you see your parents treat each other and you is gonna leave an impression of how you think relationships are supposed to be.

Isn't that just empathy?

It's a category mistake. Just because we call it intelligence doesn't mean it trumps logical reasoning when both are deployed in the same context.

Take negotiation strategies for example. A more cognitively intelligent person may do the math and prioritize facts and information to maximize some goal. An emotionally intelligent person will put the facts on the back burner and instead focus on the people involved, how different actions may affect the participants, the outcome on their wellbeing, and the significance or consequences of the decision outside of some narrowly defined bottomline.

I suspected as much. My parents had a dysfunctional marriage and a pretty fucked up relationship in terms of emotionally manipulating each other (And responding to each other in pretty messed up emotional ways). As children, me and my brother would get caught in the middle too sometimes when things got really bad. I still love them to death but i feel that all that shit did leave a mark. But I guess a sense of self-awareness now certainly helps become better.

Did you finally end up reading any book on eq? OR any lit that you'll recommend that you think can help one grow as a person in that area?

No, sorry. My whole problem was that I wouldn't open up to people and I wouldn't try and open them up because I thought the former was selfish and the latter was nosy. Once I realized (got told) that I started forcing myself to talk to people about shit and I have a friend who I can call to help me navigate shit. Also therapy lol.

Don't go trying to mess around in your own head too much. If you're doing that you've already admitted/think that you're "broken," so whatever new patterns you set are probably just gonna be different but still bad. Go to a therapist. Don't try and do the wiring in your house by yourself, get an electrician.