Write what's on your mind

...

Sometimes I want to write but the time is null, but when I'm free my mind gets distracted by the hazy, lazy weight of words and stuttered sounds of barking dogs outside my room.

Also, I'm currently obsessed with the word "albor".

Primal Fear has an excellent final act, and I downloaded Fallout 4 last night before passing out. I should start playing that within the hour. I hope it's at least decent enough to keep me immersed even to a 1/10th of the degree that The Witcher 3 did.

I just hope that the self-help book I'm reading will help me get better

It's been 11 years and a few months since I started writing this thing. At a glance of the rate I'm going, it doesn't seem like I will finish this in the next 11 years, but my spirits are always high. I am always thinking "I will surely finish this before I am trapped by the 'no time to write, hafta' work to pay bills and buy food' snare. I have a weak grasp on reality, and even a weaker grasp on time management. How will I survive, at all?

Is there any way to learn how to better pace your writing?
I'm worried I'm padding out shit too much, but I try to keep everything relevant and meaningful, but also at the same time I think it's starting to take too long to get to the meat of the plot.
But I also worry if I don't do it then the story will feel like it moves by too quickly or that it will end up too short.

i so wish i could just shamelessly dedicate my life to playing video games, millions of people all over the world do, but for some reason i just can't, not after i hit a certain age, some of these new games are fucking amazing too, idk what my problem is man

just b yourself

Here I am, eating pretzels and drinking cheap beer from a paper cup while my head begins to pound. Is this what the gods of the old ages felt? Did Mercury even lay on his bed, clutching his aching feet and cursing the winged shoes? Did porcelain pale Diana rave against the moon for its light which, though gentle compared to the endless ache of day, is enough to send her mind into an agony of pain?

I want to hold hands with this cute guy I met. Why I am so shy next to him? Yesterday I felt sweetened by just looking at his blue eyes at night. Went to his home with a friend while we were waiting for going to the theater. It seems he likes me too but it is too soon.

i don't get how gay people can be shy, getting gaylaid is like the easiest task on the planet

I'm not gay.

>denialist tries to go back in the closet

dude did u even read what u wrote u let the cat out of the bag bro

I want to write this article but I'm lazy and just want to watch horror movies

I am not a guy

That's not gay. What, you never held hands with a bro? Lmao fag

I live in constant fear that I'm turning into Tao Lin. Sometimes I have nightmares about it and can't get back to sleep

While I was tripping on LSD and going for a run on this very nice trail nearby, there was a point where I pondered how humans can live in contradiction and prosper under some guise, and when I thought deeper about it I began to notice some disturbing facts about myself.

There was a point on the run I halted to a dead stop and started hitting the ground laughing. I remember saying "there it is, there's the madness" while punching the ground.

I think it's important to add that LSD usually puts me into a state of Zen where I feel relaxed, but this 'bad trip' was brought about due to my interpretation of reality.

I've debated seeking professional help, but if I do I lose all my chances at commissioning into the Navy.

Had to get that off my chest.

It's my last year as a dental student, my thesis partners have abandoned me without a single heads-off-we-are-throwing-you-out, and after a very depressive summer, where I lost two of my best friends who turned out to be sociopathic assholes much like those from school, I find myself incarnating a dostoyevskian underground man, swinging between a violent urge to end my life before my own career ends me--ranked as top 3 with most suicides--and a frail will to become an ubermensch and overcome the throes of a challenging existence, which I know is ultimately a personalized illusion a man like Nietzsche created to survive being rejected.
So now I don't know if I should accept the monadic emptiness that is my consciousness, and embrace that I forever will be lonely, or distract myself to save it from insanity.

You left yourself no option of embracing your insanity

>too bad
Why, user?

There is no correlation between learning and understanding.

One should neither reveal nor conceal but give a sign.

All answers come from interpretation not analysis or synthesis.

Sub specie aeternitatis - thus the comprehension of Being, thus the direction for Living.

>tfw got fired from my job
Why is life so brutal lads

all living things are born to die user

Dedicating your life to video games is one of the dumbest shit you can possibly do unless you're actually autistic but then again we're on Veeky Forums and you sound inbred so you probably are.

>caring this much whether someone invests their time in video games
lul

Racist? You say that as if I'm the sort of person who lets meaningless and redundant labels dictate how I should act and live my life.

I started playing vidya again at 29.
Why not? Unless you are activelly doing something important, why not consume some.culture.

I bought beyond good and evil yestearday for 3.70€ hohoho!

I gotta read dune

Aww, did I hurt your feelings?

>There it is, there the madness

Pretty funny

I lost her in June and I went drinking right after that and I've been drinking ever since. 3 days sober was the most I had. Why did I have to show her my life and the places and people I hold dear? Now every time I see them they remind me of her. Even if I go drinking I see a chair and remember that she sat there once and all was good. I had the chance to move away but I refused because this place is all I have and all I love.

I would kill for a chance to go back and do it all over again even if it ends the same way. It's not just her but the long nights and the cold and the parties and the laughter and youth and bullshitting in front of pubs one second and fighting drunks on a bus a moment later. The optimism and the cynicism that went hand in hand.

Is the reason that I get no pussy because I'm unlikable or lack of application? I don't want to talk to a woman every day over any amount of time just for sex

Not at all, user. You just come off as uninformed and pathetic. You know nothing of the various motivations and commitments toward video games. Your response comes off as arrogant and goofy. Fuck off.

I don't dream anymore with you. I used to dream daily after we broke up and sleeping used to be the only thing that could calm me and in my mind we were still together. It was really painful to wake up. I don't miss you anymore since I knew you pronounced the same fucking lines. Fuck off of my life.

Being homeless sucks.

Even on dating apps I get anxious attacks before trying to talk to girls and I can't do it.
I'm a pathetic excuse of a man.

I'm in a bind again.
Life is a big construction.
Life is weird.
Κουράστηkα ειλιkρινά,
να πρεπει να...πρέπει να, πρεπει να...
Ηρεμα kαι χαλαρα,
zrobie zecy jak nalezy,
I na koncu będe ja.

I think that I finally have been truly redpilled

women are evil. They steal your energy. If you want to be good at anything you have to ignore the urges and not masturbate and ignore women

all the greats in history have been celibates to some degree, or abstinents

I want to be the paragon of innocence and bliss, ferried to new heights of joy and fear regardless of my volition. I want to life to be so controlled, so predictable, so peaceful that my face cannot help but show a visage of glee.

Suck homeless beings

Spear headed erection is bulbing out of its noticing a gracefully softened buttocks in the other tab. Her proportions and tanned skin playing a silent tune for my Arabian cobra, oh yes indeed! The grandparents won't be seeing me for the next hour, I can give you that at the very least! Indeed I will squeeze this one out before a fish dinner, as I had mentioned briefly to my grandfather in the mall my recent preference for fish over slimy chicken bits. Ah yes, this temporary self love will distract me from my discontent with the path. For who may know to what end the completion of my course will rout. To be a woodsman. That's it. To film my thoughts and to live among a tribe. By the sea maybe. I do love that smell. The smell of death. Programming is monotonous, yes, but it's a means to a joy. A joy of motion picture. To see Vertigo on the big screen was quite a sight. I hope to bring joy to a boy like I to my priest, Hitchcock. I wonder how pricey video cameras go for on ebay. It shall be my next stop after I satisfy this blistering need of release. Perhaps to continue my studies in Calculus. I hope to emulate my uncles artful skill in mathematics. I do wonder why I admire his intelligence so. Perhaps it was the constant comparisons as I grew. Like the time I was called wacko Jacko in by my school teacher to classes ecstatic aping and name calling. That created the constant fear of being put in a spotlight. To be judged as a fool. I must remember that the fool is the precursor to the saviour. Yes. That's what I'll do.

>Motivations and commitment towards video games
What else are you going to defend, DUDE WEEDs? The fact that you're not aware of how retarded and cringey what you said is laughable.

>I remember saying "there it is, there's the madness" while punching the ground.

How can you call this a bad trip? These are the best moments you can have while on psychedelics. To lose your mind is to lose all sense of mental limits, to elevate yourself from the hideous and depressing mental complexes that have developed over the years.

To realize you've lost it all and to feel as though the depression and anxiety are ridiculous and useless concepts is the funniest thing and you'll find yourself laughing endlessly.

But then again you do come down, and your return to normalcy makes you realize that the behaviors and negative thoughts that pervade in your mind are serious and have a high degree of influence over you. Psychedelics don't absolutely teach you how to banish them.

Now I love psychedelics, but whenever I hear of people preaching enlightenment from them I think that most of the time they mistake jacking off for sacred knowledge. They mistake being a nonsensical hedonist for gaining divine knowledge.

Don't get me wrong, there is definitely something to be perceived and learned in the realm of the spiritual, the psyche, and your body, and wherever your interests may lie. But it is not to be indulged in because after a certain point what you gain from it ceases to give anymore.

Unorganized rambling on Psychedelics

Can you drop some books or pieces that influenced this post please, I found it interesting

If i've to work this much, i'll soon get depressed and end up either killing myself or... fuck, idk, just let me live outside other than work.

Time to write user

What prospects are there for a white male without university/trade education?

I'm seriously considering just shipping to France and joining the French foreign legion for years.

I want to learn IT generally speaking (right now C prog language), always liked it and it is a good carreer path, however every time I try to put in some effort to learn about it, I get that feeling that I could be reading literature, and literature is very selfish, it doesn't want me to divide my attention with something else, so I get stuck in this thought: "or I read literature and forget IT, or I start focusing IT and stop reading literature"

fucking sucks. how can I solve this?

Well I just finished re-reading Plato's Dialogues and there is a definite hint of Heraclitus.

>zrobie zecy jak nalezy
zrobię rzeczy jak należy?
What is your first language and why did you write this in polish?

I just need some goddamn fucking time alone to do absolutely nothing and nobody should care about it or no and good god I would be the greatest person of all time if I could just pause time once in a while and chill out and THINK

My friend has a diagnosed depression but I can't start thinking about him as a sick person. It just seems like he can't keep his shit together.
Whole idea of mental disease is strange. Freud said everyone has mental problems but some people just can't cope with them. Modern psychiatry has different view, I know. Depression to me seems more of a philosophical problem than a mental one.

I hope he will crawl out of it, but it doesn't look good.

I think user is from PL, knows greek and english, and think in three languages simultaneously.

I like this board because it's filled with angst-riddled depressed pseudo intellectuals like myself, I just wish it was a bit less melodramatic. You being lonely and feeling meaningless and empty doesn't mean your multi-paragraph post likening your life to a decaying flower is actually good.

It's hard user, after I became more interested in the humanities I lost most of my will to study practical things. Fortunately I was really into programming and computers and whatnot beforehand, so I have some skills. Maybe try to buckle down and focus really hard on your IT stuff for a little while?

Oh and C might not be the best thing to learn by the way, depending on what you're wanting to do. It's not used very often in industry anymore, outside of specific contexts. Don't listen to /g/.

I mean there are things you can do, but you really need to have some sort of specialized skill. Do you have any hobbies that have lead you to become good at some semi-obscure thing?

Also, why not go to college / trade school? Seems simpler than joining the foreign legion.

God, I wish I wasn't such an autistic faggot.

Living in a room with other people is awful. Dorm room, bedroom, it doesn't matter. I can't stand it.

"Depression" is a difficult term, because everyone uses it to describe what they've got. If you'll accept my two cents, clinical depression is a beast unlike any other. For while most diseases simply provide hurdles in the process of desire and gratification, depression warps the process altogether. Fundamental elements like "Motivation" and "Reward" disappear, and you're forced to adapt to a system of life that's totally foreign to you, but with a fraction of the willpower and coping ability you've developed over time. Basic life becomes an uphill trudge. Most days, you feel mediocre or shitty with no clear reason why. And that's after all the exercise, the diet changes, and so on.

Ultimately, though, you've got to feel it firsthand. Like how anyone can conceptualize hearing voices, but it's not quite real unless it happens to you. This is why "Just eat right and exercise" refuses to leave the conversation: true clinical depression is so bizarre, so totally alien, that it feels wrong. Even if you've been through it.

Just be supportive to your friend, that's all. Tough times.

Ive found it easier to cry recently. Not that being emotional has ever been an issue for me, though. The exception to this as of late is how even more dysfunctional I've felt these past few weeks. My usual restless tantrums and random spikes of highs and lows, with the ratio being offset and horribly favoring the lows, are doubled and I've come to grips with just how much of a walking cliche I am. This, unfortunately, only fucks me up that much more. Unsure of it being my optimism or masochism, there is a small upside in the midst of this storm. I'm writing. I've been writing more and more in an attempt to soothe my mind, and now I'm left worrying what will happen if and when this craziness will pass. Just another tally mark to keep the odds in favor of the lows, I guess.

Same, keep it up bud

There is no fixing me, I'm ending it all before my birthday on Oct. 30, cya!

...

>not doing it on Nov. 1, so you can at least mug little kids for their candy

Back at yuh bud

listening to the usc football game while drinking some whisky.

has any writer been able to write tension as well as a live sporting event?

i feel u bro but im giving myself like another three years

if u want to work in it why would u learn c? that makes basically no sense

lol your prospects are basically get hooked on opiods and die, have a nice day

I've been cutting my own hair for about a year now and I've gotten pretty good at doing what I want everywhere except for the back. I like what it looks like sometimes when I see it in pictures but I hate it when I see it in mirrors. I'm gonna cut my hair tonight. It's somehow a very soothing thing to do but lately I've been getting stronger urges to cut it and more often

>autism levels skyhigh

You should try cutting your own hair sometime. It's nice.

I'm seriously considering buying a hooker very soon, I've been looking at online ads and already have the money saved. I can't handle this anymore.

probably not worth it if you're so poor that you had to save up for it, afterwards you're just gonna be like "damn it shoulda just jacked off"

I'm 2dumb to get into college or trade school

Ive spent my whole life (not very long) trying to write a book

I have stories that are amazing, but its the craft of writing im just so shit at

Ive joined the military and plan on shooting myself in the face first chance I get

>Ive joined the military and plan on shooting myself in the face first chance I get

How did you pass the psych eval?

Also KEEP WRITING, BOYE.

Write shit. Whatever comes to mind. Read your favorite authors and study them. Instead of having a mental breakdown, break down in your mind what they do and digest it. Understand it. Absorb it into your mind and try applying it in your own works.

Write shit and show it to people. Not people who love you; hell fucking no. They'll tell you your shit doesn't stink. Post your shit here. We'll analyze it thoroughly until not even a stray corn niblet is left and a few moments later come back with a (hopefully) decent and helpful analysis. Just ignore the ones that just tell you that you write like a faggot (even if you do write like a faggot.)

Hopefully you can keep yourself from a 9mm haircut long enough to write something.

>How did you pass the psych eval?
there was none lmao, just basic af interviews and medicals. I leave next month

your advice on the "read your favorite authors and study them" has actually helped in the past, but I dont know, its still really hard

Thanks for this. I've noticed numerous ways my mind not only processes things, but responds to them as well. It's a journey into a strange unknown where everything is familiar but feels so alien.

>find yourself laughing endlessly
Yep. Did that. The icing on the cake was that I was laughing like a madman on a biking trail at a late hour. Anyone either behind me or in front of me probably heard it and took off running.
I was a spook in the night.

I should tell you to go away, but I'm tired of this endless cycle. It's been said before and yet it repeats itself, you come back. Not you in form, but in idea, an idea so nagging I just might

I agree. It's not gay unless the balls touch.

>>>Notre Dame de Paris

Yes, you are me right now.
Fuck, you have your birthday on the same day as me. Sad to know someone will die on my/their birthday.

What's going on in this thread, this is creepy.

THERE ARE SO MANY BOOKS AND SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE AND SO LITTLE TIME TO GO THROUGH IT ALL AND THE KNOWLEDGE OF THIS DISCOURAGES ME FROM TRYING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You either get some or nothing.

I'm really desperate, I'm too ugly and poor for the traditional way, not to mention anxiety attacks when taking to women.

Kill me

I hate color calibration so fucking much. HOW DO I GET THE RIGHT COLORS?

How old are you?

I hate that whenever I have the idea to write something, I write about two sentences of it and then start procrastinating. Even if it's shitty fanfic no one will ever read.

Yo user who wrote this here.
I am HellenoPolish.
My first language is Hellenic.