Dear Hogwarts students

My name is Severus Allmudbloodsmustdie. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take my date to the Shrieking Shack and in an hour you'll know why it's called that, if you know what I mean.

May I remind you, Severus, that the Shrieking Shack is entirely off-limits to all Hogwarts students. I have informed your head of house about your intentions and I daresay Luna may be tempted to attend the Yule Ball with a more fitting partner!

to be honest im only here because i want to deep dick luna lovegood but i'm fine with settling with hermione too

Well you Ravenclaw's certainly can't be faulted for your assertiveness, however Hermione has received your offer and is currently in Hogwarts tower thinking it over. The rather crass tone of your invitation, not to mention the fact that you admit she is your second choice for a date, must certainly have shaken her confidence!

typical Ravenclaw dork

Rolanda Hooch shall be mine!

treat em mean, keep em keen nawmsayin

We Hufflepuffs are known for the kindness we give to the elderly and less able members of our community, and while Rolanda is not in a position for amorous relationships with her students, she has consented (blushingly) to accompanying you to the Ball!

Should any other students who may not be able to secure dates within their cohort wish to attend the Ball with a teacher, then do let me know and I will ask which members of staff are willing!

Claiming Maxime

Pip pip and dally ho, teach me some magic chaps.

>We Hufflepuffs are known for the kindness we give to the elderly and less able members of our community
Just what are you implying, dear comrade?

back in the golden age of fanfics it was always Padma who knew how to give those good porn BJs

Yeee give teach dat dick boy.

On another note, Harry Potter isn't literature. I can't tell if youre a sperglord, a troll, or a sperglord who will pretend theyre a troll when people question him. But fuck this disgusting bourgoisie capitalistic thread

...

Ah, Turpin, I haven't heard that surname in a long while! And a Slytherin of course. How is your older brother doing? The last I heard he had become the lead trainer of Ukrainian Ironbellys in all of Europe.

And of course Madame Maxime, while not a staff member or indeed a student at Hogwarts, will actually be present at this year's Yule Ball and is happy to be your "date" (at least for the first dance!)

I'm Poopy Dickdick. I'm a Gryffindor and I'll be taking Voldemort this year.

Wooo get wrecked muggles! Best thread ever!

Gonna smash Lilly Potter.

The fuck is this immoral bullshit?

>read filename
>arrive at word "scrotum"
>read word "scrotum"
>comprehend word "scrotum"
>die laughing

Ha ha, what is this, elementary school?

God I miss elementary school. I'll take Dana, the nice girl from first grade who used to pretend to be Hermione when my friends and I played Harry Potter games during recess.

Padma Parvati, I want that delicious brown

>The Yule Ballbag

I'll take that Asian girl that Harry fugs in Order of the phoenix or was it Goblet of Fire

dang gosh dang

I'll be asking Bellatrix Lestrange to the dance. Hopefully Dumbledore will allow it!

Hello Errol, I'm afraid Beatrix is still not allowed within the grounds of Hogwarts, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

This bitch has to get freaky it'd be a shame if someone were to... steal yo girl

Assuming this is supposed to be happening during the 4th book when the Yule ball canonically happened while the main cast were at Hogwarts, which it seems to be, Bellatrix would still be in prison as she and the other death eaters in Azkaban only broke out in the 5th book.

Correction on my name

Huh, well in that case some of you mudbloods are alright, don't come to the Yule Ball tomorrow

DURMSTRANG POSSE HAS ARRIVED
now all your cuties are belong to us

now please be directing me to padma and parvati patil
i wish to be of showing them my staff

rolling

I doubt anyone courageous enough to ask some QT to the Yule Ball could stomach reading one of the dullest franchises in the

history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has

been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never

be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody-just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but its certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder,

beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

I'm going to the Huell Ball

...

Fuck you :^(

Why are Durmstrang students such Chads? Durmstrang is objectively better than Hogwarts in every way. Even the villains are products of this. Just look at Voldemort vs Grindelwald, you could easily make a "The virgin halfblood vs the Chad conqueror" meme about them. I want a spin-off series about Durmstrang.

Tywin Whisperwind here

fuck you chad, you knew i wanted to ask luna, but you went ahead and did it anyway.

well, all's not lost. maybe Ginny Weasly will go with me?

Lav-Lav is going to be mine! Ron is a pussy fag who doesn't treat her right. I'm sure she'll go with me.

Im gonna chug pumpkin liquor and dance like a maniac and steal all your precious bitches with this unstoppable [house] charm.