*ends Western literature* *ends separate books for adults and children* *BTFOs Bloom so hard he has a meltdown* *creates an ethnically and culturally inclusive cast of characters* *continues fighting Nazis to this day*
There's no reason at all to praise JK Rowling, the sole responsible for one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though "No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Liam Hall
Hermione is black.
Eli Walker
That chart makes me very angry you should delete it now please
Owen King
I've seen it around a few times and noticed that it seems to get increasingly retarded every time I see it.
Alexander Murphy
...
Jacob Ward
lol its just totally random, theyre prob all the books that person has ever read. ranked in order of how much he 'identified' with them. or trolling
Justin Lee
>story uses European mythology, therefore it is inherently traditionalist and pro-white, no backsies So this... is the power... of right wing bloggers.
For a young man in the 21st century, J.K. Rowling embodies just about everything that he hates about his own mother, but can't outright say to her. An aging neoliberal single mother with an inflated sense of self-importance using twitter to cope with her increasing irrelevance. The sort of woman who hasn't seriously thought about any of her opinions, but feels the need to push them on to others and condescend to anybody who might think differently.
She is an archetype. Neither insightful nor funny nor controversial. She is a consummate mediocrity basking in the praise of similar mediocrities the world over who have projected their own aspirations on to her, satisfied that somebody like them is a billionaire. Her Christianity is an accessory. She takes everything that she's been taught by public school and daytime television and fashions a god out of it.
She conceives of public affairs in the nebulous terms of "love" and "hate". The fact that an action might fall outside of either of these two categories, or that something she deems "hateful" might in fact be the wiser choice has not occurred to her. Despite this, she is shockingly easy to bait into a bitter, spiteful rage. Furthermore, her generosity only extends as far as her personal comfort. At the end of the day, it's little more than virtue signalling and if social opinion undergoes some vast sweeping change then she'll fall in line.
In many ways, she's already missed the boat. Her brand of comfortable feminism has already fallen out of style. She just doesn't know it yet. The second wave man-hating sexual phobia that sees rape everywhere. Its frigidity is evident in her writing. Then the bizarre merger with proud slut queer positivity. The post-hoc declarations of characters' sexual proclivities. The rationalization of racial retconning. It's like she discovered a Harry Potter fan tumblr, followed a couple links, and incorporated whatever she saw, resulting in an incoherent schizophrenic worldview. That's probably exactly what happened.
Her name is fucking Joanne. Need I say more?
And one more thing. She has a surprisingly nice pair of tits that I'd really like to suck on.
Jayden Rodriguez
She looks a lot like my own mother, but with nicer hair and way nicer tits. In fact, she's basically a more attractive version of my mother, which is great since the only thing that really held me back from fantasizing about my own mother is that she just wasn't good looking enough.
Rowling really seems like the kind of woman who'd suck her teenage son's dick. I mean it.
She gets back from le ebin GIRLS NIGHT OUT XD!!! Plastered out of her mind from sipping too much shiraz or perhaps pinot grigio. Maybe she and THE GIRLS even passed around a blunt at Samantha's house. I always find it funny when Gen X women think they're being SO BAD smoking weed. Mouth full of the most expensive cheese available at Tesco and whatever crackers Georgia had to get rid of. She's cackling with laughter and sobbing as she lurches in through the front door. She has zero self-awareness when it comes to her emotions, but defends them with religious fervor.
Clumsily, she makes her way toward the living room where her son is playing video games. She sits down on his lap, suffocating him with her embrace and exhaling the stinking fumes of cheap wine right into his face. For a couple minutes, she rants about what a BITCH Leslie at the office is, before muttering the he's the only on who understands her. Briefly, she looks into his eyes, trembling all over. Then she locks her mouth with his and begins to kiss him passionately. At first he is paralyzed, but his mom is kind of hot and he'll probably never have another chance like this. He's thought about it before. He kisses back and before long she's between his legs, pawing at his penis like the cats she collects. She takes it in her mouth and sucks it like she's back in college. She's STILL GOT IT.
The next morning, she pretends not to remember anything, but blames him for the incident, finding subtle ways to punish him.
Aiden Howard
Wat de fugg DDD:
Levi Martin
i don't like that i like this
Gabriel Wood
something something elf slavery
Robert Bennett
She does look like that type of women who would suck and fuck an under aged male
Connor Gray
>Why haven't you read her yet, Veeky Forums?
Veeky Forums doesn't read aymore and are probably too young to be of the generation when reading harry potter was virtually mandatory.
at least she's an author and not another fucking yootoober, i guess
Joseph Bailey
G,R.R Tolkien
Brayden Robinson
10/10. All true.
Evan Sanchez
This doesn't work without the pics and also you spaced it weirdly
Andrew Stewart
I'm sure Pajeet Poo-poo and the Secret of the Loo, the second installment of a series about a high-caste indian boy who attended a secret Hindoo school beneath the streets of New Delhi and fought to protect the sacred cattle of his rural homeland, would have been equally successful successful.
Jaxson Nelson
Would read desu
Sebastian Harris
>shit-tier wtf I hate tolkien now
Kayden Foster
>social media What?
Lucas Phillips
...
Isaiah Thompson
I'm disappointed that she didn't have balls to answer the petition to house muslim refugees in her mansion. Shit got hundreds of thousands of signatures
Justin Phillips
>shit-tier LoTR >low-tier Catch-22 >low-tier Brave New World nice bait
Jack Barnes
Does anyone else ever think that newfaggotry this blatant is actually some false flag by some guy looking to get (You)s through whatever means possible?
Ryder White
applies to you as well
Asher Parker
? Doesn't she just post fake news about Trump ?
Hudson Hughes
I remember her responding to a frogposter troll with the accusations of him being a virgin
Jayden Ramirez
Why haven't you realized she's just a [mediocre] children's author yet?
Blake Sullivan
>fighting Nazis Nice meme
Brayden Hill
GREAT posts
Angel Scott
Holy shit this better be pasta. I genuinely feel sorry for you if you actually wrote that.
Josiah Garcia
sounds like a salman rushdie book
Ryan Miller
Just realized she looks a lot like Brandi Love.
Ethan Jackson
>40 replies
Ethan Sanders
nearly all of them were made by the fellow who started the thread, like many other topics currently active on this board
Joshua Perez
All I had to read was the "He stretched his legs" part to know it was pasta.
Jacob Rodriguez
It's fucking pasta you faggots! When an user types that shit out, he gets all the (You)s, but whenever I post a screenshot like pic related, I get zip! Fuck you all!
Robert Martin
>caring about (You)s. Veeky Forums truly is a brainlet sewer
Liam James
she is described as pale multiple times. but since she has unruly hair everyone associates it with black people, ironically reinforcing the nappy haired unkempt black girl stereotype
Kayden Gutierrez
Are you seriously this new?
Jack Ramirez
Has anyone actually not read Harry Potter here?
How can you be under the age of 30 and not have read at least one of them?
Gabriel Watson
>anglo >completes the system of german idealism
Owen Adams
JK Rowling is pretty much female Trump
Isaiah Butler
Harold Bloom wrote that review. That very accurate and astute review.
Parker Moore
milf
Jayden Young
Pale with fright.
Carter Lopez
Is this litterally your fist post on Veeky Forums?
Jonathan Adams
I love Veeky Forums
Henry Adams
She helped cast a sequel play a while ago and chose a middle aged black woman to play the part of hermione, declaring it canon
Andrew Stewart
Only white people get pale with fright, in the sense that you can see blood leave their face.
Julian Anderson
so obvious it was supposed to be a jewfro
Ian Wright
I read 1-5. Stopped after that because her writting kept getting worse in my opinion. I will probably force myself sometime in the future to finish the last two. Unfortunately, the set I have are Raincoast and I don't know if I can find them anymore. I'll have to search Ebay or something.
I'm 25. I've never read any of them. When I was in school, I feel in love with the first LotR movie and read Tolkien instead. Harry Potter just never really interested me.
We got to dress up as characters from books on world book day, and I went to school dressed as Gandalf. Everyone thought I was Dumbledore. I was not happy.
Aaron Moore
*fell in love. Shit
Brody Brown
I haven't, and I never will. It's a generational thing, you see, I'm just older than you.
I can remember actually clerking at a Wal*Mart when the final thing dropped. I was actively and inwardly happy: "The fucking meme can finally start burning off and dying. Yes some movies and such, It'll go for years, but it'll burn, slow, slow. This book release is the global maximum, god willing."
Admittedly I had a more patrician kid-tier reading bay way of John Bellairs' books. The pastas in this thread impugning Rowling's person and style are fun as fuck to read but I have no emotional investment in it. I'm sure there's some fairly-minor memes in the series that I don't know about.
Jack Torres
>Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody,
>Speilberg >making art post 1979
Angel Morgan
You are governed by an ex-post-facto need to relegate most Spielberg to non-art when in fact it's the other way round. Whereas Rowling is a meme, Spielberg is a genuine stylist, who despite having worn out his welcome and being jewish, really did great art.
t. woke goy who correctly judges these things on their own merits
Blake Wright
>woke criterion imparted
Jason Hughes
Well done, and sadly true. I struggled through the first one thinking something like, well, i suppose there is a kind of cultural responsibility involved etc., etc. Weird that a major complaint of Proust is his length. That's all I'll say.
Hudson Hernandez
my lambo blue
Eli Jenkins
why is the cover of the iliad a cubist portrait of goku?
Leo Johnson
>Voldemort accidentally kills himself because he violated some obscure technicality that causes one of his spells to bounce back at him.
I never ended up reading the final books, but seriously? This is exactly the kind of shit I'd just expect from something on Saturday morning Disney channel.
Aiden Carter
pic related trilogy is 100x better than any of the bullshit that has slid out of JK Rowlings head
Joseph Perez
His Dark Materials too. The only reason Harry Potter sells well is because of the marketing not because it is actually good. They spent way too much making a single mother's life from riches to rags seem like a Disney fairy tale which is ridiculous.
Kevin Ward
Does anyone have a serious critique of the writing of Harry Potter? I know Bloom wrote one on something like the first few pages but I'm interested in more.
Easton Robinson
Was he right, Veeky Forums?
Wyatt Scott
Keep 'em cucked, Rowling!
Lucas Peterson
Yes, at my college we have literature and polisci classes about graphic novels, harry potter, and game of thrones
Blake Campbell
...
Eli Rodriguez
Geniuses of our time
William Sullivan
>jerked off to this then immediately felt dirty after cumming
thanks, user
Oliver Howard
is he a cuck, lit?
John Anderson
It had to do with a super wand called the elder wand or something. If you are the true owner, you'll never lose a duel. The wand changes owners if you manage to disarm the previous one. So a bunch of changing of hands occured that only Harry followed correctly, but Voldemort tried using it despite not being the true owner. He was sure he was.
At least that's how I remember it.
Cameron Mitchell
He looks like the cuck Christina Hendricks married and Mary Elizabeth Winstead's ex-cucksband.
Christopher Powell
*teleports behind you* >what do
Hunter Roberts
You clearly have not read the Iliad.
James Clark
No!
Jace Gonzalez
Achilles is basically the original super sayian.
Elijah Collins
I don't think there is. Most of it is basically circlejerking over how much they, the erudite reader, are above this particular instance of children's literature, while jerking off over Alice in Wonderland to try to prove that they aren't simply bashing it because it is for children, even though few children actually read and understand Alice.
Gavin Gonzalez
I swear these charts encapsulate the essence of Veeky Forums perfectly. They would make a perfect sticky honestly.
Jonathan White
Would you though?
Carson Miller
>2017 >reading white literature
Evan Nguyen
>>reading white literature >Gre*ks >white They can't pay debts.