The Opening Lines of your novel

Post the opening lines of your novel and others will rate them. I'll start
Either
>I once believed in logos. I believed in love and in great literature. The only thing now that I can say to have certain faith in is pain.
or
>There were no longer any fascists or communists, only anti-fascists, and anti-communists. Violence erupted in the spring semester of my 12th year at McGill university, and it continued for the rest of my tenure as Professor. At first their conflicts were strictly ceremonial. All of that changed in the spring of ‘26.

The first will be read by most as the logos of businesses and corporations.
The second ends in cliche with "All of that changed."

Both are flyblown trifles, dealing with abstract ideas rather than concrete images.

why don't you just post them without being autistic

>I once believed in logos.
pretty good, I would read on
>I believed in love and in great literature. The only thing now that I can say to have certain faith in is pain.
Not good. Line about pain rings familiar. This is when I put your book down.
>There were no longer any fascists or communists, only anti-fascists, and anti-communists. Violence erupted in the spring semester of my 12th year at McGill university, and it continued for the rest of my tenure as Professor. At first their conflicts were strictly ceremonial. All of that changed in the spring of ‘26.
Cliche structure. A really oblique political comment but not that insightful or original.

this is mine please destroy me
its slightly baroque on purpose
>I am angry with nature, a more ostentatious writer might say, as my dog perches like a sphinx at my bedroom door, framed by the tallowy LEDs in the hall and serving as a vanguard against the outside world of dread-steeped future years and frightening new aesthetic movements.

Listen up you nigger faggot, I've got a lot of shit to explain and I don't have much time left.

Honey and me weren't but children when we found that dead policeman in our fort. Funny that everyone should have called Jacob Farthing "Honey," because I can't recall an ounce of the stuff ever coming from his father's damned hives. That old man would run the beat on the hour; stressed the buggers out entirely, I imagine.

I haven't finished writing it I don't know what the first line is yet

White was the color of *insert character name*'s sin and as she looked into her mirror the color sneered back.

yours confuses me. It sounds like an ostentatious writer would say "I am angry with nature", but that is a rather simple sentence and not altogether ostentatious.

This story is going to end with a burning building on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere on January 1st of the next year. The last chapter is going start with David tumbling out of the burning building wearing a smoldering coat and holding a mangy fur jacket that belongs to Sam, the the second protagonist of the book who is also female despite the androgynous name. To be honest I like Sam more than David. It's probably because she's an unholy Frankenstein monster made out of various parts of women I was attracted to.

I'm actually struggling with starting a book too. I think I got the plot and characters down but I can't seem to figure out how to actually start writing.
Nevermind. I'm just lazy and didn't actually try til now. Now I do have an opener...but I'm too paranoid to share it kek.

What do you think of the title "Goldlight"?
It's about a train.

For a long time I used to masturbate chronically. Sometimes, when I had shoot out
my fluid, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say
"I'm finna bust."

didn't like it at first, but it grew on me

Maybe im autistic, but it rubs me the wrong way. A color doesn't sneer back. Perhaps "and as she looked into her mirror the color was plainly visible." ?

meta as fuck opening, I like it.

In regards to the color, a lot of non-autitst anthropomorphize things all the time. A person, half in denial about a past crime that left them with a massive oddly-colored scar might dissociate from it and see it as mocking her, or even see it as attempting to tell the world what she's done.

That's where I was going with it anyway.

If you pay enough attention while travelling, you might see that once you've passed the town of Saladares, but before you reach the sea, there's an old road that seems to lead to a place called Santa Ines de Roma.

"Time is beholdent to no man", they say, "you can't just wave your hand and say hello". But, time, time is afraid of you. All you need to do is pull the trigger and then you can wave goodbye forever. Then time stops for a moment, but only if you make it public. The more people who see it, the more time stops , and now you've rebelled. Can't do it alone, nope, then time just keeps on moving without you.

That is exactly what Joshua thought as the 9mm entered his frontal lobe. That must've been a fun field trip for the kids behind him. Maybe for some of them time stopped forever, frozen in that single moment, his limp body collapsing into the pool of his own blood, the sound of the woman screaming next to him as he took out his gun, and who can forget the last words he ever spoke? "I'm sorry"

Well, time sure stopped for Joshua, but unfortunately I'm not so lucky, and so I'm here digging something out of his lower intestine. *Main character's name*, I'm a coroner working for the Cook County, Illinois. So let's start talking about me.

I really like the part about her being an unholy Frankenstein monster.

I'd read this desu senpai.

>"Time is beholdent to no man", they say, "you can't just wave your hand and say hello"
No one speaks like this. You're trying too hard.

>Has never heard of the aphorism "time stops for no one" which the main character is obviously mocking as a phrase with excessive verbosity
Brainlet detected

Thanks pham

No U the brainlet, faget. Me never hearing of that aphorism or its implications on that sentence does not logically follow from what I wrote. Also, there are nine commas in the first paragraph which is fucking with the flow.

>Me never hearing of that aphorism or its implications on that sentence does not logically follow from what I wrote
It does if you're not a brainlet, but I guess that's a bit of a problem for you huh.

>There is a lot of commas messing with the flow
You work on the flow of the characters internal monologue, not your own.

Babble babble gu gu bah bah. Ugh ugh dabid.

going for that pynchonesque postmodern vibe

In the beginning

Let me tell you how Enrique died.

>You work on the flow of the characters internal monologue, not your own.
Read it out loud. Your writing sounds like shit.

LLLETS GET READY TO the
game

Sounds good to me t b h

holy fuck

>And once again it was his turn to act, twice in one night now, so perhaps it was more apt calling it react, this time failing led him into the painfully bright orange light of an abandoned lounge, not the worst setting to launch another awful attempt at atonement.

Put the thinking about opening sentence on a back-burner for months but lately I've been enamoured with the idea to start with an "And", so guess this is as good of a time as any to give it a try.

Fuck

>I once believed in logos. I believed in love and in great literature. The only thing now that I can say to have certain faith in is pain.
Sounds whiney, or maybe like too subtle irony, would make me dislike the protagonist instantly unless it was supposed to be an overly dramatic teenage girl.

>There were no longer any fascists or communists, only anti-fascists, and anti-communists. Violence erupted in the spring semester of my 12th year at McGill university, and it continued for the rest of my tenure as Professor. At first their conflicts were strictly ceremonial. All of that changed in the spring of ‘26.
Yeah, that's better. Would motivate me to read more.

Agree with the other user, it's a weird mix. Also doesn't read genuine.

Almost unpublishable but good stuff.

Kinda interesting, but feels unfinished.

That'd unironically work.

The repetition of the word and the scenario make it feel kinda stale.

Not a bad idea but a bit too much meaningless information at start, and the last sentence makes it very awkward.

Doesn't stand out but it's functional.

Nah.

The first paragraph is way too long without telling anything, the second feels overly detailed given the viewpoint character but the third is decent enough.

Maybe.

Seems overused by now but functional for sure.

I like it desu. Start writing

"DOTH."

way too many you's. say "one" or don't really address a person at all

I have non idea what you're actually talking about here. There are words but you aren't saying anything.

*record scratch* yes that’s me

"The horses hooves and carriage wheels became the background music to my apprehension; I had asked not to be disturbed."

I haven't actually started it but came up with this right now.

Thanks for feedback, mate, and yes, I do agree after a few more rereads. Having an underlying suspicion confirmed sure blows but oh well, better that than writing trash.

>...and much to everyone's surprise, chagrin, and horror, things were much simpler than previously imagined.

Suck my balls, my hairy fucking big balls. Wrap them around your fucking mouth.

>A terible chemical pain drilled into Alistair’s eye. A single drop of shampoo had dripped it’s way down his forehead and like an assassin had slipped into his eye. It was then that he decided to kill himself.

I was in the cuck shed when it happened.

The coin flipped. A man looked on.

"Heads"

Another man caught it.

"It's tails. Alright, pull down your pants and spread em, I'll make it quick"

>This was not digging a hole, it was a competition, a fight, a battle of man versus earth. Or rock, rather.

I'd cut out that "A man looked on" (and, obviously, that "another")

yes, that's slightly the point

I love this

All is good. All is light. All is Allahu Akbar.

>this thread
>these are the people I've surrounded myself with over the years, the company I've kept

the terrible writing in this thread actually gives me more confidence in my ability, thanks guys.

deleting this because it's too good

I had a hearty chuckle this, my dude, keep it up please. whats it called coz I wanna be able to track it down if you ever finish it

I feel like I've read this before, either you robbed it or its painfully cliche

I kinda dig

its ok

shampoo really aint that baby unless your a new baby

just give them names turd

for real, that 'meta' one with (you)'s like you wouldn't believe sucks dick on hollywood blvd. It makes me think that some idiot will like what I write even if it makes me wanna kill myself

The opening of a gate. Rumblings above the basement. I'm getting ready.

Come at me.
>I possess this underlying conviction that one can't help but harbor on some level, an unfortunate consequence of modernity and her positivist notions. I suppose -- essentially that anything can be fixed. That everything is subject to change and unchange and that there exists a desirable arrangement and that fundamentally it can be arranged, all made or remade so long as the basic parts remain (which in turn have their parts and configurations). And so, since there is nothing that cannot be undone, why not go to pieces?

It's the story of a determinist gone mad whose life spirals into a destructive orgy of self abnegation.

okay guys, bad writing 101 for you here;

stop writing in the fucking passive.

stop writing deep sounding quotes to introduce a story.

stop using words like 'one' and other archaisms, they sound ridiculous.

stop trying to start a novel with a wacky or edgy twists.

stop.writing.in.the.fucking.passive

I am alone. And the man on my right refuses to quit his pessimistic attitude. 'It's just no good' he'll say, his eyes fixated upon the dirt--as if I'm not worth a passing glance. Of all the men to spend eternity with, I'm stuck with this lout. These barbaric cages don't help any. Suspended two feet above the ground, but to what end? I'd prefer they let my iron maiden rest upon the cold, black earth. Let the worms scale my flesh, rest atop my nose. Then I would have some proper company. Then I wouldn't be alone.

R8 this please.

>am alone. And the man on my right refuses to quit his pessimistic attitude.
cringe

>Lara, please don't suck his dick! I'm begging you!

2nd best in thread desu

Tons of the most iconic lines are in passive.

"As far as IDE's go, it's one of the better ones, and it's free," he said. "Yes, IntelliJ is definitely going to be your best bet," another fellow chimed in. "What is Scala like, anyway?" asked the conversation starter. "Oh, have you ever coded in Haskell?" "A little bit." "Well, it's kind of like that. How about Lisp?" "Lisp is a lot harder," said the first fellow. "Yes, Lisp is really the progenitor of this type of language. Functional programming is really something else, because it requires thinking in an entirely different way." "That's not true, most imperative programming languages have plenty of functional elements built in." "Not really." "Yes they do." "Functional in what sense?" "In the sense that they avoid side effects and are definitionally functional." "Ok, but; well, it really depends on what you mean by 'plenty'. And at any rate, it's still a different style of thinking to code in an entirely functional style. Just because other languages contain functional elements doesn't mean they prepare you for functional programming. And that's not getting into the annoying aspects of these languages." "I've never touched Lisp. Does anyone still use Lisp?" "Hah." "No, not really. Well, hobbyists use it. And there's always the rare legacy software." "Anyway, cons are a huge pain, especially as they get more complex. Here, let me show you an example."

>he's not an anti-professor at an anti-university

I'm an amateur, a terrible writer, and a worse judge of things but I don't want to post without critiquing other's works
P.S. I decided not to share mine but I'll post my words that are worth less than a modern day's grain of salt anyway
I like this one!

I agree with the other user, I'm not really a fan of >I am alone. And the man on my right refuses to quit his pessimistic attitude.
But I liked the worm part, it made me sad. I'm probably wrong on it being good
Pretty good, I'd keep reading out of curiosity

Is this pasta

Do you want it to be pasta?

A man walks into a bar. Ouch!, he says. He has been the victim of a stabbing.

Mine would be (badly) translated in english as :

Those were the 70's, near the day of Lana Del Rey's death anniversary. I can't quite remember every detail of this morning, but I recall hearing her music on the radio while driving to the retirement home.