/crit/ - Writing Critique General

First sentence is a comma splice.

Just guessing, but if I wrote a love story I’d base it on my own fantasies.

pastebin.com/5yTRbV2L

Posted here a few weeks ago saying I was new to writing. Got told my story was all purple prose and garbage. Started this recently, want to know if it's any improvement/would it hold your attention

critique others

pastebin.com/bGA0qPca it's like 300 pages or something. I don't necessarily want critique, i want people to read my writings and maybe enjoy it, or get rich, or both

it's on fastpencil

i just wanted to post my book somewhere in the literature section, i didn't want to critique or be critiqued D:

>pastebin.com/QrKifFjq
I agree with what 10090885 said, however I did read what you posted, and:

Way too unnecessarily/childishly grotesque at some points. Alot of it read like a weird greentext post or fanfiction sort of thing.

It was also excessively wordy at a lot of points, for no reason other than to flex your thesaurus.

However, the story had a decently cohesive narrative and the pacing was good.

user mind explaining exactly what this is? you're quoting the bible all over the place, and talking about how you're great at programming and esports in others.

>That Title
>That Cover
>That table of contents
>that opening paragraph

yeah... no thanks

it's a collection of all types of writing in the form of text,
in the course of many years.

so... some of it is incorporating scripture as like part of the book as a story, kind of like a undertone or overtone, kind of like how films have other films or literature in their movies or quotes or whatever.

there are poems, prose, monologues,

something in the lines of like a discussion/discourse i called 'freedoms & burdens' on the topic of dating while being a missionary, and how the discussion branches out into more broad concepts and lifestyle.

and then there are texts that are tumbler/twitter/facebook/ type posts.

and then some random bull crap that is like stuff that pops up in my head, kind of like a diary,

and then there is a little short story 'tatiana & daniel' so it's a book, but it's also technically a compilation or collection of a bunch of various writings.