Whats the most useful "useless" invention you own Veeky Forums? I'm compiling a list of them for research purposes...

progressiveintl.com/products/professional-chopper

Use a knife. Like come on. You get better results by hand and with practice then with some shitty diy item. You're relying on a crutch instead of teaching yourself to get better you lazy fuck

A poboy presser

maybe he wants professional cubed food

This.

cutting bagels is a fucking horrendous pain

>Crock pots
>useless

unless your in a hurry

who is this for?

It for the OP, it seems useless

This one give me satisfactory giggle

danke

this is true. i am lazy. i wont apologize for it either.

not useless I guess, my mom could have used this for my autistic little brother

LOL

>Horrendous pain
>Take knife, Take bagel
>Hold bagel
>Cut lengthwise
>Done

Man you're fucking useless.

...

Thank OP I found my wifes Valentines day gift! Asparagus peeler!

Kind of interesting. That particular gadget looks pretty wimpy, but having something that could keep a pot stirring for you could make otherwise tedious recipes a lot more convenient, or just enable you to cook something more stuff at the same time.

I don't see how it would work unless you are holding onto it or duct tape it to side of pot

Sadly it seems that OP is as useless as their whore mother

wife material in this vid bois

youtube.com/watch?v=4OpLB9WE2HI

Seeing as she's six feet under, that isn't hard honestly.

you're welcome

Spotted the terrible cook. Do tell me about how a slow cooker makes it so much easier to eat healthy in your hectic lifestyle.

Sous vide

this has the be the winner. the garlic isn't even peeled????????? what is the point of it

You say that, but I got a mandolin as a secret santa gift and it's revolutionary.

here's a tip for Veeky Forums users that I'm continually shocked people aren't aware of.

Want to break dry pasta in half without shit flying all over the place? Just grab it in the center with both your fists touching. The breaking point will be completely covered and you'll break the pasta just fine without any shrapnel.

I thought this was common sense but people have such difficulties breaking pasta that they literally sell short noodles in grocery stores now so I don't know what to think.

the only good thing is that you put the garlic inside it and roll. The texture lets friction do the work to remove the garlic skin. But the image they show lmao

A mandolin is different, it actually slices ribbed cutts and has practical use. A cuber is just you being lazy.

do you have brain damage?

Garlic press. I am ashamed.

Also fuck you, rice cookers are legit as fuck.
>rice
>>perfectly dense and fluffy every time
>pudding
>cakes

can you imagine how big a junk drawer you would need if you bought all these things? and how would you even recognize what is used for what?

that device is for measuring servings of pasta, not for slicing through it like a cigar cutter

Do you? You clearly need help if you support the useage of these baby tools.

rice cookers are awesome!

It probably vibrates in an asymmetrical way, so that friction makes it turn. There's probably no way to get it to apply any real force though.

>breaking pasta
don't do that retarded nigger, the pasta cooks down into the pot after a few seconds

You know what else slices ribbed cuts?

Air fryers are for frying without the accompanying calories of oil
Who the fuck leaves an open flame running all day unattended? When I'm at work a slow cooker can safely keep going
Rice cookers are vastly more convenient thanks to the pressure system. There's a reason every asian family owns one.
I'm not even sure what you're aiming at here on coffee, but it seems fucking stupid. Do you drink it with the grounds in? Do you do a pour-over for every individual cup you want to drink?
Electric stove griddles have plenty of use any time you don't have access to a stove.

Fuck off

The fact that you put this much thought into doing something incorrectly is shocking. Just put the fucking pasta into the pot, it will cook down and be below the water very soon

Who the fuck peel asparagus in the first place?

according to Veeky Forums asparagus causes cancer. Guess I won't get getting one :(

unironically: old women with arthritis

>Not breaking your pasta in half to give more volume to a smaller portion

A cup worth of splintered pasta is heartier then a handful of long strands.

mom got one of these for christmas once

Tha's nice all I got was a pet shrimp

What is wrong with using a slow cooker?

because fatty need to east fast

if you were capable of reading you would notice that I never implied that I habitually do this, only that people who do are causing theirselves even more problems.

apparently these things are pretty bad for the shrimp, I think the algae is barely enough to keep them alive so they always have nutrient deficiencies and stuff

Seems like an expensive toy you put on an office-room or in a psychiatrist office.

>"useless" invention
A better metric would just be unitaskers.

>a slow cooker
instant pot nigga, get on my fucking level
who the fuck wants to spend an entire day simmering bones into brother, I pressure cook it for an hour and it's DONE

>Not breaking your pasta in half to give more volume
I'm half deaf anyway, it wouldn't make any difference.

Should I put out of misery? I just feel bad for it.

you could just get more food for it

>garlic press made of plastic that was grinding bits of plastic into my garlic
kek

it hermetically sealed, nothing going to get in there. Unless I drill a hole.

>Nobody has posted egglettes

why

why would you be in a hurry to slow cook your food?

>Americans

Sealed? Do they not need air? Or does the plant provide enough in a seal environment? That's kinda cool desu

>In the Ecosphere, they slowly starve to death due to lack of food, suffocate from inadequate oxygen, and are poisoned by their own waste
>In addition, these shrimp are social creatures, but the Ecosphere starts with only four (often less, with one or more dead on arrival), and eventually only a single one is left to swim around alone, perhaps for years.
this is depressing, i would try to get it out of there if possible, otherwise quickly killing it might be the better option instead of letting it slowly die

fuck

>does the shrimp not need air
holy fucking shit

What applications does a crockpot even have, Heating up meats at the same time? What is this even used for that a stovetop/oven can't already do?

>Does the underwater breathing arthopod require oxygen?

You can safely leave it unattended for long periods of time

All animals require oxygen, dipshit. But shrimp get it from the water, not air. You're just as retarded as he is.

You can do that with an electric stove? Thats not really that impressive in 2018.

>having an electric stove
Now THAT is a useless invention

The shrimp are unable to care about being alone. It literally doesn't have enough brain power to feel emotions.

>A stovbe that turns itself off when timed to
>Useless

Meanwhile you'll burn your house down with your outdated gas stove when you one day fall asleep waiitng for your roast to cook.

My wife got one of those Rollie brand egg dildo cookers.

>'professional'
Not if it's made out of plastic amigo. I used to cook for a semi-famous guy named Matt Moran and he only ever supplied his brigade with dinky little pressed tin pasta mills that kept breaking. Professional means stainless steel or similar.

That's sexy, I want one.

>i love having minimal temperature control and no ability to reach genuinely high levels of heat
Fuck off, literally no chef prefers electric to gas

...

Electrical based stoves are still gas line built genius. Its just got a timer and a clock which is far more effecient then turning it off yourself.

Do you not know what people mean when they say an electric stove?

Yeah, with an instant pot you have a rice cooker, slow cooker, pressure cooker/canner, yogurt maker, saute pan, etc.

There are plenty of retarded kitchen gadgets but the instant pot isn't one of them.

A stove that is electric based is an electric stove. What else do you want? Your argument is a plain old 19th century fire burning stove is jsut as efficient as a more modern day stove, which adds more functions and useage to help cook, and does not hinder, nor take a chance of burning down the house.

Oh, it was bait. ok

What do you want me to do shake a ketchup bottle like some whore milking a cock. I AM GOD DAMN RED BLOODED AMERICAN! I needed to be reminded of my second amendment at all times!
The only way to administer my condiments without looking like a fag is with this FUCKIN BOTTLE!

it might not "care" about being alone but putting social animals in isolation always has some kind of negative effect, and you still have all the other issues with it starving to death or dying from being poisoned by dirty water

I know what you're thinking. "Did he sauce six hotdogs or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a 15 cl, the most masculine condiment dispenser in the world and could apply both condiments at once, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

How is me being right bait? Elucidate.

Electric stoves do not connect to a gas line.

>Frying food
Enjoy your early onset heart disease
>Using a pan and a stove
Little panlet can't cook evenly with just an open flame and a fork? Git gud
>Boiling water in a pot
>Being scared of parasites
If you have to use any kind tools beyond your own two hands, you are weak and a genetic dead end.

Like come on man, stop being so useless

Mine does, your argument is wrong.

Yes, this is my point. You do not know what people mean when they say electric stove. You're probably ESL or retarded, I dunno, but I'm tired of talking to you

I own a toaster and a toaster oven