Everyone greentext your ancestry

>Maternal grandmother's father was a Brazillian plantation owner's son when Brazil outlawed slavery and his brothers got the land, leaving him with the silverware
>sells silverware, treks through the Amazon and into Peru's jungle region in search of gold
>finds no gold, but makes a fortune cutting down giant Amazonian trees
>Maternal Grandmother, after being orphaned at age 9, moves to Lima and eventually makes lots money as a shopkeeper
>Paternal grandfather is a descendant of the Huancas, the tribe that backstabbed the Incas
>makes money as a banker, then becomes mayor of his small Andean mountain town
>has 13 children
>father moves to Lima and become Trotskyist student activist, then does a 180 and studies economics
>mother and father meet in grad school, write an econometric textbook and move to America to get their PHDs
>make lotsa money
>years later I get affirmative action benefits for being a 'disadvantaged minority'

Toppest of keks

Woah.jpeg

>Maternal side were rich landowners that become poor;
>Apparently descended from some noble family I COULD NEVER FIND OUT THE NAME OF;
>Great-grandpa owned like half the city;
>His family might have been aromanian;
>Dad's were pretty well-off peasants;
That's pretty much it.

Father's side
>Great grandfather born in Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth somewhere in nowadays Ukraine.
>Family owns land with fruit or uses fruit to make liquor, hence my surname
>Grows up
>Russians come and Tsar conscripts/progoms his village
>Great Grandfather gets the fuck out of there
>Goes to Warshaw
>Meets wife
>Goes to Paris, wants to eventually go to America
>Wife gives birth to grandpa
>Wife dies of tubercolosis
>Great Grandpa needs to raise son of 3
>Hears about work in the Netherlands in the mines
>Remarries
>Becomes a miner, dies of long cancer eventually
>Grandfather works for the mines but above ground
>Has 3 children
>My father is a benjamin, he came late
>Grandfather dies of cancer
>Father is smart but wastes his life on heroin
>Eventually meets my mom in a bar, makes her laugh
>1987, I was born on a cold and grey autumn morning

>Paternal: Irish and German immigrants in the 1980's. Likely just low-birth peasant ancestry
>Maternal: Appalachian hicks, likely going back to English America. An odd Cherokee here or there.

Pretty boring desu ne?

Fuck, I meant 1890's.

Where do you live??

>PBUH

I fucking hate Veeky Forums sometimes, holy shit. We are so close to a reddit history board it is fucking sad.

Mom's side: poor potato farmers in Sweden who moved to America (Maine) in the 1870s to become marginally richer potato farmers

Dad's side: Slaves who worked the sugarcane fields in Cuba+at least a couple of Spaniards since a lot of his family is fairly-light skinned, family moved to America (New York) in the 1960s to get away from Fidel

Damn, forgot to greentext:

>I'm a living /pol/ meme

>Be Berber Moroccan
>Have family tree that goes back to 9 centuries
>Have family house on top of a mountain that's 6 centuries old, it's owned by my Grandfather and it's being handed down to the boys of the family ,eventually it'll go down to me
>The first founders of my family and tribe were two Slave Merchants from a location between Mecca and Madina (Arab)
>In between the founders and my grandfather I don't know much, but my family has been the leader of the tribe for the past 9 centuries, tribe is called Sindala and is located around a mountain called Azouran, the chieftain and his family reside on top of the mountain
>My dad tells me at some point I'll have to go back to morocco as I'm the only boy from the last generation
>tfw i'll be a chieftain of a tribe
>tfw no wifi

>poorfag Scottish and English colonists
>move to America, fight in the revolution
>ancestors some of the earliest white settlers in Texas and Oklahoma. Some of the men fought Texas war of independence
>some their sons fight in Civil War
>moms side of the family poorfag ranch-hands and cowboys
>dads side gets some of that Texas oil boom money
>turn of the 20th century Christian Lebanese great-great-grandparents move to US for economic and religious freedoms
>their son racemixes to produce my paternal grandfather
>he becomes estranged and becomes a hippie, before settling down and having dad
>moms parents, like their parents before them, are small-town conservative Texan Christians. mom goes all liberal
>mom and dad meet at UT in Austin
>get married, have my sister and I, now divorced but I spent time with both throughout childhood
>mom goes onto grad school, becomes an acupuncture therapist
>dad manages bookstore
>I'm in uni

>tfw have Arab last name in spite of being mostly white

Mine is pretty boring actually.

>paternal grandfather is farmer's son turned military man
>paternal grandmother was a farmer's daughter
>father was also a military man

>maternal grandmother was a rich farmer's daughter
>maternal grandfather was stagecoac driver's turned orphan turned farmer
>mother was a common housewive

>non-white dad
>mom has Swedish heritage

You're a meme, lad.

It takes that little to trigger you?
A fucking sandnigger using PBUH.

Mother's side
>be Scots
>be Broun clan
>fight in WWI in Black Watch
>go to America
>firstborn American son watches nukes in Nevada during Korea
>becomes a minister and marries woman of Dutch descent
Dad's side
>is swarthy
>at least two generations of dads that didn't stick around
>??????

Finna get one of those genetic tests to see what muh heritage is.

>Father's Side:
>Great-Great-Grandfather was doctor from northern Ukraine, then part of Russian Empire
>Everyone else German, from an area east of Berlin
>a bunch of metal and construction workers, father is salesman, nothing special here

>Mother's Side:
>Silesian Germans, fled after WW2

con't

>apparantly my ancestors bought themselves in nobility, hence my surname and part of it is more unique.

Mother's side
>Family of all weird things
>Sicilian, Armenian, Venetian, Dutch, Chinese and apparently cannibals from the inlands of Indonesia
>Maternal side were Armenian nomads that fled to Venice to become merchants and eventually settle in Sicily.
>Paternal side of my great grandmother were Dutch VOC merchants that eventually went to Indonesia to become plantation owners
>Italian merchants also went to Surabaya.
>Paternal side of my mother is infused with native Indonesians and Chinese. We even had an aunt who was some lords daughter with bound feet and all.
>Eventually the two families bound together
>Great grandfather of my maternal grandmother was police commissioner of Surabaya that was poisoned by his own men for being Dutch
>Great grandmother was used to test out the katana of some Jap soldier, because she couldn't understand what the fuck he was saying
>Grandmother was thrown in a jap camp and used as a comfort woman when she was around 12
>Grandfather was in the navy and got captured
>Was tortured in a camp for taking more rice for his comrade who was ill. His feet were whipped and he was forced to kneel all day in the sun with a bamboo stick behind his knees
>War ended, but evetything was confiscated by the Japs
>Get back some of the former holdings
>Police actions happen in Indonesia and eventually the new Indonesian government confiscates again all stuff.
>Penniless and discriminated because they were Dutch-Indo, they were forced to leave
>Right before they left Indonesia my mother was born
>Got double inflamed longues and nearly dies if the Red Cross didn't punch the protestant doctor in the face because he refused to help Catholics.
>Eventually arrive in the Netherlands.
>Government protocol was to tear families apart, so my family was spread across the nation for integration purposes

If it makes any difference, my dad is a doctor, not a dindu (although he was raised in a poor neighborhood), so the meme of "Swedish girl hooking up with dirt-poor dark-skinned immigrant" doesn't entirely apply.

>maternal: lesser noble family for fighting >ottomans
>until one ancestor
>spent all the land on wine cards and wenches

>paternal: my grandfather was a carpenter
>as was his father and his father's father
>as well as his father and so on
>also everyone on fathers side had only sons
>not a simgle daughter as far as we can know

>daddy's side is all wealthy landowners and men of letters
>mommy's side is an unholy clusterfuck of nationalities and social classes
I'll say, daddy's side might be boring, but the people are nicer. I can't stand anyone but mom and grandpa on my mother's side.

Care to elaborate, kind sir?

Since a self-made man appeals to women, regardless of race, and because he (presumably) didn't run off after you were born, you're off the hook as far as being a meme goes.

con't

>Mother's family get sent to some hick village down south
>Village never seen brown father and white mother together
>Villagers ask if they lived in trees like the other monkeys.
>Grandfather is a well spoken, albeit hard working man
>Grandmother was suppose to be a slim half oriental looking beauty with pitch black hair and fair white skin
>They got 9 children
>Mom grows up and after a night of partying laughs about my dad's jokes.

>Be the first among 3 children to get a university degree and have a steady job.
>Sisters all got knocked up young
>I am still a virgin nearing 30.

On what? Mom's side being fucking dicks? Just consider this: my grandma got mad as fuck when mom chose to marry a foreigner and moving in a different country with him. But oh, wait, what did she marry again? A german? But grandma, you're from Lyon!
Grandma and mom are barely on speaking term after 30 years.

No about your mom's ancestry

>Christian extended family
>Lebanese background

Come home.

Maternal side
>Grandfather's family just a bunch of scottish and english immigrants to Canada. Many drunks, some hippie native degenerate wannabees. Grandfather is a conservative John-Wanye loving Ameriboo.
>Grandmother's side are metis, gamblers and drinkers. Ancestors fought with Louis Riel ,
>Great Great Grandfather was a trapper in the Yukon territory, stabbed a bear in the face to kill it, but lost an eye in the process. In a very old photo, the guy looked like a character straight out of The Revenant.
>Great Grandmother was adopted by from a convent by the Trapper, as she was a metis abandoned in the nunnery
>Great uncle managed to survive 4 seperate ship sinkings in the second world war, and ironically was killed in a boat crash in Lake-of-the-Woods

Paternal Side
>Great great grandparents were Tuscan immigrants who fled Italy after my GG Grandpa, while serving as deputy in the small town they were from, shot and killed the son of a mafia boss. Had to change their names and flee the country to Chicago, where they remained.
>Great Grandmother lived 107 years (1908-2015), and lived next to Al Capone for quite some time. Her 3 brothers were blown up in the Pacific during WW2. Her husband was an orphan in Hull House, and his brother fell into a vat of boiling tomatoes and was cooked to death.
>Grandpa's side is little known, probably slavic-swiss shits who immigrated. Notorious for having violent temperaments (probably due to a anxiety disorder that I can trace back from my brother to my dad to my grandpa etc).
>Grandpa was honorably discharged after he threw a fellow soldier out of a 5 story window and killed him, allegedly due to the fact that he tried to molest my grandfather whilst he was sleeping
>Nothing else known, but there's rumors that our last name is notorious in southern wisconsin, due to the possibility of my great grandfather having many many children outside of wedlock in the area.
My history is lame

Kek I figured, but I like shitting on grandma.
Well essentially my grandpa was a german diplomat (not a full ambassador tho), and he married a bitch of a french maid who had run away from dreary life in the french countryside. He had a boy and four daughters, and they basically split one each into every country grandpa worked in, with various levels of personal success (uncle is a fucking hippie with a lifetime of temp jobs behind him and now lives in Brazil, aunt 1 married a working class frenchman and is a housewife, aunt 2 married a german doctor and is a doctor herself, mom is a teacher an married herself a rich italian businessman, aunt 3 is a spinster professor in some shit ass US college). Family reunions are battlegrounds and my dad got into fights with everyone but the german doctor. When grandpa dies no one is ever gonna hear about each other ever again, grandma better hope she dies first.

What's your surname, Owocowski?

What's the most reliable way to learn one's ancestry?

MashaAllah, I really want to marry into Ahlu bayt. A lot of these people have light on their face.

Also just thank Allah, you're Paki instead of Indian. The latter smell, the former do not.

Thanks man

That's some messed up stuff

So,what's your ancestry ?

Either ask your family members/dig up some family trees
Or use ancestry.com

>Daddy is a first gen immigrant from Italy, came here after winning a research grant, then stayed because mommy
>Daddy's family were kind of lower middle class farmers. Just rich enough to send their son to university
>Mommy's side is mostly dutch with some germans here and there, immigrated to the US in the 17th century (says grandpa, the oldest documents I have are late 19th century)
Kinda boring. Finding out more stuff is hard because dad never gave a shit about his family history and his parents are dead, and on the other side grandpa has already tried to dig shit up but the trail dies in the 19th century.

something like that

>American mutt
>paternal grandfather mostly Norwegian
>Immigrated to America, family stayed in rural Midwest region farming/ranching for generations
>paternal grandmother is an anomaly
>lived in St. Paul, parents from San Francisco, before that unknown but likely mix of Norwegian/German/Jewish/English based on surnames that don't go back very far
>maternal grandparents even less is known
>maternal grandmother's family came from Russia, now Ukraine during time of pogroms
>maternal grandfather's family colonial American, probably English. He fought in WWII in the Pacific
>family lived on Indian reservation despite having 0 Native American ancestors
>father raised in New Mexico, mother raised in St. Paul
>parents meet in St. Paul in the 80s and have me

I wish I knew more about my ancestors but records disappear after 2 or 3 generations, everything mostly stops around the mid 1800s or sooner. I did genetic tests that say I'm mostly NW European (British, French/German, and Scandinavian) with trace regions including Southern and Eastern European, European Jewish, possibly Middle Eastern but nothing very specific. I assume they were all lowly European peasants but it'd be nice to know more about regions they came from.

>Mother is one of those "1/64th cherokee" poor white trash whose family line goes back to Scotland.
>Have no idea who my father is; she joined a cult, and in an attempt to sire the anti-christ, tried to "conceive by polyspermy"
>Basically, all the men in the cult jacked off into a cup and they mixed it up and squirted some into my mom.

>Venezuelan
>Parents were flight attendants.
From mom's side:

>Grand uncle was a Colombian Army officer deployed to the Sinai in 1956 to enforce the cease-fire. Got really into Afrika Corps history and named his kids Adolf and Rommel kek.
>Grandma is Puerto Rican, every male Puerto Rican relative of mine was drafted and died in Korea or Vietnam.
>Somehow her grandma was Indian as in curry Indian who ended up in Puerto Rico. (I got hella naturally stylish eyelashes out if it).
>Grandpa was originally studying to be a priest but quit seminary because he was a fucking pimp and he loved women who also loved him. Became a journalist then a doctor in his mid-40s, became rich, classy gentleman who mastered Latin and Ancient Greek and collected books, women, and Cadillacs.

From dad's side:
>Venezuelan since 1800s, mostly of Galician stock, great-grandma was an Italian-speaking Corsican though.
>Relative ruled Venezuela as glorious caudillo warlord in late 1800s-early 1900s. Overthrown by a general of his when he went to Paris to treat syphilis because he too was a pimp.

>Moved to Florida when Venezuela became gommie hellhole.
>I did 4 years in the USMC, college in Japan and gonna live in Korea soon because Korean waifu.

Good job you absolute autist.
In a few years when some Texas hick stumbles up your mountain and shows you a screenshot of this post, have your (you) ready.

maternal side:
>Charlemagne
>lots of scholars and teachers
>one of them marries a seamstress or something
>it went downhill after that
>me

Paternal side:
>don't really know

We're cousins my family line comes from charles Martel and into spain when the Franks when to crusade in spain

>genetic tests

Does anyone know how accurate these are, how far back they go, and how expensive? I kinda want to get one done sometime soon.

German immigrants to Brazil as far as I know. Maybe some italians as well

Fathers side
>Coalescing of Norman Nobility and Saxon country folk.
Mothers side
>Horse thief escapes and marries a Saxon.
>Both lineages find themselves in America.
>End up making me.

Father's side
>from Slovak-Polish borderlands, and Czech-Polish borderlands
>farmers and shiet
>maybe some Gypsy heritage

Mother's side
>Czechs and Hungarians
>farmers and shiet, later coal miners
>homes got looted when the Germans marched through
>some relatives in the army early 20th C., never got a chance to fight thanks to the Eternal Anglo and his Socialist French collaborators
>grandpa made a bunch of money on black market during "communism", flexed a Fiat when everyone was driving plastic Skodas

Yeah, we don't have the sort of resources that leads to those multi-generation heritage charts you see on /int/. Wish I knew more desu. My parents were the first to get a higher education (thanks state socialism)

>Descend from Rajput nobility on mothers side from Punjab
>Some way related to Bahadur Shah Zafar

We could be related OP.

Also -
>Senpai migrated to Gujranwala from Jalandhar during partition
>Grandma says they left everything back in Indian side of Punjab, something which saddens me

>Ancestors in ma'rib
>dam breaks forced to leave city
>become the ghassinids
>become allies with the byzantine to protect your Christian faith
>finally be conquered by muslim arabs
>establish the Christian arab town of Ramallah
>fast forward to 1950
>original Christian population immigrate to the states
>grandpa is one of them
>be ghassinid ancestor in california

>dad is from a kind of well known family in northern lebanon
>paternal great grandfather was quite wealthy, his estate is now a museum
>paternal grandfather gambled away all the money and had over 10 children
>dad came to the us to escape the lebanese civil war
>i have like a hundred cousins all over the world, one in lebanese parliament who i met for the first time while he was on the run hiding from hezbollah
>mom was a hippy
>maternal grandfather was a naval captain in ww2
>maternal grandmother was apparently a freemason who remarried later to some nudist masonic dude

What the fuck m8

I want to know more about your life

Daddy:
>tfw mommy has been a carpet muncher since high school
>daddy is sperm donor
>atleast he was white
Mommy:
>now we get some entertainment
>grandma is a military baby born so born in england
>went to middle school on a base in japan and shirt
>married 3 times grandaddy being 1st
>her dad played mini league baseball in mississippi
>her mom was really nice or something
>both german/British
>grandad now
>tannest aryan you ever will meet
>his dad is pure german
>senpai immigrated to minnesota in 1800's
>died of radiation
>his mom is norwegian swede combo master race
>one of the swedes died in a logging accident
>tfw he was squashed my some random guys wood

also thinking of getting a dna test so i can see if donor daddy is also pure northern euro

Fathers side
>Peasants in Britain since dawn of time
>Great-Grandpa moves to Canada
>dirt poor in Ottawa, family of 4
>world war, lives but is a cranky old fart
>Grandpa works for Bell and makes a decent living, moves all over Ontario with family of 4
>my dad joins the RCAF, flies helos in Yugoslavia
>raises family of 5 and doesn't go out on deployment again, becomes Colonel

>Be Celts
>Drove out filthy proto-peoples all the way to the Pyrnees
>Life is good
>What's this? Some tribes in the South have united?
>No big deal
>Those tribes have conquered all their Italic neighbors, including brothers in Venetia
>It's go time, their armies march on Gaul.
>Some of my ancestors flee, other stay to defend the homeland.
>Try to fight them, but they use tactics and armor while we hoot and holler and wiggle our junk at them.
>Remember, a Gaul always carries two spears
>Jealous Latins take over Gaul and the other neighbors.
>Ancestors that fled the combat settle down in Britannia.
>Filthy Latins land invasion force there.
>Oh shit
>Flee to lands so far north that the people living there turn blue every so often.
>better than Latins tbqh familia...
>Romans continue to rampage through Europe, but grow fat off of foreign laborers and slaves
>Ancestors adopt Latin lifestyle over time
>Knock Knock, get the door
>It's the Germans and Goths
>Turns out there is some apocalyptic horse niggers coming right for us, can we come in
>No
>Fuck you, we're comin in anyway
>Gaul falls along with Western Rome as enough Barbarians to rival Europe's modern immigration crisis enter West Europe.
>Filthy barbarians called "Franks" carve out some territory and fancy themselves kings
>End up learning a lot of Latin language and culture just like we did, become fast bros as the world grew a little darker as Rome fell twice to other Germanigs
>Ancestors in England weather storm of several Germanic invasions, but live well among the Celts in Pictland
>Centuries pass and the Franks became full blown Latinboos. Their language and culture change so much that their ancestors would not recognize their descendants
>My ancestors are some of the first to follow the House of Bourbon.
>Typed "sleep tight Bourbie" on ye olde 4chane
>Good fortune was theirs
>Colonized parts of New France
>The Eternal Anglos show up and fuck shit up, like always
- continued

>using PBUH
>claiming descent from Muhammad

Yea, nah. Fuck you faggot.

>Paternal ancestor was a Frenchman who was shipped to Australia for forging coins in Guernsey
>Paternal ancestor was also the Lieutenant-General of the NSW colony at one point and fought in the American Revolution
>Maternal ancestors were Sicilian fisherman who came to Australia in the 1930's before the big migration

>Ancestors flee to Michigan to continue their tradition of fur trading
>The Anglos encourage immigration to New World, my other ancestors travel there.
>Nova Scotia was their home for a while, but left quickly to take up work in New England
>Find it's more diverse than a bacteria sample off a public toilet seat
>Lots of intermarrying creates a unique blend
>Michigan branch of ancestors continue fine tradition of marrying cousins and qt 3.14 native girls, have a very narrow lineage
>Bongs decide to abuse colonies a little bit after they refuse to pay taxes
>The Colonies chimp out
>Years of war and devastation yield a need for skilled labor, enter my New England ancestors
>Start crafts business in New York
>Sell to both sides because fuck you loyalty
>Michigan branch continues being Frankonigs
>A century passes and the New England branch becomes unhappy with the crafts business
>Damn Micks and Dagos are crowding the place, leave for growing industry in the Midwest
>Try Chicago but that place had more Polacks than the November Uprising of 1830
>Head to Michigan
>Turns out a family there sold off much their lands for a fortune to developers
>Turns out that family are my French ancestors
>Celt/Anglo ancestors have no idea my French ancestors exist as they work jobs building up Detroit
>French ancestors use huge fortune to purchase vast tracts of farmland in Metro-Detroit
>Some goodie two-shoes argue slavery is wrong, but who cares we live in Michigan
>South gets rowdy
>Knock, knock
>It's South Carolina, let us in
>No
>We're comin in anyway
>The Civil war draws in millions of American men, including some of my Celt and Anglo ancestors
>French ancestors too busy being rich and French to care
>Civil war ends and some of the Celt ancestors stay in the South to work during reconstruction
>Remaining ancestors work, eat, play, die in Michigan well until World War I
>Celt ancestors move back north alongside millions of negros

It actually stands for "Piss be upon him".

>Dad's supposedly a direct descendant of Thierry of Alsace, no title though
>Mom's family were merchants from Brabant, The kind that owned ships, not the kind that rule over goyim, mixed with low Spanish aristocracy

>All ancestors back in Michigan now, still unaware of one another
>The Great Depression hits
>Anglo, Celt, and French ancestors all ruined by it. End up living in the slums of Detroit and Metro-Detroit
>Each of the families have a fuckton kids because why not
>Ancestral families actually knew one another at this point
>One set of my great-grandparents met during this time, second cousins so that ain't stoppin shit
>Uncle Adolf starts shit in Europe, and the Tojos think it is a good idea to attack America-kun
>Shit hits the fan, America chimps out like every other time it was attacked in history
>Kick ass, take names, steal millions in valuables, reinvigorate economy slightly
>War ends
>Ancestor returns home and actually takes his wife's job
>They have eleven kids after WWII
>One of the those boys, my grandfather, meets a gal who happens to be the daughter of my great-grandfather's friend
>They get married
>Eight kids
>Communist chinks in Vietnam are killing Capitalist Gooks
>Nuh uh, don't do that shit
>Grandpa goes to war, grandmother dies in housefire while he is away. She saves three of the eight kids before succumbing to injuries
>One of those kids is my mom
>She is a mix of French, Celtic and Anglo ancestors
>Huge heritage in Metro-Detroit, big family name carries her well as the city helps her family get back on their feet
>Meets suave trouble-maker in high school
>Some Polack with an unpronounceable name
>Seriously, enough consonants to confuse even the best Wheel of Fortune contestant
>They end up getting married after highschool and have two kids
>Fast-forward fifteen years, I get interested in my ancestry. Not wanting to go full retard and end up like those weirdos who need to know their ancestry in order to function, I just ask my family about our history rather than pay some website
>Get these great stories, call bullshit and end up looking into it using the website
>Holy shit it's all true - minus one or two tales of Civil war heroism

>Decide to ask dad about ancestry, he has no clue. Family never talked about it
>He claims to be German and Polish, the last name confirms the latter for sure
>Fingers crossed I was not some descendant of a Nazi
>Nope
>Germans came over to Metro-Detroit the same time my mother's side did looking for factory work
>Polish ancestors moved to Chicago in the 1800s. They looked funny though... a little chinky on the father's side.
>Dig deeper, they left Eastern Poland after living there for centuries
>They are definitely Asian though
>More than likely a love child of the Huns or Mongols
>1% chance to be descended directly from Ghengis Khan
>His y-chromosome lives on it me
>No wonder I'm tempted to shoot arrows off the backs of horses from time to time
>Fast forward six years
>Be now
>Be typing this long greentext on some thread on Veeky Forums
>Giggling about all the hate on OP's Islamic heritage
>It's not that bad guys, at least he doesn't use a shitting street like Mr. Pajit

Anyone?

Paternal side:
>Be Germans in the little village of Mittelsinn, Bavaria.
>Maybe former jews, not sure (we're Lutheran, but our last name is rather Jewish, and most of the men in our family have got the nose)
>Be 1880's
>Great-great grandpa is like 17
>He's in line to be conscripted in the German army
>Parents don't want him getting shot or anything
>They sneak him onto a boat and send him to America to go live with his (apparently qt) cousin
>They live in southeast Ohio
>He becomes a plumber and proceeds to lay some pipe into his cousin
>tfw I'm a little bit inbred
>Their son becomes a mailman
>Still regularly in contact with relatives in Germany
>Those relatives are super fanatical nazis, so Great-Grandpa breaks off contact
>Grandpa's born in 1940
>Born too late to fight in WW2
>Born too early to fight in Vietnam
>Born just in time to have a comfy 40's/50's childhood
>Gramps meets his future wife at Kent state, he becomes an architect
>They have three kids and move to northwest Ohio
>Dad is a theater production major, and is a line manager at a local factory when he meets my mom
(cont.)

They vary -

>dnaancestry

and

>23andme

Are two I've seen

Maternal side (I'm a little fuzzy on the details between our arrival in America and Grandpa on this side):
>Once again, be Germans, living in Magdeburg this time
>Great-great-great grandpa gets a job as a strikebreaker (scab) in France
>While he's on the way, he mentions to the other strikebreakers that they're all scabs
>Apparently they didn't know that
>And they were pretty upset about that, so they started rioting
>Riot gets put down, and French police grab triple-great grandpa, identifying him as the instigator
>They decide to deport him to America instead of back to Germany for some damn reason
>Next couple of generations are spent being small-time farmers in southwest Ohio
>Fast-forward to Grandpa
>He becomes a pilot in the airforce, gets sent to Vietnam
>But not before he meets Grandma and they have 3 kids
>Mom is all over the place during her childhood, because the family traveled with Grandpa on his assignments
>Main home is in Maryland near DC, though.
>Mom is a business major, and is visiting a friend in my hometown when she meets my dad
>They're kinda meh with each other while chilling with my mom's friend (who eventually became my aunt)
>One night mom's driving around when her car breaks down
>Dad comes out to help, and she stay's with him while her car gets fixed
>They proceed to fall in love while watching Star Trek reruns (they're both fucking nerds)
>A couple years later I pop out

>Grandfather on mothers side was a Danish freedom fighter during Nazi occupation of Denmark
>Some distant relative on the same side was a German U-boat commander.
>My inner /pol/itician is fully erect from Nazi heritage.
>Grandpa fucks up and gets caught printing an underground newspaper or something and gets thrown in the slammer.
>Stays in prison for a while, figuring squareheads were going to execute him and he gets released.
>No explanation, just gets thrown out and told not to fuck up again.
>Absolute madman gets right back to business
>Theory is that the Nazi relative was high enough rank that he was able to do some string pulling to get Grandpa out.

>Fathers side of family
>Great grandfather was a rum runner during prohibtion.
>made bank but decided to call it quits when the police started shooting at him.
>after that he was a sailor, and I have a turtle shell, probably from something endangered, that he brought back with him from one of his trips.

>Muhajirs
>Dad's side from Agra/Jaipur
>Mom's side from Jaipur/Kabul but both sides were based in India
>Mom's grandparents had Afghan blood
>Father's grandparents were from North India, near Kashmir
>Lineage family Muslim name was Khalil; became a middle name somewhere later on
>Majority of family based in Pakistan, with some in India
>Both parents born in Karachi

>mother claims family descended from cousins of Charlemagne in France who later moved to Canada, and then the U.S.
>mfw

I mean I guess it is possible but it sounds like such bullshit that I couldn't help but laugh upon hearing it.

I think we ARE Related

>cousins of Charlemagne in France

Do they at least tend to be more or less accurate?

23andme is accurate but highly nonspecific. IE, "you are 43.3% eastern European, 18.6% Irish, 15.4% southern European, XX percent east Asian, XX percent Ashkenazi." It's only really worth it if you have serious questions about your heritage.

Like so.

>My Dad's family comes from a great political line in pre-Communist China
>Grandmother was first female aviatrix and an ambassador during WW2
>His great grandfather was the President of China
>One of the richest families in Shanghai in the 30s
>I found ~200,000 British Pounds worth of ROC warbonds (not redeemable) in his childhood home's attic

>My Mom's family were horse thieving Micks

>My Great Grandmother was from India, but she and her family was muslim so I can only presume she was from North India, she and her parents move to Guyana
>Great Grandfather was a chinese labourer who went to Guyana
Can't think of anything else, I'm probably also descended from Guyanese Amerindians.

Well, here goes.

>Maternal: Belorussians who fought in WW2 and WW1

>Paternal: Russians who fought in WW2 and WW1.

>el peruANO
EL PERUANO: DUENDE DE COLOR MARRÒN DE CARA REDONDA.. OJOS DE VIZCACHA!! ( ARDILLA)) NUCA REDONDA Y SUCIA`` NARIZ DE ALETA DE TIBURÒN. CUERPO DE MANDRIL! CON ASPECTO DE ``MONO CHIMPANCÈ... Y EL PERUANO ES UN INDIO AMBULANTE QUE RECORRE TODO EL MUNDO TRATANDO DE SER ACEPTADO.. BUSCA POR TODOS LOS PAÌSES ..COMIDA`` CASA. Y UNA ALDEA DONDE REPRODUCIRSE``..

EL PERUANO ES FEO POR NATURALEZA.... POR UN ERROR ABERRANTE DE LA NATURALEZA... EL PERUANO TIENE EL CRUEL CASTIGO DE POR VIDA.. DE SER``FEO!!! NEGRO-AMARRONADO`` ENANO CON OLOR A ``CLOACA```Y A CACA`` Y A DIARREA GUARDADA EN UN FRASCO AL SOL!.

EL PERUANO: DURANTE SU NIÑEZ... ES OBLIGADO A ORDEÑAR CABRAS..VACAS... LIMPIAR ESTABLOS``EL PERUANO ``SIEMBRA`` PAPAS. CEBOLLAS`` Y HACE TRABAJOS AGRARIOS!!..

ES MUY DIFÌCIL ENCONTRAR UN PERUANO RUBIO DE OJOS VERDES Y DE 1.80!!... YA QUE ELLOS APENAS ALCANZAN EL:1.50 DE ESTATURA!!

EL SUEÑO DEL PERUANO ES: SER BLANCO`` SER ALTO``OLER BIEN``

COMER BIEN!, VESTIRSE BIEN!! Y CAMBIAR SU ASQUEROSA ``RAZA!!

LOS PERUANOS SON MAS CONOCIDOS POR: ``CHOLOS``: INDIUS`` MUNUS SAPIENS. SON IGUALES AL ``EKEKO`` O AL MISMO PRESIDENTE DE PERU ( TOLEDO).... ESTOS CHOLOS,OSEA PERUANOS.. ACOSTUMBRAN A DORMIR EN LAS CALLES... COMER CON LAS MANOS Y CORTAN LA COMIDA CON LOS DEDOS.... ORINAN Y CAGAN EN LA CALLE... DUERMEN VESTIDOS`` NO SE BAÑAN!! NO VAN ALA ESCUELA...

EL PERUANO: DETESTA!! BAÑARSE.. ESO YA LO SABE TODO EL MUNDO... EL PERUANO HUELE A : CEBOLLA, CACA``HUMEDAD`` A TRASPIRACIÒN`` A PATA ( PEZUÑA).. EL PERUANO Y TIENE CAPAS DE CACA EN EL CULO!!! Y PELUDO PARA COLMO..... OSEA..EL PERUANO ES UN TREMENDO DESASTRE ASQUEROSO ABERRANTE INMUNDO COCHINO!!!.... ESO YA LO HEREDA DE LOS ANTEPASADOS D ELOS INKAS.. Y JAMÀS LOS CAMBIARA`...

>Paternal grandfather is mixed WASP and Swiss, his uncle was a professional baseball player back when baseball was cool
>Paternal grandmother is a Maronite Catholic with some Sephardi Jewish ancestry, whose parents didn't want to serve in the Ottoman military
>Maternal grandfather was an alcoholic Dubliner
>Maternal grandmother was from the wealthiest family in Wexford, and used to write for her father's newspaper

A lotta Irishmen, German Jews, German Protestants from Catholic parts of Germany, a couple English pioneers, and a few Slavs from modern-day Germany

BS

Alsatian Germans, Hamburg Jews, Swiss people, Austrian Catholics, Austrian Jews

I believe all of my ancestors spoke German or some variety thereof

I speak English and Spanish because I live in Texas

>PBUH
I hope you find a few hot rounds of 30mm UY.

Mom

>grandmother: mother was the daughter of German immigrants (at least paternally), father was an English immigrant who lost his leg in a textile factory accident
>grandfather: descended from Mormons in Utah, presumably solely of English descent. Rumored he was related to Joseph Smith, founder & prophet of Mormonism.

Dad

>grandmother: descended from Germans and WASPs, probably some Italian heritage because of a 23andme test my family took, and her side of the family is pretty swarthy.
>grandfather: WASP to the max, wealth lost somewhere along the way, had some Ashkenazi Jewish heritage.

You're old man is Cuban ethnically and Cubans are easily the most based of the Hispanics, you get a pass.

Christ you're family couldn't catch a break.

Father's side
>paternal grandfather is a descendent of the brother of the captain of the Mayflower and large plantation owners in Antebellum NC. Despite this was a drunk for most of his life before sobering up and becoming an accountant and tobacco salesman
>Paternal grandmother grew up in an Irish slum in America and descended from starving Irishmen
>they had 13 kids
>despite growing up Catholic white trash in the South my father became a successful doctor
Mother's side
>Maternal grandfather was in electrician up North
>Maternal grandfather's father immigrated from Scotland after fighting in the trenches in WWI. He fought at Passchendaele. Was plagued by nightmares about the mud for the rest of his life. Also an electrician
>Maternal grandmother literally we just know American, Catholic and yankee so safe to assume they're Irish

>Joseph Smith
>Ashkenazi Jew
You were made to be a conman

I need more

Father's side descends from Venetian Jews. Mother's side is a family of Albanian knights that escaped to Italy after Skanderberg got rekked.

>Got double inflamed longues and nearly dies if the Red Cross didn't punch the protestant doctor in the face because he refused to help Catholics.
wtf I hate protestants now