Peas help me

Veeky Forums here trying to Veeky Forums. I love peas but whenever I cook them I always get about half of them being these gritty hard bullet like abominations. I've tried every which way of cooking them I can find, but every single time they come out like this and dry out in literally 30 seconds. What the hell am I doing wrong? Tried from both frozen and defrosted, boiling from 1-10 minutes constantly testing as I go, feels like I'm losing my mind here. Peas help, Veeky Forums, you're my only hope. Of edible peas, I mean.

>What the hell am I doing wrong?
apparently everything.

change brands
The generic peas at my supermarket are the best I've ever had, and they come in big 4 lb bags.

So, what would you suggest please? Sous vide? Grill? Roasted? Deep fry? Rotisserie? Honey? Fired from a catapult? Buried in the earth for a day on top of hot coals? Because boiling seems to not be working very well.

1/4 cup of water to a boil

throw in a handful or two of frozen peas

cover and let simmer for 8 minutes

pour in a bowl with butter, salt, and pepper

how the fuck are you fucking this up?

Nice trips. I've tried a couple of different brands, so far there's no difference. They've all been frozen within 90 minutes of picking, which I'm guessing is some kind of standard practice.

Split pea soup - a staple of the German Wehrmacht.


300-400g peas (frozen are easiest)
bacon or pork belly (to taste, ca. 1 cup)
2-3 potatoes (ideally mealy)
3-4 carrots
1-2 onions
1/4 bulb of celeriac
1/2 stalk of leeks
some stock
salt, pepper, marjoram, parsley

Dice all the vegetables and the meat, (ideally you now sweat it all off in batches first), put all in a pot. Add about 100g of peas and just enough stock so that everything is barely covered. Add salt. Bring to a boil, let it all simmer for about 20 minutes.

Then put the rest of the peas in an extra pot, fill that extra pot with the hot stock from the first pot, let the peas simmer until properly cooked. Then turn them into pea mush by thoroughly blending them with an immersion blender. Pour the blended peas and stock back into the first pot with the other veggies and let everything simmer together for a while. Season with pepper, marjoram and parsley. Serve with freshly baked bread.

It's necessary to cook the peas in the previously used liquid. If you boil them in extra liquid and add them to the other pot like that the final pea stew/soup will get too thin and runny.

If you still get hard peas just immersion-blend ALL of the fuckers.

Try steaming. I never boil vegetables unless I'm making soup.

>8 minutes
Most guides I've seen say 4 tops, but I've tried up to 10 minutes and they still come out the same. I have no idea how I'm fucking this up, I do have at least a vague idea of what I'm doing in the kitchen.

>change brands
sounds like a good suggestion. Peas are not difficult, but if you are buying shitty peas, it would explain somethings.
>boiling
It seems like you are doing or have tried the correct method. for basic peas, I just heat my water on medium high for a min or two, then toss in my frozen peas and let them warm up until I notice they are done. I don't usually let them get to a full boil.

>I do have at least a vague idea of what I'm doing in the kitchen.
Debatable

Oh hell yes, pea soup is fucking topnotch, I usually use marrowfat when doing mine. Unfortunately I need to figure out how to do them on their own, so I can use them as a side for boiled chicken or lean steak or something. Also hasselback potatoes, because they are jacket potatoes but objectively better in every way.

Microwave them. Put them in a bowl with water, no fat, and cover tightly with clingfilm before nuking for about 6-8 minutes if frozen. Drain and mix with butter and lemon juice.

Pic related is after 10 minutes on a rolling boil. Still about 40% gritty inedibleness.
Don't have a zapper.

>peas help me
AHAHHAH nice pun!

buy canned. problem solved.

It might be the water, perhaps it is extremely hard in your area. Try boiling the peas with distilled water.

>Put the peas in cold water for about 30 minutes
>Drain
>Heat up pan, add butter
>Put in peas
>Cook for 5-7 min, eat a pea or two to check if done
There you go.

>greying flavourless mush with preservatives
If anything it's a downgrade. Peas cannot be difficult, there is something I'm missing here.
You sir might have a point. I don't know how hard the water is here, is there some means of testing it? I don't have any litmus paper handy.

...

Huh, I was just being facetious when I suggested frying them, didn't know that was a thing. Is the soak period just to defrost, because I have some defrosted already, or is it a brining type dealio to keep them moist? Either way thanks, I'll give it a try

When I read the post I assumed you had frozen peas.

I have both, I decided to try every bloody permutation of boiling them possible because this shit is frustrating