No alcohol party

Last minute addition to tomorrow's dinner party -- a recovering alcoholic. Made the menu changes, no wine pairings, no alcohol during cooking. Will be offering a variety of soft drinks/juices/flavored water, and switched the dessert which contained grape must to an inoffensive chocolate one.

I explained to the guests and they were all fine with it, barring one who was appalled at the idea of no booze and thinks I should go ahead as planned with the only difference being offering the new addition non-alcoholic wine. He even "threatened" to bring his own bottle to drink.

I'm sticking to my guns. Don't know what might trigger the dude and I don't think alcohol is imperative when it comes to enjoying a nice dinner with friends.

Do you think I'm in the wrong here? Is alcohol necessary?

i think it's a nice gesture

You could have gone either way, I guess. It depends on how big his problem is and how close you are to him.

It's a thoughtful gesture on your part. If one guy can't deal without alcohol for one dinner, they probably need to stop drinking as well.

You are absolutely right and your guest is a cunt. Your house, your rules, he can go get smashed at the pub by himself if he wants it so bad. Just because you're adults doesn't mean you're forced to drink alcohol.
As for the drinks menu, get 100% juice, check the box to see it's not made with added sugar/corn syrup. Also water, tap if you have a filter or just glass bottles if you find them. Soda is not the best choice for dinner but have some on hand anyways. Good luck OP

Yeah good on you op.
That dude sounds like a cunt
How long as the guy been recovering? If it's been a few years he maybe over it, and it's overkill. Maybe ask him?

I'm totally sober for 3+ years and I would be very grateful for your gesture. That said, why not just ask the recovering alcoholic dude what is/is not ok. e.g. for me, I don't have a problem with grapes, and even alcohol in the cooking process isn't really triggering. The only situation I can't handle is people getting drunk around me. everyone is different.

also, fuck the guy who isn't willing to spend 3 hrs not drinking.

Make some cold brew coffee. And Tell your buddy to pump the brakes, he can surely go a few hours without a drink. If he does bring something, confront him very quickly about keeping it discreet. If he can't manage that, then tell him he should leave and come back next time.

I barely know him and he's about 7 months into recovery.

Good suggestions, thank you.

7 months in, but I'd have gone down the same path regardless of time.

3 years, good on you, man. And I didn't talk to him about it because he's a new acquaintance and I don't know how comfortable he'd be discussing this. It's not important to me, I don't mind making the changes, so why risk making him feel awkward or singled-out if there's no reason for it.

Dude its his problem. Don't make everyone suffer for it.

>they were all fine with it

No they just didn't want to look like an asshole.

>and thinks I should go ahead as planned with the only difference being offering the new addition non-alcoholic wine
this is definitely what you should do

Funnily enough, that is exactly what the one friend said. Down to the wording.

As someone whose a recovering alcoholic, I really appreciate the gesture, you're a good person OP. Fuck that one person, they might have a drinking problem themselves if they are that appalled at the idea of not having alcohol with their dinner. I mean everybody else being fine with it. You're right for sticking with your guns. If your angry guest wants to drink, he could just pre-game anyways.

>Don't make everyone suffer for it.
No alcohol for a few hours is "suffering" now? Wow. Guess the one dude is a recovering alcoholic whereas the other who thinks like you is just... an alcoholic.

Well I agree with him.

However, I wouldn't bring my own bottle like some sort of faggot. Its your house your rules.

The guy will probably be embarrassed iif he knows you went that far to change plans. Very small chance he would want you to do that.
Also I am pretty sure being an alcoholic isn't like a severe allergy, you can use the product in cooking, thats fucking silly to avoid that

hear hear

>Just because you're adults doesn't mean you're forced to drink alcohol.
eh, but alcohol generally makes fun things more fun. Its not a matter of alcohol being necessary, just handicapping yourself and making your thing less fun because one guy can't handle being an adult

Silly or not, I don't know enough to make that call and since it's not necessary, I don't think it's a big deal omitting it just to be on the safe side.

seriously question to the actual alcoholics here. Would someone using alcohol in cooking effect you in any way?

>and thinks I should go ahead as planned with the only difference being offering the new addition non-alcoholic wine
this is definitely what you shouldn't do.

How do you even live life if you can't even deal with being in a room where there is wine or beer?

That's not my call to make, though.

I mean like are alcoholics actually that fragile? Or is this just a cartoon version of what an alcoholic is.
If the guy was actually that crippled by his affliction he surely wouldn't even agree to go without explicit assurances

God this level of pandering is embarrassing.
>inb4 recovered alcoholic gives me "muh edge"
If its really as tame of a dinner as you say it is then letting your guest have 1 or 2 drinks should be fine

If your guests intentions were to get sauced and rowdy, then someone clearly fucked up by inviting this guy

I understand I'm probably exaggerating but why take the chance, that's what I don't get.

>but why take the chance
because alcohol is good.
This is like saying why drive a car when you could possibly get in an accident and die, your fear is unjustified, the risk is super fucking low compared to the benefit

For a few hours? Come on.

I agree with this. If it was a big problem he would have asked about it. If it is a problem and he didn't ask then he has much bigger problems that are in no way in your control.

The question is really whether this is a reasonable fear you have. I totally get not wanting to get drunk around the guy, but having a drink with dinner? Thats nothing

You're a good friend and person. Very thoughtful. If this other person is refusing to understand after having the situation explained to them, you just have to tell them to take it or leave it.

You're not in the wrong per se but it's a bit presumptuous on your part to think you have to baby a recovering alcoholic.

This

wouldnt be nothing to me

If the situation were different and this guy was a radical vegan instead of a recovering alcoholic would you be willing to serve vegan dinner to your guests or would you tell him to just eat the vegetables?
>its only for a few hours

This

Also if he's a new acquaintance and you don't want to embarrass him, think of it from his perspective. Now he walks into a party where not only have you, explicitly told everyone else of his addiction, but everyone feels so bad for the "poor little baby" that they've decided to put the training wheels on the party.

Part of recovery is learning how to function in the world with people who don't have a problem. If you're throwing a rager than fine, that is an inappropriate use of alcohol for him to be around. But 7 or 8 people eating a meal with a few glassed of wine- what do you think he sees when he walks into any restaurant anywhere?

That's nice of you but I still really have a problem with the idea of restricting other people because of one person's issues.

So as someone who can't handle being at dinner with someone else who is having a drink, would you agree to go to a dinner party without asking about the alcohol situation? there

I'm a recovering alcoholic.

Drinking is literally everywhere, he should be fine being around it, or he's just destined to die of liver failure. I wouldn't want anyone to not drink because of me or do anything, I'd feel like a faggot.

This is like having a new asian friend come to your party and changing the entire menu to be asian themed foods and insisting everyone use chopsticks. You are being patronizing and will probably embarrass him

Also I'm going to assume this dude told you he's a recovering alcoholic in confidence and you just went ahead and told everyone else? That's fucked

If you can't have fun without being inebriated, you have a problem

>Do you think I'm in the wrong here?
you are the fucking host, you do whatever the fuck you want in your party and if someone doesn't like it then they can fuck off.
oh and alcoholics are degenerates.

This is an entirely different issue. No one ever implied that you should all get drunk around the guy. A couple drinks with dinner is super normal and make it more fun, this isn't about getting drunk, its about making the most of your time with your friends

This. I'd never trust some faggot who can't have a few drinks. What a selfish bastard.
>i don't drink so no one else can drink
Literally as bad as a hypocrite baptist.

He's a newish acquaintance to me and one other guest., the others already knew him and about him. I just let everyone know about the changes, they didn't need to be told the reason -- and no one feels bad for the "poor little baby". I'm trying to be considerate, it will be 4 hours at the most and I truly do not understand how this can become such a big deal. Even if I knew for a fact he could handle being around alcohol, I still wouldn't do it. His company is far more important to me than having a few sips of wine and I find a simple, "soft drinks" dinner with friends to be as much of an every-day situation as an alcohol-inclusive one.

it really truly isn't

>babby can't have fun without poisoning himself

Well, that would be a terrible assumption on your part.

>Waaah why the fuck are people giving me their opinions on my post!

Get fucked faggot.

Uh... Okay?

moderate alcohol consumption is by all available evidence beneficial to humans. Its rather misleading to refer to it as poison. Its actually much less toxic than most things we consume. Imagine if you consumed even something as basic as salt in the quantities that humans do ethanol when getting drunk

Its not a big deal, its just that you are being patronizing to the guy and mildly inconveniencing the rest of your guests as a result. Its a lose lose situation, but also not very important

maybe if you keep repeating that people will start to think that is the actual issue at hand

>Even if I knew for a fact he could handle being around alcohol, I still wouldn't do it.

This makes no sense. Why? If you just don't feel like having a party with alcohol involved regardless of who's around then just say so idiot.

Everybody involved in this dinner party is fucking retarded. I'm a fucking drunk and this seems stupid. If a recovering drunk can't go to a dinner and not drink because other people are drinking, keep your damaged ass at home. On the other side, changing the entire dinner so that one recovering drunk can come to the dinner is a slap to everyone else in the face. Don't be surprised if half your guests cancel on you because "something came up" last minute.

This is a fair point and one I can live with.

I agree with this

I have pretty mixed feelings about this whole situation, I think it's a nice gesture to do for a guest, but I think some sense is required

Maybe what op could do is talk to the person, and see what they can or can't handle as far as being around alcohol. Then go accordingly. Like if he would be ok around it, then everyone could drink, but he won't, and you wouldn't offer him any.

I remember at a party a few years ago, I had a friend who just got out of jail and was on parole, and he was being routinely drug tested, so he couldn't have any illicit drugs, he could drink of course, but I remember in his drunkenness, he was about to take a bong hit and me and the other person in the room that knew stopped him from being a fucking dumbass.

Well op's pal is a recovering alcoholic, which means that he drank more than "moderate consumption"

>Do you think I'm in the wrong here? Is alcohol necessary?
You would be very considerate, and no alcohol is not necessary everywhere. I've been to weddings that didn't have it, not a drop, out of consideration of a single in-law. What you need to do now, is maybe get someone in between the both of you and speak to the asshole pushing his own agenda, so that it's not just you doing this. However, your house, your rules.
Make some really delicious beverages. Limeade, fresh iced tea, brand new flavors of Diet Coke, bubble tea, iced coffee and cream.

You could take some middle ground and make sure that guy arrives early, meet him in the yard, or be able to have a private moment before other guests arrive, and give yourself a moment to make him clear about what he needs. Also, you could always just surprise everyone with the alcohol if the guy leaves early, and extend your party a bit.

Sounds like your obstinate guest that would violate that is the one with the drinking problem.

If I was that recovering guy I'd feel horrible about it

>
>If the situation were different and this guy was a radical vegan instead of a recovering alcoholic would you be willing to serve vegan dinner to your guests or would you tell him to just eat the vegetables?
>>its only for a few hours
That's not a good analogy. For a vegan you'd be making sure there was something for them to eat, not changing an entire menu and forcing others not to eat meat. For an alcoholic, you would make sure they couldn't see people putting alcohol to their lips. That's the trigger, and why it's not allowed in ads and billboards, or commercials in the US. There are no shots of people doing that, instead it's about puppies and budweiser horses.

>Also, you could always just surprise everyone with the alcohol if the guy leaves early, and extend your party a bit.
I will be sure to do this, thank you.

>and no alcohol is not necessary everywhere
not necessary, but good none the less

tell people they can bring their own if they really want to drink so badly, you could even inform them of potential good pairings. Since it's a dinner party, it was likely a group was going to bring at least a bottle of something.

Good for you man, people are rarely sincere enough to do something like this.

the setting, the smells, actively being in a room where people eat, drink and are merry, any of those things are far more emotive than seeing a picture of a bottle of wine on a billboard. Besides, if alcohol is consumed, what ensures one of the other guests doesn't get shitfaced? deffo not worth it.

I work in a restaurant where an alcoholic anonymous meeting takes place every week literally in the bar.

People are not as fragile as you think they are.

>if alcohol is consumed, what ensures one of the other guests doesn't get shitfaced
If that happens its on that person being inconsiderate, thats not your problem

That's why the key word was "radical" vegan and not just a normal vegan. That's why its a good analogy.

>People are not as fragile as you think they are.
way to blanket state your anecdotal crap

If you can't handle being in the same room as alcohol you should stay home, its fucking selfish to subject others to your fragile whims

>Person who doesn't want to be pandered to comes to party only for host to inappropriately pander to them. Person gets upset.
I don't see your point

I go to AA/NA and people talk about it sometimes. For some people, just the taste can trigger an urge to drink. For me, it's fine, it doesn't make me want to pound alcohol.

OP playing it safe is the coolest/nicest way to go.

it's different, u moron.

If spending time with your friends sober is "suffering" maybe you should reconsider who you're spending time with. It's not like this is even a "party" party, it's just a dinner party, which is just many people having dinner together. It can be done without alcohol.

Okay

I don't get removing grapes but whatever

dinner really should include an alcoholic beverage. Beer or wine taste good and perfectly compliment a meal, its not even simply about the alcohol, if you are limiting yourself to non-alacoholic beverages the meal necessarily suffers as all of the best tasting beverages have alcohol

When he mentioned the wine must, I started to think the whole thing was a joke

>all of the best tasting beverages have alcohol
>>>

You're free to do whatever you want with your dinner party, but you're going to make it objectively less enjoyable for everyone involved and they will all resent the recovering alcoholic that you're "accommodating" with your changes. It's like serving nothing but salad and bread because one of your guests is a vegetarian.

Etiquette only requires that you offer non-alcoholic beverage choices if you have a guest who doesn't drink. If this guy is such a faggot that he can't stand dining with people who are drinking wine, then he just shouldn't come.

alcoholics drink shitty alcohol, you are confusing two entirely unrelated things
Name one non-alcoholic beverage as tasty as a top tier wine or beer with dinner

I'd tell that last minute addition to fuck off and take his apple juice with him. You're not organising a dinner party anymore. It's a long sullen silence with an edible centrepiece.

>I explained to the guests and they were all fine with it, barring one who was appalled at the idea of no booze
All of your friends are liars except that one guy who was alpha enough to tell you how everyone feels.

They're all going to pretend they don't mind in order to be polite, and then bitch about it on the way home and not come to any more of your dinner parties.

>all these faggots coming in from the al/ck/ thread bitching and moaning about how a guy organizes a dinner party in his own damn house
Piss off you entitled little cunts. Guy is nice enough to throw a dinner party in the first place. Just because you've never been invited to one doesn't give you the right to nitpick his choices hither and tither.

the guy literally asked us what we thought about the situation and what he should do. What are you talking about?

You'd have to be autistic to not realize OP meant "please validate my decision."

i have lived in the middle east and north africa for a long time and people can have plenty of fun in parties and weddings with all the usual music and socializing with zero drop of alcohol. honest question. are westerners really incapable of having a fun party without alcohol? or are you just here to contradict OP for the sake of the lulz like what implied?

>No alcohol party.
The average person is far too boring and retarded for me to tolerate them for hours without alcohol.

So you think this thread should just be people saying "yep, good job guy"? And anyone saying otherwise to the direct question is "entitled little cunts"?

Really?

Man i hate alcoholics
>have sympathy fowr mwee i get drunk and just cant control myself around alcohol xD
>its reawwy harwdd :((

I want to cuddle the fat kitteh

I am an alcoholic and I have never said anything remotely like this in my life.
>Hurr durr all alcoholics are the same!

>im not like other alcoholics ;)

0/10.

>any1 who hates alcoholics is a troll
5/10 deflection and denial

grape must, not grapes

It's not that it's that you are being retarded on purpose or trying to troll me. You fucking know that not every alcoholic is the same fucking person.

Ye man ur different from them ur not like them
Ur totally unique with ur version of alcoholism

Are you drunk right now and trying to deflect your own insecurities? It's the only plausible explanation other than mental retardation.