Post Menus: Pretentiousness edition

I'll start with the micahlada and the black truffle explosion. Then I'll move onto the chawanmushi, kampachi ceviche, and the heirloom tomatoes. I'll finish with an espresso martini and the okinawa brown sugar ice cream.

...

I worked there...
it's actually really cool, they respect the labor laws, pay well
and the chef is fiNnnNe

>hand-pulled gravlax with booze extract & frightened clam

...

That's one from the pretentious menu generator

What did you do there? Is the fine dining industry in NYC really so fucked that you have to highlight a restaurant respecting labor laws as the first positive thing you can say about it?

Were you involved in the creation of these crazy cocktails? How long did they take to make?

What is actually in that Pineapple dish? Is it just a slab of pineapple with some toppings?

If you worked FOH, what was the average check and tip percentage? Ive never worked super high end dining and have always wonder how much those can afford to go there tip.

yes.

>I'm aquarian so just some free-range water, thanks

Oh come on, what are these pussy ass moods? Gimme a meal for misanthropy and despair.

I did cuisine in the Chicago location.

It's sad but not a lot of restos respect labor laws.

I guess when places pay people so little and work them so hard, they do not expect any legal push back :c

The alinea group is different though. I see why they have all the hype, they are treating the staff just as well as the customers - which I believe is honest hospitality.

The aviary was super cool. They train their bartenders as chefs and they make such cool things.

The picture was one of my favs, it is a sphere holding a drink that you break open with a sling shot.

Also below this resto in Chicago there is a 14 person speakeasy that you can only be invited to, called the office :3

This is "fake" as in, it was the menu for a made up restaurant in London that made it to number 1 on TripAdvisor. Pretty funny.

vice.com/en_au/article/434gqw/i-made-my-shed-the-top-rated-restaurant-on-tripadvisor

>nashville
>chilled seafood

That's not super high end. Prices seem pretty reasonable.

>currently working as a chef de partie at a fine dining restaurant in NYC
Ye, shits pretty fucked. On the plus side, we do get a lot of free shit, people pay for us to get shake shack for family meal once every few months, when we won the worlds 50 best, a bunch of restaurants made us food to congratulate us, we even got free housing and bmws and shit when we decided to open a Hamptons pop up when we were renovating our restaurant in the city

So yes. Shit is fucked, but if you’re working in a really quality place, you get a lot of perks as well

>misanthropy and despair

That's reserved for when you get the bill plus tip

>note: prices are actually 18% higher than stated

...

Anyone care to explain exactly what the fuck a vegan clam is

Where's the sadness?

>vegan clam

>water tartare

...

It was inside you all along

> hastily skims the article
> recognizes one city name
> makes a useless post

Tho Woodsman is in Portland, guy

...

What the fuck is a water spread

>beef tea

So, broth...?

Why only positive emotions?

Tl;dr

where were you, Madison?

i've worked at a 50s best and I never got a bmw :c

If this is an actual menu, I would say the chef has a very loose grasp of the language, ingests massive amounts of psychotropic drugs on a regular basis, has suffered a mild stroke or is, in fact, M. Night Shamalayn.

This is great

>Brought to you by Christopher Nolan

...

Do people not know this was supposed to be a troll?

...

i'd take the chimichangas

Id like the frightened bison drippings and some homemade watercress please

What does this " frightened" adjective mean with food?

>$3.25 plus tip for one (1) oyster

Bees on wheat

The Empathetic is pretty on points

I'm totally empathetic to vegan clams

underrated

wow, the naive gravlax with sublimated hazelnuts is very cheap. I will have that

>Free range water

>explain what are vegan clams
No. This is a blue board.

>homemade watercress
That sort of makes sense. Provided you have an ultra-clean stream on your land.

>deconstructed stew
Gross
>mentioning the thread count of the fucking bowl
For what purpose?

>Grant Achatz
that guy could fart onto a plate and serve it to eager trust fund babbies for $200
i saw him on chef's table, dude seemed nice but he is so pretentious he's literally a crazy person

This is more New Orleans than Tennessee, what are these hipsters smoking?

>and entire block of cream cheese with salsa poured over it. served with Wheat Thins
I'm dying

I went to Asheville NC recently and the downtown was full of overpriced transparent hipster gentrifier restaurants like this, it was kinda disappointing.

>overpriced transparent hipster gentrifier restaurants
Try not being poor and willfully ignorant and you might be permitted to join the human race and enjoy things like that which a lot of people do, Cletus.

But that's what they are. Why would I eat trendy style-over-substance tourist food when I can go to one of the restaurants they're copying and eat cheaper, better food in a less pretentious atmosphere?

>Why would I...
Idk, because you're a southern inbred?

I've eaten at the Woodsman a few times, the chicken is really good but otherwise it's gone downhill over the past couple years.

Every time

Southern inbreds are precisely the type of people who get tricked into eating at shitty tourist restaurants, lmao. I bet you would dress up and take your girlfriend to

its a bored britbong with a shed guys.
theshedatdulwich.com/menu/
vice.com/en_uk/article/434gqw/i-made-my-shed-the-top-rated-restaurant-on-tripadvisor

some guy fucking with tourists

Yep!
We had to share the bmws if it makes you feel better

Which place did you work at? Somewhere in nyc?