Hollandaise and Getting Me Laid

So this girl I’ve been talking to loves a good Eggs Benedict and she also doesn’t take failure too well.

She perfected poaching, and then tried her hand at homemade hollandaise in a saucepan on the burner and made scrambled lemony stuff to pour over her breakfast.

I lied and said I had perfected hollandaise, and she invited me over to help her this Saturday. I have never made this sauce from scratch.

Anybody have some foolproof tips? Is the bowl over simmering water the only way to do it? Also, any special ingredients that would blow her away?

My mama always said, add a little extra egg yolk to get the consistency right

...

make it in a blender

Thanks. So if I have a recipe calling for 4 egg yolks and 1 stick of butter, then your mama would add an extra egg yolk? Orr like half of one?

Heh, my mamma always used to say 'what's a good plate with nothing on it?'
:-)

Watch the temperature to ensure it isn't too hot, or else your eggs scramble and your hollandaise turns to shit. The texture should be enough to coat the back of a spoon and slowly drip off.

My advice to you in regards to making hollandaise is to use clarified butter if at all possible, and to be very careful with the heat when tempering the egg yolks. Also, when beating the egg yolks prior, when you think you're done with the whisk, go for another minute or two to give them the best consistency.

I usually use a double burner setup when I'm making mine, keeping the water temperature around 180-190 Fahrenheit. At the end, I add in a little bit of salt and worcestershire sauce to taste. A little bit of lemon juice is also good, in my personal opinion.

If you have any more questions, I can absolutely try to give more advice.

Follow Julia Child's recipe, though I recommend using a double boiler to avoid scorching. Highly softened or nearly melted butter. Light on the lemon, or you'll just end up with eggy, lemon butter sauce.

add cum

The double burner/boiler setup: is that just where I have a pot with ~an inch of water simmering, and mix my hollandaise in a bowl resting on the pot but not touching the water?

If so, what’s the best material to use for the bowl? I’ve seen pics of people mixing in glass bowls but I’m always scared of it exploding in my face.

My mom always said "knock that off, you little shit!"

A stainless steel mixing bowl would be best as it lets heat trough, granting control of temperature

OP youre retarded. Or i am retarded for not recognizing bait.
This isnt about hollandaise you dolt. You have been invited into her home. Shes mutually interested. Youre better off failing at the hollandaise and explaining that you lied so you could hang out with her. This will be seen as sweet and romantic and you two can have a good laugh over dry english muffins. After brunch you watch a 90s romcom together and then go back to the kitchen and make creme brulee while she watches you all dreamy eyed.

I usually use a metal bowl for mixing the hollandaise, using a small side towel to hold it in case the bowl gets too hot.
Don't be afraid to take the bowl off of the water if it starts to get too warm and allow it to cool off before putting it back on.

>Youre better off failing at the hollandaise and explaining that you lied so you could hang out with her.

That's some awful advice right there

There's a small chance it might work out as a plan B but seriously, you should just make hollandaise

put one yolk per person in a small saucepan
add lemon or vinegar reduction and seasoning
whisk over low heat until thickened
gradually whisk in chunks of room temperature butter

fuck double boilers and cxlarified butter, you don't need to do this shit

i literally have had my dick sucked while making hollandaise so you can trust me

all you have to do is whisk constantly and remove from heat every now and then

>i live in my parents basement and dont know shit about women.

Brilliant plan. Unless the op is a burger this will work.

I appreciate the suggestion, but like said, that’s plan B. I haven’t made creme brûlée, but goddamn I think I would be golden if I could pull that off after a successful hollandaise

Metal mixing bowl it is! Thanks! I’ve been watching videos to try to get comfortable with the pacing.

One of you mentioned Worcestershire. How does that effect the taste? When I think of hollandaise I think of rich and buttery, so that addition seems pretty wild

Worcestershire guy here. It adds a little bit of acidity and pang that's similar to using a malt vinegar. When I was taught to make hollandaise, the chef instructor swore by using worcestershire and I must say that he's influenced a whole bunch of my cooking techniques. But yeah, just add in a few drops in at the end, like 3-4 if you're using 2 eggs.
Don't worry if you don't get it perfect the first time when you make it, I botched making hollandaise the first few times when I was starting out. Just keep on trying and learning from your experiences.

Use J. Kenji Lopez alt's method, seems the most effective and less time consuming.

>burger
I am from the states, yeah, but why is this more difficult for me?

Replying to my post but whatever. Use a stick blender and a narrow meassuring cup or something, put the egg yolk and the squeeze of lemon, then slowly drizzle the butter into the cup with the yolks while mixing with the stick blender.

No son... asperger < assburger < burger
And yes... you are not ready. Just make the fucking sauce and go home.

When I worked the breakfast shift on the line this is how we’d make hollandaise. Way faster and basically the same shit.

Neat. I like the sound of that layer. I’ll definitely be trying my hand at it over the next few nights, so once I get the timing and temp control down, I’ll try out your ingredient.

Well, I’m feeling good y’all. Thanks to those who helped. /thread as far as I’m concerned, but more tips and General hollandaise enthusiasm is welcome

I like the idea of the stick blender, but the whisk has that “chef” aesthetic that I think could be a real turn on.

Nah. Making the sauce, going to watch The Big Sick or something cute, and then I’m going to make her creme brûlée. Then I’m going to smash

I guess yeah, your choice at the end of the day, i would still do it like that if I was you though, you could show the chick an easy method to do it herself without screwing up, that might score you a few more points with her.

Thread is cancer. Saged.

Your mom is faggt

what in the heck is happening to this board today

>tfw no disciplinarian mom
fuck you brenda

You still have plenty of time to practice. Buy a shitton of eggs and butter and spend every afternoon you have left at the stove.

OP is just gonna end up huffing and puffing while beating his eggs and make scrambled lemon soup.

Use a hand blender/bar mix and pour the hot butter will mixing. Perfect every time

/pol/tard incels usually start creeping around midweek. They soon fade away.

Are you a gril? Post feet.

Buy fresh eggs they are easier to work with and don't break as quickly of they are fresh and the lecthin hasn't denatured yet

Double boiler is unnecessary. Use cold cubed butter and whisk in to eggs yolks over a low heat directly in a saucepan. If you see steam coming off the pan at all remove from the heat temporarily and place back on. Whole butter tastes better than clarified as well. Add lemon juice salt etc at the end.

OP, make the hollaindaise in a haughty and clearly ticked off manner, red in the face and not saying a word. When you finish shove the pot in her stomach and mutter under your breath "was that so fucking hard."

You'll be spooning her in no time.

Prove it.

think she'll go for anal?

This is good advise.

I made a lot of hollandaise/bernaisesauce in my life. The best advise my chef and teacher gave me was: "use very cold butter. not clarified". Easier and better tasting

Yolk-heavy dishes are popular in winemaking regions of France because egg whites are used as clarifying agents in certain wines.

Wow her with this fact and you'll be on your way to fucktown.

Get ready to blow her mind. Ain't nothin bitches love more than expensive shit they don't understand and tv shows.