Roommate walks into the kitchen and stares at me cooking bacon and says “is that bacon?”

both are virgin cringe tier

I don't get it.

Do you dislike that she takes an interest in you? Are you that gay? 'Yeah it's bacon, how do you like it?'

>and if anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen!

>living with a female roomate

At least tell me you are fucking her OP. At least pay her in bacon.

This is now a Snappy Answers For Stupid Questions Thread

"No, it's, uh... not... bacon... YOU DUMB BITCH"

Ain't nobody getting some of my bacon wtf

kek

Should have said "nope, it's fryin'."

A sense of humor like that gets penises sucked. You missed your chance.

I don't have a roommate, sometimes I want to kill myself though

could have been pork belly desu

also because youre autismal let me explain something. people ask questions like this not because they actually dont know but because they are interested and would like to share an experience or knowledge with you and the question is just a formality to initiate. but by all means, continue sperging out inside and then go to sleep with loneliness still somehow being a mystery to you

none of you understood the autism of OP's post

the roommate was asking about the bacon as a typical female way of expecting an offer for some

OP is a fatass that didn't want to spare any of his bacon

he paid for the bacon and it's his right to have it all, especially when the woman won't just directly ask to have some

That's ridiculous. It's 2018. In the interests of inclusiveness, white women have all embraced Islam and its dietary restrictions.

That's what I was trying to find out but OP is too autistic to respond.

>it's bacon
No, it's fryin.

>come home late
>smell food
>whatever
>turn on light
>cast iron pan is soaking in sink

I was able to save it but i had to strip it and reseason from the beginning. Kicked him out a few months later.

how can you tell if you're losing bacon for nothing or if you will get sex

Just fuck her while she's distracted with a mouthful of bacon and hope for the best.

The only bacon going in her mouth is this 7 inch piggy wiener.

fucking carlos

>OP about to respond to everyone
>roomate walks in and says "are you posting on Veeky Forums?"
>he finally snaps

can I bring her neck, too? but in a kinky way?

god I miss my gf

kek

what u mean

I chuckled

I meant to say wring

I want to live inside Pupinia’s asshole

Her mouth may say no but if her eyes scream yes then youre good to go

It occurred to me how autistic OP is, so I thought I'd make it clear I was joking. Don't rape anyone, OP. It's only funny when it doesn't really happen.

>roommate walks into the kitchen and stares at me cooking bacon and says “is that bacon?”
What's wrong with this. That's a perfectly fine way to start a conversation.

>me bacon
>roommate asken if i bacon
>me angry
>someday i kill

It's like Irish Stew Guy copypasta, but short.

>want to fuck my roommate but I'm a shy girl and I don't know how to break the ice
>see him cooking, I'm always turned on by men cooking and he's hot as fuck, my vagina is already leaking
>begin spilling spaghetti from pockets, what if he doesn't like me?
>try anyway "h-hello user, i-is that bacon?"
>"FUCK OFF YOU BITCH GO AWAY!"
I'm still crying, men are the worst.

the fact that you can tell it's bacon just by fucking looking at it.
a literal "here's your sign" moment

Cannot stand this technique.
It's in the same category of them saying they'll make x/y for dinner and you go "okay cool, well I'm making z" and they instantly decide they want your food instead.

I don't mind cooking for a partner or whatever, just be upfront with it and don't just jump to my ship because it's easier ya fucks.

It's literal child behavior.
Don't get me wrong, being an autist has its own demons, but it gets tiresome being considered rude because you expect an adult individual to not act like a kid when it comes to conversations.

>What's your name?
>user
>Is it short for Anonymous?
>It's short for "My name is user and I would like to be referred to as such even if user were short for Anonymous (which it is not in this case).

>That looks good.
>Yeah, 'x' place isn't half bad.
>Yeah, it looks really good. I wish I had some.
>You have a job and 'x' is 10 minutes away: this problem has a solution.

>I'll make the salad if you cook the-
>You're better off just asking me to cook for both of us than trying to pass off such a lopsided deal as you actually contributing to the meal in any meaningful way, particularly when store bought salad mixes are better executed than the unwashed lettuce bowl you're about to toss together.

But I'm the asshole

you just redpilled me big time.
all those times, if only I had known...
sincerely, fuck you.

don't worry user at least you'll die alone

>Al Jafee
Holy shit who taught the nursing home about /ck?

I sit like this all the time so people don't get suspecious.

>store bought salad mixes are better executed than the unwashed lettuce bowl you're about to toss together
Why do you visit a food and cooking board when you're not interested in food or cooking?

>But I'm the asshole
yeah I got that impression about you

My mexican demon seed would taint her.

TFW your the normal one and all these office drones are coffee degenerates.

>roommates wonder how we produce so much garbage
>Only eats canned soups
>Only eats frozen processed food
>Everything they eat is packaged
>How do we make so much garbage?

>Roommates use dishes
>Proceed to put used dishes directly into the sink
>Dishes aren't scraped
>Come home to clogged sink full of rotten food and grease

I guess this is better than roommate hoarding all the forks and plates in his room

>Dishes in the sink
This is the worst. I would rather the dishes were just kept stacked on the side than in the sink. I can get by not using a bit of countertop, but I obviously have to use the sink so now I have to get moist crumbs and pools of oil on my hands.

It would be fine too, but they will sometimes fill the sink with cold water to "soak" the dishes.
Ive been missing a silver fork for months, can't find it anywhere, and I'm missing a gilded plate.

>nah it's frying you stupid bitch

>roommate fills sink with dishes
>complains because a single potato skin fell into a glass he had placed in the sink

She probably wanted some of your bacon OP. I'm glad you didn't budge, unless she's a qt. Women are covert, they'll see you cooking bacon and instead of saying "Could I have some?" They'll talk around the bacon until you give her some.

>"Is that bacon?"

I think compliments to the bacon would be better.

>That bacon looks good

that's when you say
>would you like some?
yes please
>fuck off it's mine

>obviously bacon
>ask if it's bacon
Fucking white people

>Implying you could tell the difference between bacon and facon
There is zero difference in taste, smell, texture, nothing.

My roommate makes me sit down to piss because apparently it 'splashes'. She listens at the door to make sure, and if she hears splashing she comes in and literally slaps my penis or my bum and starts shouting at me. Last time she did this I was still pissing and piss got all over the floor and neither of us cleaned it up for like a week until I caved. Now I just lay my penis in the sink because then I can stand up like a man and it's silent so she won't hear.

She's a good cook though lol.

Tell her she has to shit standing up. If you hear a splash, go in an punch her in the cunt.

that sounds kinda kinky. kinky makes up for looks to an extent. as long as she's at least a 4/10 your situation is enviable

This is a good pasta.

I piss in the sink too just wash my hands after and rinse the sink

former roomies insisted on using virgin olive oil for everythin, and I do mean everything.

cooking a steak? Olive oil. Stir fry? Olive oil. Mayo? Olive oil.

I remember asking them one time and got something like "I like the taste and it's healthier"

they know, everyone does

You will keep Pupinia away from the filth.

Everyone does this you pleb.
Except I'd have used sesame oil in the stir fry.

you use olive oil in mayo?

I like the taste and it's healthier

Post roommate’s feet

Post her feet.

He's a meat eater. They are always overly aggressive with their emotions. It comes from all the nitrates and being unable to manage their blood glucose levels.

Lots of kids used to read vintage mad magazines.

>have a gril roommate
>actually ex gf of years recently broke up
>after break up decide to self improve including cooking more
>get new and better gf in every way
>new gf loves that i cook
>majority of dates is stay in nights with me making dinner while ex is at work
>she loves it
>make meals for her that i personally don't like but not picky
>leftovers.png
>offer roommate dinner when she returns from work
>she likes it too
>notices its chicken alfredo
>knows I hate alfredo
>puts 2 and 2 together
>begins tirade of passive aggressive fits
>just got to wait out this lease.mov

It was a long couple of months anons. Could of hooked up again several times but was never interested in the old rag after getting the new girl and i swear it's all over cooking.

This post makes me feel good

I peel potatos directly into my roommates dishes they leave in the sink for literal weeks. He said "hey you know you should try not to do that". lmao

Too late, Carlos. See >>How do we make so much garbage?
At this point, many stores even pack tomatoes and carrots in a plastic tray with a plastic foil all around. I just want some vegetables, not several cubic meters of your plastic waste
High class literature
What kind of hivemind shit is this

>roommate is p cool guy
>gets sick
>sort of letting himself go
>dishes pile up everywhere
>sink is clogged right up to the faucet with dirty dishes
>sit there for two days
>clean my shit in the bathroom sink
>leave for one night
>"I swear if all that shit's still in the sink tomorrow I'm going ballistic"
>come back the next day
>he cleaned all the shit in the sink
>it's already filled to the brim with new dishes
>mfw

Shut the fuck up before I find you and wring your neck,[spoiler] you slut. [/spoiler]

>But I'm the asshole
Atleast you're self aware user.

based beta brian

>roommates with my brother and some dude I used to hang out with before he turned into a massive punk faggot
>im the only one who does the dishes and cleans the kitchen
>only time they do anything is when I tell them to , and even then none of the dishes are cleaned correctly
>decide I give up and stop doing the dishes
>come home from work to pic related

A sign of low intellect user. His mind just can't fathom even the most basic of questions. This sets off a chain reaction inside OPs brain. Serotonin is released and his blood pressure spikes, as his body thinks he's under attack and goes on the counter offensive, thus causing OP to act and behave aggressively.

If it wasn't for the fear of retribution, OP would have clubbed his roommate by now, and he probably wishes he could club you too.

I'll wring your neck too, motherfucker.

>used to live in a house with 4 other guys with no dishwasher
>stop doing the dishes for them and move out
>come back two months later to get something I forgot
>dishes from two months ago are still sitting in the sink

Jesus fuck how do these types of people live with themselves

Maybe your bacon just sucks, and you failed to understand the intonation, you god damn autist.

underaged, cute and wholesome
I like it

This.

1st question: Yeah, but I rather like user, what's yours?

2nd question: We could go right now.

3rd question: All right.

It's not that difficult to be a high-functioning autist, you know.

>whoring herself on the internet for attention
>wholesome

Just be assertive about what you want, bitchboy.

you should team up with the guy who had a whole food comedy standup routine for the grocery store

fuck you
she is wholesome faggot

You fucking autist