Embarrassing food stories

It was sold to Conde Naste publishing in the late 1990's, fuckwit.

My workplace (150 employees of a 400,000+ employee company) has a cookout for every major holiday. This specific holiday was 4th of July. Hotdogs and hamburgers, basic stuff. Cheap too.

They make a bunch in advance and keep it in foil pans so people can grab and go. Well, it's the middle of summer, and I'm fucking hungry after my 10 hour shift of manual labor.
I had 2 hotdogs, then another 3, and and 4 or 5 more after that.
The next day there was a food monitor in the break room, you could only get 2 of anything.

Felt bad, man.

Take an extra one, look each one of them in the eye in turn, then tell them to fuck off.

lol blubbernaut

>free pizza luncheon
>Oh but you can only have two of those measly pieces cut extra slim for parties

If I'd known I would have just brought my own fucking lunch, cunts.

what are jokes
what is this thread

>asking them to cut it 6 times for 12 slices
>instead of just asking for square cut
god this makes me so fucking mad

you're not funny. fuck off

>not thinking 9 or 10 slices is excessive
>eating that much in public
you need to think some stuff over, fatty fatty boombalatty

>be me
>be at pancake breakfast with friends
>so exhausted that I fall asleep in my pancakes
>wake up abruptly and yell "I'M PANCAKE...I mean...awake"

Oh man was that a humiliating debacle

>abundant food makes it ok to eat like a fatty in public
It’s your choice. If it makes you feel any better, no one lost any respect for you, because they didn’t have any respect for you to begin with.

You are thinking of High Times.

>make a homemade coconut cream pie
>first one to try a slice
>super sweet as fuck
>realized I used sweetened coconut milk PLUS sugar
>silently take the pie away before anyone eats that mess

And that, kids, is why you always read the label before buying

>tfw ate like half an extra large in front of my gf
>also ate up all the dessert too
Hahahahaba im so fucking fat, why is that loser with me

>their respect for me hinges on my eating habits
nothing of value was lost

Fat people deserve death.

I've had lots of women invite me to eat with them on service calls over the years.
Lots of men have offered me beer.

I've never accepted because it might appear unprofessional.

I've met fat shits like the OP.

At my last job we had to work thanksgiving, Christmas and new years.
They catered food.

I watched him eat entire cakes, pies, and take home pounds of meat.
When they catered sandwiches, he'd eat for at least 2, often 4 people.

This regularly resulted in people not getting any.
He felt the lower tier employees didn't really deserve it because they they only made half our pay.

So he was also a narcissistic, self important, fuckhole.

>I'm autistic and believe it's unprofessional to even have a meal with someone and so should you

be careful of women

How about you quit being a nigger who reposts month old threads on different boards for the reply count?

Even if I'm fucking starving I will ALWAYS moderate my food intake in a party situation according to the general trend of everyone else. Coming across like a fatty in public is the worst of all embarrassments, and I'm not even remotely fat.

its somehwo the opposite for me
there's always shit in abundance
then I eat a shit ton and they tell me to have some more and not be a pussy

I've lost lots of coworkers over women from various jobs over the years.
I'm careful not to get into anything.
Except for once, and honestly, she would have been worth getting canned over.

This, never do anything that you'd be uncomfortable explaining to your boss. Don't fuck around with women, either, they could always call in and claim you were acting inappropriately if you piss them off

>be me
>go with some friends to hear some rabbi talk
>everybody is hungry as fuck
>planners only provided 5 loaves and 2 fishes for what seems like a few thousand
>rabbi speaker comes over to measly food
>mumbles a bit
>everybody eat fish and loaves until they think their little bellies will burst
>so much left over, it's what we eat later on while watching the Romans crucify the rabbi
>almost ironic, isn't it

Wow you're hilarious. So random lmao god I wish I could be funny and crazy like you. Bet no one knows what you'll do next!

HAHA LOLZ TEH RAHNDOMLY kill yourself

>be me
>be at a wiener roast/bingo party with people from work
>so tired I fall asleep while playing bingo
>wake up abruptly and yell "I'M A WIENER!" ...I mean "bingo"

Oh man seems like somebody at work brings my utter humiliation up at least once a day

>amd

not they could. They will.

Women dont handle problems themselves. -they bring in other men, usually suckers, to solve their problems. And those men often are police, bosses, Hr department, authority figures, etc. They dont make the distinction.

It's not that you're wrong necessarily. It's that proving that you're right is too much trouble, so you're getting canned,

love Veeky Forums

Well Veeky Forums doesn't love you redit boi so get the fuck outta here

>nice party huh user
>yeah sure I guess
>so why aren't you eating anything?
>I am eating things
>No I mean aren't you gonna eat the chicken?
>Well uh
>Oh I remember AREN'T YOU VEGAN? IS THIS WHAT VEGANS EAT?
>can you please lower your voice
>AHAHAH I FORGOT YOU WERE A V E G A N user MY BAD
>everyone is like half paying attention
>I can't go to work parties anymore

Considering you’re a fat shit because of your eating habits, they justifiably don’t respect you because of them.

But how did he know you were vegan? Oh right yeah cos you couldn't keep your fuckin mouth shut and had to tell him even though no one gives a fuck about your dietary choices

lol u sound pretty tough

Okay. So I'm not the only one that does this shit.

>I've been working three years here
>complained about a wedding reception once for banter
>it haunts me now

Of course not. Being the fatty is worse than being the drunk, unless the drunk sexually harasses someone and throws up.

>Friend helps me buy a party platter of sushi
>Should be 60 pieces of rolled sushi and 30 pieces of Nigiri
>Too excited to actually check
>Too confused by deal to let friend who knows what he is talking about to place order
>End up gabble-gooo-ing order
>Get only half-order for same price and half of friends special order stuff
>Still dont know difference between Super-white Tuna and fatty/Super-Fatty-Tuna because occasionally the word Super is used in context with both
>Call to complain with no intent to drive 40 minutes back to do anything
>Friend realizes the "regular" who just walked in and grabbed a couple bags probably ate the other part of our order
>Why you mad at me for eating continuously?!
>Why you mad I eat enough for three people even though you pay for gas to drive 2 hours!
>Why you mad I eat several share even if you pay half! I only eat 1/3-1/2!
>I know plan was to share with 4 people but 4th person not here! Oh what do you mean you want to take some home!!!! I MUST CONSUUUUMMMEEEE!!! FAT AS FATASSS ACTIVATE!!!!

What fucking planet do you live on where your friends don't know what you do/don't eat?

Learn to take a fucking joke bro.At most go hit him with a rock or a stick or something else that you eat

how about you stop being emotional

>just take a joke dude lol haha

Probably a redit fag who thinks this board is only for posting pictures of reverse seared tomohawk steaks and activated almonds

you're a freak, people are going to gawk at you take it in stride

>act like a dickhead
>get treated like a dickhead

dude it is not imaginary, there is always the unaware fatass that can eat 5 peoples worth of food and horrify any other fat person because they have no shame.

>complained about a wedding reception once for banter
That is not how banter works. You were just trying to make conversation. This is yet more proof that americans cannot into banter.

Your story becomes incoherent at the end. Who is mad at who here, and why?

According to the story, you are the one who fucked everything up.

>he's never spoken with friends about personal matters before

>be very humble and polite in what I consider formal settings
>someone makes a scene
>I don't have to show up anymore
Later losers

cuck

>be me
>be confined to a prison work farm in the South
>fucking so boring, say "I can eat 50 egg"
>ain't no one can eat 50 egg!
>eat 50 egg
>become work farm hero of sorts
>get killed because I'm a Jesus metaphor
>feels bad man
>sometimes nothing is a real cool hand

Cuck, haha fucking KEK am I right? Fucking MEME'd.

Dear god

Fuck off redit, you're not funny

>not saying "woah guys, you should know that I'm bulking" and then tell a comic story about your shenanigans on the manlet pitt

not gonna make it with that attitude

MIKE PENCE RULE

I can see right through your facade. Go back, stay back and take your shitty webms with you

you are not fooling anyone ya boob

Don't speak about yourself like that

>count slices
>count ounces
>count chips
at the end of the night we tally

I know he got called out for being sexist and I understand where people are coming from but it really is a good rule. I have played into office flirting a couple times because the girls were hot but it really is shitting where you eat.

The only way I'd do it again is if the chick was marriage material.

It's called gluttony.

I fucking hate it when ppl call out on me like that. And it gets worse when ppl started turning around and laughing because if it

>be 13-ish
>at a friend's house
>his dad brings home deli food for dinner for me, friend, friend's little sister, and himself
>scooping myself some mac n cheese
>little sister watching me
>"you know, our dad has to eat too."
>feel intense shame

10 years later this memory still haunts me and now I never shame people for eating a lot

I feel OP. I struggled with Bulimia for nearly 10 years, and prior to that Anorexia for 4 or 5. It was first about weight, but later a weird fixation about food, my ability to control things, etc. Would be able to starve for days, but then break down and compulsively eat. It was all or nothing. One bite or meal and the whole day was ruined.

I guess the hardest were work functions such as OP. Pizza parties, I would eat like 10 slices, then like 10 cookies, 3 sodas. People would scoff and laugh but also think it was comic because I was not fat. Still am not, but have gotten to a healthy weight. Which is messed because my body image was all messed. I weighed 115 lbs at 6'1 but thought somehow the right weight was 95lbs.

Holidays with family was also a hard part. I would get blitzed because I was so anxious around the huge amounts of food. Then my appetite was voracious and I'd eat a ton. Again my family and cousins and such would find it more humorous but to me I was ashamed and anxious and depressed because of it.

Lastly buffets. So much food and you want it all.

The only positive and it dies sound fucked up is that I could use it as a tool, such as betting friends and going to food challenges. Won some money doing challenges and contests.

>be you
>be so gay and lame you pretend you're Paul Newman because you're so gay and lame

Good one.

So everyne can have a slice

Oh god I remember this thread!

>hey user what do you want for Christmas?
>Chocolate
>oh cool, everyone else just said "surprise me"
Does she know I'm a gluttonous bastard?

>People's respect is dependent on being sociably amiacable in their view.
>Thinking that eating basically an entire large pizza in public view, even over the course of an afternoon is such behavior

I laughed. If there were a youtube vid of this event I'd laugh even more.

I'm skinny and wouldn't hesitate to eat as much as I want. I know I'd probably get judged less than a fatty. Shit's cash

That's a stale pasta

>Tyre

Good thread lol

Where do you work that they cut you off.

Our office orders enough that we could each eat a whole fucking pizza because they know the IT department is full of BIG BOYS

Bruh are you trying to not advance your career?
People are trying to figure out if you are a normal person or not when they do that. It isn't unprofessional at all. My best relationships with bosses occurred after we had a few beers together.

>be me
>order 4 pizzas for me and my hot gf
>eat all 4 pizzas
>gf says oh god user you're so hot
>gives me head while I eat 4 pizzas

Nice. Who bummed, or did you take turns?

Kys selfish fatass

>pull out a few dollar bills.
>give them to stacy or just throw them if she doesnt accept
>eat more pizza.

Is this some kind of gay slang? It's interesting how the most homophobic people have an intricate fluency in gay subcultural terminology.

Apologize and delete this now.

>>pizza party at work

Why do things like this even exist? Work is for work. I don't want to have "pizza parties" with my co-workers.

Morale.

this

Eat for the job you want, not the one you have.

You did good user, assert your dominance. You could have eaten all the pizza, but you showed restraint. That was you weakness. Life is
a contest, and you triumphed. Roasties can only hurt you with words, psychological warfare. You scared her, put her in her place, and that harpie went batshit and tried to crank the warfare up another level. This was not fair game, but neither is life. Soldier up user, and put on your warface.

Well I agree that you shouldn't "police what people eat" at a pizza party, but that also requires people to be aware of how much they're eating compared to the others there. If four people share a pizza of ten slices and one guy eats five of those without a care then he'll rightfully be seen as an asshole.

They shouldn't need to police him in the first place. This isn't even about gluttony, it's about autism, most people just know how to conduct themselves better in this sort of situation. His co-workers must have felt just as awkward as he did for even needing to call him out on this.