How do you make this thing edible?

Make up your mind why you're using it and pick one:
>Flavor
It's a team player, usually doesn't really work on its own, but it's critical for several classic mixes of aromatics when you're making a sauce, soup, or stew. You want fairly small chunks - sliced or diced, so the flavor distributes nicely and you don't gag on the pieces.

>Texture
Whenever you want to add CRRRUNCH without altering the taste of the whole dish too much, use big chunks or straight up the stick whole, uncooked. For dips/thicker sauces, savory or sweet, it's basically edible crunchy cutlery.

You could also use it to make a thinner sauce feel more substantial by adding the pieces soon before serving.

I've been told they don't do much for you nutritionally and are basically just crunchy water.

It's a necessary edition to chicken pot pie which could be made in soup form too. As someone else said it's good in tuna, chicken salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, etc. Alongside other vegetable and sauce it has a spicier nice flavor and the bitterness is toned down.

dice and mix with onions and carrots for use in everything ever

The only real upside of them is that they're fibrous.

You burn more calories digesting them than what they contain.

Will you retards on this board stop saying this? There is no such thing as negative calorie foods unless you count ice.

they're good for your ding dong

>1: Bloody Mary Celery side.
Rough 3cm chop and add some passata, garlic, chilli flakes, a shot or 2 of vodka and loads of cracked black pepper. Cook slowly in an oven until celery is the softness of a pear (2 hours ish).
Serve with hearty meats

Don't forget the raisins. Ants on a log is bestest snack.

the food meme that never dies

Celery is shit, I don't even put it in my chicken stock.

nah, all you taste is peanut butter, but what you get is an interesting texture to go along with it
i wouldn't go out of my way to buy celery just for this though
anyway for real answer just chop it up in your mirepoix

I would murder for a bloody mary or a Caesar right now. Thanks for the idea user.

you put it in your mouth and chew it

then what's the point of eating celery at all if you're just going to make it unhealthy??

Good substitute for bread.

I put it in curry.

salt.

>Peanut butter
>Unhealthy
>Not eating peanut butter that is just ground peanuts with some salt

That's just minced peanuts. Real peanut butter has extra oil and sometimes sugar and other weird shit.

I can't stand it. Biting down on raw celery is like biting tin foil to me.

>>Not eating peanut butter that is just ground peanuts with some salt
sounds disgusting

American detected

>american
You mean the inventors of peanut butter?

It's pretty good stuff, still high in calories but nothing there that's bad in moderation

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I put peanut butter on slices of green pepper. My girlfriend just looks at me like I'm insane. But she puts mayo on french fries, so fuk her.

>Image rotated itself
>Fucking floens

That guy who chopped up George Washington actually invented Smuckers Natural brand PB, which is just peanuts and salt. And since peanuts naturally contain enough oil, it still has more or less the same consistency as the kind with garbage added to make it more palatable for amerifats to eat with their white angel food cake esque "bread".

Real peanut butter is just puree'd peanuts you moron. The oil comes out by itself. Have you noticed when you make anything that has any amount of oil, the oil pools to the top after a while? Same shit.

Anyways the only people who think peanut butter is inherently unhealthy are the same idiots who think that Skippy is the only brand that exists.

bullshit, oil is added.

You have to de-string celery before eating it. Does anybody even know how to cook anymore?

Peanuts (and most nuts and seeds) are almost pure fats. Stop buying garbage-tier PB.

>Peanuts (and most nuts and seeds) are almost pure fats
doesn't prove the dumb shit you're saying.

>B-but my mom is choosy and always chooses Jif for me!

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>he buys his peanut butter when it is shit easy to make at home.
foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/homemade-peanut-butter-recipe-1950478

I know it exists. That doesn't mean it's real peanut butter. It's just minced peanuts.

By not being a little bitch.

>real peanut butter is this arbitrary retarded bullshit that I think it is

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nope look here. Every homemade recipe has added peanut oil or other oil.

If you have a food mill or high powered food processor then you can just use peanuts and salt and it will turn out perfectly fine.

You didn't read did you?

Pray tell where does all of the peanut oil in the world come from before massive industrialization after the 1900s
where did all of the excess peanut oil come from
what did everyone do with all of the wasted crushed peanut meal for their egregiously extravagant peanut butter

your autism is hindering your ability to think properly

Yeah because if you don't have those, and most don't, you cannot make nut butters without adding extra oil.

I guess I'll write up another recipe without oil noting that you need a $1000 food mill and then your argument is disproved.

They didn't Peanut butter was first made in the age of industrialization.

Please read.

So you're pretending to be stupid and admitting to it at the same time? Why bother?

Quit moving the goalposts. First you were trying to idiotically argue that it's not even possible to make peanut butter without a bunch of oil and sugar and garbage in it. Now you're just wasting our time repeatedly saying that the only trve kvlt pb is the stuff inside Reese's cups or some other junk food swill. I bet you think it's not real bread unless it's repeatedly bleached and mixed with 68 grams of corn syrup and maltrodextrin.

By using it in a mirepoix. Carrots, celery, onions, the base of every soup you've ever eaten. You know how to make a soup, right?

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>Marcellus Gilmore Edson (1849 – 1940) of Montreal, Canada obtained a patent for peanut butter in 1884. Edson's cooled product had "a consistency like that of butter, lard, or ointment" according to his patent application which described a process of milling roasted peanuts until the peanuts reached "a fluid or semi-fluid state". He mixed sugar into the paste to harden its consistency.

Please read.

>1884
yeah, the industrial age. what's your point?

I come from a family of great cooks who always staunchly de-string their celery before using, but at one point, I said fuck it. I don't do it anymore, unless I'm serving celery to other people. But for myself, I really don't care about the strings at all.

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Black bean soup.

Two pounds black beans, two packages (18-20) green onions, package of celery, season to taste with sea-salt and black pepper.

Reduce your onions a bit, don't caramelize.

Season, add black beans (canned is fine for this celery thing if you try because they are very tasty).

Get it simmering to hot, taste, pepper as needed. Celery can be chopped during this as well.

Add chopped celery; stir, simmer, taste for two to three hours.

Take off heat, grab some soup bowls, and wait a little.

After you eat, allow soup to cool. It marinates well, and can be eaten cold, if needed, for days.

Very tasty.

Crunchy raw is is cool too with certain dips, you can decide, maybe.

Nowhere does it say anything about adding extra oil. And he adds sugar "just because".
For a while you've been starting to sound like an autist who thinks that mirepoix or soffrittos MUUUSTTT be in an exact ratio of 1:1:1 carrot:onion:celery

Do green onions even carmelise? I figure the white bit on the bottom would but not the rest.

>Every homemade recipe has added peanut oil or other oil.

browneyedbaker.com/diy-homemade-peanut-butter/

Fuck I fucking hate you cucks that make perfectly great ingredients into "health foods". You use celery as an AROMATIC, not because some stupid soccer mom told you it's low cal.

Wow, I bet that mom blog has so much more clout than alton brown!

Besides the point. It's a homemade recipe that doesn't involve anything besides processing peanuts.

add carrots and onions. simmer

Help make extra thick cum; sweetened with pineapple juice

So do I braise the celery in the cum and pineapple juice or what?

Eat the celery, drink the pineapple juice, wait a few hours. Pornstar tier cumshot

Drink said cum to get bigger cumshots.

>being a tastelet

Just eat it raw.

>homemade cream of celery soup
My fellow patrician

this.

or just chop it and put it in any meal. it cant go wrong

Just take zinc supplements

It technically has negative calories so anorexic girls eat it in public so it looks like they aren't starving themselves

chop it up and put it in bolognese.

The only excuse not to eat it raw is because the fibers tend to get stuck between teeth all the time.

Then again, the toothpicking is burning slightly more calories.

Put it in your mouth and chew crybaby. Otherwise for sweet add peanut butter for savory use in soups and curries.

>not using celeriac

You aren't even trying, isn't it.