First time going to a chinese buffet in around a year. When I tip, does the "waitress" keep the tip...

Some general buffet tips. Avoid items like vegetables, rice and noodles that are cheap and quickly fill you up. Focus on the expensive items, like seafood and meats. Try not to drink too much liquids.

Why do Chinese buffets cost so fucking much nowadays? Seriously wtf

They are really easy to make at home, look up a recipe but don't add the amount of sugar they tell you. I've only had them from one restaurant where they were sweet and didn't prefer it.

Do you think they'd really bother getting a small $10 can of jumbo lump when you can get the equivalent in pollock for a third of the price?

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if people are still coming in and they're making money, then the price is right

What's the absolutely most expensive item at chinese buffets? Will I get kicked out if I eat all of it? Is it the little baby lobsters by any chance? How do I even eat those?

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wow groundbreaking news there fagtron

Chink here. You can ask me anything cooking related, I'll try my best to answer you

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>Chinese food
>gets three slices of garlic bread
>with chicken on a stick
>and fried noodles with rice
>repeat 4-6 times
>gets over charged
>leaves tip
>goes home
>hangs self for being 300 pounds overweight
>breaks support bean
>whole house comes down
>slow death of being crushed by dry wall.

is pineapple an acceptable pizza topping?

why are there chicken mcnuggets at a chinese buffet????

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What's the deal with hairstyles?

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Crab is the the only reason to go to a Chinese buffet. And I mean the real crab, whole legs or claws. Also sesame balls, but that just might be at my local one. They're god damn delicious.

Most all of these restaurants are family owned, or the owner is acting as a greencard-printing machine for extended family/friends back in china. (If you have a job already lined up it's incredibly easy to get approved.) The tips are all collected by the owner. They're usually split up later so the cooks in the back get paid too. But they're all already splitting the profits usually. "Waitresses" at these places include children and family members, which aren't required to even be paid minimum wage. Money is pooled, they import more chinks, they feed us fat Americans more out of feed troughs intended for livestock and laugh.

Kids menu... for parents who bring fucktrophies in so picky they won't even eat the rest of the damn menu. I occasionally see pizza and french fries too.

>baby lobster
kek

Americans.

How do I initiate a happy ending at a Chinese massage parlour?

Is it true that the Chinese will play a joke and go pee pee in my Coke?

Ask for the Cream of Sum Yung Gai

first pic, in Confucianism it's a no no to cut your hair since it's the result of your parents or something yadda yadda
second pic is when the qing took over and mandated every chink to cut their hair as a sign of subservience, anyone who didn't get killed
third pic is basically fuck the qing, aahhhhhhhh modernization

some young guy?

They're normally family owned so they probably pull all their money together.

I was in one that had like a 4 year old girl waitress

Depends on the place. Some places you keep whatever tips you earn, other pool them all together and divide it evenly at the end of the shift. If the management is more laid back they'll usually do the first one, if it's by someone who is more business oriented they'll go by the second one cause less chance of people playing with the money.

I don't eat for profit, I eat for pleasure. My favorite things to get are crab rangoons and all the lo mein I can handle. You can't make stir-fry noodles like that in a home kitchen.

My local one has these flaky lotus shaped pastries, what are they called? I can't remember what they call them there, but when I tried looking it up I got no results.

You physically can't make proper stir fry at home because you need an industrial burner to get a wok hot enough.

>Assblasted because when he finally worked up the nerve to ask the chink waitress at his lardass feeding buffet he was fapping over, she laughed at him.

This is what I'm talking about.
The outside layer is baklava crust.

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>Will I get kicked out if I eat all of it?
No its a buffet.

KEK, fucking pathetic.

Thankfully when soyboy idiots/losers like you pay 17.95 to fill up on noodles and rice that costed the restaurant literally 1.50$ you subsidize the cost of crab legs and roast duck for the rest of us non-losers.

Keep on sipping your cola fountain drink and slurping on cheap noodles like a good little boy for the rest of us

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Are you from the North or South?

Why is everyone on Veeky Forums so goddamn poor? It's depressing, like half the threads are all about how to save money or eat cheaply. I can just picture you, sitting there smugly with your tower of shrimp in a booth by yourself while everyone else is just picking what they feel like eating hanging out.

This is your future:
youtube.com/watch?v=qBCLXZmMQNs

Mainlander Chinese are known to be bad tourists everywhere. I think it's something to do with the fact that the commoners/peasants now have money to travel so they haven't had time to develop good tourism manners coupled with the fact that they think they're superior to others.

Egg tart, usually they're made with kind of a shortbread pie crust. I think these guys just used a wonton wrapper because it's less work.

>eating rice and noodles at a buffet
I only stuff my face with meat

This is a lie. You get a a wok up to "breath of the dragon" temperatures on a normal charcoal grill.

I get this all the time when I go to the buffet. No regrets.

A lot of "Chinese" buffets have pizza, nuggets, fried chicken, and other things for children because they're super picky. You see this a lot in sit down restaurants. I see parents get McDonald for their kid because the kid won't eat anything at the sit down restaurant, even though the fucking restaurant has a kid menu.

I get fried rice, noodles, meat on stick, soup, corn fritters, and general tao chicken.

That's my ultimate Chinese buffet order/plate. Get it every time.

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>Tfw your local chinese buffet makes godlike steamed buns and dumplings
Honestly better than any of the local take out places

no point for me to eat carbs when i can get fried rivce for a dollar any day of the week

Seriously, putting rice and noodles on your plate at a buffet is such an entry tier move. You're never going to get your money's worth.

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Eh I just eat what I like. But just out of curiosity what do you mean and what would you recommend? Also my local place charges $10 for a lunch buffet with a drink.

>I just eat what I like

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What is wrong with Apple Jacks? Nigger. And what's wrong with eating what you like?

You need to eat more than you paid for or you lose at the buffet and the proprietor disproportionately profits from your failure. I'd just eat anything that isn't cheap filler. Rice, noodles, pasta, bread, potatoes/fries are all out. After that, select whatever looks good and make sure you eat a little more than you feel comfortable with.

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>Make a retarded purchase
>What are you poor?

Just buy the one item you eat instead of paying for a buffet price.

Can you elaborate on how I'm so poor because I don't feel like spending 20$ on two plates of noodles and rice?

>cheap chinese buffet that offered student discount raised their price & dropped the discount because they started serving sushi
I'm not eating sushi from no chinaman.

>literally eating a sub par meal out of spite just to get slightly more bang for your buck
>people who eat whatever they want and have a nice balanced meal are the idiots

You guys are as bad as /v/ at this point.

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We've been there for awhile now

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So who is the Dan Schneider of cooking?

Mario Batali?

This always tastes the same no matter what buffet you go too. Shit must be like 3 ingredients.

I like how most of these buffets have real crablegs but they still put the imitation stuff in the rangoons.

Have never found a buffet that can properly cook or spice crawfish.

>When I tip, does the "waitress" keep the tip? Do they pool all the tips together? Does the grimy owner keep all of the tips?
Depends on the restaurant.
Most Chinese buffet owners are pretty slimy, usually they will get a bunch of their family over on work Visas to be the staff, so its an insular system to begin with.

Wow dude, sounds like you have some serious hang ups about people coming to the US and using our economic system to succeed in life.

Obviously Guy Fieri.
Flavortown is a real place, and it caters to a young taste pallet.

A "dirty chink" took his busboy job.

>have to go get the food yourself
>tipping just for the person refilling your water

jesus christ

Want to know how I know you grew up poor?
Because I do the exact same thing.
You never shake it.

Had the staff practically babysitting my nephew. Those asian bitches really love babies. It was worthy of a tip.

>go to buffet
>they have chocolate milk on tap at the drink station
>end up drinking like a gallon of chocolate milk

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>Why do Chinese buffets cost so fucking much nowadays?
>Some general buffet tips. Avoid items like vegetables, rice and noodles that are cheap and quickly fill you up. Focus on the expensive items, like seafood and meats. Try not to drink too much liquids.

What part of Canada do you live in?

I dislike how sweet most places make them. Thankfully one buffet in my town seems to make them quite well.

>tonsured head & queue
Fucking what does that even mean? In English please.

>spoonfeed dictionary.com to me!

>local super buffet has knock off final fantasy looking characters painted on the walls.
Perfect thing to stare at while i shovel overly greasy seafoods and meats into my maw.

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I can't believe how blissfully ignorant you are. Everything, including the "crab" rangoons, is pre made. They simply heat everything up and put it in the slop troughs for consumption. It would never make sense for them to make the rangoons from scratch, crack a bunch of crabs, etc

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Why are the Chinese ones so much better than the normal ones like hometown buffet, where they can't even be assed to properly wash everything they use?

They're premade but they throw them in the deep fryer at least along with the eggrolls and whanot. Unless the buffet you're going to is absolute shit.

I really want to go to a food distributor's trade show now and eat sysco onion rings and take a onion ring button.

for me it's the shitty pot stickers
easily will fill an entire plate with those

That feeling when you're sitting in your favorite local chinese buffet in the off-meal hours (because only lonely losers like myself eat alone at a buffet at 10am) and:
I've personally seen the staff sitting at a table in the back shelling peas, cracking oysters apart, seeing manager come in with his own stainless steel bowl full of egg-roll filling that he made at home.
I know this would probably make most people cringe at multiple health code violation mode, but I love the place I found that they actually make some shit themselves. (not saying they don't use a ton of pre-made stuff, but damn they have their specialties at this place).

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>not having at least two tactical vomits so that you can easily get 10 plates worth of food inside you.

How do you boil noodl

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>tfw can't find cream cheese only Rangoon in the area ever since the one buffet in town got shut down for being the stereotypical dirty Chinese-American buffet

Now don't get me wrong, I'd rather have a fine gut than rangoon-induced food poisoning, but still.

>tfw your local takeout place was shut down because the owner was illegal
>tfw his brother took over, but was also illegal

Not sure If i'm too late but this isn't too far off, when my parents where younger they worked at one and they told me about how a lot of the chinese workers would all live in a apartment, 10-15 in one. The money for rent would come out of all their checks on top of other things like food and clothes. It's a pretty fucked up scenario. This was years ago so i don't know if they still do it like this but i wouldn't be surprised.

I think it goes without saying but no one actually eats anything that they make in the chinese resturants do they?

Have extra cash on hand and don't initiate the offer, wait for them toask first then pay whatever your willing to give. Their willingness depends on how much you pay.

brainlet retard post "i gots ta get muh monies worth!!!"

I fill my first plate with Sesame & General Tao chicken, topped off some sweet & sour chicken, a pork egg roll and a vegetable spring roll.
Next plate is sushi and crab rangoon.
Drink some hot tea.
Go back for more sesame chicken, eggrolls and maybe mystery meat on a stick.
Feel disgusted with my self, but choke down a couple bland chinese cookies and go back to work to sleep for the next 2 hrs at my desk.
Repeat 2 days later.

yes, very delicious (in chingrish: "good good eat")

There was a British tv show that gathered 3 'professional' eaters and had them visit separate buffets and try to eat enough to at least break even with the cost of admittance.

None could do so. Closest was £3.50 short of breaking even.

I don't know how much Brita actually pay, but in America the average buffet is like $16 including admission, drink, food waste charge, and tax.
If they were actual professional eaters they could've cleaned out at least twice that amount easily.

Avoid soda imo, water is sufficient. Also avoid a straw, use your lips so you dont suck in air.

I work for slightly more than minimum wage at one of these places, eat a lot of chicken, and sushi if they have it.