Can Veeky Forums give me some essential pseudohistory bullshit? I wanna have a good chuckle

Can Veeky Forums give me some essential pseudohistory bullshit? I wanna have a good chuckle.

Pic related, the king of pseudohistory.

Other urls found in this thread:

>not believing in the ancient astronaut theory

I'm blanking on the name, who is that Russian guy who thinks that human written history is only like 1500 years old, and written records prior to that are all bullshit?

>dad watches too much animal channel/history channel/discovery channel
>now he thinks mermaids are real

>He asserts from this that all of ancient history (including the history of Greece, Rome, and Egypt) is just a reflection of events that occurred in the Middle Ages and that all of Chinese and Arab history are fabrications of 17th and 18th century Jesuits.
>He also claims that Jesus lived in the 12th century A.D. and was crucified on Joshua's Hill; that the Trojan War and the Crusades were the same historical event

Heribert Illig, the Magician.

Thank you. I had a hearty chuckle reading that for the first time.

Why? Haven't you seen ancient aliens debunked?

>mfw no one realises that the universe is only 20 minutes old

Stephen Malyx

Any youtube philosopher

This is lulzy

In general though it's harder to understand why pseudo philosophy is bunk than pseudo history because it's a more technical discipline.

>believing ancient humans couldn't build a big 4-sided triangle

>There was no such thing as the Tartar and Mongol invasion followed by over two centuries of yoke and slavery, because the so-called "Tartars and Mongols" were the actual ancestors of the modern Russians, living in a bilingual state with Turkic spoken as freely as Russian. So, Russia and Turkey once formed parts of the same empire. This ancient Russian state was governed by a double structure of civil and military authorities and the hordes were actually professional armies with a tradition of lifelong conscription (the recruitment being the so-called "blood tax"). The Mongol "invasions" were punitive operations against the regions of the empire that attempted tax evasion. Tamerlane was probably a Russian warlord

holy shit this nigga

Not an arguement

I have seen the man defend aliens must have be the authors of a very large structure depicting a right triangle because it was dated before the Pythagorean theorem. Not even joking.

I wonder if he's in cahoots with Aleksandr Dugin.

I really wish I had the balls to start claiming things like this. I'm an archaeology student, and in general I'm into pretty weird topics and I like studying things that mess with people. If I didn't care about ethics, I could easily start making shit like this up and probably get rich doing it.

Feel confusing, man.

to be fair, that guy is 100% aware of his memery.
just check out his twitter, i'm positive almost everything he says is tongue in cheek.

>Implying Ancient Astronauts didn't build
This is literally what they say on that show

One of the more recent seasons had episodes on both the American Revolution and the Civil War

Did you know Aliens were responsible for the creation of America and the end of slavery?

guy has made a wonderful living via the ancient aliens gig....I admire him for this.




Just open up literally any thread on Veeky Forums.

Sphinx water erosion theory, essentially that what appears to be water erosion around the Sphinx could only have occurred before the area was desert and, therefore, the Sphinx was built buy a pre-ice age civilization.

>The Eternal Ayy

The universe is simultaneously being born and ending. We are only experiencing one moment along the plane that is time, friend.

How is this pseudohistory bullshit if the art legit has black people in them? Do you not know what "pseudo" means?

Because the tumblr's not talking about art, but using the art as "proof" of Europe (and all Europe, not Al-Andalus or the Mongol-ruled bits of Russia) having its current level of racial diversity throughout the middle ages. Mostly because they're butthurt about no black people in medieval-inspired fantasy fiction.

The artworks are real, but they're being cherrypicked in service of a false narrative.

Kinda related, I've noticed a trend of (I don't know how you would refer to this) Stalinist revisionism among certain communists, in other words, people who contest the death toll as being far less than what it's generally agreed to be. Is it just that we don't really know how many people he killed?

>essential pseudohistory bullshit
Solutrean Hypothesis
Black Egyptians outside of the Nubian dynasty
Holocaust denial
Mesoamerica and Egypt were connected because pyramids
China discovered America and shit
CSA totally didn't secede over slavery
Charlemagne, Mozart, and every other Euro figure was actually black
Anything Varg Vikernes says about history

I think that covers just about everything

who the fuck cares history is subjective anyway

can you prove anything existed before you were born? nah senpai it's all constructs

You are in luck OP I have just what you need

Moundbuilder controversy is also pretty classic to American psuedohistory. Both because of how long people argued about it, and because it inspired a new world religion (Mormonism).

It's kinda sad actually. This guy clearly seems to be some sort of strongly nationalist Russian, and when his belief that his country is inherently stable and powerful comes into contact with historical realities that prove it wasn't, he goes to all sorts of mental contortions to "prove" that it in fact was.

Prime example of national humiliation/denial in effect.

I remember that too. I recall weird racist overtones because it was in the Americas and of course native's couldn't develop geometry independent of Europeans.

>pseudo history thread
>forgetting David 'the Founding Fathers actually wanted America to be a Christian version of Saudi Arabia' Barton

Sorry, but pseudo history doesn't get any better than this. It's so wonderfully shameless. He quite literally retcons the whole early history of America to fit it with a hyper-Christian, hyper-right wing agenda, despite the fact that the puritals hated the Founding Fathers for not being fundamentalist enough.

He also seems to be part of this really odd movement in America that seems to put the Founding Fathers on the same level with Jesus, it's pretty creepy

I think I became slightly dumber just reading those titles

>Can Veeky Forums give me some essential pseudohistory bullshit?
Erich von Daniken or something like that.

There are others too.
>Heribert Illig
>David Rohl
>Immanuel Velikovsky(Ages in Chaos, he has lots of actually serious books unlike the ones above so I'll tell you where to look)
>Peter James

The fun fact about all of them is that they've did influence few changes in chronology, namely merging and splitting few pharaohs, but not because they were right about them but because they've triggered a wide discussion in academic work and some mistakes were spotted.

The point he raises is that all Europeans were black until very recently, which is somewhat similar to Nation of Islam or whatever these retards were called.

To prove it he uses cherrypicked "moors" in art.

The funny fact about him is that it's reverse-/int/ when it comes to racial identity. int calls Mediterranean not white because they're swarthy, while for medievalpoc everything that has little bit tanned skin and wide nose is automatically nigger.

You knew the risk when you came to the thread

>academic work a

Americans have been high on this whole congressional shintoism for quite some time.

Wow. So Bioshock Infinite wasn't totally off-base and hyperbolic with Columbia?

Clyde Ahmad Winters

inb4 >rationalwiki

I know that feel. My wife's grandfather called us up to tell us that mermaids were real. He saw it on TV....

>Eternal Ayynglo

It's the eternal war of "lol soviet sources" and the fact that the only death tolls we have are... Soviet sources.

I know, my wife's son is always repeating shit he hears.

The article seems to supply fairly scientific conjectures on both sides, though. And it doesn't require pre-ice age construction, since they even talk about how the Egyptian desertification may have happened "around 3500 - 1500 BC." Not a totally unreasonable timeframe.

I mean, yeah TV is dumb but it's not their fault your relatives re stupid. If they lived 100 years ago they'd probably believe fairies were real or some shit.

This King in the North comes to mind.

The worst I have to deal with is my mother thinks her blood type means she has to eat a lot of meat. I guess I'm lucky.

Check Ancient Aliens Debunked on youtube. it's like 3 hours and it's made by some guy who also makes some obviously biased videos promoting Christianity, but the Ancient Aliens Debunked video is legit.

It actually points out that in the part you are talking about, the pseudo-archaeologist who uses the instrument isn't able to verify it's a right angle isn't actually able to get it square, and it's not even attempted to hide it. They just figured nobody would notice or they just misunderstand what a right angle is.

An Inconvenient Truth.

Not because global warming isn't happening, but because its predictions are completely asinine.

My ex girlfriend believed it.
She got mad when I mocked her for it.

In retrospect I should've realized all the stupid shit she was gonna pull and pretend like it wasn't her fault just from that one "mermaids are real I saw it on TV" deal.

I figured out his racket a while ago. Every episode pushes some crackpot's book or three, so he makes dosh off of the money to promote their book along with the combination of idiots and ironic potsmokers who give the show ratings. And the show is obviously cheap as shit to make because it's a slideshow with voice-overs.

My grandma is certain that aliens helped build the Pyramids and when I try to explain that it's an insult on the achievements of mankind I'm told to keep an open mind about it.

Some of those look legitmate enough to be at least mildly interesting

I remember, he said the fucking east coast would be flooded in 50 years

Go to bed Chan

Rational wiki has pissed its authority against the wall in the name of social justice, they've made themselves into a laughingstock and they have no one to blame but themselves.

>Not because global warming isn't happening,
It isn't

My parents believe stuff that that, and I'm an archaeologist. Whenever I try to talk to them about that stuff, they tell me shit like "It's just one explanation," "It makes more sense than some other things," and "Why not believe that stuff?" It's weird. Especially considering they don't seem to actually understand what I do, but are willing to eat that shit up.

During my first archaeology class, someone asked the professor about if ancient aliens was true. His response was basically "Those shows say that people like me don't listen to them. Trust me, I do. I'm teaching here adjunct, don't you think if I saw some kind of groundbreaking, convincing argument for something like that, I'd just on it and start publishing? I'd love to have as much money as those guys. So, no." Then he redesigned the class slightly to include a couple of lectures about debunking psuedoarchaeology. It was cool.

*It isn't due to CO2

t. chemist

I actually read 'Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World'. Not a bad read.

You're right, methane is the biggest offender causing warming.

This shit is the reason people are deniers and skeptics about climate change imo. Outlandish claims that make regular people think boy who cried wolf.

>mermaid obsessed girlfriend
Get out while you still have legs


>In 1921, the anthropologist Margaret Murray argued that Joan was correctly identified as a witch by the religious authorities who condemned her to death, but that what they called witchcraft was in fact a survival of the pagan "old religion" of pre-Christian Europe. She claimed that Joan and Gilles de Rais were leaders of a pagan witch cult that was a rival to the Catholic church.[12] Joan was the “incarnate God” of a cult derived from the worship of the virgin huntress Diana.[13] Murray claimed that this was still the religion of most of the common people and the reason Joan inspired the ordinary soldier:

just watch this

Used to have some respect for Stephan, but he's gone down deep in the alt-right rabbit hole.

one of my lecturers is a big name in the underwater archaeology field, and he does a few lectures about pseudoarchaeology. He gets really pissed off when the first thing people ask about his projects is if it's Atlantis

This sorta reminds me of a pretty good documentary we watched in school. Apparently the reasons Catholics are so crazy over the Virgin Mary is because she's the closest thing to a mother goddess in Christianity so she was pushed heavily by early missionaries to try and convert pagan tribes.

I always struggle with the Founding Fathers, because I don't want to idolize them irrationally and I recognize their flaws, but at the same time I tend to recognize a genius and eloquence in many of them that I just don't see in any prominent statesmen today. I keep myself from worshiping them, but I have to admit it's seductive.

Did she confused blood type with iron levels?

>[T]he hypothesis proposes a conspiracy by the Holy Roman Emperor Otto III, Pope Sylvester II, and possibly the Byzantine Emperor Constantine VII, to fabricate the Anno Domini dating system retrospectively, so that it placed them at the special year of AD 1000, and to rewrite history.

>According to this scenario, the entire Carolingian period, including the figure of Charlemagne, would be a fabrication, with a "phantom time" of close to three centuries (AD 614 to 911) added to the Early Middle Ages.

>Still not believing in the phantom time conspiracy

I bet you nerds still think we landed on the moon in 1672.


Solutrean hypothesis

Have you guys heard of the hyper history theory?

couldn't China had potentially discovered America with those xboxheug ships they had in the 15th century?
To bad they cut up the ships and burned all documentation

The treasure fleet was never built to explore, and instead was meant to go to lands that were already known and traveled to by Chinese merchants and explorers so that they could show off the wealth of China and get to come back home to tell the emperor "yep everyone recognizes your wealth and agrees you're the king of the world"

The massive ships would have been ripped to shreds from the open Pacific ocean, they were only meant to stay closer to the shore and in calmer waters.

There is exactly a 0% chance China ever came close to America.

alright, I've read they traveled down the south-east coast of Africa and potentially rounding cape horn.

I think they made it as far as Somalia or the Swahili coast, but there's no way they could go around the rough waters of the cape. They wouldn't have any reason to, either, since as far as they knew there'd be nothing but ocean and jungles and deserts along the coast.

To be fair, there was a part of that Mission that went "See where this trade route ends. This part of the map is murky."

>Myne father just accomplisshed Edmund Spencer's new quarto, The Faerie Queene
>He now redes me stay abak from the forest for afear of faeries
how reading hast turnt him to a daffe!


yes, particularly important in integrating the Cult of Isis, a major contemporary competitor of Early Christianity, among other competitors such as Mithraism, etc.

>>essential pseudohistory bullshit
>Solutrean Hypothesis

Except the Solutrean Theory isn't bullshit, it's simply opposed by ivory tower academics for politically correct reasons.

Too bad the European and American sites are separated by thousands of years, guess they just stopped making those specific tools for a long time before they started up again.

Unfortunately, heavy academic resistance is pretty much the sole determining factor for what is or is not pseudohistory/pseudoarchaeology.

Certainly, many pseudohistorical/pseudoarchaeological topics may sound preposterous, but the main reason they can be called pseudo- is because they are simply not accepted, not because they are preposterous.

Here comes /pol/ here to defend pseudohistory that fits into their (incorrect) narrative.

Explain to me how you're any different from the WE WUZ KANGZ people?

Why do so many evangelicals have that cookie-cutter All American movie star look, i.e. waxy looking skin, shiny teeth, blow-dried hair.

They think it makes them look friendly and approachable.

Because, like hollywood, they lack authenticity and rely on showmanship instead of any actual purity of spirit or teaching to make their living.

Not really. The only arguments for it are incredibly flimsy at best, very circumstantial, and easy to dismiss based on their own arguments (as someone else posted, thousands of years separate the supposedly same tools). The political implications aren't even there anymore because of the certainty of pre-Clovis, and genetic studies have shown that it almost certainly didn't happen. It isn't accepted because there's evidence for it and it doesn't make sense.

Not really. If something had good evidence behind it, it would likely be accepted, or least given a fair shot. It happens all the time, just not in the public eye. The now common acceptance of the existence of pre-Clovis settlers in the Americas is proof of that. The problem with ideas like the Solutrean hypothesis is that a lot of the public can't tell how shitty the arguments really are. To most people, Stanford's case might seem compelling, but if you actually know anything about lithics, the timelines or technologies he's talking about, or the mountains of evidence which actually do demonstrate the peopling of the Americas, it's laughable. Expertise makes a big difference.