Worst "regret eating this" stories?

I too have experienced those poops.

>smoothies with entire green apples, grapes, spinach
>smoothies with uncooked oats, blueberries, grapes

Nothin' but fiber.

you are supposed to eat more than fiber

I can't remember what i ate exactly, but around 2 years ago after new years eve i had the worst food poisoning i ever experienced
>go to bed on like 2nd of jan
>not 30 minutes in i have to go to the toilet
>stomach rumbling ominously, but just think maybe it's nothing too serious
>first part is solid but my stomach starts hurting immediately after and it just starts coming out as liquid
>as soon as it stops my mouth gets full of drool
>realize what's happening and literally take my ass off the toilet and puke into it
>"well, glad that's over"
>NOPE.tiff
>go back to bed to get back there and repeat, liquid shit + puking
>this goes on up until 3am, where i'm practically sitting on the bathroom floor leaning against the toilet
>my head is all weak and i'm seriously trying to catch my breath, all sweating like i shoveled a ton of coal in a steam locomotive trying to outrun indians in the wild wild west
>i legit thought i was going to die right there
>at one point i went, weakly, to get my phone because i thought about calling an ambulance
>try drinking water but it just feels like i'm going to puke
>shit is either water or just nothing at this point
>finally drink a few cups of water and jam two fingers in my throat and puke it all out
>i drink one more cup, take a towel and put my head on it and fall asleep on the bathroom floor half naked
easily THE worst fucking night of my life. i would not wish it upon my enemies

>>and he ate more than 2

they didn't seem like they'd last long and I was on a trip to Hamburg so I thought they might go bad, I felt bad about throwing them out and there were no bums around to give them to so...

>Going to an All-you-can-eat sushi place with my mates.
>Meal goes fine.
>Then one of my friends asks how spicy wasabi is.
>"Not that much," I say "it burns a lot for a few seconds, but it's gone quickly."
>Others at the table dare me to eat two little cubes of it, basically my portion plus a mate's.
>I accept and do it.
>At first, I feel fine, if a little thristy.
>Then, suddenly, I feel my throat opening up a little too much.
>I run to the bathroom and vomit in the bowl.
>By the end of it, the bowl looked like it was full of pound scum.
>I never quite lived it down.

ate about 60€ worth of burgeur king and shit my pants while waiting for the bus

i had to run home crying

fucking kek

Yup, sounds like the food poisoning I experienced when I ate some undercooked duck. I was pale green, lost 5lbs, and had to miss work the next day.

My diet is mostly green produce with some proteins and fat. I have the most disgusting tar-like poops 2x a day that take multiple flushes to go down and require a toilet scrubbing afterwards. I'm really disgusted by my poops, but I'm glad I actually poop nowadays because I used to go only 1x a week (didn't know I was wheat/gluten intolerant for most my life).

>lost 51 lbs
>miss a single day or work
Glad I re-read that and saw I was retarded. It seemed way too metal to be true.

This, unironically.
People don't chew their food enough and get digestion problems. Chew your damn food like the animal you are.

>>ass makes a whistling sound every time I take a dump, can feel something touching my ass cheeks but don't want to believe what's happening
>>finally have the courage to look down
>>literally shat so much there's a mountain of shit below me and its starting to touch my ass and balls

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you know, two foods that I like to think utilize as "binding agents" in my diet are berries and oats. Lots don't know this but berries actually condense your stool, contrary to many other fresh foods, and make it come out easy and in one go. Oats generally round up any rascals down there, so to speak

T. Pooped a lot for a year guy

lmayyo

Haha nigga u'z a bitch

OBSESSED

I got some shit stories. you ready?

>need to shit while grocery shopping
>go to bathrooms at the back of the store
>stomach cramps and gurgles
>unleash unholy torrent of foamy, smelly shit
>man comew into bathroom with little boy in tow
>"daaaaad it smells so bad in here!"
>fuckfuckfuck
>bowels are doin' their own thing now, pumping out noxious ass shit milkshake
>once the waves of shit have ceased, I sit for a couple of minutes, waiting for this guy and his kid to leave
>they don't seem to be going anywhere
>leave stall to wash my hands
>they come out as I'm drying my hands
>try to hold head high and exit the bathroom
>10 minutes later, see kid and his dad again
>kid exclaims, very loudly "dad! there's the smelly guy from the toilet!!"
>fuck it, I don't need groceries that bad, I'll come back tomorrow
>leave store
>don't go back for over a week

Saved this gem from a thread in 2012

>6 years ago
>Remember like it was yesterday
>Library had two bathrooms in the back, hidden by bookshelves
>Librarian with downs syndrome we called "Tard-Brarian" would always use the womens
>Bathrooms were connected, so if you flushed both toilets in the mens, the womens would flood.
>Tard-brarian in the womens, I set up my plan
>Get my little bro to help me out
>On the count of 3 we both flush the toilets
>Hear screeching and thrashing coming from the vent
>Bust out laughing
>Pounding on the mens room door
>Ohshitnigga.avi
>Hide in the handicapped stall
>Little bro made it to safety before she could get out of the womens
>Just me and the hulking downy
>She busts in
>I KNO U IN HERE!
>Starts berating on the handicapped door
>SHEWONTHOLDMUCHLONGERCAP'IN
>Climb over the stall into the adjacent one
>She finally busts down the door
>Catches the hood on my jacket
>Unzip to safety
>She comes storming out
>Hiding in non-fiction
>Look around the corner
>Her legs, and back are covered in shit
>Shit-ruption in the womens
>That that is how I started the tard-brarian feud.

It's kinda scary how I've been here so long I believe that's a story from 2012 because I recognize the particular style of text from that period in time, rip

>if you flushed both toilets in the mens, the womens would flood.
That's some shitty plumbing.

>down at the beach with the family when I was very young, less than 10 years old, probably
>this being so long ago, don't actually remember what it was I ate, probably shitty seafood
>what I do remember is the shit that followed
>realize at some point I haven't shit for more than a day, starting to feel a vague discomfort
>maybe a day later through increasing discomfort finally felt like it was time to release
>hit me when I was swimming in the hotel pool
>run off to find the closest shitter
>plop my ass down and get ready for armageddon
>however young I was, I didn't know what constipation was, or what it implied, but that is definitely what I was
>I sure as hell didn't know what was happening, as best I figured out I must have accidentally eaten a fucking rock
>ass began to stretch until my sphincter was an aperture roughly the size of the rim of a drinking glass, or at least that is what it felt like
>still couldn't get whatever it was out, after maybe half an hour of agonizing pain with no end in sight, and absolutely no progress I decided it was a matter of life and death
>reached down and started clawing at the unholy mass clogging my shitter
>it was like fucking chalk, a dry slab of solid, somewhat grainy, somewhat brittle matter
>continue clawing at my asshole, ripping out chunks of shit, must have dug out half a pound of dry shit matter before the gate was finally opened, unleashing a deluge of rancid feces, spraying the toilet with liquid vileness. I won't lie, I cried my ass off, or I wish I could have given the only barely bearable pain. Must have been another 15 minutes before I could stand up
>tried to flush, this was apparently a mistake, the combination of the solid chunks of feces, liquid shit, and masses of toilet paper may have well clogged the toilet about as well as it clogged my butt
>was smart enough to see the writing on the wall, fleeing the scene of this vile crime, telling nobody.
I pity whatever poor fucker had to clean that shit.

wew

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yeah it's a little surreal huh.

>400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good
I've read this so many times and I laugh every time

>>it was a box with 6 huge Berliners (don't remember what they are called in Munich)
>>fuck, can't let this go to waste, I'll just eat all of them now, have a train to catch in 1 hour
What's the problem? I'm a skinny dude, and I can eat that with no problem (but yeah, would be problematic if I did that often. would certainly diminish my skinnyness)
But speaking of
>visiting Munich, 5 years ago
I had a "great" shit at Munich airport 10 years or so ago
>had to fly from FRA to Tromso
>rather rare connection, so no direct flight or good connections for that matter
>heavy winter conditions in the north, so lots of stuff cancelled
>instead of FRA-OSL-TOS with 3 hour layover it was FRA-MUC-CPH-TOS with 2 and 8 hours
>going to gate in FRA, rumbling in stomach
>have a shit, not that bad, don't think anything about it
>flight to munich, it starts again, but worse
>go to the lavatories (in some small CRJ-90 or something), shit my guts out, only to realize that I also have to puke
>turn around in that tiny ass toilet
>repeat a few times
>was so spent that I almost couldnt leave the plane in munich
>bus to the terminal, no seat in the bus
>grab one of those poles
>get to terminal, realize that my hands have cramped up so hard that I simply can't let go of the pole
>ask some random stranger if he could pry open my hands, please
>make a mess of some munich airport toilets
>next flight
>look so bad that they almost won't let me board, because they were afraid of having to do an emergency landing because of me
>convince them that I'm fine
>I'm not
>flight attendand puts me in empty business class, right next to the toilet and just gives me a whole 2l bottle of water so I won't totally dehydrate
>get to CPH
>have to stay over night, to spent to get a hotel
>just crash on the floor in a quiet corner of the airport can't eat or drink anything, just zoning out
>next day was ok

This is my favourite story ever.

And I believe some Sauerkraut was the culprit for that story.
And funny enough, while I write this, the gf is also on the shitter and has either some stomach flu, or food poisoning and I'm also feeling kinda funky…

Also got me some fucked up pizza from pizza hut (fuck those fuckers, doesn't even taste good to start with) when I was in Leafland for a while once, and went for a walk in the park after that.
>Ignored the rumbling for quite a while
>normally I'm really good about controlling my shits (because well, sometimes the stomach just does a lot of noise about nothing)
>after a while realized that this might really mean that I should find a toilet
>So I did
>of course, it was closed.
>searched some more
>couldn't find anything
>starting to panic
>and to shart a bit
>finally just decide to spray some vile liquid shit into some shrubbery
>of course some drops dribbled on my pant legs and such
>had to take the bus home
>very awkward.

what caused it?

Some reheated Sauerkraut.

You should have been drinking water instead of playing in it. Gotdamn.

Probably the only real story coming up
>go to a wedding
>reception at an extremely nice place blah blah blah
>yo this sauce on my chicken is fucking disgusting
>dont make scene, friends all enjoying their meals
>'user you havent touched your meal whats up? too excited?'
>well yes, but also this sauce covering this is literally vomit
>'oh its not that bad'
>brides maid#5 comes over and tries the sauce
>immediately spits it out and curses out loud
>asked if i want another
>'no id rather not'
>5 minutes and two shots later giving toast
>party on from there
Seriously. Fuck the black stallion in central new york. I'm pretty sure that was legit vomit on a plate.

I've got a good one.
>Be just moved out student
>Learning how to cook properly for myself
>Decide to make curry but too cheap to buy jar sauce
>Buy container of what I thought was curry powder
>Actually just chilli powder
>Make my curry and take a bite
>DearLordItBurns.jpg
>Convince myself its just spicy and carry on, tears in eyes.
>Finish this curry from hell and almost immediately go to bed and pass out
>Couldnt see straight
>Wake up early next morning before Uni
> A storm is brewing and I feel like my intestines were being braided.
>Start crawling to the bathroom
>Scared if I stand up ill shit myself
> Proceed to release a torrent of red hot magma while crying
>Lay in shower in fetal position for nearly 2 hours
>Flatmates asked if I was crying. didnt know what to say.
thank god for personal bathrooms

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I like the end, always makes me chuckle

>ate scalloped potatoes with dinner one night
>ate more of them the day after for lunch
>notice during a workout the next morning that my stomach hurts a lot
>same thing happens the next day, realize that I’m super constipated
>after leaving the gym I bought a bunch of food with a ton of fiber in it
>also took a fiber powder before going to bed
>the next morning, I drank a cup of coffee and went to the bathroom to release the beast
>wound up pooping a giant round mass that looked exactly like one of those gag pieces of shit manga artists draw

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It would be a shame to just waste them. Better to put them to a good use like cramming them down your gullet and then blasting them out 10 minutes later in the form of liquid faeces after having extracted zero nutrients from it

>compensating for your fatness this hard
>I only go to McDonalds every day because it's nearby and has ot of options

Do you not have teeth?

I've been on this website for ten years

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kek

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Why are we here? Just to suffer?

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That picture makes me want to eat chocolate. Am I weird?

Me too, user. I'm not sure how to feel.

In medicine, we call this technique 'manual evacuation'.

Thank fuck I'm not a surgeon.

10/10, exemplary writing

a 16" by 1 1/3" burrito with steak that white Mexican cheese and extra beans
I was on the toilet for the majority of two days and by the end I was like a 10 pounds lighter

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>>literally shat so much there's a mountain of shit below me and its starting to touch my ass and balls
I had this happen to me once in the past. Literally a mountain of shit. I couldn't believe it was possible.

>If you can't handle my shit at its worst, you don't deserve my shit at its best.
HAHAHA, glorious allegory there user.

Shirataki has a rubbery consistency, is very slippery, and is very tough to chew into anything smaller than rice-sized pieces.

When you shit, they come out whole because they are 100% fiber.
Your body is LITERALLY incapable of digesting it.