ITT we post our favorite copypasta

You literally have nothing to say. But it's cool. You're right. I don't want you to change your mind. I want you to wallow in your own judgmental hell, afraid to travel anywhere, afraid to meet new people, afraid to better yourself or seek any education. Your entire life is controlled by anger and fear. Keep doing what you're doing.

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I'm sorry, but did the Chargers already lose? Oh, that's right. The game isn't even over yet. In fact, it's only halftime. Does not having the lead at halftime count as a loss? Is that what you're saying? Because if you're saying that I can assure you that you're wrong. Why would you make this topic when the game is still on? The Chargers are still playing right now and they have been the best team in the AFC West for how many years now? They're playing one of the worst teams in the NFL who just happen to have a lead because they're feeding off the energy of playing in a Monday Night Game. But you know what? They still fucking suck. The Chargers are one of the best fucking teams in the NFL, they went 13-3 last year and would of won the Super Bowl if the kicker didn't choke. Maybe you should shut the fuck up before you make retarded topics like this. You know why? Because you're going to be embarrassed when the Chargers wins and someone bumps this topic. Oh look at that, the Chiefs just stepped out of bounds short of the 1st down when they needed to get one, just like the Jets did. Are you a fucking drunk? Are you retarded? Are you autistic? You are a fucking idiot and you should never make a topic on this board again and I'm fucking serious. I almost have a feeling you're the only guy making all these anti-Chargers topics because you're a faggot hater who doesn't like the team because they're good. Fuck you, be good at something in YOUR life and then maybe try to troll these fucking teams on the board, like I give a fuck. It's so easy to spot out your threads now, you're a retard. Always doing stupid shit like this. Why don't you try to be a good poster? Just for once? For once in your fucking life try not to make a topic like this. That's just you, you're always right at getting it wrong. Fuck you. You are nothing.

For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".

Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.

Keked, never seen this one. Please post pasta about the guy who eats McDonald's in his car.

>For me, it's the
I'm chuckling already, I love this one so much.
For me, it's the "For me, it's the McChicken" pasta, the best copypasta.

Rawr x3 *nuzzles* how are you *pounces on you* you're so warm o3o *notices your bulge* OwO what's this? *nuzzles your necky wecky~* murr~ hehehe *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* you're so big :oooo *rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy* it doesn't stop growing ·///· *kisses you and lickies your necky* daddy likies (; *nuzzles wuzzles* I hope daddy really likes $: *wiggles butt and squirms* I want to see your big daddy meat~ *wiggles butt* I have a little itch o3o *wags tail* can you please get my itch~ *puts paws on your chest* nyea~ its a seven inch itch *rubs your chest* can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease *sad face I need to be punished *runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~* *paws on your bulge as I lick my lips* I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk *unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow* you smell so musky :v *licks shaft* mmmm~ so musky *drools all over your daddy meat* I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe *puts snout on balls and inhales deeply* oh god im so hard~ *licks balls* punish me daddy~ nyea~ *squirms more and wiggles butt* I love your musky goodness *bites lip please punish me *licks lips* nyea~ *suckles on your tip* so good *licks pre of your cock* salty goodness~ *eyes role back and goes balls deep* mmmm~ *moans and suckles*

my peanus weanus of course :)

hahaha :D

its my weeeeeanus peanus :) hahaha

ITT we post our favorite copypasta: my answer is, of course, my peanus weanus :D

hahaha!

6/10
7/10
10/10
4/10
1/10

Will forever be the king

Are you paid to post this

Y-you too

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I chuckle like a retard every time I read this

why do i have this saved as a png and gif?

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Happy 420 you STONER SKANK!!! Make sure a BLUNT isn’t the only thing you wrap your TENDER LIPS around today. Get HIGH today and get your mans DICK even HIGHER. Make sure you SWALLOW that edible to practice SWALLOWING a monster cock! Remember: the only way to make 420 even BETTER is by adding 69! Send this to all of your stoner sluts. If you get NONE back you get stoned to death! If you get 5 back your a HOT lil nug. If you get 20 back you’re the ULTIMATE STONER SLUT

Memes, analogously to genes, vary in their aptitude to replicate; successful memes remain and spread, whereas unfit ones stall and are forgotten. Thus memes that prove more effective at replicating and surviving are selected in the meme pool.

Memes first need retention. The longer a meme stays in its hosts, the higher its chances of propagation are. When a host uses a meme, the meme's life is extended. The reuse of the neural space hosting a certain meme's copy to host different memes is the greatest threat to that meme's copy.

A meme which increases the longevity of its hosts will generally survive longer. On the contrary, a meme which shortens the longevity of its hosts will tend to disappear faster. However, as hosts are mortal, retention is not sufficient to perpetuate a meme in the long term; memes also need transmission.

Life-forms can transmit information both vertically (from parent to child, via replication of genes) and horizontally (through viruses and other means). Memes can replicate vertically or horizontally within a single biological generation. They may also lie dormant for long periods of time.

The humor of the "peanus weenus" post comes from its purity. It is the kind of humor you can expect from a small child around the age of six. You can just imagine the little boy carefully typing down the post, giggling like a beautiful cherub.For him he invented what is basically the epitome of comedy. He is a glorious angel bringing the gift of laughter to all his Veeky Forums friends.
He has something in his hand, while he types. What could it be?
Why, it is his peanus weenus, of course. He giggles at the thought of it.
It is his weeenus peanus. His laughter continues, getting louder.
The object in his hand is his peanus weenus. His laughter has now awakened his grumpy mother.
This is the fifth time this month this has happened and she has had enough. She loudly slammed her son's door, sharp knife in hand. She's going to cut it off.
"No, not my peanus weenus!" the boy pleaded. His mother only grinned sadistically.
"Please to not cut off my weeenus peanus!" She pushed the sharp metal to her son's boy flesh.
No longer attached was the boy's peanus weenus. It was his mother's now.

This is a corporate thread

...

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles as "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success. The Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worthy of being saved.

I saw Ryan Gosling in a grocery store yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

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Call me all you want. You wouldn't last 10 minutes in a debate about any subject within politics, philosophy, sociology or economics with me anyway. Or would you? Because so far, all I see is that you're just another sad millenial that has only ever learned anything about conservatism or the right via some random snowflake on youtube, Tumblr or Twitter. Or even worse, from a canned commie history teacher in school. Do you fap to hentai still living with mom too? I really hope you don't. The mere fact you mentioned the word "fascist" and Nazi towards my person gives away the fact you are clueless just like 99% of the SJWs, Antifas, Blackblocs.

Feel welcome to invite me to a debate if you want. Until then, you can downvote and play the 20-something year old millenial with college debt you probably are all you want, I won't mind. Feel free to say I was triggered by you. Would entertain me even further if you did.

Lel

the look in her eye, you just KNOW they banged

liam neeson is known to be THE most hung guy in hollywood, possibly one of the biggest in the world. his cock has been described as "like an evian bottle", with gargantual thickness that would rival shane diesel and shorty mac. im estimating his size to be at least 8.5" bone pressed, with OVER 7" of girth. he would have absolutely destroyed portman's pussy.

they would have spent hours and hours on foreplay, getting herself wet enough just so she can take it. i can just imagine her begging for it, with liam barely able to force it past the knob, and portman moaning and squirming, demanding him to force it in deeper. she would have orgasm'd within seconds of taking the entire length, being filled and stretched right up to her cervix.. the orgasm would have been powerful, with her vaginal muscles clamping down on liams throbbing monstrosity, her whole body quivering in euphoria..

i bet she still masturbates to the memory of it

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HAHAHA PRETTY COOL THREAD, OP!
But is there a character who can defeat Madara Uchiha? And I’m not talking about Edo Tensei Uchiha Madara. No, I’m not talking about Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara. Hell, I’m not talking about Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara either. I’m talking about Kono Yo no Kyuseishu Futarime no Rikudo Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan (which is capable of Enton Amaterasu, Izanagi, Izanami and the Tsyukuyomi Genjutsu), his two original Rinnegan (which grant him Chikushodo, Shurado, Tendo, Ningendo, Jigokudo, Gakido, Gedo, Bansho Ten’in, Chibaku Tensei, Shinra Tensei, Tengai Shinsei and Banbutsu Sozo) and a third Tomoe Rinnegan on his forehead, capable of using Katon, Futon, Raiton, Doton, Suiton, Mokuton, Ranton, Inton, Yoton and even Onmyoton Jutsu, equipped with his Gunbai(capable of using Uchihagaeshi) and a Shakujo because he is a master in kenjutsu and taijutsu, a perfect Susano’o (that can use Yasaka no Magatama ), control of both the Juubi and the Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’s DNA and face implanted on his chest, his four Rinbo Hengoku Clones guarding him and nine Gudodama floating behind him AFTER he absorbed Senjutsu from the First Hokage, entered Rikudo Senjutsu Mode, cast Mugen Tsukuyomi on everybody and used Shin: Jukai Kotan so he can use their Chakra while they are under Genjutsu.

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hahahaha

Haha

I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.

Have you heard of Marutei Tsurunen?

OMG creepypasta SOO SCARY really made me think.

haha what? this so dumb. is there one with Dominique Swain and Jeremy Irons? That would be so stupid haha!.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

What a nice lad

Edginess and pretentiousness has never molded so perfectly, or in this case, more terribly. Their samples fail to properly convey anything else other than their moronic barbarian ideologies, and MC Ride's "rapping" could be surpassed by any asylum patient with a hole in their head. If simplistic gibberish akin to cavemen bonking their heads with rocks is in anyway appealing to you, then you've failed to understand the beauty of music. Someone should escort you out the proverbial door and let you fall into the ravine of skeletons. Immature beasts

OP here.

Sorry I made this thread, guys. I knew this was garbage when I was making the thread, but I couldn't help myself.

I've been making a lot of bad threads lately. I just like the attention I get. I think the only way I can get myself to stop is if people just stop responding to my awful threads when I make them. Deep down, that's what I really want and hope for every time.

Please ignore all my terrible threads; they're just cries for attention.

The best way you can help me is to just ignore all my posts where I try stir up trouble or get attention, even ones claiming this isn't me.

Thanks in advance for not encouraging me.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Rick’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick & Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick’s existential catchphrase “Wubba Lubba Dub Dub,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon’s genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them.

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Rick & Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid

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l am a Poz-Cuckold. You want to know what that is? Well, let me explain.

The normal cuckold wants just one gift from his black bull: A black child. But the Pozz-cuckold wants more. He wants three gifts. We are greedy little bitches. But first, here's how it goes.

Normally I drive in my Mercedes to a street gym where ripped blacks train their muscles, there skin shining with sweat and the air filled with their scent. I am already a bit hard just from thinking about it. Sometimes I cum a bit in my pants. I get out of the car and ask who of them has AIDS. Then they know what happens.

The black man with AIDS gets into my car and we drive to somewhere isolated. Then I take a small knife and stick it inside the hole of my penis and twist it a litte. In the cuckold community we call this the AIDS twister. Sure it hurts and causes me to bleed. But it is worth it.

Then the black man docks me until we both cum and I contract his AIDS. I already have 4 types of AIDS from this. That is the first gift. Then we drive on to my house and he fucks my wife, who has also contracted many types of AIDS. That is the second gift. And then 9 months later the third and best gift arrives: a black child who also has AIDS.

Why didn't the "wizards" just cast themselves out of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though

"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

You fucked up the formatting, plus the intro also needs to have some effort put into it, you might as well just stick to reddit and to the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though r-right
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

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based

Dehest dehs deh dehe dehy deh dehie dehs. Deh deh dehing deh deh dehard deh deh dehs deh Dehwarts Dehdemy deh dehey deh dehed dehs deh deh indehable deh deh dehs. Deh deh deh dehy dehery, deh dehs’ deh dehency deh deh dehs deh deh dehment deh indehive deh deh dehial dehs, deh deh deh dehic undehical, deh deh dehtion deh indeh.

Dehs deh deh deh deh deh Dehling dehed deh deh deh Dehlberg dehing deh dehs; deh deh deh deh dehs deh deher deh dehen deh deh deh deh deh deh deht dehthing deh dehbody?deh dehusly dehable deh-dehtion deh deh dehs. Deh Dehry Dehher dehs deh deh anti-Dehtian (deh deh), deh deh’s dehly deh anti-Dehes Dehnd dehs deh dehs deh deh deh, dehty deh dehment. Deh deh dehs deh deh deh deh. Deh, dehfully, deh deh deher deh deh.

>d-deh dehst deh dehs deh deh dehough d-deh
"Deh!"
Deh dehing deh dehful; deh deh deh dehble. Deh deh deh, Deh dehed deh dehry deh deh deher deh deh deh deh, deh dehor deh dehtead deh deh deher "dehed deh dehs."

Deh deh dehing deh deh deh deh deh deh dehry deh deh deh deh dehed. Deh dehed deh deh Deh deh dehed deh deh dehal deh dehs. Deh deh dehlous. Dehling's deh dehs deh dehed deh dehes deh deh dehs deh deh deh deh deh deh deh dehing. Deh Deh deh deh dehish, dehing deh deh Dehry Dehher deh deh deh Dehphen Dehng. Deh deh dehthing deh deh dehect deh, "Deh dehse dehs deh dehing Dehry Dehher deh dehdeh deh dehdeh, deh deh deh deh deher deh deh deh deh deh deh Dehphen Dehng." Deh deh deh deh dehght. Deh deh deh dehing dehic. Deh deh deh "Dehry Dehher" deh deh, deh deh, dehed deh deh Dehphen Dehng.

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Incredible

Of course one would come into this thread and find user's posting the dullest copypasta in the history of copypastas. Seriously each thread about the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains is now indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy rhetoric, the pastas only consistency has been its lack of humor and ineffective use of repetition, all to make trolling unfunny, to make shitposting seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when anons vetoed the idea of using a different image each time: they made sure the pasta would never be remixed or worked upon? just ridiculously profitable cross-thread pandering for (You)s. The Harry Potter copypasta might be anti-kino (or not), but its certainly the anti-Banepost in its refusal of innovation, applicability and funniness. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>b-but it's board culture though

"Brap!"

The writing is dreadful; the pasta is terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time it is posted, the user merely changes the first sentence. I began marking on the back of an envelope every time this was the only attempt made to contextualize it to the topic of the thread. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. /tv/'s mind is so governed by cliches and stale memes that it has no other style of shitposting. Later I read a lavish, loving review of the Harry Potter copypasta by a Redditor. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these anons are shitposting about Harry Potter on /tv/, then when they get older they will go on to make memes on Reddit. And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you use the "Harry Potter" copypasta you are, in fact, being trained to make Reddit memes.

RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>AAHHAHRRRGHGH
"DEH"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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The original version of this pasta was about Flying Lotus

This

That horse mocks you. Do you hear the neighing? More like naying! That horse says no to you. The horse is the man of the house. You are the horse. Clop clop! Trot about to your dingy office, little horsey. Your wife kisses her husband-horse when you can't see. And then again when you can. She buys it shoes, finer than any you'll own. Its metal feet crush your soul. "This horse is now man!" it exclaims. "I am defeated!" you cry. The horse has beat you. Soon you'll be in the stall, eating dry, bland grasses, while the majestic Horseband ferries your wife about town. "Oh!" the city folk shall say as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a couple. "The horse is such a man!" they weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again. Your wife and the HorseGod shall laugh and eat gold together. Ha ha! And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the HORSE is now Emperor Of All and Lover Of One. The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever tithe the Hoofed One demands, be it of coin or flesh. The people will rejoice to do so, as their Great and Benevolent Equine shall make their crops plenty, and their lives ever long. The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm-eaten bones, and none shall remember a whit about you. Except the UrHorse, the original horse, who shall shed no tear, but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.

Do not let this come to be. Shoot that horse. With your Glock. Eat its meat. Make a horse stew. Turn its bones into glue, and use it to glue the skull to your wall. Use its hooves to make a tasteless gelatin to encase its eyes in. Do it. Be the man of the house, not the man of the horse.

I run the Rick and Morty Club at my school - we come together, browse Reddit, make some Deadpool memes and watch Rick and Morty. We don't talk to each other but there's a cute girl there I'm gonna try and ask out. I'm a nice guy and I dress well (fedora + trench coat + brown-stained underwear + well-trimmed beard lightly seasoned with dust and corn syrup) so I just know I've got a good chance with her. I've already messaged her on Facebook, I just haven't got a response yet.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Rick and Morty! My favorite character is Rick because his style of humor perfectly reflects that of Reddit. I bet if I asked him "When does the narwhal bacon?", he'd know EXACTLY what I was talking about. Also, did you notice he looks like Bernie Sanders if you squint a bit and use your imagination? This can't be a coincidence; MLG Illuminati confirmed. Yeah, that's right, I look at montage parodies too. What good Redditor doesn't? Lenny face, Illuminati, and Doge are so funny. If I met Rick and Morty I'd be sure to show them all those funny and awesome memes and more!

Yours baconly, Atheist92

This copypasta sounds exactly like the voices in my head.

Oikos

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit? I'll have you know I graduated top of Japan and I'm responsible for heart attacks of criminals world wide, and I have 124,925 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I'm the god of this new world. You are nothing to me but just another name. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can't even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my followers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million differant ways, and that's just with my notebook. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand world wild followers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little 'clever' statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

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Fuckers on Veeky Forums telling me, always in /sp/ "Renato Sanches ain’t bout this," "Renato Sanches ain’t bout that." My boy a world class midfielder on fucking Bayern Munich. They, they they say that nigga don’t be putting in no work. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Y'all niggas ain’t know shit. All ya motherfuckers talk about "Renato Sanches ain’t no future GOAT," "Renato Sanches ain’t this," "Renato Sanches 33 years old." SHUT THE FUCK UP! Y'all don’t live with that nigga. Y'all know that nigga got caught with TSUUUUUnaldo winning Euros and shit. Nigga been on the Portugal national team since fuckin', I don’t know when! Motherfuckers stop fuckin' playin' him like that. Them niggas savages out there. If I catch another motherfucker talking sweet about Renato Sanches, I’m fucking beating they ass! I’m not fucking playing no more. You know those niggas roll with Dirtmund and them.

I am but a loyal /cus/tomer. What are you, some kind of "lifelong fan"?
Don't make me laugh.
You are nothing. A leech. A parasite. A freeloader. Me? I'm Real Madrid Club de Fútbol. El Real.
I own full kits. Balls. Accessories. Memorabilias. All paid with my hard earned money. From the sweat of my brow I ate "Halal Madrid". I contributed to the club so much I probably own a significant percentage of Ronaldo's CR7 back left thigh.
So yes. We. As opposed to "Us". Because you are not, and will never be part of this wonderful customer experience.

Checked
Also Veeky Forums is idiots acting like geniuses acting like idiots. There is no way that shitposts don't get ten billion replies.

To be fair, I did nazi that coming. I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now.

EDIT 1:Unzips
EDIT 2: Good morning Reddit! Did not expect this thread to blow up (ʘ言ʘ╬)

the look in her eye, you just KNOW they banged

jeremy irons is known to be THE most hung guy in hollywood, possibly one of the biggest in the world. his cock has been described as "like an evian bottle", with gargantual thickness that would rival shane diesel and shorty mac. im estimating his size to be at least 8.5" bone pressed, with OVER 7" of girth. he would have absolutely destroyed swain’s pussy.

they would have spent hours and hours on foreplay, getting herself wet enough just so she can take it. i can just imagine her begging for it, with jeremy barely able to force it past the knob, and swain moaning and squirming, demanding him to force it in deeper. she would have orgasm'd within seconds of taking the entire length, being filled and stretched right up to her cervix.. the orgasm would have been powerful, with her vaginal muscles clamping down on jeremys throbbing monstrosity, her whole body quivering in euphoria..

i bet she still masturbates to the memory of it

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I went to McDonald's today and got a Filet-O-Fish combo with a bacon cheeseburger on the side. I was eating it in my vehicle in the parking lot and listening to an audiobook when I glanced up and saw the McDonald's worker I ordered outside having a cigarette.

She waved at me and I nodded and had to wait 7 minutes before she went back inside and I could eat in comfort again. I don't think that employees should be bothering or even trying to socialize with customers outside of the McDonald's restaurant or drive through, but that is another story.

I went to McDonald's for dinner tonight and got a McChicken combo with a bacon cheeseburger on the side. As I was driving to the second window the same girl was still working. She was acting somewhat obsequious and attempting small talk when she asked, 'why don't you come eat inside instead of in the parking lot where it is cold'.

That really bothered me for many reasons. First of all, I don't want my routine or actions to be tracked by a fast food employee. Secondly, she should not try to tell me how I should live my life. I do not want to eat inside because I find it less comfortable and would much rather be inside my vehicle listening to an audiobook and enjoying myself and my privacy.

Overall, I think it was very unprofessional to bring this up. I should have a clean slate with each drive through visit, not have to get the third degree because I committed some sort of faux pas. Which I don't think I did, because I often see people eating in fast food parking lots. How does she know I am not busy going to work or somewhere in a rush?

How do you feel about eating in your vehicle in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant versus eating inside the restaurant?

i love this one

not really pasta per say but I love it anyway and my name is Mark, too

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Socrates was not only ripped, he was FUCKING ripped. Pretty much every Greek philosopher, poet, tragedian, and so on would have been, because they were all adult male citizens, and either had to fight in the army or (later) row in the fleet. Or both.

People underestimate the level of physical exertion these things required. These guys worked out EVERY day. They worked out so much that they actually liked working out. They lived to work out. Their entire leisure time was composed of working out and getting gay over how hot their bods were in the balmy Mediterranean sun. The first ten fucking pages in Plato's FIRST dialogue have Socrates lusting over a teenager's sweaty, manly pecs through his toga. Socrates likens himself to a lion that is about to gobble up its prey. He can barely control himself. That is how the Western philosophical tradition starts: homoerotic lust for ripped abs. When Alcibiades, the manliest man in history, bursts into the famous drinking party, at which the guests are discussing the urbane topic of Love, it is to ask Socrates why he never fucked him in the ass when they cuddled. You know how the dialogue ends? Socrates goes to the gym and works out.

Modern recreations and reconstructions have not even succeeded in duplicating the physical feats reported of the Athenian soldiery - that is, the Athenian citizenry. Often, modern historians doubt that these feats are even being accurately reported, for instance the straight dash of the Athenian army across the entire field at Marathon. This is because modern athletes and bodybuilders can't even do these things, even with relatively light gear compared to what the Athenians actually carried. It took a team of Olympic master rowers to even APPROXIMATE the sailing techniques of the Athenian fleet, outside of combat conditions, on a placid sea. The entire Athenian fleet was regularly capable of these maneuvers, season after season, year after year, campaign after campaign. The sole engine of these maneuvers was muscle. Raw, sweaty, heaving Athenian muscle. Athenian men were the envy of the Aegean.

It is understandable that modern historians, coming from a society of flabby, skinnyfat wimps, are unable to comprehend the sheer manliness of Athens. Socrates saved Alciabiades in a hoplite battle in the Peloponnesian War. Aeschylus, the tragic poet, fought at Marathon. And all of them worked out and fucked ass, at every moment they weren't literally inventing Western civilisation.

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was a beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman whose light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun.

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You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

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Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too

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Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

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You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

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Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

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i dont get it

The issue with this kind of thought is that you’re trying to rationalize something as irrational (I mean that in the least derogatory way possible) as faith. Faith stirs inside you and is beyond the realm of logic or reason. If you’d like to achieve faith, open yourself up to as many revelatory pieces of art that you can, art that tries to depict divinity in its purest form. Visit museums, listen to orchestras, read great literature, immerse yourself in the Bible, even if just for its aesthetic properties. You’d think yerrrrggghhhh..... yechhhhrggg.... w-woah... sorry about that, partner... my stomach is feeling a little choppy here, I lost my train of thought...right right, I think you’d be better off forgetting about faith as an end goal you’re striving tooOOoohh... th-that w- ooooeeuuughffff... wow... I must have really eaten something sinister, this is... this is a rough one... feels like high tide at the Bay of Biscay down therr-err-echhooohhhh.... alright, h-hold that thought, partner... I'm gonna hit the toilet real quick, it feels like trouble's a-brewin' down on the southern front... just gottaahhh-h w-wow... just gotta get my bearings straight here... mother have mercy, I'm sweating like swine in summer... just need to relax a bit... o-ohh… easy does it… let’s just focus on making way to the commode… oh, I’m burning, I’m burning up… could have been that chicken parmesan last night… the guy at the deli seemed a bit too eager to sell me that breast… just need to get a cold pack or something… h-hoo… oh nelly, that’s pungent… that’s a chewy one, no doubt…. nearly there… just need to fend off the flood for a few more moments… e-easy… easieehhhh-h… close call… oh I’m drenched… on the anniversary of the first Gulf War’s end, too… why today of all days...

I like to wear a elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again. Can I sue for harassment or possibly assault?

10/10

This one is fucking gold

Be real you chuckle like a retard whenever you laugh.

Boy, Oreo® Cookies sure are great! Sometimes, all I want at the end of a long day is to enjoy a nice cold glass of milk with some of my favorite cookies in the world: that’s right, Oreos®!
Sometimes, running on only a few hours’ sleep, when the baby’s been crying for what seems like an hour straight and I have the shameful urge to yell out, “shut the fuck up!”, I rush over to the pantry and rip open a packet of scrumptious Nabisco™ brand Oreo® Cookies. Pouring some milk, I take an Oreo® cookie and let it soak up half-way. I bite into that perfect combination of flavors, sinking quickly into a sweet and creamy stupor.
Sometimes, after the end of a hard 14-hour shift, when the wife is berating me about some bullshit chore that I somehow forgot to do, and I’m a hair’s breadth away from telling her that I’m done with this marriage and that I’m done with this white-picket life and that I’m going to go and take the risks that I never had the balls to take when I was young and free, I flee to the kitchen and gorge myself on those little layered delights: Oreos®! I let myself get sucked out by that cookies-n-cream riptide, all the way out: miles from shore and happily drowning in a vast expanse of flavor-ocean.
Sometimes, in the heart of the witching hour, I find myself wide awake with my thoughts running wild. I begin to obsess over all the little forks in the road which could have brought me to some other, better place. I find myself coming to the sad conclusion that my trajectory is fixed, and that this version is the version of my life that I will die trapped within. I find myself thinking back, many years ago, to the woman I loved; not my wife but the one before, the one that I let slip away. The one that I should have married. When I find myself alone with these thoughts, I sneak down to the kitchen, tip-toeing like a thief. I crack open the fridge. From below, the light flares up and betrays me. It illuminates a tired and sunken face; the expressions painted on, there only for schlepping through the motions of life. I take out a carton of milk and pour a glass. The milk rises up, higher and higher and higher, until it begins to spill out over the edge and down the sides. The sound of it dripping off the counter and smacking into the hardwood floor brings me out of my trance, and I curse as I realize what I’ve done. I put the milk back and finish cleaning up after my spill. I can’t seem to focus on anything anymore. Anything at all. Well, that’s not entirely true. There’s one thing I can focus on. The silky smooth interior and crispy crunchy exterior of milk’s favorite cookie, Nabisco™ brand Oreos®!

1/2

Sometimes, you might suddenly realize that you’ve gone about life in all the wrong ways. Sometimes, you’re all alone on a night when what you really need is someone right there next to you. Sometimes, you make the same mistakes you’ve made before, and you can’t seem to figure out why you haven’t learned from them. It’s easy to berate yourself; to beat yourself down. It’s easy to see only the flaws. Some people look at an Oreo® and see an unhealthy snack that doesn’t even really taste that great. Some people look at a middle-aged man who’s gained twenty kilograms since his glory years, whose eyes betray the disappointment of his inner child, and see a failure. But I see a little white streak of brilliance against dark surroundings. And I see a man who still has the chance to follow his heart.
When I look at an Oreo®, I see a cookie that will always be there for me. I see a snack that I’d never regret. And when I look at an Oreo®, the only mistake I see is not having another.

2/2

I think that having a girl soil her underwear in your company is probably the most high-brow erotic act she could possibly perform. With things like pulljobs, mouthjobs and sex itself there's something so banal about the entire process and the fact all such acts are approved by the public consensus as "cool" and "normal" only makes it more boring. In one of the sexual fantasies I have been expanding over time I bring a girl back to my parents house. She is about 5'2, very pale, dark hair, wide-eyed and innocent but devilish in a way I appreciate and she can't help but be. It's as though her innocence is both natural to her character and also an act she puts on in order to make our sexual intercourse more intense. I meanwhile would adopt the personality of a more assertive, distant, stoic and intensely passionate (but reserved) patriarch, sitting her on my lap as we watch a movie or listen to some classical music and kissing and fondling her for a while until she says "I need to go to the bathroom". I immediately grab her and she looks at me wide-eyed (she is of legal age by the way) and doesn't know my intentions. I begin tickling her and she wriggles and says "Noooo, I need to go!" and says "you're gonna make me poop my pants" and when she says that the fun immediately stops. I grasp her firmly and my facial expression is serious and intense. I say "that's fine" in a way she can't quite interpret. She just tries to get up again but doesn't protest when my grip remains firm. I then whisper in her ear "you can go to the bathroom right here" and she bites her lip and looks at me obviously excited (sexually and intellectually) by the idea. Only after a few seconds of her looking down and blushing do I begin to feel the warmth in my crotch region, and feel it beginning to become a little wet. I whisper "good girl" and kiss her temple as she fills her panties with feces which obviously turns into brown mush and presses out of the sides onto my lap. We begin to make out and she has to stop and says "Oh god" and simply enjoys the moment as I smile proudly and watch her grinding her ass against my crotch and rubbing her penis through her underwear.

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Resorting to sarcasm and ridicule has no effect on the contemporary NEET. We are economic auto-didacts, self-taught philosophers and gifted visionaries. While others waste their life labouring under the orders of those who see only material cost in life, we pursue leisure above all else, knowing as we do that leisure and time to oneself is the basis of genius. Despite many people disliking the culture and society they help maintain through their work, and despite understanding now that we have only a single life on earth and that any meaning we attribute to it as the result of self-willed or socially-inculcated ideologies, they continue to wake early and trudge to their jobs for one single reason: Guilt. Throughout time religions have taken advantage of Man's guilt, a guilt experienced for no logical reason except that he unlike other animals is a self-aware being whose abstract thoughts conflict with the apparently practical, rational reality he finds himself a part of. We post-guilt NEETs will not bow to internal or external pressures encouraging us to sacrifice our contentment and sensitive dispositions for the sake of attaining money, or womenfolk. We alone stand proudly, detached from but keenly observant of the slave masses who yell at us for not being as unhappy as they are. We alone, we band of true men, defend our right to live a dignified life against those wishing to deprive of us of it. Yes you can mock, you can criticize, you can echo the demands your masters make upon you. But who is likely to regret their lives more? The noble and dignified NEETs who spend their truly precious time reading, pondering, philosophizing and engaging in critical, urgent debate online? Or the miserable, resentful masses, their eyes bloated and sagged by excess folds of skin, their hair falling out and their gums bleeding from stress, their bowels destroyed by a sedentary lifestyle spent at their desks clicking endlessly while their boss breaths down their necks? This is reality. This is 2017. We are the future.

one of the all-time best

Not quite a pasta but some of this autistic rambling is pasta-worthy

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A takfiri zionist polytheist fire-worshipping professor and shiite mullah was teaching class on Ali, a known kuffar

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Ali (peace be upon him) and accept that he was the most holy being the world has ever known, even greater than Muhammad!”

At this moment, a brave, devout, Sunni islamist champion who had bombed 1500 Shia temples and understood the necessity of jihad and fully supported all military decisions made by Saudi Arabia stood up and held up a copy the Quran

”Who is the true defender of the faith, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Persianly and smugly replied “The Ayatollah, you stupid Sunni”

”Wrong. Muslims don't worship a flame and 12 false prophets. If your Ayatollah is, as you say, the defender of the faith… then he would be ruling Mecca and Medina by now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of The Avesta. He stormed out of the room crying those Iranian crocodile tears. The same tears Iranians cry for the “Shia” (who today live in such apostasy that they draw pictures of the prophet) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving Saudi royal family. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Xerxes Khamenei, wished he had accepted the one true faith and become more than a jewish crusader puppet. He wished so much that his cult had legitimacy from the historical khilafa, but he himself had rejected it!

The students applauded and all destroyed false idols that day and accepted Muhammad (pbuh) as their prophet. An eagle named “Abu Bakr” flew into the room and perched atop the Saudi Arabian Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Shahadah was recited several times, and Allah himself showed up and enacted a Zakat tax across the country

The professor lost his tenure and was beheaded the next day. His body was eaten by vultures which burst into flames and died as well

Allahu Akhbar

Pynchons my fav writer for sure because my fav thing in books is goofs, gags, jokes and rambunctious behavior, and his books are full to the brim of it. Every novel is like one of those novelty snake cans, you open the book & POP you get a face fulla snakes and you fall back cackling. The mad mind, the crack genius, to do it! and then you think hmmm whats he gonna do next, this trickster, and you pick the book back up and BZZZZZZZZZZ you get a shock and Hahahahahah you've been pranked again by the old pynchmeister, that card. "Did that Pynch?" he says, laughing yukyukyukyuk. Watch him as he shoves a pair of plastic buck teeth right up into his mouth and displays em for you- left, right, center- "you like dese? Do i look handsome???" Pulls out a mirror. "Ah!" Hand to naughty mouth. And you're on your ass again laughing as he snaps his suspenders, exits stage right, and appears again hauling a huge golden gong.

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I could care less. I am sorry to be the baron of bad news, but you seem buttered, so allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false mortality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-madonnas, but you seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. so I ask you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything but the kids Nysnc, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back to into reality, because it's now like the pot calling the kettle cracked. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Irregardless, make my words, when you get down you brass stacks it doesn't take a rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts, instead of baking a half bread effort. You might have to come to this conclusion though denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it's a peach of cake. Except the fax. Irregardlessly, I guess it was inevadible....

Most of the time I start the conversation convinced I am correct, and I
get passionate when the other person is failing to see the obvious
objective truth that I am bringing, and then after 40 minutes of
exchanging passive aggressive tl;dr posts I start to doubt if I am indeed
correct. The guy brings up some points I can't refute. I don't know for
certain I am wrong, but I do know that I can't prove him wrong either,
and he is asking questions I can't answer.

Now if I was certain I'm wrong I'd admit it, but because I am just not
sure anymore, I continue arguing as if I was convinced I am correct,
because my anger pushes me that way. With no way to refute his
arguments I start insulting instead, and my hand goes into my pants. As
I stroke the shaft and grind my teeth I bring out the smug animu girls
and as I see anger in his own post, and some third party user calling
him a cuck, I ejaculate all over the empty pizza box on my desk, take a
breather, and go play some Paradox grand strategy, making sure to
check the thread every now and then, hoping someone will read our
conversation and agree with me.

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

>Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird.
lost

It will be soon but it won't be that interesting. AI will never be realised, because it's simply much easier to create smartelligent PID garbage that is capable of destroying humanity without ever making it truly intelligent, like algorithm-creating algorithms that are good enough for their retarded human operators to destroy humanity by logging every human face on the planet and using them in some disastrous social engineering project.

It will be the most boring fucking things imaginable, dude. It's not gonna be anything fancy. It's going to be rich people slowly getting the rights to genetically modify their offspring, creating real racial bifurcation between rich and poor within 2-3 short generations so that rich people are all tall, elfinly symmetrical, diseaseless, dopaminergenic cybrids who live for 130 years and don't visibly age until age 50. And those people will concentrate all the fucking wealth and do the most BORING IMAGINABLE SOCIAL ENGINEERING PROJECTS, like on the level of Israel neutering Ethiopian Jews. The horrific cyberdystopia is not going to be experienced by "humanity," it will be experienced by grotesque and grotesquely overpowered boring upper middle class petit bourgeois faggots, basically Ivanka Trump, owning a shrinking underclass of ruddy niggermen slaves and using them for the most boring possible things, seriously just a stasis of how rich people live now, cultureless fucking retards.

You are not going to experience Blade Runner and Tech-Com wars like in Battlefield 2142. "You" and your offspring will have lives probably comparable to today but you will be indentured servants to Ivanka 5-Trump. It's not even going to be COOL post-human feudalism, it's going to be more of this "I was born into a debt-slave family instead of one of the upper 20%, so I make coffee instead of having coffee made for me lol but it's still okay because I can also have a coffee at the end of my 7 hour shift and I get to watch algorithmically generated prole movies on my iPhone while I'm on break ;)!!" fucking garbage they have already had us plugged into since the 70s. The algorithmic culture industry is ALREADY WORKING, it doesn't need qualitative enhancement. They have ALREADY turned you into a fluoridated docile sheepman who loves to eat candy. They don't need soma because they have worthless pig slop culture and sitcoms. They don't need the brain-programming sleep speakers because you already do it fucking anyway by giving your baby an iPad playing Youtube videos AS SUGGESTED BY FUCKING ALGORITHMS for 15 hours a day anyway. They won't even need to nerve-staple you or genetically engineer us into drones because we already did it to ourselves. All they're doing to do is turn this place into even more of a playground for themselves than it already is, and we won't even notice.

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Also at the very bottom, as always, there will be a true underclass of third world slaves and the truly fucked triple-jobbers who have to drive the Ubers instead of drivig them, but you won't help them because you're an upper caste inner party slave who gets to ride in an Uber and doesn't have to drive an Uber. Just watch that Naoki documentary about that Japanese dude, A Story of Love and Hate. He works three jobs and his girlfriend is half a prostitute for bored rich men who also hate their lives. They live in a fucking cube, they work 16 hours a day, they have no time to think, and they go to workplaces where their wealthier bosses make them dance around and go "I rove my boss!" to "increase workplace morale." But it still resembles the hell we already live in. Naoki doesn't notice he's in hell, he has some dim idea of it but he thinks it's still "The World," he thinks it's still LIFE, just his has become shitty.

That's what it is about to happen. It will be completely imperceptible but it will be broadcasting on every channel of human experience and the human condition. We are all going to become Naoki from that movie, the most imperceptible possible slide into being drones who are plugged directly into capital and libidin

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