ITT: Describe your favorite book in the most shitty way possible

ITT: Describe your favorite book in the most shitty way possible.

>Prot is a big winny edgy bitch
>The villain is a guy who wants to live more, by killing people
>All the other characters have almost no importance
>Everyone acts like a teenager

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For what reason?

That describes several books in the Veeky Forums top 100

>protagonist is a criminal
>keeps whining about the court system, even though they're treating him incredibly nicely
>insists he's done nothing wrong when literally everyone knows that he has

your favorite book better not be harry potter, user


>main guy is fucking crazy
>becomes friends with this fat dumbass
>hallucinates like he's on acid or something
>everyone thinks he's a retard and he fucks up all the time


Infinite Jest

Not, but Now that I think about it, It really sounds like that doesn't it?

>protagonist is a god damn super human
>keeps whining because muh I'm a mutant
>gets cucked like 6 times
>every character is a complete asshole
>Most deaths are unnecesary and kinda confusing
>important girl is a fucking brat and a degenerate. Loves dicks and pussy

Performance Anomalies?

Could be Friday (Heinlein)

Wow I thought I was pretty damn specific.
The Witcher series you fucks.

I was going to guess the Witcher!

Never heard of 'em. This sort of thread only works if everyone's read the books :(

You know, that book sounds pretty interesting. Brb downloading the pdf

>literal retard gets the attention of the 2 hottest bitches in town and gets none because he fucks up

>Veeky Forums
>Reading books
Well too late user

The Idiot?

My fucking life?

A raging drunk goes crazy because his oneitis treats him like a beta cuck.


my diary desu


my life

>Benjy's a mentally retarded manchild.
>Caddy's a whore who's trying to see her daughter.
>Jason's a cynical fraud with a shitty job and contempt for his siblings and mother.
>Watch as J.C. tries desperately and pettily to keep his crumbling family together on the hit new sitcom...
>"The Compsons"
>*cut to Dilsey in the kitchen with a rolling pin*
>"Aw hell no! You have a deathwish, child!"
>Fridays on CBS

Don Quixote

>gay manlets only friend is autistic
>they fuck around with a bunch of depressed faggots
>thot gets rekt
>sperg fucking dies
>the end

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>dude goes on and on off topic and therefore 'seemingly' about nothing for what seems like forever.
by far and away my favorite book, anons..

> author can't even spell right for the first part of the book
> Protagonist is either a winny genius or a dumbass
>A typical love triangle
> "Muh IQ"

It's like someone wrote fanfiction of the Wikipedia page for whales.

>start out as autistic rambling about how people don't understand him
>actually has some good criticisms of modernity
>turns out he's a real life robot who does retarded shit IRL
>he blames everyone but himself


Wait are you a weeb? Death Note?


Catcher in the rye?

The Stranger

Tropic of Cancer


>A very scatter-brained man tries to write his autobiography but can't get past his fifth year in the course of six hundred pages.

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You forgot "Quentin wants to fuck his sister"


It's Brothers Karamazov

Quentin's dead, bruv. The Sitcom picks up from Easter 1928.

Well that's an obvious one. Mind you he gives plenty of love to wikipedia pages on ships too.

>Just, like, be moral man

Blood Meridian.

Man, I can't believe the producers retconned the Quentin flashbacks. What a gyp.

One Flew Over..?

Not so fast...

The first season arc is all about the mystery surrounding the family's slow demise. The two-part season finale is Caddy finally getting to have lunch with her daughter, who asks her mother whom she was named after...which beings us to season two, which will have a six-episode flashback arc with Quentin's childhood and downfall.

The Gulag Archipellago

I can't even kek at this bait


Great Gatsby

Sounds like quite a Lynchian sitcom

>some fucking autist wanders around bitching about everyone he meets
>kind of a pompous asshole as well
>his friend is too cool for this shit but is probably bored as fuck
>won't shut the fuck up about his goddamned bitch


The Idiot

The Trial

man lusts after prepubescent girl



catcher in the rye

got it, sorry for the late (You)

Has to be The Rings of Saturn.

Confederacy of dunces?

>guy with a clubfoot his girlfriend it's a bitch

>Kid comes from Christcuck family
>Thinks about philosophical nonsense
>Does some gay shit
>Gets terrified of holy retribution
>Wow it's fucking nothing


Finally someone gets it

no one?

>Protag has a dream
>Nobody like his dream
>Says "fuck society" and does it anyway
>Spends his entire fortune pursuing this dream
>Bank repocesses all of his shit
>Is now penniless
>Mooches off his dad for awhile
>Comes up with batshit crazy conspiracy theories to justify the fact he's penniless and ostracized from the rest of society.

>gotta breath some better air
>oh no now my lung is fucked
>let's think about time

The MM

>man lives in harmony
>woman ruins it


Of mice and men

Flowers for algernon

>shipping down a long river
>The Horror, the horror

The beginning of the old testament

Get the fuck out of my way and let me do as I please

>it's the hare and the tortoise but in wessex
>nothing interesting happens at all

Like Sebald, but no. Better guess than I anticipated, though.

To Kill a Mockingbird

Heart of Darkness

I need to know what this is

Got it


>Some old guy keeps trying to get handsy with a little girl
>He doesn't get she's not into it anymore

>an eclectic group of well meaning American gentlemen find themselves wandering through the deserts of Mexico occasionally incuring disagreements with the local populace due to cultural misunderstandings

The screenplay of Sicario.

Tristram Shady


A teacher cheats to help an autistic girl win a creative writing competition while a female assassin kills Jesus. The two decide to meetup to hold hands.

Industrial Society and it's future?

400 pages of complaining and misanthropy

>Fuckboy fantasizes about his lesbian friend
>everybody gets some except for him, naturally

my diary desu

>dad fucking dies
>priest fucking dies
>have a big fuck off party a few towns over
>everybody gets epilepsy, consumption or autism