Https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/27/books/review/sean-penn-bob-honey-who-just-do-stuff.html

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Sean Penn wrote a literary novel, and it's worse than you could have ever possibly imagined:
“Effervescence lived in her every cellular expression, and she had spizzerinctum to spare.”
"You are not simply a president in need of impeachment, you are a man in need of an intervention. We are not simply a people in need of an intervention, we are a nation in need of an assassin.”

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Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/wbWSHUh6IB4?t=1m5s

Emberburn
Emberburn

that's a major cringe

Flameblow
Flameblow

debut "novel"
176 pp

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Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Sean Penn is at the very top of my list of celebrities I'd like to beat up.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

who are the other ones?

cum2soon
cum2soon

Gandhi

idontknow
idontknow

Ridley Scott, Seth Rogen, Bryan Singer, and JJ Abrams round out the top five.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

His prose sounds like he posts on lit.

Firespawn
Firespawn

"You are not simply a president in need of impeachment, you are a man in need of an intervention. We are not simply a people in need of an intervention, we are a nation in need of an assassin.”
Does this novel also include a redemption arc for an alt right nationalist who trying to be saved by a teacher who survived the latest school shooting?

SniperGod
SniperGod

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

holy... I want more

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

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Lunatick
Lunatick

Still better than Joyce.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

never heard of this guy but id take a mallet to him

MPmaster
MPmaster

this reads like richard mcbeef

Soft_member
Soft_member

Ridley Scott

Leave that senile old man alone.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

/r/books hates him so that means we like him right?

eGremlin
eGremlin

No woman knows the meaning of her favorite songs. Women are idiots to begin with.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

No, fuck him, I'll never forgive him for lying about the bishop of Jerusalem in Kingdom of Heaven.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

Nice imagery here and there but some words feel way too forced.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

what did he lie about??

5mileys
5mileys

Made him out to be a generally cowardly and unsympathetic character. In real history, the bishop had a fair amount of courage and was instrumental in brokering the truce between the crusaders and Saladin. But Ridley Scott is a degenerate atheist, so of course he couldn't show that.

likme
likme

nigga it's a movie, it's meant to diverge for entertainment and artistic reasons. stop seeing snakes in every bush, it's unhealthy for your mind and happiness.

Methshot
Methshot

I'm not that poster, but I'll agree with him. Scott's own personal vendetta against the church led him to paint anyone of real religious aspect in a poor light.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

nah, you can see Scott's prejudices towards Christianity all over that film

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

I bet he smells delightful.

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eGremlin
eGremlin

Nabokov's debut novel was even shorter

Illusionz
Illusionz

Plus he had it in for the Templars.
The Templars did nothing wrong.

TreeEater
TreeEater

what the fuck is this shit. hes trying to do the postmodern thang I assume

Emberfire
Emberfire

See not tell works in books like it does in movies. The wife should have been introduced in a scene before this where her idiocy is properly expressed through her actions and words. Then you start this scene with "Every morning when Bob woke up it felt as if his ex-wife was still beside him in bed." Then you just explain the negative emotions he's feeling that he conflates with the image of his ex-wife.

What the fuck is this clunky, needlessly verbose shit. ITS BAD

Supergrass
Supergrass

We are not simply a people in need of an intervention, we are a nation in need of an assassin.”
A mildly conservative politician with crass mannerisms bothers Hollywood liberals so much that they consider assassination justified
The absolute state of normie liberals

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Lunatick
Lunatick

That's an insult to post modernism

SniperWish
SniperWish

You're just jealous that he got published before you.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

mildly conservative politician

he's a narcissist zionist neoliberal reactionary, he's the absolute opposite of a level-headed conservative

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

It's really interesting how Penn is able to garner hatred from the right and the left equally.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

he's a narcissist zionist neoliberal reactionary
Narcissist
No, people keep throwing this term around without knowing what it means
Zionist
Yes, as are most US politicians
Neoliberal reactionary
I'll take oxymorons for 200

Trump is a midly conservative New York politician who existed as a New York Democrat for years hence his *protectionistic and pro Union* stances. In no way is Trump a neo-liberal

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

He literally made God a character.

cum2soon
cum2soon

You can't discern a vendetta or prejudice from one movie. More like the original poster has a prejudice against the irreligious, than anything.

askme
askme

it's another "americans don't know the meaning of neoliberal" episode
getting really stale

Inmate
Inmate

Is there an audiobook version?

idontknow
idontknow

Let me guess, ... It's about the adventures of a handsome actor who escorts a spicy Latina reporter to meet a drug lord named El Slappo, right?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

spizzerinctum

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PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

It's a European thinks Donald Trump is pro free trade episode
I hate those episodes, like I get they don't know what they're talking about

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

it's another "europeans don't know the meaning of neoliberal" episode
really getting stale

Skullbone
Skullbone

I'll take oxymorons for 200
Who is Margaret Thatcher

SniperWish
SniperWish

I saw his post on Good Reads and the top comment was something along the lines of *autistic screetching* why are his favourite books all by men waahhh

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

Absolutely pathetic. They literally can't talk about anything other than the fact that his favourite books are by men.

This guy is retarded as well, talks about statistical bias and doesn't understand what bias is.

Definition of a cuck.

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BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Thatcherism is reactionary
Are you just using reactionary synonymously with conservative? Emberassing.
It's a britbong doesn't understand politics outside of his little island episode
Trump is nationalistic but is absolutely not in favor of free trade / minimizing unions. His entire platform is to be a right wing protectionistic response from neo-liberals policies ffs

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Emberassing
Missed an a

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

Are you just using reactionary synonymously with conservative?
Nope. She was reactionary in the context of the EU, she was an ardent nationalist who did everything to favour his country in the short term at the expense of the union.
And let's leave Trump out of this because the man just does anything he thinks will get him votes.

Firespawn
Firespawn

She was reactionary to the EU
*Conservative towards Britain as I understand it. It's hard to call someone who is essentially just a nationalistic liberal a reactionary if you read history, then again it is a somewhat subjective term. It both means far right and someone who simply favors the status quo, so the attempted coup attempt by the Soviet Congress against Yeltsin during the 1993 constitutional crisis was technically committed by communist reactionaries

Trump just does whatever he can to get votes
Yeah, no. He doesn't. Another bong ignorant of politics outside of his own country. Typical. If anything Trump intentionally avoids the path of least resistance

StonedTime
StonedTime

his country
Subtle

eGremlin
eGremlin

still not as cringey as morrisseys description of intercourse
pic related

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JunkTop
JunkTop

Why? It's so verbose just... why?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

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Illusionz
Illusionz

minimal ass-piss
ass-piss

This is up there with GRRM's beautiful line about a ship groaning like a fat constipated man trying to take a shit (or something).

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Garbage Can Lid
Garbage Can Lid

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Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

So prolix, and it's a fucking sentence fragment. Morrissey gets 1st prize in pseudery.

"Bulbous salutation" is rather a funny phrase, though.

DeathDog
DeathDog

what the fuck is with these people that everyone has to abide by their set precedent of what a "worthy" commentator is.

waddamean your book about quantam computing doesn't have several passages devoted to transgender black asians. how dare you call yourself a writer!

Nojokur
Nojokur

It's hard to call someone who is essentially just a nationalistic liberal a reactionary if you read history
A "reactionary" in the context of EU and the geopolitics of the time, as I've already said.
Yeah, no. He doesn't.
Oh yeah he does. His manoeuvers are shortermism of the worst kind. And I'm not a bong.
;)

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

A "reactionary" in the context of EU and the geopolitics of the time, as I've already said
Well then I guess Hillary Clinton would be a reactionary to communism because she is a capitalist. Right. Okay.

Oh yes he does
*Oh no he doesn't? But do go one about what you read on Vox or see on Liberal Fox News aka MSNBC/CNN

Methnerd
Methnerd

Jesus... this guy was a scenery chewing pseud his entire life. He even acted in a Malick film. I can only imagine the high-octane cringe dripping from this book.

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

A "reactionary" in the context of EU
I guess Stalin is a reactionary in the context of Marxism because he was a nationalist and favored statism.

Stop blatantly moving the goalposts holy shit, Donald Trump is not a neo-liberal and the only way to call neo-liberals reactionary is to engage is extremely obscure semantics that is inherently left leaning (as it places liberalism in a reactionary stance)

SniperGod
SniperGod

Malick
pseud
Reminder that he's a Harvard-graduating Rhodes Scholar who met with and translated Heidegger

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

Reactionary of the time
Define "the time"

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

You can't discern a vendetta or prejudice from one movie.
But you can do it from a single Veeky Forums post

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Ignoramus
Ignoramus

the otherwise central zone
tf is that

w8t4u
w8t4u

Well then I guess Hillary Clinton would be a reactionary to communism because she is a capitalist. Right. Okay.
False equivalence, unless America is going towards a communist revolution. Anyway, Tatcher had views that can be considered reactionary regardless of context.
But do go one about what you read on Vox or see on Liberal Fox News aka MSNBC/CNN
Classic trumptard. If you don't like my daddy you must be a brainwashed librul. I don't read/watch either of those, by the way.
I guess Stalin is a reactionary in the context of Marxism because he was a nationalist and favored statism
They don't call it "red fascism" for no reason.
Donald Trump is not a neo-liberal
Oh but I'm not the user that was saying that. I don't think Trump is a neoliberal. I don't think the man can be really classified, he just goes with the flow and does whatever.
call neo-liberals reactionary is to engage is extremely obscure semantics that is inherently left leaning
Again: Margaret Tatcher. Learn to differentiate between the ideology in theory (or worse, how you imagine the ideology to be in theory) and how it is actually applied.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

probably the cunt

Emberburn
Emberburn

The left hates him for El Chapo, and the right hates him because he’s a Hollywood liberal. Am I correct in this?

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

Anyone involved in philosophy is a pseud.

RumChicken
RumChicken

I like this bit.

She begins to writhe, cackle, and cough out her laughter uncontrollably. Her eyes watering, she nearly poos. Bob spies what might be a dime-sized and expanding moisture blossom from her rear-end-center, signifying perhaps some minimal ass-piss.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

I just looked this up. He started graduate study at Oxford but left before getting his degree, then started teaching philosophy at MIT. How the fuck was he teaching philosophy at MIT with just a bachelor's degree?

Booteefool
Booteefool

implying prestigious colleges have any academic worth

girlDog
girlDog

False equivalence, unless America is going towards a communist revolution.
According to communism yes since communism is the logic conclusion to capitalism. Therefore Hillary is a reactionary neo-liberal.
Thatcher had views that are considered.reactionary.
How do I put this. "No" just "No" a female leader of a democratic nation is not a reactionary.

Trumptard
Trump is a liberal protectionist and I'm not a fan you absolute child. This is what happens when youngfags post here , fucking hell

They don't call it red fascism for nothing
Marxist Leninist is red fas is according to edgy anarchists alone. So it's a /leftypol/ episode. Sad!
I'm not the person who called him a neo-liberal reactionary

Umm...
This is where the comment chain begins. It's how the conversation started and you're defenending the same definition that the original poster was talking about.

Then you go on to repeat *the same sentiment*

Can deluded newfags stop posting on Veeky Forums? Like please?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

t. cincinnati state community college dropout

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

implying i'd ever waste money on the education i could easily achieve with a library card

Methnerd
Methnerd

It's not that bad, guys.

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SniperGod
SniperGod

That bit about the cherries is tough reading.

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

Are you kidding? “Prometheus” was all about the protagonist finding faith in god again with her little cross pendant and blah blah blah

TreeEater
TreeEater

Is that really in it

Firespawn
Firespawn

Bob fumes at his fellow Americans for not embracing the unnamed female candidate: “Too shrill? Too hawkish? Isn’t it true that you never wanted qualifications? … Was she the worst possible candidate or are you the most arrogant, ill and unqualified electorate in the history of the Western world?”

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StonedTime
StonedTime

Huh, guess Veeky Forums isn't that different from /tv/
lmao at both of you

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

this is the funniest thing ever, how is moz so based

eGremlin
eGremlin

what tf is the book even about?also, a poem mentioning louis ck? kek

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

This is the sound of a man who has not been told "no" in a long time.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

It's some dystopian pile of shit, it's like American Psycho I guess.

whereismyname
whereismyname

The left hates him for El Chapo
is this from your own perception?

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

why would leftists hate him for el chapo? he helped getting him caught, right?

hairygrape
hairygrape

Anyone feel like analysing the finale poem? 1/3

What would be a nightmare?
What would be a dream?
One thousand golden churches?
Melted wings of clotted cream?
Communes of corruption,
in no mood for nuanced things
just tit for tat instructions
as the pompous pendulum swings.
Cyber wars a-wagin’
by hands that seem so clean
while Yemen’s children die
in a terror best unseen.
In aggregate atmospherics
our country dance boots
burst its spleen.
Fussy fated fusion fists
at the tip of a laser beam.
From Jupiter it must look so small
the petty pustule bickering of it all—
in war between women and men
un-adhering to nature’s call.
At the Mandalay in Vegas,
so much terror death and shock
little men made big
by legal bump fire stock.
Sexual misdoings awakening a rage
Net-pix recasts readers,
hiding its cabal
with the “slick Ted” turn of a page.
Though warrior women
bravely walk the walk,
derivatives of disproportion
draw heinous hypocrites
to their flock.
A child’s question comes on Sunday
“What if Monday died?
Would there be only six days a week to live?
And if Monday can die,
so can the rest of days
and I.”
Puerto Ricans catching hand towels,
but they have no home nor light
So let’s all just be loving
no need to scream and fight.
Fat men tell fat lies
while G-men sift their treasures
this season of treason’s triumph
under Moscow’s active measures.
There are no men nor women
only movements own the day
until movements morph to mayhem
and militaries chip away
whether North Korean missiles
or marching Tehran’s way.
Where did all the laughs go?
Are you out there, Louis C.K.?

Techpill
Techpill

2/3

Once crucial conversations
kept us on our toes;
was it really in our interest
to trample Charlie Rose?
And what’s with this “Me Too”?
This infantilizing term of the day...
Is this a toddlers’ crusade?
Reducing rape, slut-shaming, and suffrage to reckless child’s play?
A platform for accusation impunity?
Due process has lost its sheen?
But, fuck it, what me worry?
I’m a hero,
to Time magazine!
Mandatory service
might humble a man, woman, or three
but it all adds up to a scratch
when “we” is never we.
They’ll do all that they can
to scare, play and distract you,
keep you up all night
with news of nothing but a who’s-who.
Some seize on scientology,
padlock wives inside a cupboard
So when is it time to say,
“We all knew about Ron Hubbard!”
And while we feuded, failed, and fought,
we watched Sagan’s precious dot
turned tawdry on its axis
raising humanity’s mortal taxes.
Net neutrality no more,
have we all become the big man’s whore?
So rattled, addled and saddled
our entitlement is recklessly embattled.
Hawaiians felt the drill
while denial had thirty-eight minutes to kill,
but the mainland’s recognition?
Too exhausted, so quickly left nil.
And Bob? Well, he’s been resting
hours have gone by
here’s what we must see
when survival tells no lies.
Night has fallen over the retirement home.
The elderly sleep in their beds.
The Buick door creeps open,
amber security lights overhead.
Step by step he approaches,
a killer disguising his dread.
When he crosses foyer to counter
the blonde, face down,
resting her head.
“Excuse me, miss,” whispers Spurley.
“I’m looking for a Bob?” he said.
The girl’s velvet voice gently answers,
“A man named Bob is doing his job... in bed.”

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Puerto Ricans catching hand towels,
the retarded gesture trump did in puerto rico kek

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

3/3

But underneath the counter unseen
had the voice really come
thrown so clean
from Annie, completely bald and in underwear
and body so supple and lean.
And the girl seen resting her head?
Gosh, she suddenly looks big
over there.
Her tight shirt of institution
around shoulders bursting
its microthreads bare.
Then suddenly lurching like lightning
charges that blonde-haired body so big
Oh, boy— Oh, boy— Oh, boy—
That blonde girl is Bob in a wig!
Spurley sped for cover
in shield of tendril-rooted teasel
but Bob wields his wild mallet
POPPITY POP!!... will drop the weasel.
Spurley concusses like a canvas
its skin splayed from its easel
drops a load in his dewy drawers
spreading a sewery stench of diesel.
No humanity of hows
nor witness to whys
He coughs up his gas bloating guts
bends over desk
and dies.
Cascades of curdling blood
pour past Annie’s eyes.
Though she now screams in horror,
so finally complicit is she,
Sounds a bit like us, don’t it?
In love and killing...
completely complicit
are we!
And Bob Honey?
A being.
Unbranded,
unbridled,
and free.

Flameblow
Flameblow

youtu.be/wbWSHUh6IB4?t=1m5s

WebTool
WebTool

might humble a man, woman, or three
???

DeathDog
DeathDog

have we all become the big man’s whore?
This is the foundation of Murica.

eGremlin
eGremlin

This is written like an elaborate Veeky Forums shitpost

JunkTop
JunkTop

The left hates him because of his derision toward the #metoo movement

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

it's okay when pynchon does it
Go neck yourselves

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

wut?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

not posting the true literary celebrity.

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Skullbone
Skullbone

It is though

RumChicken
RumChicken

horny levels

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Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

The worst part about this novel is that it reads as though Penn wrote it over a stupidly long period, in really short bursts, and with different emotions in his head at the time. It goes from pointless, detailed descriptions to seething anger too readily.

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Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

He'd done some graduate work. You could get away with a lot more in academia forty, fifty years ago. Michael Silverblatt was teaching at Johns Hopkins with even lesser qualifications. Everything is so oversaturated now

askme
askme

This NYT review is way too generous 2bh. You can tell they are tip toeing around his delicate sensibilities, probably because of the reviewer's political sympathies. Based on these excerpts the novel should have been eviscerated. Instead Penn's getting understanding headshakes. I call bullshit

askme
askme

Tieing Madonna to a chair and beating the shit out of her with a baseball bat is literally the only good thing Sean Penn has ever done

hairygrape
hairygrape

Johnny Depp has written a few forwards to novels that are cringely goddamn hilarious. It really is somebody with a 6th grader's ability trying to sound like a profound hunter s. thompson.

Techpill
Techpill

forwards
why are Americans so fucking dumb?

TreeEater
TreeEater

it went like that? I can understand the feeling, women are cunts kek

Snarelure
Snarelure

Neil Gayman is like that as well. He basically copy-pasted the Wikipedia article on Douglas Adams for the Hitchhiker's Guide introduction.

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

He's had it too good for too long.

Illusionz
Illusionz

Ples stop, you're not and never will be good william hunting

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

Spoken like a man who rapes. I won't be surprised when his outing comes

Spamalot
Spamalot

If I could get my hands on you, I would throttle you. I'm not kidding. You would be in the hospital. I wouldn't hesitate. You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

Thompson really did leave a bunch of idiots in his wake.

w8t4u
w8t4u

mystic river is a pretty good movie

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

I think this is a pretty good case study in how having a good command of language doesn't mean you're smart, or have anything interesting to say.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

yea, what tf is he even talking about kek

MPmaster
MPmaster

You want to kill me 'cause my bj was subpar, Bob! Queu up, bitch! And luckily you have a VIP pass!
???

hairygrape
hairygrape

This is the crux of the whole matter

Flameblow
Flameblow

“Effervescence lived in her every cellular expression, and she had spizzerinctum to spare.”
"You are not simply a president in need of impeachment, you are a man in need of an intervention. We are not simply a people in need of an intervention, we are a nation in need of an assassin.”
is Sean Penn John Green's ghost writer?

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

So... there’s no way this went through the editing process, right?

Lunatick
Lunatick

Ouch

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SomethingNew
SomethingNew

This kind of writing of Depp and Penn's comes from Tom Robbins. And Tom Robbins comes from Pynchon. And Pynchon comes from Nabokov. Food for thought.

Bidwell
Bidwell

This. Don't support a bankrupt tradition if you're just gonna whine about where it takes you.

happy_sad
happy_sad

Shit use of thesaurus t. thread/

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

Nabokov and Pynchon were good writers though. What does supporting that tradition of writing have to do with Penn and Depp being shit? Also people aren't really whining they're laughing.

likme
likme

the left is pro-crime

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

It's whining masked in laughing as they adhere to their literary man LARP persona.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

what the fuck is his problem lads? holy fuck.

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

creativity comes from necessity. the only thing approaching 'necessity' im getting from any of these quotes is sean's normie-lib tier weltschmerz and dunning-kruger effect.

and remember, this man slept with amber heard while u spanked it to 2D waifus

TechHater
TechHater

This guy was so preoccupied with whether or not he could, he didn't stop to think if he should.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

I know someone who's friends with Sean Penn. He has an IQ of 153.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

It's OK When Pynchon Does It: The Thread

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

Bugs...

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

You need to self-murder sans irony, lad. Pynchon isn't masturbating on a page, no matter how much you believe he is. Penn doesn't say anything cohesive, no matter how much you believe he does.

girlDog
girlDog

Best post.

viagrandad
viagrandad

Neither does Pynchon, lad.

w8t4u
w8t4u

cmon dude crying of lot 49 is both readable and more-or-less cohesive in theme

Methshot
Methshot

He has an IQ of 153
you have to be smart to be this dumb

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

that epilogue poem
This boi bout to get #metoo'd real bad. He's trying to do some damage control with this book. I'm willing to bet it's bad on purpose to make the mockery of the book bigger than any kind of allegation and make Penn a lovable buffoon.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

I don't know what to tell you. His IQ is well known by people in his circle. I've met the man a few times and you can tell there's a lot going on behind the eyes. Like all truly smart people he does more listening than talking. But when he does make a remark it's always a combination of witty and perceptive.

RumChicken
RumChicken

Go to bed Sean you pseud hack.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

He has a genius level IQ and he's published, so he wouldn't come near this place. I'm just a humble acquaintance/admirer.

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

fucking /pol/ ruins yet another board

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Holy shit, it's like something out of a high-school writing class.

hairygrape
hairygrape

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE THIS IS ACTUALLY FROM THE BOOK

MY FUCKING SIDES HAVE LEFT THE SOLAR SYSTEM

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Methnerd
Methnerd

didn't sean penn once clib the outside of a hotel to find madonnas room and then tie her to a chair and torture her for the whole night?

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

seems alright

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

it was his house, his rules

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

Sean pls

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