Well, Veeky Forums?

Well, Veeky Forums?

It seems that my dick will live another day.

I'm not losing my dick.

This perfectly encapsulates how to really control men. You put their dicks on the table, as it were. Or on the tracks, in this case.

I have a megalomaniacal power fantasy where I happen upon an alien power that gives me all the superpowers: levitation, teleportation, force fields, etc. I use the power to threaten every organized criminal group on earth with their own dicks in succession, and make an example of some of the biggest fish: your club, or your dick. Choose. Once they start getting the idea, they'll fall into line.

Then we promptly liberate North Korea and put down Islam and Israel in a similar wise. Everyone's dicks on the table. The world will be free of nuclear weapons and large portions of its conventional inventory within a year. And I'll have a bowl of dicks in Bir Tawil, where I sleep at night-when I'm not at my desk on top of the Kaaba.

So goes the fantasy.

I pull the level
The mass life debt owed to me is my new genital and shall sustain me

what

You never read Steelheart did you?
Power corrupts, absolute power corrupted absolutely.

What about Cincinnatus?

A. Not you
B. Didn't have all of these magic super powers

Christians will sacrifice themselves.

Atheists (because they don't believe in God, morals and consequences) will let the tram kill other people to save his own selfish desires.

I would close my eyes and get ready for the pain.

Something something multi-track drifting.

You're a christian anyway so you have no need for one.

What if it was a hand or eye, something with a spare?

Fuck off with that cuck shit.

what original position is the lever even on?

...

Thirty five people died that day.

Well then you can be the first to get yourself castrated by train voluntarily.

I will ejaculate, my dick will become viscous and I'll get out my dick off of the track and I'll save the other people.

what's stopping me from lifting my dick off the tracks, then pulling the switch.

>your dick is stuck in the track

Did Cincinnatus chop the dicks off of Rome's invaders with mind powers?

My dick is as hard as diamonds so I have nothing to fear from this trolley.

>I will ejaculate, my dick will become viscous
>Viscous: having a thick, sticky consistency between solid and liquid; having a high viscosity

Bro are you Winnie The Poo? Cause you got a sticky dick.

Tips stetson

Dick Note

I'd pull the lever, though it doesn't matter anyway because of how fucking close the trolley is to the intersection

Best response, honestly.

Well I can always replace all those people that have died saving my dick, with my dick.

It's not like I was going to be using it anyway.

You sound like a dick

Let it go over my dick.

You'd have be some sort of psychopath to let 70 people die just to save yourself.

Oh wait, I forgot I'm on Veeky Forums, a marxist atheist humanist board. People here don't believe in doing the right thing.

>doing the right thing.
spook detected

Shitty meme that isn't funny.

Yes, we get it, you're very altruistic for posting on an anonymous imageboard that you would sacrifice your cock to save 70 people. Here's your medal. Sorry, I forgot the gold star sticker, I'll bring it next time.

but christians don't need to circumcise themselves, remember?

Jump on the tracks.
I'd rather die than kill 70 people or live on without my dick.

Depends on the 70 people.

>throwing away self-preservation, the most fundamental instinct of living beings, as well as throwing away the ability and desire to produce offspring, perhaps the second most fundamental instinct of living beings
lol leave it there
looks like natural selection will take care of you anyway

This, desu.

Damn I thought was a cunt before reading your post. Have fun taking care of an organ you'll never use, bb. Remember to keep that sperm count up

Do Christians have genitals?

>an organ you'll never use, bb
'au contraire' says yer mum lmao

...

Save myself

Let the trolley roll. Save my dick. Does this sound like a selfish act to you? After careful consideration I've come to the conclusion that this is the most "moral" decision I could make. Realistically, the train should roll to a stop after attempting to plow through the first five, allowing them to sacrifice their lives for the remaining men. Now did I kill these five? I sure did. However I've done much more than kill them. I've willingly sacrificed my moral high ground to give these five young men a chance to save the rest and exercise their own morality. I've created five heroes in exchange for one villian. Sure the survivors will hate me; they'll despise me with ever fibre of their being. Even God will look down on me with rage. That in itself is what makes this particular decision the least selfish. I have sold my soul to the devil to grant the five saviors entry into heaven. Surely I am a moral man.

>implying you'll ever have sex

How do you get your dick stuck on a track

Let them die, I'm not either castrating or killing myself for the sake of other people. Altruism has limits.

The dick and the balls are sacred

How do you get in the trolley situation in the first place

What if I ejaculate with enough force to stop the trolley? I mean one of my hands is free and that's a fucking huge dick.

I don't whether to laugh or applaud.

Who the fuck let you near the rail controls

What a pefect description of paganism.

The guy who did that should be axed t b h
Look at what the fuck we're doing now

lol

Good night Christ's soldier, dream pious dreams and may the angels watch over you.

It's a moot point because you don't have balls in the first place.

The pain will last for a moment and then slowly disappear within a week.
You will live for many years remembering this experience of sanctity. You will learn to live a chaste life, improve yourself as a human being and stop fapping to anything that exists. This will end up making you more of a man than you would be if you kept your dick with you (you never uses it, anyways).

Those people will certainly reward you and you can also do whatever imoral acts you want for the rest of your life, everyone will forgive you.

This experience was actually a miracle, a gift from God to you.

Thanks, bro, but I would not sacrifice my dick.

Fuck 'em no train is taking my dick.

the trolly problem really is a shitty meme

But Nork dicks are really small, how do you know they would mind losing it?

This desu. At the same time, immediately upon pulling the lever I'd be repeating the sentence "what the fuck did I just do" like a fucking tape recorder until the trolley actually hit.

Good thing this kind of thing will never happen to me, r-right?

It's a shame, since it's a decent, if very simple, thought experiment.

Not giving up my dick for random strangers. They can die.

Also remember that Jesus (God) gave his own life to save people who hate Him.

>>implying jesus isn't a pile of dust somewhere in palestine.

lol

Yeah but he was brought back to life so it's a pretty hollow sacrifice don't you think?

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Master Psalmist Jesus Christ quoting Psalm 22 for all his homies

He was the psalm 22 himself.

Third revelation in the qur'an:
"Your God has not abandoned you, nor is he upset with you."

>pull lever
>gain international recognition for my heroism
>receive millions in donations for a new surgically constructed penis
>write shitty book about my experience and the real hero that's inside us all.
>#1 best-seller
>use my fortune to craft myself a new 9 inch rotating adamantium dick with vibration controls and 4G connectivity.
>spend remainder of my life fighting crime and interviewing thousands of women begging to join my harem

this desu senpai

The qur'an calls Devil "God".

Explain.

...

underrated

Oh, fuck, you got me there

>Morality® is a product of Christianity©

Nice try.

Nothing, because abstaining from action in such situation is the moral choice.

If you pull the lever, you will kill numerous living cells or even sperms (which are just half-humans btw) and parasites that live in your gonads. However, if you do nothing, you won't be responsible for killing these men, as your actions did not directly set the trolley on its course.

t. moralist

That looks rather painful

holy shit

brilliance- the post

Here's another one

You're prisoner A

That depends, what's the prison like? I could handle three months to year of quiet reflection if I wasn't being raped, beaten up, or intimidated. Otherwise if I could just lift weights, study theology and classical Greek then I'd be fine for that amount of time

Either way I do not know if I could snitch on somebody like that, I'd rather take the fall and not feel guilty the rest if my life; or fear that someone would want to get back at me. Hell, if we're close Bros he'd owe me for the rest of my life. But I really don't want to be raped or abused, just left alone

Kek

Yes, but he can just put his own dick on the line

You'd have to be some sort of religious lobotomite to give up your dick for a bunch of nobodies.
>right thing
lmao.

Now to put the theory into practice

But i already have children

...

why not just pull the lever halfway and derail the trolley

...

Nigga is this even a question? They're dead.

Your a big guy

but in the end you would still be a dickless twat with a robot dick

That's r*tarded.

>sperm are human beings
is this the next stage of the pro-life movement?