Which side of the English Civil War are you on?

Can anyone really support those play-banning Puritans after reading Eikon Basilike?

I'll give it a go considering I've been studying and have just done an exam on it..
>James I & VI has two kids
>Parliament has power over taxes and providing money for war and shit, but King be King
>Be 1612, Henry, heir to the throne dies. Charles made heir
>Charles be some speccy cunt not prepared to rule
>1612 also, last ever heretics to be burnt at stake in Britain
>1625, James dies of being over 50 in the C17th
>James' gay lover Buckingham and Charles do some stupid shit like attacking Spain and stuff, because Spain blew Charles off when he wanted to get some of that Latino pussy and he got stuck with some French slut instead
>La Rochelle
>War with France in 1627
>Buckingham dies, Charles is very upset but Parliament has parties throughout London cus Buckingham a shit leader
>1628, Parliament complains about muh taxes, muh billeting
>1629, Charles dissolves Parliament and doesn't call again for ages
>Charles finances personal rule with really unpopular methods like ship money and monopolies and muh taxes
>Charles' good buddy Laud sends this hot new mixtape (prayer book) to Scotland
>Scotland decides they hate Laud's grime and riot like shit
>Scotland forms a Covenant and wars at Charles
>Charles can't afford war, so calles Parliament in 1640
>Charles can't handle Pym (the leading MP)'s banter so dissolves Parliament after 3 weeks
>Charles still needs money so he calls Parliament again
>Parliament start getting real cheeky with king, passing the Triennial act in 1641, abolishing the Court of the Star Chamber
>November 1641, MPs go to full cheeky stage, sign the Grand Remonstrance which is basically the group chat complaining about Charles then showing him the complaints
>Charles takes none of this shit and breaks into Commons with a fuck tonne of soldiers to arrest 5 MPs
>Charles sucks at sneaking missions
>Your target got away
>Riots in London cus Charles overstepped the mark
>Charles goes North and raises his banner
>First Civil War begins in 1642

Underage confirmed, The Stuarts and this period is for A levels

>Not mentioning the end of English involvement in Thirty Year's war at the beginning of Personal rule

cool meme kid

>Underage confirmed
last year of A levels is 17-18, I was born early in the school year.
You're also not accounting for the fact that I'm a retard who's sitting in the year below him, I studied AS and A2 in one year this year because I was a retard for the past two years of my life.

In addition, if you want a greentext of actual Civil War

>Parliament passes Nineteen Propositions in 1942, effectively becoming Sovereign power
>Charles raises standard in August
>Key battles between 1642 include Edgehill, Marston Moor, Naseby
>Parliament agree to Solemn League and Covenant with Parliament, giving them 20,000+ men in 1642 in return for the promise of instating Presbyterian State religion after war
>After Edgehill, Charles had a reasonably open path to go to London, but instead of listening to Prince Rupert on this he listens to his retarded Generals who compliment his prestige in telling him to now open peace negotiations
>Three weeks of deliberating means that when they do go South, London is re-defended
>Marston Moor in 1644 was another big blow to the Royalist power in Northern England
>Naseby in 1645 had the benefit for Parliament of the New Model Army with better training and discipline, although it's abit of a meme to call it conclusive and deciding as the war was pretty much done by then, still a conclusive defeat
>Surrender in 1646, but with four main groups vying for control

cont.?

Fair does laddie

Cont., I know the basics of the Wars, but this is looking to be a pretty good greentext

Used to be an underage but i never posted back then

I'm on the "move to Amsterdam until it's over" side.

the 'dude fuck the irish, lmao' side

Cromwell is a piece of shit, but he wouldn't have made it to power had Fairfax not died. Milton 4lyfe.

No gods, no kings, no slaves.

Why is the American Civil War so much cooler?

Roundheads all day erry day.
>reminder that Cromwell literally told people to stop celebrating Christmas so they could work more

Alright, no problemo, i'll try and do up to the last year of an English Republic because it becomes a fucking messy clusterfuck of infighting factions

>1646, four main groups now exist:
>Scots, who want their promises upheld and were disappointed Parliament weren't doing it
>Army who were still under Parliament authority but wouldn't disperse until paid for war and given a pardon for war activities
>Independents who were a minority in Parliament but growing to represent resistant religious sects
>Presbyterians, eager to see their religion imposed on the State Church and army disbanded
>Charles intends to play these groups off to get the best deal, Parliament and Army ones both force him to give up his authority but the Scots offer to restore him to pre-1642 position if their religion is imposed on State Church
>Charles accepts, begin Second Civil War 1648 which is easily crushed (stupid cunt)
>At this time, Army radicalism grows as described above- when Parliament attempts to exclude Independent MPs representing them from Long Parliament, New Model Army marches back to reinstate them
>Solider's representatives (agitators) put forward a document demanding radical ideas inspired by Levellers, Putney debates are these dudes vs army Grandees (higher-ups)
>See: Cromwell crushing Levellers in 1649 to show strength of Commonwealth to traditional governing classes (also look them up, cba to explain the entire movement, basically a bunch of buttblasted middle classes)
>1649: Trial and execution of the King, Rump Parliament created only from members who voted for the execution
>Literally a third Civil war in Ireland (1649-50) and Scotland (50-52), the first of which people bitch about Cromwell for being "harsh" for killing civilians whilst they refused the offer to surrender and be treated peacefully
>Furthermore, Cromwell's orders specifically mentioned to spare none of those in arms, as they could be a risk so literally not his fault

1/2

>Control of sea around Ireland and New Model Army training means the stupid tramps in Ireland are finally put down
>Scotland: Charles II comes back to carry on the agreement with the Scots that Charles I had, literally destroyed again
>1653: Rump is forcibly dissolved by Cromwell, as it was never intended to be a permanent body and they were putting forward a bill to have the same members be perpetuated into the next body, amongst other continuation methods
>Rump was actually bretty decent at raising funds and shit, as most members were merchants, but still no law reforms passed to "benefit the people" or continue whatever shit the Parliamentarians preached as being the reason to defeat Charles, and body was also made up of lawyers who would lose from them
>This forcible dissolution would come to haunt / cause downfall of Republic in future
>After this, he makes this stupid thing called the Nominated Assembly, made up of those of "approved integrity" who "feared god", which would apparently lead to integrity, majority of Civilians
>Seems to forget the growth of sects like the clever wankstain he is, so the minority of members from the extreme ones aggressively overshadow the rest of the proceedings, leading to moderates in a special session without them dissolving it
>Little action taken, but proposed progressive reforms such as humane treatment of the insane, Cromwell already aware of alternate constitution being drawn up even before it ended
>Makes this big meme called "The Protectorate" (1654-1655), which was based on the Instrument of Government which never gained civilian backing and was still imposed by the army, so literally Personal Rule in different "just" clothing desu, had free elections
>These free elections didn't return a submissive house, blokes called Commonwealthsmen who called the dissolution of the Rump unlawful attacked pretty much the whole setup
>Cromwell sick of this and dissolved it in five months

2/2, comment cont.

It happened over 200 years later, so the tech was better, which made for more interesting battles.

After this, you see the direct military rule of the Major Generals system, which were each given a bunch of counties to rule over, with a bunch of no-fun god-faring rules. Deeply unpopular as they weren't even from the location and the rules themselves. After that ends in 1657, Second Protectorate comes back but with 100 extra members who were excluded from the first, who were the extreme ones. Main issue here is shit got real delicate and he died during it, leaving literally his son who had no experience to be the next Protector, who got cucked by army demands to recall Rump, and from then on in army factions split between hardcore Rump republic and bringing back Charles II for the sake of stability.

I was born in a Loyalist stronghold, I'm happy to maintain that lineage

The right side

Cavaliers lad

Charles the first was practically retarded. Really one of the worst statesmen of all time. But the rebels weren't exactly that amazing either...

Ruling England really fucked the Stewarts up on a genetic level

James Stewart to James V, all fairly respectable Scottish Kings apart from maybe James III. Spoke Gaelic, partied with commoners, patronised the arts, kept the royal coffers filled, honored the Church but used it to the realm's advantage, all temporally and spiritually successful.

Then as soon as James VI moved his court to London, he turns into an elitist Anglophile snob who nearly bankrupted the kingdom with his lavish spending and had too much gay sex to keep track of.

Charles I, James II, Charles Edward Stuart, Henry Benedict Stuart, they were all awful

based Charles II is the only exception

The side that didn't ban Christmas for a hundred years.

Though I sympathize with the Irish during Cromwell's invasion, I'm going to have to go with the Roundheads.

>We had to get the shitty O'Neill at our greatest opportunity.

Levellers

fine ass hats every day of the week forever, thanks

Royalists of course, rebelling against your God-given king is immoral and there is just no excuse for it.

Commie
Bootlicker
The Lord our God is the only true king. Parliament will give us the freedom to walk the path of righteousness, Charles only offers tyranny and damnation.

>Levellers
>communist
You're thinking of the Diggers dumbass, Levellers were classical liberals if anything m8

youtube.com/watch?v=kG8QAjfgNQQ

Levellers best movement and best band