After some hours, we took a walk to the nearby park (containing a large ravine, meandering trails, and a lot of foliage--including tall trees and shrubs).
We sat on a slope together, gazing out at the forest...as I began to roll a blunt. I became disinterested in the weed, as the obscene beauty of existence pulled me into it. At this moment I had no thoughts, no sense of self...I learned what 'being' meant. I felt as though the five main senses (hearing, sight, smell, etc) became less important, and that I was able to sense everything together with innumerable 'sense-receptors' not previously tapped into. Rays of sun fell down on me, and I knew peace...to be.
Shortly after, my SO and I sat close to one-another on the slope, and pulled one-another in. We sat and gazed for moments, until an inexplainable moment happened. Not sure how to explain this, but reality seemed to shift...as though the universe had been shaken. He and I looked at one-another, asking (in sync), "Did you feel that?"
We began to panic, unsure what was going on. We kept asking aloud, though not really /to/ one-another, "What is happening???!? What is this!?!?!" "...is this it!???? No way..." "Are we...are we dead?" (this one in sync, again).
We ran up the slope to get out of the park and back to 'reality'/life (to our home), but stopped, panic-stricken. We held one-another and said, "I don't know what to do...I can't believe we died at the same time...I can't believe...wait, is the world ours now?!?! THis is what we've always wanted!"
We thought everyone else in the world had disappeared, and that we were free to do anything our minds could think of. This is when things got really weird.
I kept thinking I had to let him go, and that our bodies and the physical world otherwise would soon diminish into...the next lair of existence? Didn't really know...really wanted to find out.
He was in awe at all of the possibilities running through his mind, and eventually he got to thinking he could fly. He refused to answer my questions in anything but jibberish, while laughing at my panicked attitude. Then he decided to jump down the slope.
ctd...
Robert Parker
I couldn't believe wtf was happening...I thought at that point he (and everything around me) was just a figment of my imagination...my old 'self' trying to hang onto the memory of what I knew to be existence.
I ran after him, to see if he was hurt, and to figure out if he was real or not.
He said he was 'just fine' when I reached him, and that he didn't expect it to go that way--he was confused that he didn't fly, so he tried it again.
He looked like a rag doll...and I was so fucking scared.
He ended up with a few bumps on his head, and his whole self covered in dusty dirt.
I tried to pull him back home to get him showered, though he was being difficult. He kept refusing to answer my questions, and I was still unsure whether or not he was real.
When we got back home, we were both unsure whether or not we were dead--and we both assumed we probably were.
Things got really awkward between us, as we wanted things to go back to the way they had been, but found difficulty in believing they could. It felt as though we had to say goodbye, but neither of us wanted to. We were freaking out.
He kept pulling me into him, and along with him (into the shower, and into bed), but I was unsure still whether he was real or not. He was still refusing to answer my questions, and nothing he was saying was making sense.
Adrian Scott
I ended up getting dressed and leaving the house, to interact with other people and check to see whether I was really dead.
I went down to the store to buy something (the only way I thought I could get to interacting with others), and along the way I acted a fool...
There was a man standing at a bus stop, staring at his smartphone. (So you know, I hate smartphones, and mindless existence, and have considered doing just what I did many times before.) I thought to myself, "Here's the perfect opportunity to test whether or not I'm dead. I want to smack that phone right out of his hand." So as I walked by him, I attempted to grab his phone. He refused it, and got angry with me (understandably so), to which I responded with, "What?? Smartphones are so stupid! What are you doing with your life?!" Then laughed and kept walking. A couple blocks later, I thought to try eating to see if I could.
I saw a man in a car, attempting to make a left-turn onto a busy street. He was chowing down on a burger he had just picked up from McDonald's drive thru. I thought to myself, "I want to take a bite of that guy's burger, just to see if I can." So I knocked on his window to get his attention, then attempted to open the door. He looked angry and confused (again, understandable), so I motioned to him what my aim was there (I pointed at his burger, then my mouth, then down at the handle, and attempted to open the door once more), to which he responded, "No..." --his jaw dropped, and burger resting on its ledge.
Josiah Jackson
>>>/420chan/
Alexander Torres
Eventually I came back home, 'to figure out how to be a person, alone in this new realm.'
My SO was waiting there for me, happy to see me. I was thankful to see him, as I just wanted to go back to the way life had been. It took a while to accept my new reality, but I did gain something from this...
It's difficult to put to words, but I think my ego-self has been left-behind. I no longer wish to question myself...and I'm having difficulty identifying myself separate from my body... I dig it, and I hope it lasts.
I really don't think yesterday's memory will fade...still disturbed as fuck.
Anyone else experienced this? I have read a few things about 'Ego Death' online, and that's the closest thing I can relate this experience to...
Also, not sure if this belongs here, or
Samuel Lopez
>sociopathy increases
Jack Howard
I enjoyed this read, thanks OP
Juan Morgan
Alright so I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics and educated in phenomenological terminology and what you experienced was not ego-death. Basically, you were just tripping really hard and you were confused, which is normal.
Ego death is going to be a sensation where you are not sure what "yourself" is. You're receiving sensory information, but it's difficult to separate what you are from your physical surroundings and everything else that exists. You can have a nagging feeling that causes you to search for a "self", which is probably the foundation of human consciousness, or you could sort of exist in a state of not being aware that you're anything in particular, which is obviously difficult to describe with something as limited and abstract as language.
Mescaline, LSD, DMT, psilocybin and MDA are the only things I would recommend experimenting with, and at low dosages until you're aware of your preferences.
I'm not discounting the impact your trip had on your life, it sounds like it was a little bit strong and your life probably won't ever be the same, for the better. Just letting you know what the sensation of ego death is. You can't achieve ego death and be aware of yourself(You can be aware of your body as an object without attaching a sense of self to it, though).
I don't recommend tripping with your SO unless you're taking small amounts just to roll on. Pretty much rolling the dice on ending the relationship every time you do that.
Jordan Sullivan
interesting read OP; you should check out a channel on YT called "psyched substance", he's done a video on ego death.
Ethan Sanchez
I had to make sure this wasn't Erowid Copypasta.
Thank God I never acted as retarded as you when I tripped.
Seriously, smacking phones out of other people's hands... thinking you're dead... did you have no idea what you were doing?
Brandon Stewart
What the fuck.
Dylan Harris
Oh, I'm , and just to give an example of ego-death sensations, I'll describe some of my thoughts as I was forming a sense of self again, about 3-4 hours after taking a decent amount of LSD and 1-2 hours after taking some MDA, taking both simultaneously.
Setting: I walked up a steep hill from a festival I was at in west montana, up to the top(taking about fifteen minutes). This is by Lolo, in the middle of nowhere, behind this hill is wilderness for a hundred miles. I was lying on a very large granite rock embedded near the top of the hill, surrounded by pine trees.
My thoughts at the time were centered around concepts such as the dirt between the cracks of the boulders was mostly dead stuff, and the plants and animals were made out of this dead stuff as well as the surrounding air and water, and that this is cycle must have been repeating for a long time. I was very aware of the effects of geological activity and erosion on the physical environment. I was very aware of how plants and animals reorganized materials and reproduced. But if I were to look at an ant, or a tree, or feel the wind, I would not know what I am, or that there necessarily is an "I". Basically, I was missing any reason to think there is a "self" or to combine my sensory information to find out that I am the human sitting on the rock. I was simply aware of the human's relationship with it's surroundings, as well as the trees and the rocks and the air and the ants and everything I could sense or pull into thought. Defining a "me" within this information simply does not occur.
After a while there is this weird sense of finding a "me" from this information. I was actually looking at various objects and using what I knew about them and could sense to determine whether or not they were me or something else. I eventually narrowed down and concluded that I was the human, because I was thinking abstractly, and I knew that humans think abstractly.
Levi Green
Thinking you're dead is not that uncommon when you take large doses of psychedelics or mixing different psychedelics.
lmao, my first time trying weed, my friends gave my so much and I smoked it so quickly...
>I collapsed on to the flaw with a weird fuzzy feeling >my vision became very distorted but also bleached >All my friends were looking at me worryingly >Sound became very distorted >I had a warm indifferent mellow feeling >it felt like if i had been asked what my darkest secret was then I would have told them, because it wouldn't have mattered
Grayson Flores
>did you have no idea what you were doing? I knew, just didn't care. I thought I was a ghost, and that I couldn't interact with others.
Curious to know how that differs from my experience. So difficult to put into words...
Asher Jackson
I should also say, this was back before everyone knew weed was really safe and couldn't kill you like that, so I seriously thought i was dying but my mind was trapped inside my body and my friends were looking at my corpse.
Logan Flores
Hm, my ego-death-like-moment went like so;
>sitting on slope, gazing out at the ravine >nothing was separating existence; everything was interacting on more levels than I had previously thought >"I" felt a part of everything, felt I was shown what it meant to be...as a part of the universe... >turned to speak to my SO, asking some self-doubtful question, then realized, "Oh, my ability to be aware of myself separates myself from the existence I had just known," so I turned back to the scenery to be yet again.
Henry Murphy
shortly thereafter the death-thing happened...
David Bell
And finally to add to this and to maybe attempt to turn this thread into something more related to Veeky Forums, I want to mention that experiencing ego death is something humans are capable of without drugs. Humans going off alone into caves for years to think about nothing until they experience ego death is basically where Buddhism comes from.
It is hypothesized that a major shift in the thinking of modern humans is defining an abstract sense of "self" that is separate from the surrounding environment, and before this social shift in reasoning(that took over as the superior method of survival and reproduction) humans tended to not separate themselves from other things, and instead of referring to their thoughts as "themselves", their thoughts were more-so acted upon as commands.
Basically the idea is that the "self" is something that is taught to you, and is an abstraction that doesn't necessarily exist, and that you aren't necessarily a separate object from your surroundings, you simply were taught that you are, which turns you from a simple pleasure seeking animal into a machine of pain, confusion, and ambition and fuels social and technological development.
If you aren't taught that you're "you" as you grow, you don't form the idea, and you act like an animal until either someone digs into your head that there's a "you" that's separate from everything else, or you die and prove that you're not separate from everything else by not existing and turning into other stuff instead. Which is not contradicted by observation of abnormal child development.
It's not really something we like to talk about because nearly all of our knowledge is based in us being individuals and objects being separate.
Logan Peterson
Have most people really done weed? It seems like everyone around me has done it but me.
Easton Gray
Dayum son... I think of insticts and animals and really dont "think" at all.
My LSD trip wasnt really "heavy", but it was deep in my mind. My conclusions were: >most things that bother us arent "real" its thoughts that we fear that bother us. Whst other people think of you aint that important in reality, its just yourself dramatizing/enlarging the feels/insticts that you feel. And when youre free from "the social codes" youre truely free. Like the "I" its something constructed, like most stuff that we bother ourselves about. Be honest to yourself and surrounding and the "truth" will always overtriumph. >religions was created through drugs like LSD, especially hinduism and such. The feeling of being part of something larger than your reality, being part of universe and "god" being the creator and the centre of the universe etc
Cooper Jones
Yes. Its a awful drug if youre good at selfawarness and at "thinking" as in calculating the future, as in moment
Eli Martin
same user, I hate that since I don't drink alcohol/smoke weed, I feel like an outsider
