Ask an Investment Banker anything.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Or not, this thread could fail miserably. But at least I tried.

All urls found in this thread:

ubs.com/us/en/wealth/about_us/exe_committee/paulhatch.html

farquit
farquit

What are your hours like?
Do you know of many differences between west coast invesment banking vs east coast?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

lad can't even take a proper photograph never mind anything else

Methshot
Methshot

It varies. I've been here 4 years now and they know I do good work so I get more flexibility than you'd expect. But that's because banking is very "self-driven", they don't need to set strict rules because almost everyone that gets this far is extremely focused and driven. E.g. I worked from home Wed/Thurs, but I've been in from 6PM Sunday to 9AM Monday.

Every time I try to post a picture from my phone to Veeky Forums it rotates. Idk why.

Firespawn
Firespawn

What bank?

eGremlin
eGremlin

UBS. Official title is "Wealth Management Advisor".

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

how much money are you responsible for?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Wealth Management Advisor

Claims to be an Investment Banker. Topkek. You don't even know your job description. Also, if this is your actual desk, you appear to be a cold calling monkey.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

I am part of a team of people responsible of a section of a fund, the net value of the fund is several hundred million CHF. My team is responsible for ca. 80 million of it. I also have smaller clients I've landed myself and manage exclusively. But they are all in the low MM.

I can tell you've never had a job. It's quite common for companies (at least in europe) to provide intentionally ambiguous job titles for payment/tax/annual report/delegation purposes.

Secondly I invest people's wealth to manage it and grow it. Investing doesn't have to be day trading/margin trading. You can invest in 10 year bonds. My apologies for giving a generalisation in my thread title.

Where I work (London) it's quite common to have these brightly lit, open space, modern design offices. It may look strange to a foreigner but in Europe, where people are used to especially cramped environments, it is considered a luxury. Also

cold-calling

I have literally never called any of my clients with anything but my personal phone. This isn't the 90s anymore, we all have iPhones and keep in touch with clients using WhatsApp.

Also why the need to be aggressive? I'm just trying to answer questions/help people. Are you really that salty that I work in IB? It's not even that great a job.

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

What is your education and/or work experience? I want to switch over to investment banking or any business related thing where I'm wearing a suit. Currently pursuing 2 of 4 years of a bachelors in Information Technology

girlDog
girlDog

I did my degree in Chemistry. Most of my coursemates are working for £22k a year so I wouldn't say the course is necessarily that important.

A lot of people put emphasis on networking, and yes it is important (a friend helped get me my first of three interviews with UBS, not going to lie), but I feel one area people don't talk about is the importance of cultivating an interest while you're still in college.

My dad taught me to follow the Dow Jones (I am an expat) when I was around 13 (not in child-prodigy way, in a sort of "this number corresponds to growth" way) and so by the time I was 18 I had been following exchanges and indices for years. I was very familiar with EPS, MktCap, Volatility, Dividends, and ETFs/Shares. This may seem obvious but you'd be amazed how many 18 year olds aren't well familiarised with these concepts. Well around 18 I started to read about Finance, a lot, and not just in self-help books, but in the FT, WSJ, the Economist, the internet, everywhere I could consume. I cast a very wide net. By second year of uni I knew about derivatives, options, margins, shorting, and a lot more in general and I started trading small volume. I always did exceedingly well in Maths (better than say Organic) so I applied those skills. My point is every one of my colleagues has this in common: a genuine hobby-like fascination with investing from a young(ish) age. When you're interviewed they look for that kind of passion. Everyone I knew who was like "fuck it I want to be rich" and tried to "sell out" and get into IB, regardless of how clever they were either: A) didn't get far or B) burned out within 2 years.

farquit
farquit

wealth management

That's the most useless and least respectable part of an IB. Hot chicks literally work there because you don't need brains just looks.

Even GS guys don't even know what they're talking about sometimes, called out an analyst after he messed up TWICE, giving me wrong info.

And you're not an investment banker unless you're in M&A, Lev fin, maybe ECM/DCM, structured finance or special sits

Source: Worked at top PE firm (blackstone/kkr/apollo), we look down on wealth management, especially if they call themselves "investment bankers" like really?

iluvmen
iluvmen

Meh, it might not be glamorous but it pays the bills. I never really thought I'd actually end up in banking but I like my job and I could be doing a lot worse. Besides if I do well in my job I might be able to transfer into another fields if I feel I can take on the fast paced world of day trading.

Also Swiss banks are very much Wealth Management focused and I could end up getting transferred to Zurich next year, which would be nice.

Plus there are perks to the slower world of Wealth Management, I get to travel a lot meeting clients and get to experience a glimpse of life very few people are privileged to, even those making bank in IB. For example a client once flew me in a helicopter from London to Monaco just for brunch. Which was nice. That's a rare occurrence but you get the picture.

I'm just trying to answer questions people might have user, we're all in this together.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Worked at top PE firm (blackstone/kkr/apollo), we look down on wealth management, especially if they call themselves "investment bankers" like really?
implyingany one who worked at a "top PE firm" is still immature enough to make a post like this

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

Be careful about giving too much personal information user. We already know where you work and in what city.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

(You)
I can tell you've never had a job. It's quite common for companies (at least in europe) to provide intentionally ambiguous job titles for payment/tax/annual report/delegation purposes.

I have a job. They call it trader because it best describes what I do. Only plebs need silly job titles to feel somewhat important.

Secondly I invest people's wealth to manage it and grow it. Investing doesn't have to be day trading/margin trading. You can invest in 10 year bonds. My apologies for giving a generalisation in my thread title.

You invest peoples money. UBS has 3 divisions: IB, Asset Management, Wealth Management. I guess your the latter? That's why you're not in IB. (Might be on the org chart, but basically you're just a glorified CSR.)

Where I work (London) it's quite common to have these brightly lit, open space, modern design offices. It may look strange to a foreigner but in Europe, where people are used to especially cramped environments, it is considered a luxury.

Yes, I work on a trading floor. But thanks for the explanations anyway.

Also
cold-calling
I have literally never called any of my clients with anything but my personal phone. This isn't the 90s anymore, we all have iPhones and keep in touch with clients using WhatsApp.

In IB (S&T at least) you don't use your private phones, also you don't work from home (because the calls need to be recorded and you need to share information with your mates). And leave the 90s out of this, it's when I started my career, son.

Also why the need to be aggressive? I'm just trying to answer questions/help people. Are you really that salty that I work in IB? It's not even that great a job.

If it's not that great, hand in your fucking notice. Or let me do that for you. US Immigrant, chemistry degree, Macbook with Bloomberg and only 1 Screen on your desk. You're about to get doxxed.

You were right though:


this thread could fail miserably. But at least I tried.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

1) I'm not sure I know what you want user, I was initially vague about my job, then became specific about my job title when someone inquired and went out of my way to say it wasn't glamorous. You seem to find a criticism with being vague (saying I lump myself in with 'real' IB) and specific (saying I need a fancy job title because I'm a 'pleb'). When in reality I also stated that the job titles are for HR reasons and don't carry any prestige.

2) I invest people's wealth/money. That sentence is objectively true. I didn't mean to 'offend' you by falsely impersonating someone 'really in IB' but somehow I feel if I put "Wealth Management Advisor" in my title you would have criticised me anyway.

3) I only described the trading floors in London/Europe because you claimed I was a 'cold-calling monkey' based on my pic, despite it being literally what 90% of modern European offices looked like. Assuming you weren't from Europe I explained, sorry if that made you feel I was questioning your credibility.

4) That may be how things are run at your firm, and undoubtedly it's due to some reason about how elite and respectable your firm and the firms of your friends are. But at UBS and many other 'modernised' tailored towards a less fast-paced clientele (e.g. Coutt's) client-intimacy is actually encouraged. We work at different firms in different fields, this shouldn't be surprising.

If you started your career in the 90s, you were born in 1979 at the latest. Why are you on Veeky Forums? And why do you use terms like pleb? Coupled with your generally angry tone and your threat to 'doxx' me, I feel like you are not as old as you claim to be. This also makes me feel like you aren't who you claim to be with respect to being in IB.

I said it's not "that" great. I enjoy the perks of my job, but like I said it's not as glamorous as some people assume.

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

This post is to address your 'dox' claim:

US immigrants in London

There are literally hundreds of thousands of US immigrants, and they disproportionately have a careers in Law/Banking. In addition I was naturalised years ago, and as much of 'tough guy' you are behind a computer screen, I doubt you have the capability to access confidential records regarding naturalised British citizens. But if you do I will be mighty impressed. I do have an American accent so you have that going for you.

Why would I hand in my notice when I make decent pay doing a decent job in a frankly terrible job market? It's like you don't even think these thoughts through.

Macbook with Bloomberg

Macbook with Bloomberg

I'm highlighting that because of how utterly ridiculous thinking that could possibly help you identify me. The number of bloomberg terminals in London, and the fact that my company standard issues Macbooks.

Honestly I've been threatened to be doxxed dozens of times over the years I've been on Veeky Forums, but this is a resounding failure to be intimidating.

You're only current recourse of action is to ring UBS people asking if they know a man/woman with a sort of American accent who has a degree in Chemistry. And that they made a Veeky Forums thread. I'm shaking user.

Honestly I tried to be civil but there is simply no way you are how old you say you are or that you work in IB.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

How many Trumpcoins do you own?

whereismyname
whereismyname

You're as much of an investment banker as I am, working for GS as a software developer. That is, absolutely not an investment banker.

Nojokur
Nojokur

Good question.

pic relevant

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

You were so upset by my using the phrase 'investment banker' in the title of my AMA, even though I clarified several times what I actually meant, that you came in here to call me out on it.

I don't believe that anyone with an actual career of any kind would do that. Maybe I'm too much of an idealist, but I doubt your claims of being a software developer.

Additionally even though you are more or less correct, it's a bit presumptuous to make claims regarding a field you aren't in. I don't tell you whether your a Programmer, Software Developer, Systems Administrator, Software Engineer, etc.

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Also I intentionally left clues for "Mr 90s" to try and dox me.

I really don't think he knows what banking is like outside of Scorcese movies. I am in literally no risk from this thread. I will probably show it to my boss just for laughs.

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

why do people on this board tend to write overly long post when they can summarise their point in a paragraph. is everyone here from reddit

Booteefool
Booteefool

Why are you on Veeky Forums?

I'm sick, staying home today and had nothing better to do.

I doubt you have the capability to access confidential records regarding naturalised British citizens.

I don't you're right.
It's just unfortunate that Zurich is such a small place (~400k residents) and I grew up there. Plenty of folks I went to school with now work in UBS. One particular Lady in HR will have to review your (potential) move to Switzerland and therefore has access to all staff files. All it takes me is to ask for a favor during a dinner and a bottle of wine.

I have no intention to harm you or your carrer, but I just want to underline that it's exactly 1 phone call on my side that would let you shit your pants - or at least baffle you.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead


I have no intention to harm you or your carrer, but I just want to underline that it's exactly 1 phone call on my side that would let you shit your pants - or at least baffle you.
you really behave like a 12 year old nerd on a power trip. your post are honestly cringeworthy to read

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

threatens dox
gets rightfully laughed at and has bluff called
"HAHA! I could still dox you I just don't want to!!"

Please refer to rule 2 of Veeky Forums.

Spamalot
Spamalot

Do you try just go for hedging and go for constant returns or try arbitrage the shit out of it bik boi?

Soft_member
Soft_member

Ah yes the old: "I could dox you but it'd be incvonenient, so I'll have mercy on you".

You don't get to just go around threatening people user, you have to follow through, unless of course you are just an angry teenager (my pet theory). And I tell you what, Zurich is a very small place, precisely why there is zero chance someone who grew up in Zurich with friends in UBS would be on Veeky Forums. Your lies lack subtlety user.

Anyways when you do manage to use your charms (at like 50 years old) to court this 'Lady' (honestly you couldn't try to be less of a neckbeard) please do email me my deets to "[email protected]", I'll send you a BTC for your troubles. (I know you're a bit old, or really young so BTC = bitcoin).

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

All it takes me is to ask for a favor during a dinner and a bottle of wine.

Du wurdest erkannt, Burger.

viagrandad
viagrandad

duly noted.

happy_sad
happy_sad

implying you know anyone working at a top PE firm

At the end of the day, its your word against mine. All I can say is the money never fazed me. I still enjoy eating at hawker centres instead of wine and cheese at Bloomberg. Money is fucking overrated but then again I was from a middle class so I never cared about money and never will.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

*bürger

5mileys
5mileys

My point is, you're not an investment banker. You WORK at an investment bank.

And I don't know about you, but your entire value creation model is based on income inequality (aka helping the rich get richer with services only the rich can afford).

How does that feel? Genuinely curious.

cum2soon
cum2soon

Well it depends, the way our fund is assigned to teams is based on sector. E.g. Energy, Industry, Tech, Pharma, etc. So your strategy would be dependent on your sector. Our sector (again I'm not afraid of being dox'd my boss is very reasonable) is Energy (hence Chemistry is useful) so hedging is impractical for long term investment/growth. If I was in Pharma that would be a different story (hedging one trial drug vs another etc). With Energy we try to basically vet upcoming companies and determine which ones have realistic business models and which are built on pipe dreams. The big shift from oil catalysed by the Rothschild bank has livened things up in the Energy investment, for which I am grateful.

While managing wealth may seem relatively easy because turning 100MM into 105MM in 3 years isn't exactly challenging, our industry is more interested in how to attract big clients. That's what I like about my field, even though Maths is important, so much of my job depends on socialising/closing on clients. There's a lot of competition to roll out interesting investment models and attract all the new money from China and the Saudi's (in fact the UAE/Saudi clients I have the most business with as they're desperate to hedge themselves against oil depreciation). Appreciating these questions user.

w8t4u
w8t4u

socialists using emotional blackmail to shame and manipulate others' decisions on a business board
did not see this coming

Bidwell
Bidwell

money never fazed me, I'm from middle class so I never cared about money and never will.

Wew.

your entire value creation is based on income inequality
genuinely curious.

user you've really blown it and given yourself away as some 15 year old marxist bern-out.

I'll still respond out of curiousity, but until you hit your 20s you have no idea why everyone over 18 is going to be in tears over your posts. Literally, you'll turn 19 and it will hit you and you'll be like "wew". Anyways user don't worry, it's a rough time, we've all been there and we've all done the "pretend you're older on the internet" so even if we're laughing, we're laughing WITH future you.

Anyways my business model is about taking money from the wealthy and investing it into sound business ideas, allowing those business to grow and return a percentage to the original investor. This is Economics 101 and something you'll learn about in your first semester at college.

Also there's a lot of angel investing in wealth management, just so you know. You'll often find that very wealthy people are quite altruistic, just letting you know for future.

idontknow
idontknow

All good man, I'm still just trying to get my foot in the door to the financial world so information like this is very helpful. Cheers.

likme
likme

Of course, because you're a lying fuck. You go about your daily life claiming you're an investment banker, which is a prestigious position, while in turn you're just a monkey working in PWM. And you didn't clarify anything before people started asking. It's only natural I'd be pissed at you. It's as if I'd come along and say I'm an IB, ask me anything.

I don't tell you whether your a Programmer, Software Developer, Systems Administrator, Software Engineer, etc.
Because programmer, software developer, software engineer, etc are completely synonymous. If you called me a sys admin I'd be fucking pissed, because it's a pathetic job not to be compared to engineering.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

I know this is kind of late but an image just popped into my head and I had to share it with you guys. Imagine user actually asking out some girl he used to stare at from Zurich (we're assuming everything he said is true). Just imagine the cringey-ness of that ensuing date:

"M'lady, do you know of any American Chemistry grads working in Wealth Management?"

"I-I don't know user, why?"

"One such irksome gentleman...has earned my displeasure on an imageboard".

^This person is a "top" investment banker from the 90s, and actually thinks that this is how you dox people.

hairygrape
hairygrape

"One such irksome gentleman...has earned my displeasure on an imageboard".
hahahahaha

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

assumes I go about my daily life claiming I'm an investment banker
because I posted an AMA on Veeky Forums and used the word "Investment Banker" and within TWO posts made it abundantly clear what I meant
believes anyone I know outside of work cares what exact job title I use, believes anyone I know from work doesn't know exactly what I do

user if you actually think things like job titles, and fields of work matter outside of when you and your coursemates have pissing contests over who got what internship, you're in for a rude awakening.

Everyone, EVERYONE, that works a 9-5 very very quickly realises that NO ONE actually cares what you do unless they know you so well that they won't judge you by it.

Your anger only reveals your own insecurity, you are so insecure about the "presitigiousness" of IB that it upsets you when others taint it's holy designation. But the reality is 99% of normal, sane, successful people attribute no thought to it whatsoever.

Let me put it another way, if you went around telling people outside your job you're a systems admin or a software engineer, no one except autists and NEETS will think anything but "cool, he's a computer guy" in both cases.

The shallow ones will care about your car, your clothes, how your bf/gf looks.

But NO ONE, outside your job, cares what your job title is.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

so in which city do you work paul?

Methshot
Methshot

No worries dude, and if you have any further questions use the gmail I posted above. I'll have it synced to my phone for the next week in case Mr Doxx-man emails. (as if)

TreeEater
TreeEater

London, it was mentioned like 4 times in this thread user.

WebTool
WebTool

This.

/thread

RumChicken
RumChicken

This is informative.
Don't have much more to say, but I thought you could do with a post that doesn't reek of butthurt.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

WM isn't glamorous, granted. But I tried to make some fresh content for Veeky Forums away from all the crypto-shilling and bait threads. I may not qualify as an investment banker in your view, or the view of many other anons, but I do work in the financial sector, and I'm not saying that makes me special. I just thought I'd offer some advice and maybe answer a few questions some anons had.

If you're asking questions in an AMA thread on Veeky Forums chances are advice from anyone with a decent finance job will help you. I didn't mislead any anons, as was clear within two or three posts, and I certainly don't think the advice I did venture is contingent on my being a 10mil p.a. swish IB man working at Goldman Sachs.

It's a decent job, pays decent, not too stressful, in the job economy of today I can only be grateful for that.

As for my last suggestion, don't put too much meaning into labels. They will make you unhappy in the long run, I'm not telling you to become some hippy, I'm just saying don't spend your life keeping a mentally tally on how people are ranked, who's beneath you, who's above you, who makes 6 figs, who makes 7. Because by the time you hit your 60s you'll realise the people who you looked down on for 'not caring', were a lot happier.

Peace.

DeathDog
DeathDog

Gonna be like "wew"

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

Crash when?

FastChef
FastChef

What stocks are you currently watching?

Booteefool
Booteefool

Trumpcoin reaches stratosphere (forget Moon, that thing is on a mission to Andromeda)
All other assets deemed worthless
Too many coins in the hands of top 100 trumpcoiners
Bernouts riot
WW3
Trumpcoin = 1BTC???

For my personal portfolio I have a tiered system of investment:

Speculative buys (GXY, MYL, ARM)

Mylan because I believe the expiration of money key patents leaves generic drug makers in a profitable position.

ARM was my speculative buy from 2010 which I'm still holding, I invested because of their position to exploit growing Smartphone market and now I hold because of their position to exploit 'Smart'-medicine market (immediate bloodtesting using microscopic microprocessors, things like that).

and GXY I actually invested in a year ago because I wanted a Lithium company that wasn't based in Brazil or China, and it fit my requirements. I became convinced of Lithiums value while writing my Bachelors thesis on it.

Then I have my "medium" stocks:

High marketcap companies like DIS, AMZN, NFLX, GOOG. Of these the only one that I think stands out is LMT, they'll play a big role in military expenditure in the next decade and the give pretty good dividends.

My final "rung" is my retirement investments, these are high market cap S&P companies that yield decent dividends and in my opinion "aren't going anywhere":

VOO (Vanguard is a must for large savingss I think).

PEP (3% dividend, largest producer of "health drinks", NGA (not going anywhere)

MCD (2.9% dividend, NGA)

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

And as my closing statement, two sectors I'd keep a keen eye on:

Antidepressant market. No genuinely successful drug released, no drug even making a splash in almost a decade. Half or even most treatment is basically placebo level. Suicide is a massive cause of death. Depression one of most costly human problems in terms of decreased productivity. Increased consumption and unemployment will almost certainly lead to more depression.

Unfortunately haven't found a company with anything promising in the pipeline, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

Biopharma, esp. in countries like Russia (see BioCad), this tech is in it's infancy but basically it intends to synthesize drugs by customising DNA in bacteria to make a specific drug. Right now the holy grail is an insulin producing bacteria that would be worth fucktons of money.

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

and GXY I actually invested in a year ago because I wanted a Lithium company that wasn't based in Brazil or China, and it fit my requirements. I became convinced of Lithiums value while writing my Bachelors thesis on it.

user, no lithium company (the ones worth investing in) is based in Brazil, and those in China are off-limits for non-chinese citizens. (Jiangxi Ganfeng and Tianqi).

Thanks for the other tips though.

5mileys
5mileys

Sorry you're right, I was using the mnemonic BRICS, as countries I avoid investing even though they were meme'd to high hell even a few years ago. So when I said Brazil I more meant that entire region, the way some people accidentally say Africa instead of for example Nigeria. Also I know I recommended Russia earlier but thats more to look into the tech and wait for the west to work the kinks out.

But yeah GXY was good non-BRICS Li company.

askme
askme

Hi OP,

Would your bank ever consider hiring engineers for the trading desk?

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

Yes, at the risk of suddenly having a bunch of "Goldman Sachs" "investment bankers" suddenly jump out to yell at me, I'd say Engineering is an excellent degree to have to get into Banking. Easily my top three pick.

However with a bank like UBS/Coutts where getting a small number clients to hand over hundreds of millions of pounds is critical, rather than speculating, it's going to be a lot more dependent on people skills, though Engineering is still an excellent place to start as it shows you're hard-working, well educated, and numerate!

As for what branch of Engineering, far and way the one I encounter the most in my line of work are Aeronautical Engineers, though that is entirely anecdotal.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

Would an investment bank like UBS hire someone (be it even as an intern) who has a return of 70% - 100% on average on his portfolio ran over 2 years, but without any education in finance or economics, however a masters degree in a different field (project development in this case). Given that one can explain the reasoning why every position in the portfolio was acquired.

Or are these people like sand in the sea, applying constantly.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Well the market isn't as oversaturated as people think, and that's because so many people don't even bother trying. I can't remember the name but I used to follow this interesting blog run by someone I met once, who made it big in finance without a high school degree by literally being persistent and pursuing applications 24/7. I mean he faced dozens of rejections, if not hundreds, before he got a job. Now these people are 1 in a million but they do exist.

Someone in your position has probably a 1-in-20 chance or a 1-in-10000 chance depending entirely on the nature of your portfolio evidence, the size of the returns, how well you present your case, and how well you in the interview.

So it's definitely worth a shot user, but you're going to have a big case to make for yourself.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Veeky Forums strips exif data and flips photo orientation

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

Mechanical engineer working for 2 years at a FTSE 100 traded company in central London.
Recently found the markets and would like to migrate towards that side of the working life as that's where the real money is.

What positions/institutions would you say someone starting out are most likely to have increased chances of success?

Also, is the complete lack of financial knowledge be a hindrance?

Would like to have a proper chat with you irl.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

Also, I'm 26 (until december) if that makes any difference.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

OP is kill :(

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Going to bed after this, been up for 24 hours now (standard for a Monday). If you're just getting into markets you need to pursue them rigorously in your own free time, don't be scared of losing *some* money because win or lose it all provides experience. If you don't have that sick to your stomach feeling after a bad night of trading you will never condition yourself to be more careful next time. We learn through pain and mistakes more than through pleasure (though a tidy profit is also a learning experience). Get into trading like your first video game console or your first 100 wanks, because you have the opportunity to break into the world of finance but if people smell an iota of bullshit or inexperience they pounce and tear you apart. Remember user, working in finance is handling people's money, sadly many people are more attached to their money than they are to even family members, in their eyes your like a surgeon operating on their child. So get that weakness out of toe system through practice and be the guy that "knows his shit". Honestly I've gotten farther giving off the impression that I knew what I was doing than by learning what I should do, because I know what happens when I fuck up and how to fix it. Once you know your shit it's just a bunch of meaningless hoops to jump through and after enough time you'll get your foot in the door. Sorry if this post is more rambley than my others the sleep deprivation is hitting hard.

Sling an email to that ubsdox email I posted above and I'll find time to message you after Wednesday (got to give a presentation to some clients).

Good luck user! We're all gonna make it!

-UBSman signing out

StonedTime
StonedTime

This. You can just tell by looking at the keyboard.

Lunatick
Lunatick

How good were those biscuits on your desk?

massdebater
massdebater

We're all gonna make it!
Someone with a degree in finance would know this isn't true.

This thread sucks. What happened to the old heroes of Veeky Forums?

Snarelure
Snarelure

Wealth Management Advisor
Works solely with small clients
Entire team only handles $80 mil

It's misrepresentation to say you're an investment banker, dude. The troglodytes here won't really care, but it'll really hurt you if you ever try to make a career jump.

Emberburn
Emberburn

pilot pen
Good choice, however consider upgrading your main display to dell UP3017Q. No millions made in investment banking will buy you new eyes.

SniperWish
SniperWish

Believing OP takes posting on Veeky Forums as seriously as communicating with people in real life

Jesus how autistic are you guys? Do you also think people shill trumpcoins to strangers in real life?

StonedTime
StonedTime

Do you think people unironically shill trumpcoins here faggot?

eGremlin
eGremlin

Which degree do you own?
What is the first step of the ladder for getting a job like this one if I don't have any degrees?

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

Top kek

Inmate
Inmate

how come single thread have to turn into a turkey call contest?

seriously wtf?
you don't like/believe the thread?don't post.
how petty someone needs to be to shit in every thread. (that was not a question)

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

There are definitely people shilling trump unironically.

Playboyize
Playboyize

Because the poorest people on Veeky Forums Veeky Forums immediately freak out about anyone having a remotely decent job.

Notice how all people insulting OP claimed to be from top PE firms like GmanSachs. It's the same principle as when weak people write that they're a marine on the internet. It's always an extreme. No one said "HSBC Investment Banker here, you shouldn't call yourself IB" not it's immediately "Goldman Sachs CEO here, your career is a joke".

Gigastrength
Gigastrength

is there $$ opportunity in you or your coworkers networking with the companies you work with?

can you talk about that

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

Ill take it
1P7jqEGxiiRwTSj6KDdntLRyzYH4MM9RkZ

Snarelure
Snarelure

this board is full of jealous roleplayers

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Lel, exactly.

RumChicken
RumChicken

Why do you have Interactive Brokers' Trader Workstation open on your Mac? That's a retail platform not an institutional one.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

OP said he was going to sleep earlier but I assume because he makes personal trades while doing work related stuff? Can't wait til work ends cause then markets close so you gotta multitask.

cum2soon
cum2soon

cant do personal trades if you work for a firm

iluvmen
iluvmen

Yes you can. interactive brokers and other firms have specific forms and legal paperwork/rules for professional traders but you definitely can do personal trades. I know this for a fact because my uncle worked at a low level P.E. and when he passed away I inherited 10% of his stock portfolio.

There are rules about insider trading and strict regulation but telling bankers they cant buy stock for themselves for when they retire would be like telling a chef not to cook for himself.

likme
likme

Why are you using the shittest laptop that Apple has ever made?

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

Is this a troll? I havent laughed this hard for a while on this board. Holy shit.
5/5 banter, just the right amount of cringe and horrible awkward behaviour.

Playboyize
Playboyize

like you can buy etf's for an ira account, but that's pretty much it.

however, personal trading for non-retirement accounts is forbidden as it's usually insider trading or there's a conflict of interest and yadda yadda

Emberburn
Emberburn

fake phone number on whats app doesnt count/not personal

Firespawn
Firespawn

You can get special permission to avoid conflict of interest, for example if you're trading in foreign markets etc. (I'm not a banker so I don't know exactly). And even then maybe OP was buying ETFs? Or commodities? When my uncle passed though he left a whole range of shares in specific companies. I'm not questioning that there are strict rules, but I'm sure that there are SOME things you can do on IB that are allowed. What about forex?

Flameblow
Flameblow

investment is investment no matter how easy or hard.

SniperGod
SniperGod

lol u wanna get brunch in manhattan in a helicopter ull get shot down LUL

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

Don't fall for that guys bait.

He is the Investment Banking version of "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills..."

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

dont forget the shittiest computer job of all -networking

BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

ITT: Things that never happened.

LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

if you under stand proper english and want to show it off then more power to u

StonedTime
StonedTime

I can smell the chese burgers.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

That guy spends his "sick" time on a forum full pepes discussing cryptos and expects us to believe him that he worked for GS/blackstone w.e in the 90s like he's the fucking Wolf of Wall Street.

Best part is he doesn't complain about a single LSK, ETH, TRUMP, thread, but someone from wealth management called themselves IB triggers him.

Then later says he doesn't care about money.

Literally only poor people every say that.

Wealthy people know how fucking amazing money is because they've experienced first hand how many difficult situations it gets you out of, how stress free life can be, how amazing travel is. The only people who say they don't care about money are the people who have never enjoyed having it. The same as anybody who's had pussy will never say they don't care about it, only virgins say this.

TechHater
TechHater

OP makes investments.
OP controls the money for "playing".

Put them together and we have "investment banker". Ya?

BinaryMan
BinaryMan

are u kidding
zoloft and prozac stocks have been long gone because they were so bad. fucking articles on prozac stocks date back to the year 2000.

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

Interestingly enough I don't see anyone from top firms giving OP shit.

It wouldn't make sense to. What would be the reasoning?

FastChef
FastChef

yes, you can get special permission, which can leave you greatly exposed when they revoke your permission to sell a stock you have.

he could only buy ETF's or mutuals for his retirement account.

literally just google it

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

Legit the first post on Veeky Forums that has made me laugh in weeks

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

What about forex?

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

Okay fine.

Wells Fargo corporate IB analyst here -- you're not IB.

Also lmao at Goldman being a top PE firm.

whereismyname
whereismyname

I'm actually tempted to start ending my posts with " -- or at least baffle you"

It might be the first neckbeardy thing I've heard in awhile that's fresh.

"I will leave you quivering in fear - or at least baffle you".

Dude claims to be 40 y.o. veteran IB and says shit like "baffle you".

10 bitcoins says he literally has a katana in his room.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

I'm not OP. Also I don't hype GS personally, but it's the meme everyone at my uni refers to when they talk about the "elite bankers".

"GS bankers are literally god-tier user".

Only further proves what a living meme that guy was.

Nojokur
Nojokur

One screen
Having bloomberg open as a banker
Looking at charts as a banker
You are not in IB. You dont even know what bankers do.

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

lmao did they really give you a bloomberg terminal without the accompanying keyboard?

MPmaster
MPmaster

"Wealth Management Advisor".

Jesus christ dude that's not Investment Banking you fucking tool

You're a sales person

t. Big4 Corporate Finance

Spamalot
Spamalot

Investment bankers (M&A) generally don't trade and thus don't use bbg terminals.

viagrandad
viagrandad

They updated their classic keyboard around 2014 - but even the new matte-black one has colored buttons

I've worked with all relevant PE firms and I can say with some confidence that EQT Partners is the most competent 'mainstream' firm out there.

There are obviously lots of totally closed PE firms making tons of money through corruption and what not, but those don't count because the employees are shit.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Samefagging this hard, OP left ages ago user. Regardless of whether he lied or not he took a bunch of people for a ride and this thread got 100+ posts. Nothing on Veeky Forums really matters but to some degree posts do? I don't know, no one cares.

Also calling OP a sales person is just overcompensating the other way, everything is sales if you boil it down enough.

5mileys
5mileys

Wealth management = Almost pure sales.

Actualy IB is quite sales oriented vs. somekind of risk management role, but it's not pure sales.

takes2long
takes2long

Wealth Management is a totally ambiguous term, anyone who's worked in any kind of corporate world knows that your job title has very little to do with your role. I've met "Executive Vice Presidents" that got paid 25k a year. I'm not saying OP was some big shot trader, he was probably some college student taking the piss but Wealth Management can involve investing. Also just a reminder to all the butthurt people arguing over what a true IB is, you guys are all arguing over the privilege to be pic related.

It's not glamorous, none of it is. They are all keyboard slapping number crunchers who make more than you or me ever will, but the vast majority still make less than Kim Kardashian or Kanye West. A wageslave is always a cuck.

Inmate
Inmate

Also guys lots of firms don't use the bloomberg terminal and monitor, especially in Europe where companies can be quite stingy. It is not a requirement.

Stop bandwagoning and pretending you guys have worked in P/E. None of us have. At least OP gave the tiniest bit of evidence, even if it was faked. Whereas you guys are just posting memes and talking about all the SICK INVESTING YOU DO FOR TOP FIRMS. Pathetic. At least Bitcoiners put up lambo pics and not still from old movies no one gives a shit about anymore.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

pic related

Those have nothing to do with investment banking. Those are traders, generally they don't even have a good degree, certainly not an MBA, M.sc. economics or M.sc. Finance.

Investment banking (M&A) is lawyer tier work (lots of document preparation) with some modelling and strategy consulting mixed in.

Again, I work in Corporate Finance - in Europe that's the same as Investment banking. The only difference is that we don't have a balance sheet, we only collect success fees.

And because I work at a Big4 it's generally not so well paid and the transactions are smaller.

TreeEater
TreeEater

I know they did, I just completed a buyside internship where I had a BB terminal at my desk w/ the new keyboard. We also have a BB lab at my uni.

Even the new (shittier) keyboards have the coloured keys at the top, OP's looks like a 15 dollar USB logitech keyboard

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

mfw OP is actually in a library and he is displaying a fullscreen screen-cap of bloomberg

Emberburn
Emberburn

ubs.com/us/en/wealth/about_us/exe_committee/paulhatch.html
?

Emberfire
Emberfire

that was not a very fun game OP.

Flameblow
Flameblow

Baffle him!

SniperGod
SniperGod

that's obviously not him

JunkTop
JunkTop

ubs.com/us/en/wealth/about_us/exe_committee/paulhatch.html

Idk could be him.

That could literally have been Paul Hatch mindfucking us by going to some modern library and doing screencap of bloomberg.

Guys...we just got Paul Hatch'd.

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

Single packet of biscuits
Thermos

Old white guy confirmed?

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

IB has nothing to do with investing and the pic you posted is a trading desk. Go read up on what bankers actually do before you post 5 paragraphs about it.

whereismyname
whereismyname

Doesn't matter. They're all wagecucks which was my point. If you're not Kanye West you don't get to brag on the internet about your 'career'.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

What data information system do you use?
As in bloomberg etc?

Spamalot
Spamalot

Can you recommend some summer reading for recent business school grads? (Life, self-help, business, etc.)

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

Plenty of high profit jobs that don't have the high suicide rate and crippling 80-110 hour work weeks IB has. I'm not gonna lie and say there aren't lots of jobs I'd love to have IB isn't one of them.

Bankers
Lawyers
Doctors

All those jobs would crush my soul. Some people can do them, great, but freedom is still the ultimate currency. I'd rather be the owner of some art gallery in SoHo selling meaningless bullshit canvases smeared in shit, but be making 2MM a year and working 30 hours a week.

My point is just if you're going to fantasize about your dream job and you pick banker, doctor, or lawyer, you're either insecure or a coke-addled workaholic.

farquit
farquit

I hope people are capping this.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

Paul has two children in their 20s and lives in New York City and Austin, TX.

You are one autistic cuck.

iluvmen
iluvmen

Not all IB jobs have 80hrs+ work weeks.

Inmate
Inmate

Or you work IB for 10 years and then chill for the rest of your life...

TreeEater
TreeEater

Do you like your job, and if so how much do you make?

Sharpcharm
Sharpcharm

this thread is a good reminder of why IB threads are no better than crypto threads

WebTool
WebTool

Is technical analysis a meme?

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

Basing periods are real. Moving averages provide support and resistance. The trend is your friend. CANSLIM works.

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

Beyond meme.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

I don't get this.... Some dude makes an AMA and all you fuckers care about is to dox him and try to ruin (parts of) his life.

More and more people are scared to post anything remotely personal here, because you stupid fucks have nothing better to do in your NEET lives than searching half of the internet for him and dox him.

This is why we can't have nice things....

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