Veeky Forums tell me about your asset allocation

5% memestocks
25% oil
40% derivatives
30% cash.
29 yo

My biggest play is long volatility I'd make a few thousand if we hit the 50's and like 20k if we hit the 60's

So that I CAN rebalance whenever I want to.

cause we dont know your stupid shit. i literally only come here because there is sometimes a right-wing view of the market as opposed to cnbc left bullshit

My retirement accounts are
>50% US equities
>30% Int'l Equities
>15% Bonds
>5% REIT
But I've got an additional amount equivalent to 15-20% of my retirement investments in a taxable brokerage account, invested in a handful of US companies, most paying dividends. Heavily leaning towards oil.

I intend to keep this allocation until 5-10 years from retirement. Once my net worth gets above $200k I'll start looking into purchasing a home, because at that point if I never added an additional dollar towards retirement(worst case scenario) I'd still be able to retire at a reasonable age. Hoping to keep contributing and retire in my 40s, however.

green text is for implying
>how new are you?

>no one under the age of 40 should own bonds
Said no intelligent person, ever.

Aside from your HIGHLY-questionable choice of dividend stocks (which are horribly tax inefficient and stunt your growth), your portfolio is structured poorly from a tax standpoint. Your income producing stocks, such as the dividend payers, should be in your retirement account. Your growth stocks should be in your taxable account.

bogleheads.org/wiki/Tax-efficient_fund_placement

When you guys are talking about bonds, do you actually buy single bonds or bond ETFs/funds?

>When you guys are talking about bonds, do you actually buy single bonds or bond ETFs/funds?
For 99% of investors, buying an ETF or fund is preferable.

An individual trying to buy bonds is going to be at a serious disadvantage compared to professional bond traders and bond desks. Bonds trade in large-scale private transactions and small quasi-public markets. Unless you have a dedicated broker buying for you, you're not going to get the best pricing possible.

60% cryptocurrencies

15% individual stocks
25% ETFs (domestic and foreign broad markets, as well as individual sectors such as real estate, health care, and water utilities),

Early 20s here

85% stocks (75% in US and INTL index with 10% in individual holdings I like)
10% bonds (split in US INTL again)
5% crypto

Greentext is for quoting a portion of somebody else's post and replying to it. That is literally the origin of it. Only underage Reddit hipsters from /b/ use it to imply or tell stories.

25% Canadian Stocks
25% US Stocks
25% International Stocks
25% Canadian Bonds

It's about the most basic asset allocation out there for Canadians.

poorfags dont have enough for both stocks AND bonds

if i don't report any earnings from my investments will the government kidnap me?

They won't if you choose not to realize any capital gains.

Or if you do capital loss harvesting.