/ss13/ spess men on a spess station

>explore the map as janny because people don't start making messes until later
>find a zombie
>fucks up my hand
>panic and try to get away
>can't because keys fell
>finally get off ride and walk
>die
such a stupid death

whos ur senpai, friendo

Why does everyone hate security so much? I just want to protect you from the dangers of space but you do everything you can just to fuck with us.

Why?

I kill faggot who do this

you're shit, trinity

I'm not trinity

then you're maybe alright

Cause they're unredeemable unlikeable cunts Just remember to brig them for each offense and on the third strike they go into perma for one less shitter in the round.

You are like baby
Watch this

>implying

>let me search you/department on code green because "probable cause"
>stun cuffed in the hall
>dragged to brig wordlessly
>buckled to chair for a few minutes while you bumble around my stuff and try to talk to people on sec radio out of earshot from me
>okay you are free to go

>My target tried to smash out then got zas'd into deep space.
Nice try kid, stop telling lies trying to impress random people in an anonymous imageboard.
ZAS can't push, only pull, and ZAS does not work in space.
It's literally impossible to get zas'd INTO space.

If you break a window from space into a really high pressured room, the breaking of the glass will launch pressure out at you, launching you into space, most of the time faster then a mass driver

I literally just tried it and I got sucked IN.

Maybe the hot air hit the cool air turfs in the windows and caused the hot side to cool slightly and the window to heat up pushing you backwards.

ZAS has been behaving really funky lately. That guy is probably talking about something that happened a while ago

Trust me I have had it happen a bunch of times

How do I speak telepathically to someone? Cant figure this shit out

Come think of it, I think this only happens for airlocks
Which is why you never see someone opening an airlock and being sucked out

Are smoke grenades loaded with medication a good idea? Like if a room of people gets fucked up I can just toss my Tricordrazine smoke nade in there and stabilize them all without entering the room and putting myself at risk.

No, read github.com/d3athrow/vgstation13/issues/7786 to find out why
Also
>tricordrazine

I've had it happen with windows

By "it" I meant "can't be sucked out, only in"

Is there a meme I'm missing out in? Back in my day you just made tricord and you were done.

I got pushed out into space at fast speed by the pressure/air flow man, you have to be in space for it to happen though

>adding soporific to all of my beneficial medication so people who take it get some quality sleep to help with their injuries
I'm a good doctor :)

What's your character gimmick?
My spessmen is overly loyal towards Nanotrasen and will /me salute at heads of staff and escort the Captain at every chance possible
He's so brainwashed by his security implant, he takes ID assignments at face value and thinks a clown with the job title "Captain" really is a Nanotrasen-designated captain.

Oh. I have that exact character. But as a Pacifist Vox. Now that I think of it, im just RP'ing Spongebob

>get put in cryo
>random assistant points out that there was vomit in the cryo mix
>the mix is cryoxadone and vomit
dude what

>RP'ing Spongebob

Mine is in his early forties, has three kids and a loving wife, and enjoys watching the latest season of Supernatural in SPACE alongside listening to 2500's renditions of classic rock from the 1900s.

that's not a gimmick that's just a backstory

Oh.

Are you sure it's not a gimmick? It seems like a gimmick considering everyone else acts like a sociopathic special snowflake. Seems pretty gimmicky to me.

why the hell can i not hear jukeboxes? is there something I have to do beside turn on the volume in preferences?

enable streaming in preferences, and have vlc installed.

thanks senpai, anyway to use anything besides VLC and WMP?

Not that I am aware of.

Because a lot of people play Security just to abuse the power it gives them and generally be assholes.
Which is why I do my best to always play nicecurity. I try to be the change that I want to see.

>It's because security is generally full of retards who just want to smash shit, never respond to calls for help, and generally don't know how to respond in any given emergency

>HELP BEING MURDERED
>WHERE?!
>No response

Let his be a lesson to all you shitters. Fucking cut the "HELP" and "Being" and put the location

>sec acts mean because greytiders break shit and steal for no legitimate reason at all.
>"why did you break into the captain's office and steal the spare and his laser gun?"
>"I DIN DU NUFFIN ;HELP SHITCURITY!"

You can be a shit Service player and nobody will even notice.
You can be a shit Cargo player and people will already be used to it because shit Cargo players are the norm.
You can be a shit Engineering player but the only measurement of whether engineering is good or not people commonly have is power being set up or not.
You can be a shit Science player and the only people that will notice it are other Science players unless you dindu with guns.

But people actually HAVE TO interact with Medbay and Security.
Selective memory dictates that people will remember every bad player in those departments they run into, but will forget the average/good ones as soon as the round is over.
Thus, people only need to bump into one shitty SO/MD to assume the whole department is shit, forever.

>It's a pinpointer episode
Shoulda just sent the borgs after it

Eng get your fucking shit together jesus. That comms sabotage is a 3 minute fix.

>;HELP
>;BEING MURDERED
>where
>;HELP
>;LING
>where
>;ISAAC LILOF IS A LING HE STUNG ME
>where
>;HELP IM DYEING
>AI: He's not on cameras
>where
>;PARALYSIS STING
>AI: No suit sensors either
>where
>;HES TAKING M HEADSET

>He doesn't use comms and meta game with all his friends
>WHAT A FUCKING LOSER
>HAHAHAHA

What the fuck was wrong with tcomms, everything in it looked perfectly fine

Pinpointer? That shit was lying on the fucking desk in the bridge

greytide motherfucker
cry harder

>Tell the borgs to gas the vox, spray the gray, and crack the ack, race war now.
>tfw they pda back that a grey has been sprayed
I love you guys so much

HULK
SMASH

At least the clown was non antag murdered by security

No rights for clowns

>why is sec so mean??? :(((((
>LOL GREYTIDE POWER!!!

Nah, it freaks people out so it's useless. Pacismoke leaves lasting mental wounds that never heal

Clown went braindead

cry harder shitcurity shitter

Oh it's bridge in deff huh? Rip.

ain't even upset.
You're just re-enforcing the fact that sec doesn't give a shit if greytiders die

>ain't even upset.
keeps replying

>responding to something you said
>H-he's mad because he keeps talking!

>HELP: What the fuck how the hell can Sec get away with borging someone just on SUSPICION of them being a ling
>HELP: The ONLY thing they found was my fingerprints in a beaker of chloral that another changeling had and then they ILLEGALLY searched me and found all the other chloral and poisons and shit I had and how I hadn't made any medicines all round
>HELP: oh yeah I am actually a ling yes but they couldn't have known that until I stung someone when they dragged me to robotics man they were 100% going to debrain me man even if I didn't sting anyone they surely would have done it
People's ahelping makes me sick.

(you)

no no, thank (you)

...

...

you're not getting the last reply
I hope you know that

Fuck I want to go to bed.
Please stop.

(you)

(you) times 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

...

hi killette

>be security
>greytide in full force
>trying to tard wrangle some of the chimps breaking windows and throwing glass shards everywhere
>maint door suddenly flies open
>greyshit catches a bullet in the chest and goes down
>he screams for help
>attacker runs out of maint and dives on the greyshit
>extends proboscis
>slurps the greyshit right in the hall
>spends the rest of the shift eating assistants and other undesirables
>mfw I see the ling again later in the shift

hi killette

hi user
meet me in the dorms in 5 minutes ;)

ok killette

>be security
>WATCH AN ABSORPTION AND DONT DO ANYTHING

hi killette

hi sawbones

you didn't come killette

This. if I'm in sec I will give you my gear. Just kill the tiders and leave sec out of it.

liveleak.com/view?i=58a_1464890232

>average grey faggot

>not letting antags have their fun by killing worthless assistants

Even if you save them they'll cry about how you're shitcurity.

>mixed as a fucking lone warden with the only head getting his shit pushed in and the spare nabbed by a nigger librarian
holy shit never again
mixed is bad enough with a full sec team

Nah if you save them you make a powerful ally. Saving somebody's life is a really great way to get a greytiding powergamer on your side, which has saved my life on more than one occasion.

That was tator ling wunnit

Also, fuk u for decharging my guns, I would've killed the chemist if it weren't for that

Ion rifle op
it saved my ass too cause you couldnt shoot me

>be virologist
>spend every fucking round trying to cook up beneficial, or harmless symptoms.
>the shuttle always gets called right before I'm ready to bless the crew with my viral load.

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""beneficial"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
""""""""'harmless"""""""""""

I had a problem coming, so I didn't go to dorms this time

It was tatorling

>Viral event fires
>Someone gets infected
>ha ha it's just that beneficial thing!
>17 minutes later the station is dead to plasma sublimation
Fucking don't.

I probably could have recharged a shot in the egun and shot you again and kept doing that until I had enough charge to kill you or something. I just wanted to absorb the CMO though.