Resume Help

I know my resume is shit but I also don't know what to do with it. Any suggestions?

>Any suggestions
Enjoy your unemployment. I don't really enjoy mine.

>lists a bunch of cliche skills
>doesn't list any accomplishments

Slightly different, I need a copy-and-paste Biography I need for press kits. What does Veeky Forums think of my anonymized one:

>user Anonson is a Documentary Filmmaker and Multi-Discipline Artist.
>A Masters graduate from the prestigious RichKidWanker College of Place
>In 2015 he presented his first solo exhibition, the multi screen sculpture piece "excessively long, ironic title of the artwork" a comical self-deconstruction of both portraiture and the creative process.
Anonson is also one half of conceptual music "Band " Name Our Band
>Anonson has given numerous talks and lectures on the nature of storytelling and message making including [list of speeches and talks, names of conferences]

What is missing? I don't have any press clippings... yet. I've worked on maybe two films that got into festivals, I don't even know.

Should I have a spiel along the lines of? (this is NOT what my work is about, at all)
>Anonson's work explores the confluence of space and physical intimacy exploring the tensions and dynamics of how each affects the other in a modern urban context.

Could you give me some examples? I'm really crap at this kinda stuff.

>regal cinemas
>coldstone creamery


u actually put this childish ass shit on a resume?

ur fuckin kiddin me right?

>Could you give me some examples?

Your entire "professional skills" section.

Fluent in English? Do you REALLY need to list that?

Profeifient in MS office? It's the year 2016. Everyone and their fucking cats can use MS office. It's not 1995 anymore user

FFS

lol yeah this guy hit the nail on the fuckin pepe. It's just boring and useless I guess cause that's now the bare minimum. Throw in that you've done some volunteer work in your community or at school (if true)

This is actually fine, OP. I would recommend maybe using fewer words in the middle body sections, and to use more straight-forward language where it matches up with your voice.

ProTip: The resume is much less important than your interview "vibe". If they let you have an interview, it means your resume is fine and they want to see what kind of person you are. And of course you are calm, confident, positive, friendly, and obviously the type of person that is ideal for the position. Good luck.

If he's gunning for a highly competitive job then OP's resume surely needs fine tuning