User! my water just broke!

Death by throtte?
More like "Abortion by Throttle"

>gtr

She would have to be in the hospital already

>goes to the nearest sportscar rental
>gets a Porsche 911 for just 2 hours
>slides and drifts onto the driveway of my house
>sees my wife on the stairs crying in pain
>gets out and gets here in the car
>gets on the driving seat and looks at her with a smirk
>pushes the gas pedal straight flat
>roaring through the city like pic related
>baby comes out
>my life long dream of my baby being born in a Porsche comes true.

QUICK GET ON

Shopping cart from Safeway. (Did I get it right?)

Here's the exact model.

Who the fuck are you bitch, I'm not an ambulance, fuck off

here's a tip, if you drive a bike to the hospital and stick the seat up your cunt, the baby is just going to sit on it and wait

>tfw top speed is only 115 mph
>tfw it takes a lot of seconds to get to 115 mph
shiet

Who are you? I'm gay, get the fuck out of my house.

Mines more stylish, the babby needs some swag

She's the surrogate, we agreed to this.
I want kids so I stole yer sperm.

Saves me the effort.

Just deliver it here, I don't want you to mess up my seats while we're driving. I'll cut the cord with my Victorinox Swiss Army knife.

Okay, let's cut the brake line with her in the car and cause the car to crash. Her death will look like an accident and now we won't have to have a baby anymore.

>Ok bae, but first, let me plug my ipod.

>water just broke
how can water break when it is physically impossible ?

technically its quimically possible

her uterus is a fusion reactor built specifically for breaking down water into hydrogen and oxygen

So hear me out. OP's scenario happens, and you have a slow car, but you're extremely thoughtful, and drive it into the lake 1km away, so she can have a water birth. Profit?

ok bbe, lemme just start my carbed car in a rush
>whoops its flooded
>whoops its even more flooded
>maybe if i hold the pedal wide open it will clear up
>shit, the batteries dead from cranking
>fuck, its an automatic, cant push start it
>dammit the carb and points need re-adjusting
>whats the sea level here?
>wait nvm, babies born, ill ring chad and let him know

>2016
>ipod

Can't his father take you there?

>Tyrone works night shift

>He doesn't have an Ipod

>316i
I know your pain

First pregnancy? This could take hours, calm down you retard. Didn't you read the books? Fuckin' hell.

>He doesn't have a 6 disc changer

The only media for playing eurobeat is a CD.

if your water breaks while your out and about then you need a new hospital system

i mean with is this the 1940s?

This. My wife started labor on a sunday evening. We went to hospital tuesday morning at like 10. Baby born around 4. Its not some dramatic instantaneous thing.

Well, I would say a C7 but they like to overheat...

Muh turbo diesel

But speaking as an emt if her water broke and that bitch is about to push I'm doing the birth at the house or in the back of the ambulance and driving after that little fucker pops out.

Try 2.2 miles because European urban planning isn't complete horse shit.

>1.2km
>2min drive

I think my 90ish hp econobox will be enough

>Tyrone
>works

>call da amberlamps

do a ride-by with a bitch on the handlebars

>Give birth
>Body fluids all over seats

No thanks. Fucking walk.
The kid's probably not even mine either.

[RAMBLING MAN INTENSIFIES]

...

Well, molecules can split. So it is possible.

>I'm gay
>She's the surrogate
>I stole yer sperm
>we won't have to have a baby anymore.
>ill ring chad and let him know
>Can't his father take you there?
>Tyrone works night shift
>kid's probably not even mine
This board is nasty with cucks and faggots.

Call the guy who got you pregnant to help, I'm not your betabux courier service.

t. summerfag

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_splitting

Is google impossible for you?

Bitch, that babby ain't coming out for hours.

Sit on the towel and listen to the relaxing tunez while we cruise with dem yellow lights slowly going up the bonnet

Brit here, what is this garbage disposal that I keep hearing about? I keep seeing people in American sitcoms putting rubbish down the sink and calling it "garbage disposal". How the fuck does that work? how would you fit a juice carton down the sink and why? Why not use a bin?

>White Mom
>Black Baby
>Father ran out.
>Want my GED
>can't spell worth a shit.
>Don't want no sales associate job
>too hard.

The comedy writes itself.

>implying I'm going to let a woman in my car spray vagina juice everywhere

It's blades down the sink so you can shove shit in it and it goes through the plumbing.

It's designed so you can shove biodegradable shit, ie left over food scraps, apple cores, etc down and not stink up landfills
But they're americans, so they probably throw fucking coins down there while giggling

A garbage disposal is a device with motorized blades that sits between the sink and the plumbing.

The idea is that putting your food in the bin will make it stinky, so you put it in the disposal, chop it up with the disposal, and then you can just wash it down your plumbing.

I had to make the emergency drive 3 times. It was awesome.

Porsche 911 = best amboolance

fags

>masculinity is this fragile

>implying vagina juices don't automatically start spraying when they get in my car, pregnant or not

Just let me get rid of the snow

It sounds really nifty in theory but in reality it's just a huge PITA. They break too damn much and it's better to just have a detritus catcher on the drain hole.

>furry

>salt lake city, UT
>last name Smith
She's a fucking Mormon too

>not throwing your cooking cuttings in the composter
>not flushing your old leftovers down the toilet

2005 Nissan Altima 2.5S?

Ja sicher meine Dame. Lass uns gehen.

It's time to have that Ricky Bobby baby

LESSS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

But 20 miles highway is 20 minutes or less.

>ambuli

Slav here. Niva will get you to Bolnitsa. Hold on.

>ambuli
Wew

Her water froze then snapped in half.

>Tyrone
>works

At least Cat Lives Matter to Tyrone

What's really sad (or angry) is that you almost never see black males working anywhere unless it was a job that has some sort of physical violence in it. I only see black females with jobs in various fields. Are they not able to show up on time to remain employed? I don't even see them in landscaping or contruction work around here although I see lots of whites, hispanics, and even asians.

The main place I see blacks together is the public library but they are all homeless types. It used to be "no sleeping" in the library, but for some reason, they are allowed to sleep there using up space on the furniture and comfy chairs. Most of the sofa type and soft chair type seats are used up by them, so that means the normal taxpayer is left to the hard wooden unpadded straight-back chairs. The homeless dont use those and will trade chairs elsewhere. Normal people don't trade the chairs, so that suggests the homeless are used to trying to take advantage wherever they can.

Most of the noise in the library is also made by the homeless laughing at youtube videos, talking to each other, or the hiphop music that leaks out of headphones. HEY! ISN'T THIS A QUIET LIBRARY? No, it's the homeless social club with librarians beaten down by racism complaints so that they don't bother enforcing rules against blacks in order to protect their jobs and raises from racism complaints.

Is ambuli the correct term?

t. summerfag

Unless they changed it from ambulance to ambulus, no.

who the fuck are you? get the fuck out of my house I don't know you!

this is how I know this board is filled with young retards

this is the fucking dream scenario

not only have you been building up the moment for fucking months, but holy shit now the woman you love is relying on you to make it happen
and that thing is driving as fast as fucking possible, running as many lights as you safely can, doing 180 on the freeway

and if you get REALLY lucky
some cop pulls you over with a smug look and starts to ask you how fast you were going when your wife screams FFFUCK YOU
and now you're blasting through red lights following a goddamn cop

if you have a pair of testicles,like cars and women, and you don't think this scenario is the equivalent to an orgasm
you haven't reached manhood yet

>ok get in the poopra
>wife gets in
>start the GLORIOUS 2JZ
>night of fire starts playing
>wake up
>no poopra
>no wife
>no life

Fuck.

mustang
- everyone ever

/thread

Protip: don't make jokes about water breaking if you're married. You soon won't be.

>honey my water just broke!
>I'll get the blender!
Divorced 2 months later citing me as "psychologically unstable". I hope that cunt slides under a semi truck.

Jesus

This literally happened to me but it was Saturday afternoon and a Volvo XC90, because once she is showing you sell your _________ and buy something safe.

>it was twins
>the VolvoXC90

>the Volvo fell apart the next year

>Not drifting to tapes

This isn't /k/ bud. Get the fuck back to day/k/are

Its not "running in the 80's" grandpa, and 'Tough Boy' is better with,"living the 90's" in the lyrics.

what kind of idiot would let a pregnant woman leak all over the seats and carpet?

the major reason you buy a 2 seat car is because you hate children.

>3.8 billion years since life emerged
>giving birth in a hospital

>fusion reactor
>breaks down water into hydrogen and oxygen
Close but no cigar

>user! my water just broke!
>Lets get into your super fast __________ and get there as soon as possible!

Oh, it's that single pregnant girl knocked up by a fast talking black dude that ran off as soon as he heard she was pregnant. And she didn't get an abortion because the anti-abortion state legislature made it hard and expensive to get one. Why is it black dudes are all about hit and run unless the law pins them down?

I say that my car is not working good, it sputters and dies so I need to fix it. Find someone else. Pound on neighbors door and when they answer I leave her with them.

Not my responsibility. I am not paid for it. And she will mess my car up. Already pay too much in taxes for social welfare so she should use the ambulance instead of cheapskating on me to save on the ambulance fee.

Her pregnancy is Tyrone's fault. I'm not taking care of any part of it except what was forced on me due to social welfare taxes. Tyrone said he loved her. He should take care of her and his child then.

>implying I or anyone else with a brain wants to pay taxes to fund abortions because people were too lazy to use birth control
Take resposnibility